I want some classic jokes? Thank you.

1, the man chased the bus, missed it, and chased it home. When you come back, tell your wife that you missed the bus, but it doesn't matter. I exercised again and earned 1 yuan. My wife got angry at that time and said, "You are so stupid. You should catch a taxi and at least set a starting price! " "

2. The invigilator found that some students cheated and angrily pointed at the students and shouted: You … you … you … you … you … you dare to cheat, stand up! Then five students stood up!

3. A mental patient screamed: I am the president, and you all have to listen to me!

The attending doctor asked him: Who said that?

Patient: God said.

A patient next to him jumped up at once: I never said that!

4. Maid A: "Poor me, I have to say" yes, madam "every day; Yes, madam.

Maid B: "I am even worse. I have to keep saying "no, sir" every day; No, sir.

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea went to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

6. My son likes to lie. For this reason, dad bought a polygraph robot. It will be late tomorrow. Father: Where have you been? Son: The library. The robot took a picture. Son: I went to my classmate's house to watch A, and the film was gone. Father: How dare you? I've never seen it in my life. The robot immediately slapped his father. The mother said angrily to her father, you deserve to be so strict with your son. After all, he is your own! Bang! The robot gave its mother another big slap in the face.

7. Spaniards like beef balls.

After each bullfight,

They all cut off the testicles of cattle and ate them.

One day,

A Spaniard went to a restaurant to order beef balls.

The waiter in the restaurant said:

You paid a deposit,

Give it to you tomorrow.

The next day,

This man came to get the cow pills,

It turns out that the pills are very small.

Just ask why,

The waiter replied, "sir, not every bullfight will lose ~ the matador lost today ~" "

8. A driver, always on the move, kept a parrot to talk to relieve the fatigue of the journey.

Parrots live up to their masters' high expectations and learn to speak quickly.

One day on a long trip, there were hens in the carriage and parrots were put among the chickens.

It's late at night, I feel bored, and suddenly my eyes shine.

A beautiful woman beckoned for a ride, and she was overjoyed and got on it.

I am very happy when I walk and watch, and I can't help but have evil thoughts.

Think about the wilderness, how dare a beautiful woman disobey and speak boldly: "Beauty, can you kiss me?"

The woman is very determined and says "no". The driver added, "Can you touch it?" The woman also said, "No."

When the driver got angry, he said, "No, get down."

So I drove the beautiful woman down. Moving on, soon, my conscience and color heart still exist, and I regret it.

Turn around and invite beautiful women. Beauty wants to answer it.

The driver felt glad and said to himself, with my kindness, I can do anything!

Soon after the trip, I stopped and asked the beautiful woman, "Beauty, can I kiss you?"

The woman refused, said "no" and asked "Can I touch it?" The woman replied, "No."

The driver was very angry, said "No, get off" and drove him off again.

Repeatedly, the driver finally failed.

Seeing the finish line approaching, the driver thought, no, there is no chance.

The beauty asked again, "Beauty, can I kiss you?" The woman still said, "No."

"Can you touch it?" Women still say "no". The driver was very angry and said, "No, get down." Get it away and leave it alone.

In the end, my god, a car full of chickens was gone.

While wondering, I suddenly saw the parrot holding the last hen and asked, "Beauty, can I kiss you?"

The hen shook her head. The parrot added, "Can you touch it?" The hen also shook her head.

The parrot replied, "No, go down" and threw the hen out of the car.

The driver was helpless and drove the parrot down.

9 said that Cao Cao and Liu Bei boiled wine on heroes. It's cloudy and thunderous outside. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing.

Guan Yu said frankly in the back: "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" Liu Beizheng is embarrassed.

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward: "Don't make a fuss, fart comes from the clouds!"

As soon as Zhao Yun said it, Zhang Fei shouted loudly: "Farts are flying!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "

The generals were filled with indignation and said with one voice, "Prime Minister, isn't it a fart matter? What's the difficulty! See it next time. "

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone waited for a long time, only to hear a "goo". The general was a hothead and quickly shouted, "Chu (pig) put the fart!"

The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is cat fart.

When Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao thought he was too slow to take care of himself.

Taurus said, "This is golden fart!"

Yu Xun said: "This is a fart!"

Cao Hong said, "Fart is red!"

Gao Lan said, "Fart is blue!"

Jiang Gan said, "Fuck!"

Sima Shi said: "Fart is the teacher's (wet)!"

Xiahou Yuan said, "Fart is deep (round)!"

ICY said, "Fart is square!"

Cao Cao was so frightened that he was about to have a fit. Guo Jia, the counselor, shouted, "No one is right, no one is right! Everyone is wrong! "

Worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought. Listen to him first.

Guo Jia said: "This is a good (fake) fart!"

Cao Zhen grabbed it again: "This is true fart!"

Cao Cao was so angry that he almost fainted and was completely disappointed. He doesn't want more people behind him.

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!"

Zhang He said: "Fart is near (drink)!"

Sima Yan said: "Farting has inflammation (pharynx)!"

Huang Xu said, "You're all out!"

Xia Houdun said, "Fart escapes!"

Guo Tu said: "Farting is a picture (spitting)!

Xia Houba said, "Fart comes from bullies."

Xun You said, "You let the fart out!"

Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!"

Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"

Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!"

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't bear it any longer and said angrily, "Nonsense, shit."

10. A woman was on the train, her period came, and the sanitary towel was thrown on the ground ... In desperation, she opened the window and went out! ~ It hit a farmer in the face. The farmer touched his face and said after reading it. Shit. .. the train is fast. If I get another piece of paper, I'll be covered in blood! ! ! !