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Say these words to the child, you are hitting him!
Adults always ignore children's feelings, irresponsible or outspoken. As everyone knows, every word of parents will leave an indelible mark on their young hearts.
This is why some children would rather be beaten by their parents than listen to their cynicism.
Beating people is a skin injury, the wound is clearly visible, and there is no trace after the wound heals, while the wound caused by abuse is invisible, unable to express and talk, and will not be concerned, but it will follow for a long time or even a lifetime.
The tragedy of a family often begins with parents' inability to talk. Any kind of mental illness, traced back to the source, is a childhood trauma.
The aggressive education of parents doomed who experienced who was injured.
My cousin is only one year younger than me, but she has a lot of inferiority, because she has a mother, Song Like Dandan.
Watch Song Dandan and He Jiong do programs together, live in beautiful places, cook by themselves, and live with their son Batu. At first, I envied this rural life, and felt that Batu should be very happy to do the program with Xingma.
I soon found that Dandan's stars are in the same class as my aunt. They don't educate their children, except to strike:
When cousin Lai Yu is not working, menstruation will compare me with my sister: "Look how great your sister is. She studies well and cooks well. If I gave birth to you, she should be served by her ancestors! "
Seeing that others were working and Batu was lazy, Dandanxing said, "I gave birth to a waste, and I can't do anything. Look at others! "
My cousin enthusiastically went to the kitchen to help, and my aunt felt that this could not be done well: the vegetables were cut too long, the chopped green onion was too broken, and the oil temperature was too high ... My cousin soon became angry.
When Dandanxing wanted to show his son to his mother and scrambled to make eggs for her, her mother picked on him, either complaining that he was clumsy or mocking him.
He also laughed at his son in front of everyone, making Batu lose face and finally had to hide out. Mothers like my aunt and Dandanxing are also typical examples of China's influence on education.
Their common feature is that they look at the problem from an incorrect angle and the way of educating their children is unacceptable. Indiscriminate teasing, bitter sarcasm, and constant blows will hurt children to pieces.
In their eyes, the advantages of children are not advantages, but also infinitely reduced. Small shortcomings are also major events, which are infinitely magnified. They never know that they should give their children proper praise and affirmation.
Their usual method is to compare:
You see who knows 10 thousand times better than you, how can I raise such a disappointing thing!
You want to be admitted to that famous school, I think you should look in the mirror first and see if you can eat a few mouthfuls!
If you can't do such a small thing well, what else can you do? I think you might as well pick up garbage to support yourself!
How much blood and tears should a young child shed in his heart!
When I was a child, my cousin loved beauty and learned to braid her own hair. Although it is reversed, she thinks it is beautiful. She was very happy to show it to menstruation, but menstruation pouted and said, "Ugly, ugly people, this is even worse!" " Cousin was angry and cried, and she didn't like to tidy herself up from now on. My cousin, who was beautiful in everyone's eyes, always felt ugly in private. When she grows up, she can't objectively evaluate herself when others are looking for someone.
My uncle's cousin loves dancing and is very good at Latin dance, which has always been praised by everyone. One day when I was visiting relatives, everyone asked my cousin to show off her talents, and after the dance, it was full. I thought it would also add luster to my aunt's face. Unexpectedly, my aunt kept complaining about her poor study and curled her lips and said, "What's the use of dancing? Can't eat. It is really useful to study hard! " Since then, my cousin has stopped dancing.
A doctor of psychology once said in a book: children will not distinguish between facts and jokes, but will believe what their parents say to themselves and turn these words into their own thoughts.
Therefore, parents should be careful what they say to their children. People who are often hit will obviously lack self-esteem and self-confidence, often fall into strong self-doubt and self-denial, and it is difficult to accurately locate and objectively evaluate themselves when they grow up.
The most terrible thing is that the damage caused by the blow to education will be like a thorn, which will be stuck in the child's heart for a long time, even for a lifetime.
An educator listed the performance of some parents with poor education, most of which were the consequences of parents' strike:
If your child is not firm, it is because his parents always criticized and educated him in public when he was a child;
If your child loses his temper easily, it's because he doesn't get enough praise. He is angry to get your attention.
If your child is too conceited and doesn't care much about other people's feelings, it is because he received too many orders when he was a child and his feelings were ignored;
If your child is closed to you and doesn't want to open his heart and tell you anything, it's because he has been repeatedly hit by you;
If your child is outspoken and rude, then there may be such a person at home who can hear and listen;
Parents sometimes don't understand that I am so confident and successful, and how the children I personally educated can be so timid and mediocre. Then ask yourself first: Are you pursuing strike education? What career have you planted in your child's young mind? Fruits that don't satisfy you?
I often hear mothers praise their children like this:
My children are so sensible! My children are so obedient!
My children never make me angry! My children do everything I say!
I beat him up, and he has to follow me to please me!
……
In order to get parents' praise and recognition, in order to get parents' love and support, we should keep silent when expressing objections; Choose to endure when you are angry; When expressing one's position, one chooses to echo, please and obey; when expressing one's fear and nervousness, one chooses to be numb and indifferent. This kind of behavior of losing one's nature in choosing and losing one's happiness in taking is really good for children.
When the child grows up, the side effects will appear. Children either give up on themselves completely; Or rebellious to the point where parents are at a loss.
Japanese writer Iban Kotaro once said that it is terrible to think that human beings can be parents without thinking!
Many men and women have become parents in a hurry, but they don't know how to educate their children. The popularity of percussion education among the people is the best example.
Childhood experiences have a great influence on children. At this time, if you experience injury, abuse, insecurity, lack of dignity, etc ... the chances of becoming autistic, depressed, suicidal, violent and anxious when you grow up will be much higher.
A psychologist said that verbal abuse can't see scars and leave no evidence, so it is not as easy to attract attention as physical abuse, but it may be more harmful than physical abuse.
Parents who abuse, abuse and abuse their children at every turn look at this survey data! The bad personality characteristics of children who are often scolded at home are extremely obvious: more than 40% children are "inferior", more than 50% children are "indifferent" and more than half children are "grumpy".
Children who grew up in a long-term adverse environment have learned that they can't express their feelings and needs correctly, and they have gained too many negative children, so they can't look at themselves correctly. It's strange to be over-suppressed, squeezed and not deformed!
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