Humorous jokes that tease people

1. Now the woman: Looking back, the weather is good. Looking forward to the future, no grain will be harvested.

I want to be as strong as a cactus and learn to stab bad people.

I just want to turn gracefully, but I hit the wall luxuriantly.

With your understanding, you may not understand what I explained, so you can continue to be vague.

5. College students = eat and sleep, fall in love, pigs = eat and sleep, so college students = pigs fall in love, college students-fall in love = pigs, that is, college students don't fall in love.

6. Handsome, with long legs, beautiful collarbone, muscular, slender fingers, good voice, singing, playing the piano, playing basketball, joking with you and understanding. Do you think ... he will like girls?

7. I want to take my girlfriend to meet my parents. Other girlfriends asked my boyfriend, "What if your mother doesn't like me?" But my stupid girlfriend asked me, "What if your dad likes me?"

8. If someone often chats with you, praises you, teases you and pretends to like you very much, don't worry, don't be afraid, he will definitely ... chase after your best friend.

9. When learning the driver's license, I quietly handed the coach a red envelope: "It's a little something, it's no respect, you can smoke it." Coach Cheng Xiang said confidently, "Sorry, we have a rule that we can't accept red envelopes." Then he stuffed the red envelope back to me and left the money. . .

10. Playing with my girlfriend in the zoo, my girlfriend accidentally fell down while feeding the tiger, so I won't say how horrible the scene was. Two tigers were killed on the spot, and one was shivering in the hole.

1 1. I just bought a steamed stuffed bun, took a few bites, and found there was no stuffing in it. I asked my boss, "Why?" The boss said, "I haven't mastered the core technology yet."

12. The spring breeze is 10 miles, 50 miles and 100 miles, and the physical fitness test is 800 meters. Wan Li under the Sea, Dove Chocolate, Herb Baxi, Cocoa Brownie, Durian Jackfruit, Corn Cheese, Mashed Potato in Chicken Juice, Beef tenderloin with Black Pepper, Braised Spicy Chicken, Braised Spareribs and Fish in Sauce and Vinegar are all inferior to you.

13. Two robbers are going to rob a tourist bus. As soon as they got on the bus, they saw the tour guide waving a knife and said to the tourists, if you don't spend 10 thousand yuan today, I will kill you all!

14. I like people I like, but I don't like people I don't like. I don't like people I don't like and people I like. Finally, I like the person I like, and I like a happy life.

15. Since the smog, the people in Northeast China are getting better and better. Northeasters meet and look at each other. When one person says what you are looking at, the other person stops saying what you are dripping, but says that I can't see anything!

16. "How to say I love you more meaningfully." "I have an ancestral chromosome for you."

17. I was cold and serious when I broke up with my partner. Holy shit! My hand slipped and a window shook!

18. "Honey, I can shelter you from the wind." "Turn it off and block my electric fan."

19. "Can I touch your school badge?" "How dare you make your chest attack so fresh and refined!"

20. It's 39 degrees today and 40 degrees tomorrow ... Pay attention to turning over when you go out, pay attention to the heat, bring cumin Chili noodles, and don't bake your beard. I'm streaking! I brought myself salt!

2 1. I quarreled with my girlfriend today, and I suddenly said, "You are always against me!" She was silent for a while, then replied, "No, sometimes I do it behind my back!" "

22. I want to ask you a question. I have reached the legal age for marriage. When I go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get the certificate, should my wife bring it herself or wait for them to open it?

23. A girl cried sadly. A stranger saw her ride by and sent her home. The girl was very moved. The next day she went to the door to thank him, only to find that his bike had no barbell ~

24. I still like you. Like a dog, I can't help eating shit. A complete conversation about spicy eyes.

25. I was talking business with a client when I suddenly saw a junior high school student. He is a bully and now he is actually working as a security guard for others. I can't help but sigh that the world is so cold, and he was forced to this point by life. Suddenly he came up to me excitedly, probably recognized me, and said to me: No stalls here!

26. Sitting in front of the computer all night, staring blankly in a waiting posture.

27. No one will accompany you all your life. You should adapt to loneliness. No one will help you all your life, so you have to keep fighting.

Tell you a ghost story. School is about to start, and hard work is coming.

29. You will gradually find that those friends who said they would accompany you to your old age are all dogs.

30. Sometimes I don't know what I'm insisting on, but I know I've been trying to embarrass myself.

3 1. Yesterday at dinner, my father suddenly looked up and said to me: I helped you get a piece of land today ... suddenly I had a meal, and a long-simmering idea suddenly popped up; I knew I was actually an invisible rich second generation! I used to be poor at home to sharpen me! The time is finally ripe! They finally let me show my talents! I glanced at the Dow Jones index reported on TV, and the knowledge of economics flashed through my mind. I know the general direction of investment very well, so I fought back my inner excitement and tried to ask in a calm and casual tone: "Oh, which piece of land?" ... "SF Express"

32. One day in class, the teacher said, "Make your school your home!" A classmate said, "This is my home. Please get out!

33. I brought bubble gum home when I was a child. I thought it was sugar and swallowed it. Later, I knew it was bubble gum and cried that I was going to die. She pursed her lips and swallowed bubble gum in one gulp. Said to die together. We sat on the bench in the yard and waited to die. He is sleepy and wants to sleep. I thought he was dying. I took a few bites of him and told him not to sleep, or he wouldn't wake up. Then I was sleepy, too, and then we slapped each other. ......

34. Once upon a time, there was a boy named Hanazono Sakura. He found a girlfriend named Xiaobei. They became little girls on a stormy night.

35. I am afraid that my dark circles will expose my national treasure identity.

36. The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.

If Bill Gates can get one yuan every time he restarts his computer, he will be rich.

In the past, when the alarm clock rang, I often had the problem of patting it before going back to sleep, but since I put three mousetraps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated.

39. Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, the first day; Fifteen points.

40. Your shooting performance is really poor. If I were you, I would kill myself at once in case you get shot more.

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