Ask for funny jokes or interesting things in life (embarrassing things are ok) ~ ~

1. I remember when I was in the screenwriter class, there was a woman named Yang Xiao in the class who talked a lot, and classmate A didn't like her very much. One day, A and the monitor were eating in the canteen. As soon as A sat down, he said to the monitor, "Yang Xiao is so annoying!" At this time, the monitor sitting opposite A suddenly found Yang Xiao standing behind A, so the monitor immediately asked A: "Who is Yang Xiao?"

2. Listen to the same theory and share it. One of their high school classmates plays online games crazily and goes to Internet cafes almost every night. On this day, I came back all night, and fell asleep at my desk during class ... The teacher woke him up to answer questions when he saw him lying down, and the classmates next to him woke him up. When GC came, the god-like classmates stood up in a daze, touched the inside of the table, and then shouted angrily, "Holy shit, where's the keyboard?"

When I was in high school, there was a man in my class. Everyone nicknamed him big catfish, and he cried and cried without even calling his real name. One day, he sent a short message to another classmate in my class and said, "I'm a catfish. Call me back when you see it." Unexpectedly, it was sent to Changsha by mistake, and people replied to him, "I'm sorry, you sent it by mistake, and people are here." The whole class sprayed wildly.

4. As we all know, a friend, a man, was playing at school, and his friend and roommate were chosen to be trapped in the fire ... At the beginning of the exercise, school leaders and instructors organized the exercise downstairs, and his friend and roommate waved socks upstairs and shouted: Grandpa, come and play ~ ~ ~

Well, my friend lives in a rental house, went to his house to play yesterday, and then went for a walk. Halfway through, he patted his thigh and said, Oh, mb's gas is on, and then we went back. When we were about to turn on the light, he said that if we didn't turn on the light, it would explode. Then 2b calmly took out the lighter, and then I went to the hospital to treat the burn.

6. A buddy drank too much at night and couldn't find a home in the middle of the night. He stood in the community and shouted, "Get up when you fall asleep!" Then, I saw many family lights on and shouted, "If you get up, open all the windows for me!" " "As a result, many residents' windows were opened, and everyone stuck out their heads inexplicably or angrily to see what was going on, and continued to shout,' Look at which child I am and take me back!'"

7.m: May I ask you a question? You like to sleep over there when you sleep. Woman: On the right, what's the matter? M: Then I'll sleep on the left from today and leave the right for you. Woman: You ... that's the original-I asked GF: Where do you like to sleep? Look at me in confusion: middle, what's wrong, middle, middle. ...

It is said that my brother and his girlfriend went to Guiyuan Temple on holiday. There were too many people on National Day. Many people worship in front of Buddha statues. Suddenly, I saw that a little girl might be learning from the people around her, and suddenly I fell prostrate there. That's called investment. Then he was pulled up by his father: it's a little early for you to worship this, this is to send Guanyin …

9. The school moved to the new campus and ushered in the traditional riots before leaving every year. Smash the kettle, tear the book, and smash the basin. It's very lively. At twelve o'clock, the riot has ended. Suddenly, a sentence "I love you in senior one (geography female teacher)" broke out from senior two boys' dormitory and resounded through the dormitory area. Two seconds later, I answered shyly and firmly in the dormitory of senior one boys: "I love you, too, sophomore." The female dormitory on the sidelines choked with internal injuries. Brother's confession is messy in the wind.

10. A friend once came home drunk (there were 10 workers at home). He was afraid that his father would find him drinking, so he pretended to be calm and went straight back to the house to sleep, thinking that he had not been found. Gc came in the evening, and his father woke him up with two mouths and asked: How much wine did you drink and how did you come back? A: Not much.

165438+ ...

