A humorous paragraph about a person

The most popular people on the Internet are jokers, and the most popular language is jokes. Jokes allow people to rest or relax their mood or relieve stress on certain occasions. Next is the "Humorous and humorous jokes about people" that I carefully prepared for you. Welcome to watch! Humorous and humorous jokes about people (popular articles)

1. Examination is a breathing pain, it lives in Every corner of my body hurts when I occupy a seat, it hurts when I don’t occupy a seat, and it hurts even when I sleep; the exam is a breathing pain, and it flows back and forth in the blood. It hurts if I regret not reviewing, and it hurts if I regret not reviewing. , it hurts the most if you want to read but can't.

2. Four people were playing mahjong and suddenly caught fire, but none of them noticed. The firefighter arrived and shouted inside: How many people are there? At this time, someone happened to play the card: 40,000! The firefighter asked again: How many people died? At this time, another person played the card: 20,000! The firefighter was frightened and asked hurriedly: Where are the remaining people? There was only a crash, and then a scream: Confused.

3. One day, I went to the library to borrow a book called "Divorce", a work by Mr. Lao She. First there was a long wait, and then a voice asked: "Who wants "Divorce"?" I quickly said: "I want "Divorce"!" Just after I finished speaking, a classmate next to me said in confusion: "There are still divorce procedures here? Why can't I even get divorced?" I don’t even have a girlfriend, and I’m going to get divorced!?

4. Go to eBay to buy something, and talk to the clerk about shipping costs. What an American! What a Caucasian typed from the other end of the chat box and told me: Free shipping for you! QIN!...? Cheating!!! Could this QIN be learned from domestic sellers? ?Dear?!?I'll give it to you?

5. A junior student from the Department of Mathematics was buying medicine. The female boss asked enthusiastically: What are you buying? Classmate: I am buying vitamin B2. The female boss is well-trained and packs the medicine: I’ll give you the medicine, 2 tablets at a time, 2 times a day, for 2.5 yuan. The classmate opened the medicine bag curiously and looked at it: No! I buy vitamin B2. How do you give me vitamin B1? The female boss is very educated: If you take 2 tablets, doesn’t it mean vitamin B2? Add the base constant exponent, I don’t know who taught you math!

6. While the teacher was giving a lecture, the students were chattering below. The teacher angrily slapped the blackboard eraser, and the classroom fell silent. The teacher said: In the past, when the county magistrate decided a case, he would be stunned and the whole hall would fall into silence. ?Suddenly, a student shouted loudly: ?You are wronged!?

7. In recent months, during the lunch break, Lao Li would sit in front of the computer and play online games. Colleague Xiao Cao couldn't help but ask him: "Brother Li, this is a game played by children. Your son is already in high school. Why are you still so obsessed? You don't know, right?" Lao Li stopped and pointed at his own The virtual gold coins awarded in the game said, "Look how much this is." How many millions! It feels so comfortable to make money without having to hand it over to your wife.

8. Dad: Take a look at the report card. Xiaoqiang took a long time to get the report card. Dad: Geography 57, History 58, Politics 59! What are you doing in class? Xiaoqiang: The test questions are too biased and difficult. Dad: Where is the bias? Where is the difficulty? Xiaoqiang: The geography test is about places I have never been to, the history test is about things before I was born, and I have never been to a meeting about politics. How do I know?

9. At three o'clock in the morning, the doctor's phone rang. ?Hello? The person on the other end of the phone was very panicked: ?Doctor, our baby just swallowed a condom. ?The doctor said: ?Bring him to the hospital. We will meet at the hospital in ten minutes. ?He got dressed and was about to go out when the phone rang again. He picked up the phone and said, "Hello?" A very calm voice came from the other end of the phone: "It's okay, doctor, we found another one. Don't bother you." ?

10. The launch of Tiangong-1 marks that the students in school have no idea how many more physics questions, chemistry questions, mathematics questions, English questions and Chinese composition questions? Describe people's humorous and humorous Jokes (Classics)

1. The puppy said to the kitten: Guess how many pieces of candy I have in my pocket? The kitten said: If you guessed it right, can you give it to me? The puppy nodded. : Well, if you guess it right, I’ll give you both! The kitten swallowed and said: I guess five yuan! Then, the puppy smiled and put the candy into the kitten’s hand and said: I still owe you three yuan.

2. The White Snake played by Zhao Yazhi seems to have come from heaven to the world, and the White Snake played by Huang Shengyi seems to have come from heaven to earth!!!

3. The senior said that he was in The most common thing I said to the opposite sex during the four years of college was three or two meals

4. The final exam of elementary school. Fill in the blank: There was a game yesterday ( ). I thought about it for a while. Feeling should be filled in as a noun. I just wrote about a movie I watched yesterday.

5."Dad, I"m hungry." "Hi, Hungry. I"m Dad." "Dad, I"m serious." "I thought you were Hungry?" "Are you kidding me?" "Nope, ...

