What if the second daughter doesn't accept her brother?

When the youngest son was born, the four-year-old daughter was as happy as buying her a doll from the Internet, and it arrived. But a week later, he was unhappy and complained. I know, this boy is here to rob my mother and tell him to go.

Hong Chen, who has been left out in the cold, can't stand it, and there are more and more hostile acts. Because she spat in her brother's bottle.

Since my wife was pregnant with a second child, I began to do ideological work for my daughter Qian Qian. I hope he can accept this brother or sister, at least don't let her feel left out.

You know, it's hard for a four-year-old girl to understand what brotherhood is. It is inevitable to turn around when talking, and there are many jokes during the conversation. For example, one day at breakfast, Qian Qian suddenly asked her mother why it took nine months to express a doll. Why not use SF? The wife paused. Gave me a hard look.

What's even funnier is that Qian Qian gave her doll to a friend on her own initiative, and proudly said, I really don't need these, and my mother is going to give birth to a real doll for me soon. When you grow up, you will cry, pee, eat and talk.

I realize that the misunderstanding is serious, but I don't know how to explain it. As the saying goes, if you tell a lie, you have to tell 100 lies to be right. Driven by curiosity, Qian Qian kept asking when the toys of World of Warcraft would arrive. I have to invent one strange reason after another to deal with it. So the plot I made up is a bit horizontal, and Qian Qian's expectations are getting hotter and hotter. My wife and I are optimistic about this. I didn't expect the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.

In the spring season, I was pregnant in October and my son was born smoothly. We named him Junko, hoping that he would be happy all his life.

Building your own living toy is finally here. Qian Qian was very excited. Let the grandson look around and can't get rid of it. In order to cultivate the feelings of brothers and sisters, I taught her to feed pure milk powder and change her mother's urine pad. Qian Qian obediently study, don't want to feel bored. He just doesn't understand why his mother won't let him obey orders alone and why this toy won't let him play casually like a doll.

Qian Qian's excitement soon passed, because he found his bedtime stories less and less. I often eat breakfast very late, and I can't find my mother at the kindergarten gate. Even socks are no longer worn, and most importantly, his protests are always ignored by his mother. These cruel realities are unbearable for Qian Qian. One morning when I was in the kitchen, I scrambled eggs for him. He banged his chopsticks on the dining table and got up and went to his mother's room. He pointed to the straight in the cradle and shouted angrily, I know, this little boy has come to rob my mother and tell him to go.

Of course, Junko can't leave, but Qian Qian is pulled out of the house. Accustomed to uncompromising, he cried all the way in the car.

At the gate of the kindergarten, Qian Qian asked me while wiping her tears. Mom and dad, can't my brother really pay it back?

I shook my head helplessly.

One day soon, Qian Qian's period came, and she came to my house with her boyfriend Xiaodong. Xiaodong is a humorous young man. When he is playing with Qian Qian, he asks. Qian Qian, do you agree with me to take my grandson?

Really? Qian Qian immediately stared at Xiaodong eagerly, as if this day had been waiting for a long time.

Because Qian Qian was afraid that her brother would be taken away, she smiled and was relieved that she didn't take it away at once. But with a straight man, what if mom and dad don't like you?

Qianzi comforted himself and said, "No, he is so small." .

"But he will grow up slowly, and he will take away your toys and. . . . . . "

"Stop playing!" Qian Qian pushed down Lego in front of him, stood up and ran back to his room, slamming the door. There was a faint cry in the room.

After that day, Qian Qian's complaining mood became more and more obvious. She often said that mom and dad didn't love me. The look in Junko's eyes is no longer so friendly. I don't want to take care of this village anymore. One day, I was scrubbing the floor in the living room, and I accidentally saw him spitting into a straight bottle through the bedroom mirror.

I didn't catch him red-handed, but silently poured out the milk and made another bottle. I said to myself, this matter can't be delayed any longer, and the immediate resistance must be solved immediately, otherwise similar hostile acts will certainly not be less.

When the live toy became a predator, Qian Qian became anxious and jealous, and finally lost his sense of security.

In the parent-child club recommended by kindergarten teachers, Ms. Xu, an expert in kindergarten teachers, told me that it is normal for Dabao not to accept Bao Xiao in a family with many children. As a father, I am mainly responsible for the reason why Qian Qian spits in her brother's bottle, because I compare direct orders to express delivery. The live dolls seem interesting, but the result is just the opposite, misleading the relationship between brother and sister.

Ms. Xu, a pre-school education expert, pointed out that directly tell her to have a second child and directly tell him that there will be a younger brother or sister in the future.

