Somebody tell me some funny jokes.

Mei, who has a bad chest, came back from work and said bitterly:

"Just after a dark alley, a man suddenly hugged me from behind and wanted to flirt with me. 」

Brother: "No wonder you are so angry ..."

May: "What's even more irritating is that the man said:

"It's disappointing, it's a man! 』! 」

-

There is such a thing.

A conversation between a man and a doctor

"Doctor, my wife and I have black hair. Why are babies born with brown hair? 』

"Do you have sex every day? 』

"No,"

"Make love every week? 』

"Not really. 』

"Have sex every month? 』

"No,"

"Once every six months? 』

"Not really. 』

"Only once a year? 』

"Almost. 』

"Yes, your baby is rusty, so the child's hair is brown. 』

-

mark

An old woman keeps a pair of parrots as companions, but she can't figure out which one is the male. Which one is a woman?

So I called the vet for advice.

The vet suggested:

"You just need to observe their mating behavior, and the male is riding on it. Then,

If you mark the male bird, there will be no confusion. 』

The next morning, according to the veterinarian's instructions, when the parrot mated, she put it around the neck of the male parrot.

White tape is used to show the difference.

In the afternoon, the pastor of the church came to visit. When the parrot saw the white dress on the priest's robe, he

Shout: "Oh! I know what you did. Listen, you're marked, too. 』

-

dinner

Three men were chatting in a restaurant. One of them said, "I just called home and said it would take me an hour."

I'll get home a little late, and my wife will prepare dinner then. 』

Another person said, "I just need to go back by car and make a phone call at the bus stop." Fifteen minutes later, it will be late. "

Dinner will be ready. 』

After listening to their conversation, the other party said, "I don't need to call back at all, just get off."

Stop, go to the convenience store to buy dinner, then go home and ring the doorbell, and go to the back door at once, generally.

You can hit people with my dinner. 』

-

misunderstand

A couple got married in a church, and when they wanted to exchange rings, the nervous groom.

I forgot about it.

The priest raised his finger anxiously, made a snapping gesture and winked at the groom.

I saw the groom blushing and stammering, "Reverend, isn't it the same on the wedding night?" 』

-

The voice of hymen

Zhu Zhu, who is getting married the next day, anxiously said to her sister-in-law:

"What should I do? He always thought that I was still a virgin, and tomorrow's wedding night, he would definitely find out.

I am not a virgin at all ... "

"It doesn't matter, I have experience in this field. Sister-in-law presented a magic weapon and said, "I'll give you a good one with metal." "

The small wallet is buckled. When you go to bed tomorrow night, you put it under your ass and hold it in one hand. When he put him in,

When your baby is put into your body, you fasten the metal buckle. I'm sure he'll ask you what that sound is.

? Just tell him it's the sound of hymen rupture. 』

On the wedding night, Zhuzhu followed the method of her sister-in-law, and the groom really cried:

"What's that noise? 』

Zhu Zhu do shy form said:

"This is the voice of my hymen rupture. 』

"What? Open your damn hymen, it's holding my baby egg. 』

-

God created man.

My son just went to elementary school and asked his father a question.

"Dad, why did God create men first and then women? 』

"Maybe he doesn't want a woman to nag in his ear when he makes a man.

Stop it! 』

-

Waiting for the bus

The husband suddenly came home early and saw his wife lying naked in bed panting. He was suspicious.

At the door of the wardrobe, a naked man stood inside with a briefcase.

What are you doing here? The husband asked sharply.

The man trembled and said, "if I said I was waiting for the bus, would you believe it?" 』

-

Resentment is hard to get rid of

The judge looked at the defendant and said, "Have I seen you? You look familiar. 』

The defendant said hopefully, "Yes! Judge, have you forgotten? 2 1 years ago, I introduced your husband

People know you. 』

The judge gnashed his teeth and said, "You have been sentenced to 20 years in prison. 』

-

record

A man went to visit a couple of friends he hadn't seen for a long time, and stayed to sleep with the couple at night.

A bed.

The man and his wife are so horny that they have sex while her husband is asleep. whenever

When they have sex, the man will pluck one of her husband's legs to make sure he is asleep.

After five times, the husband got up angrily and said:

"It doesn't matter what you want to do with my wife! But please don't pluck my leg hair for the record. 』

-

Not afraid of my wife

At the PTT conference, a group of henpecked husbands got together to discuss how to bring their husbands back to life.

Glory.

Suddenly, someone came running and said:

Your wives have heard the news and agreed to come and get even with you! 』

Hearing this, everyone was scared to run around, but only one person sat there casually. everyone

Praise this man for being brave and not afraid of his wife. After a long time, I took a closer look and found this man.

It's scared to death. 』

-

thermometer

The husband came home from work early and found his wife and the doctor next door lying in bed.

"What are you doing? 』

"Don't get me wrong, I'm taking your wife's temperature." The doctor quickly excused himself.

"oh! Is it? If what you insert into my wife has no scale, you will die.

