Humorous husband makes his wife angry ... Ha ha ha!

Wife: My husband gives me money

Husband: Money is not the problem, but no money!

Wife: Then buy me a diamond ring!

Husband: Diamonds last forever, and one goes bankrupt!

wife: then I'll find another one!

husband: that won't do! One mountain can't accommodate two tigers, unless there is a male and a female.

Wife: I tell you, water can carry a boat!

Husband: Yes! Yes! Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

Wife: Try it if you don't believe me!

Husband: Fire can test gold, gold can test women, women can test men, and you can test me.

Wife: Then you won't accept it!

husband: take? Even if I am drunk, I won't help anyone, so I will help the wall!

Wife: I don't think you can achieve much in this life!

Husband: I am just a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future and no way out.

Wife: Oh, my God! How did I fall in love with you!

Husband: When you ask what the world is like, everything has its vanquisher ...

Woman: Do you have three bedrooms and one living room?

M: No

W: Do you have a Japanese Honda Accord?

m: no.

female: (standing up): I have something to do. I have to go first.

m: (muttering to himself): I have a single-family villa. Why do I want to live in a small apartment?

female: (frozen) ...

male: (to himself) I drive a Mercedes-Benz. Do I have to switch to a Japanese car?

The female looks back and smiles, and the blind date continues ...

Male: I started my business and mortgaged all my villa and car, and now I have no cash at all ...

Female (furious): I have a lot of things to do, so I have to go first ...

Male: Fortunately, I got the Japanese Angel Fund, and the company went public ...

Female turned around and sat down to continue the blind date.

Male: Fortunately, it was acquired by Microsoft, and with hundreds of millions of cash, it can support my second venture ...

Female (turning to smile): You are good or bad, always teasing others ...

At this moment, two doctors in white coats came in, panting: Your boy ran out of the hospital again, so go back to take medicine quickly ... 15 phrases are presented, hahahaha, laughing till tears come.

1. I don't want to listen to his lectures, just want to listen to his bragging!

2. Today, the physics teacher gave a paper, because the class has a good foundation, and it was very fast. After that, the physics teacher said, "It's so boring, why don't I help you with the chemistry paper?" Then I really talked about the chemistry paper. . In the afternoon, the chemistry teacher came to class and screamed at the sky: "He is crazy! ! ！”

3. One day, the math teacher drank too much, and the smell of alcohol was particularly strong. Then I told my deskmate that he had drunk too much. When the math teacher heard this, he said loudly: I did drink, but I didn't drink too much. Is there anything wrong with my question? ! Is there something wrong? I said, that's right. The teacher said: Well, look at the following dish. . .

4. In the second year of junior high school, when my hair was cut, I simply shaved my head. Then every time the class teacher asks questions, I will put my hands together: Little monk, can you solve a difficult problem for the teacher?

5. The class teacher handed in six mobile phones in the class, including mine. Just fall in the hallway. Later, I went to count, and she fell seven. I suddenly feel so Japanese.

6. When the physics uncle in high school was in class, his classmates complained that it was too difficult. He suddenly stopped and said with a serious face, "Shh! ! Shake your little heads! " The whole class did it inexplicably, and he smiled "Did you hear the water in your brain?"!

7. A class lasts forty minutes, thirty minutes talking about his glorious history, five minutes lecturing, and the last five minutes complaining that our class is always endless!

8. In chemistry class, the teacher said that sodium is very active in water, so he threw a piece of sodium into it and sodium moved quickly in the water. The chemistry teacher suddenly shouted, Look how fast that JB thing is! As a result, the whole class was stupid.

9. There is a group in our class. On Sunday morning, the class teacher sent a good morning, bitches. Nobody paid attention to him. Later, I got up quickly and pretended to be forced. No one has paid attention to him yet. Then he said, "You all went out on dates, and you all bullied me, single dog.". Later, I went to space and sent one myself. A person, _ _ slowly steroid) ˉ indifference, _ _ habit. . . The head teacher 28 is very handsome!

1. In the third grade. The head teacher changed his office to the back of the classroom. There was a chemistry class. In order to review, the teacher asked "What is sodium?" Everyone was silent and the teacher said loudly "Sodium! Yes! What! Yao! Ah! " At this moment, the head teacher sang silently behind: "Sodium is a magical path." After two seconds of silence, the whole class burst into laughter. I only remember that the chemistry teacher was blue in the face.

11. When I was in primary school, my teacher asked me to write a composition about doing housework, repeatedly stressing that it should be true. I wonder if everyone would ask for this. On Monday, the teacher asked a classmate to read it. He read: After dinner, I want to help my mother wash the dishes. My mother said to go away and play. I said the teacher asked me to do it. My mother said that your teacher forced me to do so much ... This is the most authentic composition I have ever heard! Hahaha!