The more direct, the better to have a second child. This is the wish of you and your wife. I have nothing to do with it You don't need Qian Qian's permission, and you can't guarantee what benefits her brother's appearance will bring to Qian Qian. So it is not easy to exaggerate too much, otherwise, it will make Qian Qian have the illusion that he can decide whether to stay or not.

Ms. Xu told us that under normal circumstances, after the baby is born, Dabao's psychology will have the following three situations.

First, the family structure is suddenly out of balance, which makes Dabao anxious. Before Jiabao was born, Dabao was the only child in the family and could enjoy the love of his parents. Now parents need to take care of two children, and the baby needs to be taken care of more. It will inevitably lead to the big baby and the little baby competing for the love of their parents, which will often make the little baby. In this way, it means that the fixed family structure has been broken for many years. Familiar family relationships have changed. Faced with such a situation, Dabao is prone to psychological fluctuations and becomes anxious.

Third, the lack of parental guidance leads to Dabao's lack of security. Influenced by traditional ideas, many parents will ask Dabao to be big or small, which makes Dabao very dissatisfied. Anyway, mom and dad are biased. The idea that my brother or sister's parents don't love me is increasing with these unacceptable things. If parents don't guide Dabao correctly, they will doubt their love for him and feel insecure.

In order to eliminate Qian Qian's anxiety and jealousy, my wife and I did four things.

One is to accept Qian Qian's complaints and jealousy. Instead of deliberately correcting Qian Qian's complaints and jealousy, my wife and I accepted it calmly. For example, Qian Qian complained, Mom, you have been hugging me all day, and you haven't hugged me for a long time. The wife will smile and answer, honey, are you worried that your mother doesn't love you? You're worried that Junko will monopolize mom's love, aren't you? Tell Qian Qian's feelings directly, without comments or accusations, and let Qian Qian know that jealousy is a normal emotion. Understandably, this can alleviate her anxiety, then guide her to believe that her parents' love will remain unchanged, and let his nervous nerves relax.

The second is to protect the rights and interests of Qian Qian as much as possible. There is no denying that it is not lack of time, not lack of bookkeeping, but lack of attention in my heart. I was ashamed of this, so I completely restored Qian Qian's former rights in my life. For example, the bedtime story is not perfunctory, the breakfast mode remains unchanged, at least half an hour a day, being alone with him, taking him to the park to feed pigeons on weekends and so on. There is only one purpose, that is, to make Qian Qian feel that his parents' love for him remains the same as before. Will not be discounted because of the arrival of a straight man. After a while, my wife and I both found that Qian Qian's attitude towards heterosexuality had softened.

The third is to tolerate Qian Qian's retrogression. Perhaps in order to win parents' love for his younger brother, or to attract parents' attention, Qian Qian sometimes has some degenerate behaviors. Such as yelling, throwing things, crying, and even wetting your pants. It shows that his inner anxiety has not been completely eliminated. My wife and I remain calm about this, for fear that criticism will strengthen his sense of self-protection. When Qian Qian calms down, I will find time to talk to him and tell him. It is not good for you to do so. I'm worried about you. I wish I could do something for you. I am willing to help you no matter what.

The fourth is not to deliberately render the friendship between brothers and sisters. In the past, in order to let the two brothers get along well, I instilled a lot of ideas into Qian Qian. One brother will never be lonely all his life, and helping each other can defeat any devil. It is undoubtedly unfair for Qian Qian to assume the responsibility of fulfilling his obligations to Shunza. For a while, Qian Qian seemed to suddenly understand, and actively helped her mother to take care of Shunza. Whoever does something for Shun will let her mother know at the first time. My wife and I feel distressed when we look at it. Obviously, Qian Qian is trying to please her parents, hoping to prove her worth by doing more housework.

One weekend night, Qian Qian and I went home from the Science and Technology Museum by bus. Seeing her happy, I suddenly told her that it was not a gift from my parents. She is not a doll. She is my parents' child just like you. You can like her, if she is not good, you can not like her, if you like her, you can take her to play, if you don't like her, you can play by yourself, not necessarily related to him.

Qian Qian listened very carefully and looked at me in surprise. He didn't answer. I just nodded lightly to show that he understood.

On entering the room, Qian Qian took off her shoes and rushed to her mother to tell her wonderful experience in the Science and Technology Museum. Finally, I seriously said to Shunza in the stroller, grow up quickly. When I grow up, my sister will take you to watch robot dancing.

When I saw my wife and smiled, Qian Qian's jealousy disappeared. This is the scene where we always want brother and sister to get along.