That's settled. 』

-

Fur clothing

When taking the elevator, the man was surprised to find a naked woman in the elevator.

The woman gave him a white, scold a way:

"What are you looking at? What's there to see! 』

"oh! I just want to say that my wife has a leather coat like this. 』

-

Guarantee of hymen

On the eve of the wedding, the bride and her ex-boyfriend rekindled their old love, and then went to bed on impulse because

I didn't bring a condom, so I used ham wrapped in plastic film instead. During sex, the adhesive film falls off and stays in the bride's body.

Didn't take it out of the body.

On the night of the wedding, the film was stuck to the groom's baby again. The groom was surprised to ask:

"What is this? 』

"It's my hymen." The bride pretends to be charming.

"oh! The first time I saw a hymen with quality assurance. 』

-

breeding hog

There was a playboy who died and went to hell. King Luo asked him what he wanted to do in his next life.

"Pig!" Playboy replied.

"Why?" Luo Wang asked suspiciously.

"Because you don't have to spend money, you can be happy. Well done! 』

-

conscience

One morning at Xiaoming's house, Xiaoming's father was having breakfast. Xiaoming went over and asked his father.

He said, "Dad, does the heart have feet? 」; Dad pointed to the position of the heart and said, "Why is the heart here? "

Have feet? 」; Xiao Ming replied, "Oh! Then Xiao Ming went into the kitchen and asked his mother.

"Mom, does the liver have feet? 」; Mother pointed to the location of the liver and said, "Silly child, this is the liver. "

How can there be feet? Xiao Ming added, "But I clearly heard it last night.

............ lover ... Open your feet. ............

-

shortsighted

A man and a woman are chatting in the park.

Woman: "Will you take off your glasses? My thigh hurts ... "A few minutes later.

Woman: "Can you put on your glasses? You kissed the chair ... "

-

Wedding fun

There is a newly married couple. Her husband has to go to work in the morning. Before going out, the wife asked her husband:

"What do you want to eat after work today? 』

The husband whispered in his wife's ear, "Eat you!" Then I went out to work.

My husband came home from work at night, and when he opened the door, he saw his wife streaking in the living room.

The husband asked inexplicably, "What are you doing, wife? 』

"I am a hot dish! 』

-

pay the price

A man who left work early came home and found his wife and a woman.

Strange man making love in bed, he angrily loudly say:

"You bastard, I will make you pay the price. 」

"Nonsense," replied the stranger.

"I have already paid when I came in, so I won't default! 」

-

Through customs

Foreign Minister Hu Zhiqiang once went abroad to meet with Jiao Renhe.

Once, two people went through the customs, with Hu Zhiqiang in the front and Jiao Renhe in the back.

The customs official first asked, "Is your surname Hu? (happiness? ) "

Hu Zhiqiang quickly replied: "Very happy!"

When it was Jiao Renhe's turn, the customs officer asked Jiao Renhe again: "Is it burnt?"

Jiao Renhe wanted to think, and finally replied in a very firm tone:

"About twice a month!"

-

microscope

One day in the biological experiment, I observed my saliva cells and looked at them with a microscope.

Write it down ... just as everyone was happily observing and studying, they let out a cry.

Screaming ... ah ~ ~ ~

It turned out to be from a beautiful teaching assistant. ....

Thinking that something had happened, the professor ran to see her and looked at her carefully.

After the microscope, he said to her:

"Remember to brush your teeth and rinse your mouth after eating next time! ! ! 』

-

Wedding anniversary

One day, Xiao Li decided to surprise his wife and celebrate her ninth wedding anniversary.

So he dressed up as a stranger and brought his wife a flower.

After he rang the doorbell, his wife opened the door and said:

"Come on in, my husband hasn't come back yet. ~~~~~ "

-

Is it a disease?

My brother has three testicles. I really want to ask my brother if this is a disease.

I hinted to my brother and he said, "Brother, we add up to five."

The elder brother said, "Ah ~ ~! You only have 1! 」

-

Not disorderly development.

Wife: Why don't you let me get breast implants!

Dave: Don't you know that you can't develop indiscriminately on the hillside?

-

Be recruited

A large company applied for a secretary, and four candidates came.

So the boss asked them to answer a question.

Q: A woman has two mouths. What is the difference?

The first man thought for a moment and answered: one is horizontal and the other is straight.

The boss is very satisfied.

The second man said, one is hairy and the other is hairless.

The boss thinks, yes.

The third thought, oh, no! Everything I thought was over.

I have to break up: one can talk and the other can't.

The boss said: OK.

The fourth place is difficult. After thinking for a long time, I really can't figure out the difference.

Finally, I had a brainwave and said, one is for my own use and the other is for my own use.

Chairman, you can use it! !

The fourth person got the job.

-

Still a virgin

A girl arrived at the gate of heaven, and the goalkeeper asked, are you a virgin?

She said: Of course!

But when the goalkeeper checked her hymen, there were seven slight holes.

So the goalkeeper asked her name.