12. My son and I are taking a nap at noon. When he was half asleep, he touched my chest and suddenly said, little bitch, I'm back. Instantly petrified, three black lines hung from the top of the head to the foot. Tell your daughter-in-law quietly not to watch those messy TVs with her. Daughter-in-law laughs wildly: What, that's the line of Big Big Wolf in Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf: Lambs, I'm back ... lambs, little ladies, I'm going to face the wall.

13. a city in Shandong province, the specific situation is not clear. I guess someone has heard of it. It is said that a motorcycle was hit that year and the owner's leg was broken. Both sides of the accident called 120 and waited for the ambulance to hit the road. Needless to say, the car came soon and arrived at the scene. As a result, they didn't stop the car and hit the broken leg. ...

14. Military training in high school, the instructors are very strict, and the girls don't say anything, and the boys will be miserable. If it is found that it is not good, you have to slap yourself in the face and listen to the sound hard. My good friend A is so tragic. One day, standing in the military posture, A just moved his finger and saw the instructor's murderous eyes coming towards him. He listened to the instructor and said, "What are you doing? Slap yourself in the face ",A slapped himself very honestly and loudly. As a result, GC came, and the instructor calmly replied "not you, but next to you" …

15. I was dragged into a group of idiots that day, and the discussion was quite lively. At some point, when it comes to borrowing arrows from grass boats, why doesn't Cao Cao put rockets? A group owner was so arrogant that he explained to the children: This is an article written casually by Shi Naian. For the future development of the plot, the brain-dead people made a very worshipful qq expression, saying that the group owner is so powerful, I worship you ... Finally, a young man stood up and said that the group owner nb and Shi Naian wrote Water Margin. After a quiet moment in the group, qq shows that the member has been removed from the group by the administrator. ...

16. I was a little 2 when I was a child. When I was in primary school, my sister and my cousin went to junior high school. My cousin lives in my house. It was really hard to forget that time, because they always gave me money to help them buy things. Therefore, I often hear a child say to the shop assistant: I want the biggest and thickest packet of toilet paper, and the rest of the money is used to buy bubble gum! I didn't know until I grew up that I bought it for three years for some bubble gum, wsj…… ... ...

17. A kind of children's shoes, from Nanjing. There is a female teacher who is beautiful and has good taste. She taught Japanese and later married a Japanese. As a result, their whole class became angry. The wedding gift given to the teacher by the whole class is the Nanjing Massacre Memorial Book.

18. Go to the market to buy fish ~ Ask the boss how to sell it? The boss said: 28 a catty, I will sell 25 to others. Am I stupid or can't count? The boss won't bully people like this. ...

19. Last night, my daughter (three years old) fell asleep, and I was getting ready for bed. At this moment, there was a loud voice in the distance. My daughter farted. There is quite an earth-shattering feeling. When I was about to sigh with emotion, the little thing sat up and cried inexplicably. Ha, ha, ha ... So I was crying to make up my fart.

20. Tell me about my aunt, saying that my aunt has a golden hair (Song Shiquan) which is very big and yellow! It was very popular with menstruation. One day, menstruation did her hair according to the color of blonde hair on a whim, and it exploded. I didn't tell my uncle (I was on a business trip). At noon, I curled up under the bed and slept with only a yellow hair outside. My uncle came back to scold (my uncle doesn't like dogs very much). "I am a dog. I climbed into bed and covered myself with a quilt." After that, I put my foot in the past ... tragedy.

2 1 ... little girl 1 1 when parents are separated, t? T, then my mother took me to Australia, and my father stayed at home with my brother. When I was a child, I was close to my brother and liked to stick to him, so the first thing I did when I returned to China was to ask him out to meet me. When I got off the bus that day, I saw my handsome brother standing in front of a shop. After all, it's been years. So I was so excited that I immediately rushed up to a bear hug and kissed his left face ... As a result, my brother and sister hadn't been glued for a minute before the tragedy happened-I watched an evil "evil girl" coming across the street and raising her hand. It hurts ~ ~ ~ Today, every time I see this woman who has become my sister-in-law, my right face still has a burning pain.