Why does the baby turn into a "mother-in-law" when mom is around?

Why does the baby not behave well when the mother is around?

First of all, the baby has sufficient trust in the mother

Seeing the baby's willfulness and naughtyness, some fathers will He said to his mother: "Look, it's you who spoiled the child, but the child doesn't treat me like this." But why doesn’t the child treat his father like this? That's because in the baby's eyes, he doesn't yet regard his father as one of his own.

Many children will be willful, coquettish, and mischievous with their mothers. The reason why they become misbehaved when their mothers are around is because they trust their mothers unreservedly. The baby believes that no matter how naughty and willful he is, his mother still loves him. Because he firmly believes that his mother loves him, he will not hide his feelings.

My niece is over 3 years old. Her mother is very busy at work. She usually does various things when she is at home. Once her mother went to work to deal with something, and I stayed with her for a day. We were about to eat, would it be good to eat some vegetables, and she said yes (it is said that the child would not eat a morsel of vegetables at home); when it was time to go to bed, I asked if it would be good for us to sleep, and she said yes. She is extremely well-behaved and sensible. She is not as annoying or disobedient as her mother said. She is simply an angel baby!

In fact, the reason why children behave so well is largely because they are worried that if they are not well-behaved, they will be disliked and scolded. The most important thing is that they do not trust other adults and cannot Completely trust that they will not harm themselves.

Children don’t dare to test their bottom line because they don’t trust others enough. Children do not dare to be "wild" with people other than their mother. This is actually a kind of "caution" for their mature minds. If they act sensible and obedient, other adults will like them, which is also a kind of protection for themselves.

Children release themselves in front of their closest people because they know that only their mother will give them understanding, support and unconditional love.

2. Needing mother’s company

Because she is too busy at work, the time to take care of Mumu is very limited. That is to say, I would tell her to get up and wash her face in the morning, and then I would rush to the work unit. It's common to work overtime, and when I come back in the evening, I tell her a story before it's time to go to bed. Normally she is fine, but after telling her story during this period, Mumu still asked me to tell her story, and she was still unwilling to sleep.

The child doesn’t want to let go of his mother. It’s not that the child is ignorant. In fact, he wants to stay with his mother for a while and needs his mother’s company. Therefore, when the mother comes home, the children will also use various methods to attract the mother's attention. Some children will cry and be clingy.

Some children will have regressive behaviors. For example, some babies eat well by themselves, but they have to be fed by their mothers when they are there. They can actually urinate and defecate on their own, but they still need their mothers to help. If you don't understand the special psychology behind your children, you may actually be driven crazy by their behaviors.

When a child feels that his mother pays less attention to him or does not feel safe enough, he will find ways to attract his mother's attention and become clingy and misbehaved. However, this is exactly what the child wants. We convey his needs and love. Mom understands it and naturally knows how to respond.

3. Release emotions to mother

Mu Mu once accidentally scratched her hand, which made it a little red. When she came back, she cried and told me that her hand was broken and it hurt a lot. Everyone in the family laughed at her, saying how could this child be so good at pretending? They didn't know when she scratched her finger.

This is the child and his mother. Although the scratch was made before the mother came, he could no longer hold back his tears when he saw his mother. I expressed the pain of the scratch to my mother, blaming her for not coming earlier. It's not that I'm ignorant, it's that I'm sensible in front of outsiders, and I'm afraid that no one will care if I cry. I feel wronged in front of my mother because my mother will definitely take care of me, because my mother makes me feel safe.

Children will also encounter various troubles and dissatisfaction in their growth.

What is simple and easy in the eyes of adults may be very difficult for children, so they will also accumulate various emotions. These emotions can only be vented when the mother comes back, and these emotions have I miss my mother, but also blame my mother for not being with me.

American mental health experts say that people behave more authentically when they are with friends and family. The baby's mentality of venting his emotions to his mother is just like when we adults encounter something unsatisfactory at work or in life, we will not lose our temper with our colleagues, but we may lose our temper with our parents or our significant other, because they are our People we trust enough will still tolerate and love us even if we lose their temper.

Children who are willing to express negative emotions are happier

“Many negative behaviors of children are like small whirlpools that suddenly appear on the surface of the water. They may seem insignificant, but there are undercurrents surging underneath. Everything is the power of growth.”

Children who are mentally stable and willing to express negative emotions are much happier than those who appear to be obedient and sensible.

In the novel "Silent Confession", Lydia is a typical "good child", and her favorite sentence is "Okay, Mom".

