Who can tell a joke that makes me laugh until I hit the monitor?

1, the bowl fell off, it was a big scar} V # ie9Ru x 'Mf9WY & ampL

2, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! ! $__x){h-j}B

3, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill! hC-sT2kd

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold! fw，C#W9MujX~ x

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

DklU[ G 6] Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Y7l & amp}:h $ Q)s & amp； V

Classmate: What do you teach?

*HL0tK4b 1LeZ:kA'E I: chemistry. . . 1f K2V bGOjE7|

7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

! t？ GGG9E @ 8a ([.G7V8, one person in our dormitory has to pee after drinking too much, and then he brings out a cold saying: Too much wine will lead to more.

u * T & ampw； @/g. _ 1rd/} 8q9, buy oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no. F Wf\*{`eg

10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

{) ~ b R3 "RR 1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answer link. pc'Qi3qk2@

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "

C]'{'v2J 1F)q~ Then I started to look at the topic and said, "Now open it. . . "d8q4r2Hu8US

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

0y-| 4np-{ | "{The host said," This classmate is a little too anxious. I started (shit) still in my mouth, so why did you rob me? "

$ A # y[6px F2M # d； W 12 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!" IHg uP，L

13, at school

T8V5m(kP X)T-m 1h One day, I got a phone call from my classmate and handed it to me and said, "Your mother * *."

/t VR。 Well, WG, as soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

P4Z)J#B5I Everyone laughed, and I was laughed for four years.

+j3xQs 1JX[w%| 14], a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant, and it was cool to shake his hair: "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

7nu)O * E+d {； Z3I 15, once my classmate's mother in the dormitory called me O/S "QUYC".

I'm used to saying "he's not in", but this time I want to say "he's out", Pz; @ & ampZQ

The result is: "He's gone ..."

L_cEV*q@O 16, gg handed me an sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It burns me!"

5U； HW*E4|4H？ R/d 17 My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

+`+ f/h9V z 1e 18 Once I patted my dormitory classmate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

) r*`/m7gS R 19, everyone gave a name tag in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . . E"y b `H[6ir

20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

%S2_！ Cb@ 2 1。 Once, the leaders of the Education Bureau checked the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

6 8k。 K5CGG 22。 There is a teacher in high school whose surname is Jiang, who looks very much like (Tang priest in a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..." H5 | VJT * C9L.

23, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!" g}-i9z8OCJt

24. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! “VG”b，M*M9p:mw9B

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

# t "i 1q (D0 [_ 26]), when the teacher leaves homework, I copy other people's homework if I can't do it, and then I go to the office to hand it in. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " y '； rbe\T

27. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder was in Liu Xiaoqing. & gt scenic spots. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted. S+O@ K:g4}！ o

28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room. Then I shouted to turn down the channel. The channel is wrong, and I am speechless. My face was red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

p * Og； Z4p`4hv#V 29, I came home from school with my MM in high school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said that she wanted to eat beef offal, because there were many seniors in the barbecue. I was afraid that the boss could not hear her, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip" and then was silent. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." . /VP q 4p y5e:x ~ n； K

30. quarreled with mm mobile phone. She turned up the TV so loudly that I was annoyed and said loudly, "Turn off the phone for me!" " Now that I think about it, it's cold!

Ub； W.g. (PCR 3 1) went to have breakfast with his classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We were just saying that they were wasting their time when two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

O uV%？ 1Ra@ 32。 Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer doesn't work well, and it always crashes. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

P JwT#OL 33。 A high school classmate of a classmate in my dormitory called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't here, and then he said thank you zia7ckk.

34. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "Me? +s[P$\v！ K2rA wq

35. In the past, we had a political economy teacher who was very fond of talking! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He's too XVOp8k Y.

"Do you know why only US dollars are called' US dollars', but you have never heard of a name called' English'?

t & amper9 ` 1G & amp； "p gold" and "fa gold" ":lib 8 ` I； kx+u#R

36. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your side door ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

8y4m+C{, Rq 37, a female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner, and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know how I made the following mistake, xq.d &; O o2mU

Error: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently. Eat more!" " "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. .

-^&； {3sT$T'PGhZ 38。 Our company has a shuttle bus to work in the morning. Because the car was not big, once, there was no seat on the bus1mm.

Qbzig, a male colleague sitting next to me, stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off ~!

5}4N/[(I${"NWu 39), once obsessed with online games, often killed in Internet cafes. After the end of the semester, I went home with a group of buddies, and the train was about to leave. Before we found the platform, I suddenly said, "MD, why don't we even have a coordinate (in fact, we need to find a brand)! ~ "The elder brothers burst into laughter after hearing this ~ ~

Vz ~ "ras # owf | 40, formerly living on campus, bunk bed. The mobile phone needs to be recharged once. But there is only one socket in a bed, so reading with a lamp can't be recharged. As a result, A plugged the charger into B, and B wanted to listen to music at night. When he saw A's charger, he shouted, "Hey, I said, why do you always plug it into me?" "Why not stick it under you?" Then there was a commotion, sweating ~ ~

L)H*C:JK*oVP2q 1m 4 1。 In college, a classmate argued with me and was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, he got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! (f 1a 1Z； e . p . M！ Hrl*Y7Km

42. A friend of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master: Hey, pull two bowls for Lamian Noodles's master and say: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull.

O TY _ .x9SgK & ampF'DH 43, when I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

H] @` l \ 44。 My roommate boiled water quickly, but after the water boiled, that fellow was reading leisurely and motionless. He couldn't stand it anymore, so he said, "Is it time to pull it out? It's too noisy. . "No response. 15 seconds later, he added, "It's very hot there, so it's always easy to break down." . "Nothing happened. In half a minute, the water was completely boiled and splashed. " Well, shoot it out. Spit out a lot of things louder and louder, and if you insert them again, you are afraid it will harm people. . Are you sure you won't quit? " .。 . A thick book flies towards my head! ! ! ~ jJc8B9Hd%RLB

45. Our head teacher teaches senior three mathematics ... When he reviews for us ~ every time he draws a picture and draws a ray ~ ~ he says loudly ~ ~ `Look at this, students ~ ~ I took X#~a5ei\3zR5~

4z？ [+p+{ _ & amp； Article 46. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I just want to have a rest. Seeing Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside, he went up and asked, "Wife ..." Tk} 9a/f+* fp.

$ \ $ Y5QP40LTOU47。 During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! !

/bRv8bh/\q ~，S

9[}Y#w4ge'G 48。 One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

:P%@！ L+zw(W ~4Ix！ O9l。 ^

49. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "\h{ yi! Lug q

6cPQ \%d！ } 9j_cs7t

50. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow) you." At that time, the students immediately calmed down. {B G8 `！ E/M2e7]-hB

b*？ Qn%E (e.g. A 5 1. Once at ktv, a mm shouted: Give me a weekly stick for "Double Jay". ......