Who can tell some interesting jokes and stories

1. In biology class, the teacher introduced to the students that man evolved from monkeys. He said that it takes a long historical process for people to evolve from walking on all fours to walking on all fours. Then he asked the students, "What is the greatest advantage of human evolution from four limbs to walking on four limbs?" A student stood up and replied, "You can save a pair of shoes!" " 2. An Englishman and an China went to visit the grave. English people bring flowers, while China people bring food. The Englishman asked the China people, "When did your ancestors come out for dinner?" China people replied, "When your ancestors came out to enjoy the flowers." There is a stone Buddha who has been psychic for a long time. One day, he met Xiao Lisi and asked, "Please change my place. Nobody cares about me in this wilderness." "ok." Xiao Lisi said, and then moved it downtown. "How do you feel now?" A few days later, Liz passed by and asked casually. "Get me out of here. Every day, someone touches my bald head and my ears are almost torn off. " The stone pleaded. A tourist came back from Mexico and told his friend his adventure story: "It's horrible! You can't even imagine: there are Indians on the right, Indians on the left, Indians in front, and even Indians behind me. " "Then what did you do?" "What can I do? I have to buy a wool quilt recommended by them. " 5. Doctor: "How did you lose your right finger?" Patient: "I put my right hand into the horse's mouth to see how many teeth the horse has." Doctor: "Then what?" Patient: "Mom wants to know how many fingers I have." 6. Before the exam, for a good omen, Ajie prepared a fried dough stick and two eggs for breakfast, indicating 100. Who knows that the first egg is a double yellow egg? After careful consideration, he finally put down another egg. As soon as the results were announced, Ajie shouted, "How accurate!" Let's see: 18 points. 7. A couple went to double suicide together, but their money was only enough to buy a bottle of pesticide! And the dose of this bottle of pesticide is only enough for one person to die, but in the end, both of them died. Why? Answer: they bought this bottle of pesticide, opened the bottle cap, and the bottle cap said: another bottle! 8. Ayu and her husband go to the auto show. The temperament of many beautiful car models is amazing, and my husband is shocked. She poked her husband and said, "One day I want to be a car model. What car do you think I am suitable for selling? " The husband replied seriously, "that depends on whether people have tractors." 9. Xiaoqing chats with a psychiatrist at the banquet. Xiaoqing asked, "How do you all diagnose patients?" The doctor replied, "I always ask them some simple questions first." If they hesitate, I can probably know that they are insane. " Xiaoqing was very interested and asked, "What kind of question? Can you give me some examples? " The doctor said, "for example, captain cook traveled around the world three times, but unfortunately he died on one of them." Which time was it? " Xiaoqing hesitated, a little embarrassed and said, "I'm not familiar with history. Can you give me another example? 10. Female patient: Doctor, you told me to stick out my tongue, why didn't you look? Doctor: I don't want to see your tongue. I told you to stick it out. I just want you to keep quiet while I write the prescription, okay? 1 1. Someone accidentally knocked down a passerby while riding a bicycle. He picked him up and said, "You are so lucky!" Passers-by said angrily, "You knocked me down and said I was lucky?" Someone said, "You know, today is my bike holiday. I usually drive a bulldozer! ""12. After dinner, my husband suggested going downstairs. We walked on the gravel road, colorful lights, warm spring breeze and close couples. This scene made me roll up my husband's arm and put my head on his shoulder. After marriage, we have rarely been so close and romantic together. I looked up and saw the stars. When I was in love, he taught me to recognize the Big Dipper. I asked in a low voice, "Dear, what do you associate with seeing the stars all over the sky?" The husband replied, "It will definitely be sunny tomorrow. Let's take the quilt out of the cupboard and air it. " 13. In front of the cloth counter in the department store, a salesgirl patiently tore a piece of cloth she bought into 2 inches long at the request of a customer. After tearing, the customer asked the clerk to tie these small pieces of cloth into knots. In the middle of the shop assistant's speech, she finally couldn't stand it. She said, "Are you mentally ill?" "Yes, I have a hospital certificate." The customer said? 14. Once upon a time, there was a lazy couple who did nothing and their family was poor. One day, a thief came to his house and saw a shovel. The wife said to her husband, "Alas, he touched the shovel." The husband said, "If you steal, tell him to steal, and if you steal, dig the ground." So the couple didn't care. The thief didn't steal the shovel because it was worthless, so he touched the hoe again. The wife said, "He went to touch the hoe again." The husband said, "Don't worry, save the hoe." The couple didn't care. The thief thought it was worthless and didn't take it. He thinks this family is really poor. So the thief decided to take the pot full of iron. I felt heavy and proud when I held it, so I took it and ran away. This time, the couple can be silly. That's what they eat. If they are lost, the husband will catch up, and the thief will catch up at a glance. When he strikes back, it will be a pot, hitting a family on the head. The husband will kneel in pain and mutter to himself, "fortunately, I don't wash my face every day, otherwise my head will move." When I went home to explain the situation to my daughter-in-law, the couple suddenly became dumbfounded. My daughter-in-law walked around anxiously, went to the kitchen and jumped up, shouting, "Grandpa, fortunately, I don't wash the pot every day. The thief stole the pot. " 15. There is a "divine spring" in the small mountain village. There is an old legend that young unmarried men and women drink "magic spring water" on New Year's Eve and will marry the ugliest wife or the ugliest husband the next year. No one has ever dared to try. There are three girlfriends in the village who are not married. Because the family was too poor, they decided to take a chance. Even if they marry the ugliest wife, it is better than being single all their lives. So on New Year's Eve, three friends met and came to Yuquan. The first and second young people drank the spring water without hesitation, but the third one secretly spit it out. The next year, two young people who drank the spring water both married a very ugly wife, while the third young man who spat out the spring water married the most beautiful girl in the village. Two young people who married an ugly wife asked the lucky friend in confusion, and the friend was also puzzled. He only knows that he doesn't drink spring water, but he doesn't know why he is lucky. Finally, on their wedding night, his wife told him the answer: what bad luck! Because I stole the damn water last New Year's Eve! ! 16. Lawyer: "Old classmate, I will defend you. Don't worry. " Defendant: "I'm counting on you." "Witness A, can you describe the man you saw?" "He is about 1.7 meters tall, with a bald head and a moustache." "Directly, is it a man or a woman?" "............" defendant Khan ... "Witness B, you said you met the defendant, so your memory is normal?" "It's normal." "Let me ask you a few questions. Did you eat at noon? " "I ate." "What did you eat?" "Fried rice with eggs." "What's the first question I asked you?" "Have you eaten at noon?" "Wrong, the first question I asked you was: Is your memory normal? Obviously, you are not fit to be a witness in this case. . . ""... ""Objection ""Sustained, no brain teasers in court ""... "Defendant Khan .................." The key to this case is whether my client is an alcoholic, so what makes you say that he is an alcoholic. " "He himself said that he should drink at least a catty of white wine at a meal." "Impossible, I know my customers very well. It is impossible to say such big words without being drunk. " "...................." defendant was furious: "Your honor, I can't stand it, and I strongly demand self-defense! ! ! "