Her mother forced her to become a female doctor, so she went to learn those things; her father hoped that she could integrate into white social circles, so she pretended to call her friends every day.

In fact, these are not what she wants. In the end, the accumulation of countless repressed emotions drove Lydia to a dead end.

In contrast, those children who dare to express themselves, dare to ask for love from their mothers, and feel psychologically safe are even more enviable.

In the TV series "Everything is Fine", after Mingcheng injured his sister Mingyu and was hospitalized, Su Mingcheng's father-in-law asked his daughter Zhu Li: "Su Mingcheng has a violent tendency. Is he right?" Have you ever done anything?" As a girl, Su Mingyu was treated unfairly since she was a child. As an adult, she seems to be a strong woman, but she is extremely fragile inside. However, Zhu Li, who was loved by her parents since she was a child, can go home and talk about anything.

When children are young, their parents give them enough love and response. When they grow up, they have strong hearts and are willing to talk to their parents when they encounter setbacks, so that they will not become "incomparably sensible" by themselves. appearance.

Children who misbehave with their mothers are a blessing to each other. Because our children have enough trust in us, they are willing to act like a baby in front of us without reservation; and we have also given our children enough love and understanding so that they are not afraid to express and vent to us.

What should mothers do when their children are "tantrums"? 1. Be patient enough and allow them to lose their temper.

When the baby loses his temper, our sanity may have collapsed. But please give yourself a pause when you are about to explode.

Children of "Mo Niang" actually regard their mother as a "safe base", and what we "safe bases" have to do is to allow them to lose their temper and give their minds a broad and safe environment. place. Yelling will not solve any substantive problems, and will also make the child feel that the mother does not love me anymore, and will make the child's negative emotions worse.

Treat them calmly and gently, allowing children to release their emotions without suppressing or punishing them.

2. While accepting children’s emotions, we must also teach them appropriate ways to express their emotions

Children face the world with their own emotions. There are no good or bad emotions, but there are good and bad expressions of our emotions.

One time Mumu went to play with the naughty bag, and the children were lining up to play on the slide. When it was time for Mumu, a 5-6 year old boy jumped in and went to play. Mumu Teran started crying and directed all her negative emotions towards me. She hit me with her hands. After her mood stabilized a little, I told her, Mom knows that you are angry when your brother cuts in line, but even if you are angry again, you cannot hit your mother, otherwise your mother will be very hurt and sad. We can tell our brother that we have to queue up in public places!

When I went to bed at night, Mu Mu put her arms around my neck and said, "Mom, I will never hit you again.

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Some research believes that emotional expression is learned. Unconditional acceptance of children’s emotions does not mean accepting everything, but unconditional acceptance of children’s feelings and regular acceptance of children’s behaviors. So when children When negative emotions are vented to us, we can accept them, but we must also teach our children how to express their emotions appropriately. 3. Don’t sneak away and establish a good separation model with your children

Most babies. They all have separation anxiety, because they can't tell the difference between leaving and disappearing, so they will feel uncomfortable when their mother leaves their sight. When their mother leaves temporarily, they must tell their children that their mother will come back.

Some mothers are afraid that their babies will cry, so they will sneak away while the babies are not paying attention. This often makes the babies look closely at the mother, making every separation difficult, and establishing a good separation pattern with the baby. Very important.

My Mumu likes to read picture books, so I will tell her a picture book story before going out, and then tell her that her mother has gone to work, and when the short hand points to 6, her mother will come back. Many times, she can say goodbye to me happily

4. High-quality companionship

Every one of us has to face the pressure of survival and being with our children for a long time. It is unrealistic to stay together with our children, which requires us to be efficient and high-quality when accompanying our children.

It can be 1 hour a day to fully participate in the children's lives, even if we do nothing. The child can feel the mother's love with just the gentle gaze, and playing some interactive games with the child can also release the child's bad emotions.

High-quality companionship is what the child can do. Feel from the heart that my mother can see me, love me, and will always love me. If the child behaves "badly" in front of us, we only need to give him a tight hug, love him as always, and accept the child's confusion and a little negativity. If the child gets enough love, the negative behavior will gradually disappear. High-quality companionship is the "longest love confession" for children.

Patty Whifler said in " The book "Listening to Children" points out:

Children like to express all their emotions at home in front of their loved ones because they can be listened to and understood. The more a child is understood, the better he will behave outside in the future. The better. In the case of infants and young children, a healthy and harmonious parent-child relationship is more important than any educational skills.