12. I slept all morning and waited for this class! ! !

13. Do you have a teacher who has friends all over the country and is rich, but she is the only one who is poor?

14. She didn't come to class. After class, she was found dragging her feet in the next class.

15. Go to the teacher's home to make up the lessons, add one * * * four people to him, and then let us do the test paper and say that if we get 9 points, let us rest for an hour. Then we all did it quickly and almost correctly, so the four of us started playing mahjong ... Then Jenny came back and scolded him for a long time and didn't listen to our messy explanation. Hahaha, it's funny to think about it. After paying the make-up fees, they will give each of us a hundred dollars back, saying that they would buy snacks and want to cry ... I miss

Editor's note: I can't stop laughing at the first one. What kind of teasing is it that only teachers and students can do! Hahaha! Haha Quotations

Friar Sand said to the Monkey King, "Big Brother, I heard that the meat of the second brother is much more valuable than that of the master now."

—— Analyze the phenomenon of pork price inflation with Journey to the West. 2. You can know your lover in the moonlight, but you must know your lifelong partner in the sun.

-Liu Yong, a writer, said

When God gave us youth, he also gave us youth pox.

-There are both advantages and disadvantages

The so-called newly developed resorts are often: first take a roller coaster, then take a pirate ship, eat "Sun Erniang steamed stuffed bun" and stay in the "Xinlongmen Inn".

-complaints about tourist attractions

The son asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mother replied, "A! Baby B, where's home C? Standing on D with bare feet, EF doesn't wear it, but also shows little GG! "

—— Best Sentence of the Year in 2xx

The fear of a benzene man lies not in his benzene, but in his cleverness.

-Li Ao talks about "benzene"

One of his parents is Dugu, the other is Nangong, and he gave birth to a child named Dugu Nangong Xiaofan. The child married a woman named Murong again, and the child they gave birth to was temporarily called Murong, the Nangong of Dugu-there was no name-because the state stipulated that the name could not be more than six words.

—— In order to solve the problem of duplicate names, the First Draft of the List of Names Registration allows children to adopt their parents' surnames. It is said that this will add 1.28 million double surnames, and some people make fun of it.

When knitting, one stitch and one thread are careful and long; When it is demolished, a "castle" becomes a pile of lines in the blink of an eye with a gentle pull.

-feelings are like sweaters

You have me, and every day is Valentine's Day; I have you, every day is labor day; You and I are together, and every day is carnival.

-cunning boys use this kind of sweet words to win girls' hearts when sending text messages. Haha ~ Laughing to death … addressed to their future husbands

First, no smoking means you don't love me! It's loneliness to light a cigarette. Why are you still lonely when I'm here? You just don't love me, otherwise you won't call me a forced smoker and commit suicide with you! ! !

second, you can only drink a little, and you are not allowed to drink too much. You know your daughter-in-law is a good drinker. If you dare to drink, I will drink twice as much as you! If you are not afraid of my alcoholism and the ruin of our family, then you can do it at will and drink it!

statement: dear husband, I ordered you to give up smoking and limit alcohol mainly for your health. I want us to stay together well until we get old.

Third, don't be mean to me. Make small noises at ordinary times. Forget it for me, but don't really lose your temper with me.

I'm loud and thick-skinned. If you want to be mean to me, I'll make a hullabaloo about and disturb my neighbors. Anyway, I'm thick-skinned and not shy.

hey, but if you want to be thick-skinned, you are not afraid that your neighbors will laugh at you for finding a crazy wife, so be fierce!

Fourth, don't start work on me. My ancestors all taught me that good men don't fight against women, so no matter how headstrong and unreasonable I am in the future (I don't think so, I am quite understanding), you are not allowed to start work. I was born a daughter, a baby, and the only one in the world. It's your pleasure to marry you, and it can only be used for a good pain. You hear me? No!

5. Don't be lazy. Hey, I'm a little lazy, but I love cleanliness and bathing. Don't show your man's sloppy nature after marriage!

I married a husband, not a garbage dump! You should tidy up all our things in an orderly and clean way.

6. You are allowed to love three women at the same time. Hey, hey, I am broad-minded. Tell me about the average woman who has such a deep understanding and righteousness as me, and you can have fun with a wife like me. Hum, but these three women must be my designated places:

my mother, my sister and me. Don't even think about it! As for your mother-in-law, I won't force you. I just love you.

7. You must always look at me as a treasure. No matter how old I am, I will always be your treasure in your heart, especially when I am 4 years old!

It is said that a man is 4 for a flower and a woman is 4 for tofu, so you must not abandon me. Grandma, I didn't dislike your 2-year-old brat when I was 2 years old with a flower. . Hey, hey, besides, your daughter-in-law is awesome, and she can still wear an 18-year-old miniskirt at the age of 4. Eight, don't philander. If you dare to philander outside, betray me and cheat on me, then I dare to have an affair! Let you see, your daughter-in-law is as charming as ever, and how many people are thinking about it.

listen: if you dare to have that skill, we'll race! Hum

9. You are allowed to express verbal dissatisfaction and protest after seeing this rule and regulation, ha, but it is just invalid, and you still have to perform other duties. Who told you to be my husband? Others didn't have the luck to call my wife. Haha promised: Dear husband, as long as you love me wholeheartedly, I will marry a chicken and a dog, love you well, love our home, love our mom and dad, become your pillar, relieve your worries, laugh with you, fight with you, and use our hands and love.