She replied, My name is Snow White.

-

A couple visited the farm and the owner proudly introduced a champion stallion.

The wife asked, "How many times does it mate a week? 』

The owner of the farm said, "Five or six times."

The wife immediately said contemptuously to her husband, "Look!

I do it five or six times a week. "

The owner of the farm quickly helped the gentleman out of danger and said.

Of course, we never let it always mate with the same cow. "

-

After a pair of dog men and women passion, the man asked:

"I am your first man? 』

The woman looked at the ceiling and didn't answer.

After a while, the man asked again and said apologetically:

I know it's impolite to ask, but I really want to know.

The appearance of the woman obviously impatient:

"Don't interrupt, I'll calculate it again."

-

A middle-aged man asked the doctor for help: "My wife has been complaining about my declining sexual ability."

The doctor said, "Don't worry, this bottle of medicine will revive you."

A few days later, the man came back from a follow-up visit and said to the doctor, "Great! Take your medicine,

Now I can have sex three times a day. "

The doctor said, "I think your wife must be very satisfied."

The middle-aged man said, "I don't know! I haven't been home since then. "

-

A man went to see his family doctor,

He asked, "doctor, I'm getting married, but it's the first time for my girlfriend and me."

Can you tell us what to do? 』

Doctors watch men grow up,

It's a little uncomfortable to hear this question.

So I looked outside and said,

Look over there. Do you see two dogs in the park?

See what they are doing? Go home and do it. "

Two months later, when they met again,

The doctor asked, "How is your sex life?

The man replied, "it's fine, but it's really cold to do it in the park, and people will peek."

-

Three men ... met at the entrance of heaven ... an angel asked. ...

How did you three die? ....

The first man said sadly ... I got up too late that day ...

I hurried downstairs ... I taught taxis in dirty clothes ... but I was already dead. ..

A refrigerator fell from the sky ... so I became distorted ... Oh. ....

The second is ... I was on a business trip that day ... I came back early to surprise my wife. ...

I didn't expect to hear a man's voice in the room ... so I went in angrily ... unexpectedly.

I didn't see anyone ... so I looked out of the window ... Hehe ... a disheveled man came in a hurry.

Call a taxi and run away. ...

I broke the refrigerator ... and was convicted of gun fraud ... Oh. ...

The third ... wronged is me ... I am very enthusiastic about my new sister. ....

Her husband came back, which was incredible ... in a hurry ... I hid in the refrigerator. ....

But bang ... I don't know anything ... I'm here. ....

-

The professor asked medical students to list five reasons why human milk is superior to milk. A student

The written answer is:

1. (disease)

clean

3. Safe, cats can't eat it

4. It is convenient to carry when traveling

This container is beautiful.

1. Don't be afraid of catching a cold.

2. It has the effect of psychotherapy when drinking.

3. When drinking, it has both physiological and therapeutic effects.

4. Use high-quality disposable tableware

Human milk is better than milk because people are better than cows.

You can also keep warm!

-

A room is rented to many men and women, so the bathroom needs to be used, so you need to take a shower.

It has been a long time. One night Xiao Wu came back from outside and wanted to take a bath. There happened to be one in the bathroom.

A woman is washing clothes. So Xiao Wu asked, "Miss, is there anyone washing under you?" "The little one.

My sister answered angrily: "I'll wash it myself!" " Boring ~ ~ "

-

This is a report of the International Health Organization (WHO): WHO has recently appeared in the world.

The country has done a medical research, and the topic is: "What is the function of the glans penis in front of the male penis? 』

The Russians spent a million dollars and top medical staff to come up with the answer first: "glans penis."

The role is to make men have greater pleasure during sex! 』

The French didn't lag behind, spending one million dollars and top medical staff came up with the answer first:

"The role of the glans penis is to make women have greater pleasure during sex! 』

In the end, the Poles only used two? 95 dollars provides the answer: "The role of the glans penis is to prevent

Stop the palm from slipping! 』

-

Rename activity

The goddess of Aihe River in Kaohsiung came to the city council one day and asked for one for them.

Official professional name ...

Congressman: What title are you going to use? Is the goddess not good?

Prostitute: Not bad .. We want a more formal name. ...

Congressman: Do you want to use it?

Prostitute:: We will use a new name-> >; vicious ..

At this time, the reporters who were originally nearby flew into a rage. ...

Reporter: how can I ... this is not confusing.

At this point the prostitute loudly said .....

Why not? Your reporter is a "service industry". So are we. ..

"Welcome to contribute" ... so do we! !

-

New nomenclature

One day, an Indian child asked his father, "Dad, how did my name come from?" father

Answer: "Our people are named after the first thing the father saw when the child was born.

"Named like your brother, when he was born, I saw the castle peak as soon as I went out, so his name is Blue Mountain.

Like your sister, when she was born, I saw birds flying as soon as I went out, so his name was Bird Flying. Here it is.

Our people named it.

Father paused, then turned around and said, "By the way, son of a bitch, what question did you ask me just now?"