6. When I was taking the bus, I heard the elder sister on the other side calling me, "Hey, Brother Liu, how old is your son? Twenty-eight, oh, just right, there is Don’t have a girlfriend? No? That’s great! I have a little sister who is twenty-five years old. She is very upright and she is single. How about getting to know her? By the way, what does your young master do? Oh, he writes software. !Oh, I’m sorry, Brother Liu, I don’t have a good signal here. Let’s talk next time!”

7. Watching American TV series, I encountered a tough subtitle translation: ?I don’t have a mother, she is giving birth to my brother. It's time to die. ?

8. During boarding, the stewardess MM was greeting guests at the gate, and a handsome guy came up. Stewardess MM: Welcome aboard. What seat are you in? Handsome guy: I am a Scorpio. Are you? What!? The stewardess looked shy: Really, what a coincidence, I am also a Scorpio

9. Since the last time the milk tea girl posted on Renren that she lost her meal card, all Tsinghua University All the students were looking for their cards. There are rumors in the world that the milk tea sister is lost in Beijing. Following this, the world was shaken, and heroes from all walks of life in Tsinghua came out one after another...

10. I was obsessed with martial arts novels when I was in junior high school, and I read them all the time in class. He found it, confiscated it, and then shouted: Hand over the other seven books to me. . . Humorous jokes about people (selected articles)

1. When I work in logistics, I often need to go out to load goods. I got a call yesterday and I said: It may be quite late to get to your factory. I can't finish it all by myself, let's do it tomorrow. ?Customer:?It's okay. I'll leave two people to load the goods for you. ?I saw that I couldn’t push it away, so I had no choice but to go. When I went to the place, I saw that the client had left me a 9-month-old pregnant woman...

2. A detail expert once again verified a very subtle phenomenon today: the woman reported her mobile phone The numbers all like xxxx xxxx xxx. Men all like xxx xxxx xxxx.

3. I joined a new company and my position was an assistant. Since I was a new employee, I was quite diligent. I was the first one to clean up at the company every day and then water a pot of flowers on the table that was not very lush. I thought that if it changed, I would definitely receive praise from everyone. A month later It still didn't change, and then one day someone said to me: I don't know who is so bored as to water fake flowers.

4. When taking the subway in Shanghai, you need to bring enough clothes for all seasons: spring clothes for Line 2, summer clothes for Line 3, autumn clothes for Lines 4 and 8, and autumn clothes for Lines 6, 7, and Line 9 and Line 10 must wear winter clothes if it’s freezing! As for Line 1, if conditions permit, it’s best to dress naked. . . (@dailyshanghai)

5. My brother-in-law learned that I was bullied by the "Love Is Not Cun" ATM yesterday, and decisively helped me take revenge this morning. When I arrived at the scene, I gave the ATM a 10-minute persuasion and education. A young classmate at the back asked: "Uncle policeman, would you like to withdraw money? How about I finish withdrawing money and then educate it..." My brother-in-law took 100 (click on the upper left corner) The button on the corner came out with 1,000, and my brother-in-law was extremely excited: "You know how well you know this guy..." Then my brother-in-law checked the balance, and was silent~ and deposited 900 back. (@ 张海宇)

6. I wish you all that in the new year, boys will be as strong as Oracle; girls will be as beautiful as Ubuntu; love fortune will be as frequent as IE poisoning; wallets will be as big as Gmail capacity; and promotion will be achieved. The speed is as fast as Microsoft's patching; chasing girlfriends is as rampant as a Trojan horse; life is as happy as after reinstalling the computer; writing programs and typing codes is as passionate as chatting.

Happy New Year to everyone! (via: @chon219)

7.1. To catch a thief, catch the king first, and to curse others, curse the mother first. 2. I looked for him thousands of times in the crowd, but suddenly when I looked back, he was at the canteen at the door. 3. Asking what love is in the world will make people feel like vomiting after eating. 4. There is bright moonlight in front of the bed. Hey, there is a bottle of hand cream on the ground. 5. If we say goodbye forever, I will know the Pegasus Meteor Boxing. 6. The merchant girl did not know the hatred of the country's subjugation, but she still sang the nunchaku across the river. 7. Chirp again chirp, Mulan is playing the game console!!

8. Wise words 1, leave the green hills and don’t let the firewood burn. 2. We have reached the mountain, but there is no road. 3. The deal was not concluded and Renyi ran away. 4. We have been through many storms, but we have never seen a rainbow. 5. To send goose feathers thousands of miles away, the gas cost is too high. 6. A hero with three gangs is afraid of becoming a _. 7. God has not given me any great responsibilities, but I still have to work hard and be hungry. What a world! 8. There is a way to do things, but there are too many people walking, and there is no way.

9. Year of the Rabbit Spring Festival Gala 1. Omit N words here. 2. You bury it! 3. The eyes are black and the heart is red. If your eyes are red, your heart will be dark! 4. Take off (support), you have more experience than me. 5. I am talented and you are a genius, you are just two more talented than me. 6. My spirit has become much better since I got mentally ill. 7. Don’t thank the dam, thank the Three Gorges. 8. Today’s society values ??calmness! 9. Pig farmers do things like foxes!