A joke to relieve fatigue

1: One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said: you see, I stabbed her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is so swollen; Mantis said unconvinced, what's the matter? I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and now she is bleeding every month. ...

In the hospital, a family is very happy to have a baby. When the baby was born, he spoke. The child said, "Grandpa." Grandpa sighed when he died. The child said, "Grandma." Grandma sighed when she died. The child said, "Dad." His father died and saw that he was not dead. At this time, the child's uncle died.

3. Kangaroos and frogs fuck chickens. The kangaroo finished it with three strokes and two strokes, and only listened to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! Brother frog, you are great! . "The frog said," Fuck, I didn't jump on the bed all night! " "

4. An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?" The camel said, "stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on my face!" " "The snake laughed wildly after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh! You have a face on your penis, you are not qualified! "

A poor scholar studied hard and wrote a couplet in front of the door to encourage himself. The first couplet is "Sleeping in the thatched cottage and typing with the door closed", the second couplet is "Lying on the foot and playing the flute", and the horizontal couplet is "Willing to listen to destiny". One day, a Henan man passed by and was curious to see this couplet. He read aloud in his hometown dialect: "Who did my ass?" ,' I told him to make it hurt' ... Yo, and comments! But this time he read backwards: "Do it again tomorrow!" " "

6. The kindergarten female teacher led the students to swim and accidentally showed an X hair. A student asked the teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out cruelly and said it was a thread!

The little girl always shows off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and say, you will never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said, my mother said that as long as you have this, you can have as many things as you want!

8: A naked woman ran into a taxi, and the driver looked at her all over. The girl scolded, "What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked woman? " The driver said, "I just want to see where your money comes from!" "

9: Lao Shi and Lao Lin always tease each other every time they meet. One day, Lao Lin suddenly touched Lao Shi's bald head and said, "You are really like my wife's ass." Lao Shi smiled and touched his bald head, and then said sympathetically, "Well! Exactly the same. "

10: Maid A: Poor me. I have to say "yes, madam" every day. Yes, ma 'am. "Maid B: I'm worse. I have to keep saying "no, sir" every day; No, sir. "

1 1: Spaniards like beef balls. Whenever the bullfight is over, they cut off the testicles of the defeated cattle and eat them. One day, a Spaniard went to a restaurant to order beef balls. The waiter in the restaurant said, you pay the deposit and I will give it to you tomorrow. The next day, the man came to get the cow pill and found that the pill was very small. He asked why, and the waiter replied, "Sir, it's not always the bullfight that loses ~ it's the matador who loses today ~".

13: One day, a lady was sitting on a bus with a bottle of fresh milk in her hand. When the bus arrived at a big station, there were more and more people, and it was so crowded that it was hard to breathe ... Soon the fresh milk taken by the young lady was crowded with stockings. The young lady was furious: yuck! ! Don't squeeze! You've milked her.

14: A young girl and a handsome guy are dating in the park. Suddenly, I was a little embarrassed. The girl asked, "What's the matter with you?"

Xiao Sheng said shyly, "I want to be convenient." The girl didn't understand, but I didn't know that "convenience" meant going to the toilet until I saw Xiaosheng walking to the public toilet.

After a while, the girl asked Xiao Sheng, "When will you come to my house to play?"

Xiao Sheng replied, "I want to go at your convenience." ……

15: An old man stayed at an old friend's house because his wife was in labor.

The friend asked why?

Answer: don't mention it! My daughter-in-law squeezed me out when she gave birth.

16: Professor Huang flew into a rage in the class of the girls' school: "I'm half dead up there, but you don't move down there." I have paid so much back and forth, have I absorbed anything? 」

schoolgirl ..............

17: When couples want to have sex, they always use "washing clothes" as a code word.

One day, after bickering, because his wife was angry and his husband had sexual needs, it was not convenient for his son to have sex with her, so he had to let his son take the message: (Mom, dad said that the clothes were dirty and needed washing. )

Mother was very angry and said, (tell your father that the washing machine is broken and won't be washed today. )

A few days later, the wife couldn't help it this time, and asked her son to send a message on her behalf: (Go and tell your father that the washing machine is repaired and you can wash clothes. )

The son immediately said: (mom, dad admitted it, there is no need. He has washed his hands. )

18: Doctors, prostitutes and thieves come to see the king of hell at the same time after they die. The prince asked them what they did before their death. The doctor said, "Little people practice medicine. If others are sick, I can cure them and bring them back to life. " The prince was furious and said, "Every time I send a ghost pawn to hook up with a sinner, you always have to fight with me to make trouble and send you to the frying pan to suffer!" " "

The second asked the prostitute, and the prostitute said, "I take guests without wives." Rebecca said:' You are convenient for single people, and you can extend your life by twelve years. "Asked the thief again, the thief said," I am a thief. I'm going to pick up some other people's clothes and some loose money. "The prince said,' This is to help others, increase their life span by ten years, and change their hair back to earth! "

Hearing this, the doctor quickly pleaded, "Your Majesty, if you make such a judgment, all you want is to let me go and return me to Yang. I still have a son and a daughter at home, let him be a thief and let her take guests! "

19: One night, in a girl's dormitory, a girl was taking a bath. Suddenly, a cold wind, a female ghost came from the other direction of the bathroom ... Behind the girl ... The female ghost patted her on the shoulder and said. Female ghost: "Miss, look! I have no face! 』

Girl: "What's the big deal? 』

Female ghost: "What do you mean! 』

The girl calmly turned to the female ghost and said, "Look, I have no breasts! 』

It is said that one day, when a policeman was patrolling, he passed an alley and suddenly heard a conversation.

A: "What should I do about this?" B: "Let's kill her first, then rape (bomb) her ..."

Just then, the policeman grabbed the door without saying anything and saw two people standing in the kitchen with a fish in their hands. ...