The outline of my Michelle's book.

Amos oz is a famous contemporary Israeli writer. My Michelle, published by 1968, established the author's position in the international literary world. The novel observes the world and feels life through the heroine's perspective, showing a magical social and cultural scene. This book is published by Yilin Publishing House and translated by Zhong Zhiqing. This article is based on Chinese translation abbreviations.

After ten years of marriage, Hannah, 30, began to recall her experiences and feelings with her husband Michelle from first love to marriage.

One winter ten years ago, at nine o'clock in the morning, Hannah, a 20-year-old freshman majoring in literature at Hebrew University, slipped down the stairs of Tarasanta College and was caught by an unknown young man. Hannah felt the warmth of his fingers and took a liking to his powerful and measured behavior. This young man, Michelle Gonen, is a third-year student in the Department of Geology. In the cold winter in Jerusalem, two young people started an interesting conversation and first contact. They chatted over coffee. Hannah likes the movements of his fingers, the style of his hair and beard and the color of his eyes, and finds that Michelle is not a smart person. After drinking coffee, Michelle invited Hannah to watch a geological teaching film about the Dead Sea and Arava on the third floor, when it was raining in winter outside. Their second date was on a stormy night in a cafe. Michelle didn't know how to tell jokes, but he made an effort to do it. Hannah likes the way he takes great pains. She can't help but recall her childhood friends, twin brothers and her own games: she is the queen and they are bodyguards. The fun of ruling the twin brothers has become far away, and now she is a girl of twenty. Hannah and Michelle decorated the date a little. Michelle likes Hannah's blue wool skirt. She looks shy. Michelle introduced her family situation to Hannah: the father is a widower who spends most of his income on his son's education. He has high hopes for his son to become a professor in Jerusalem, so as to inherit his grandfather's respected status and family honor. Hannah told Michelle that her father died in 1943, when he was in the radio business, and her mother and brother Emmanuel lived in Novharin Kibbutz. She lives in the home of an Orthodox Jew. She teaches at Sarah Jardin Kindergarten in the morning and attends Hebrew literature class in the afternoon. Hannah doesn't like vulgar and stupid men to pour hypocrisy on herself, and dreams of marrying a little scholar who is destined to be famous all over the world and being a hardworking and virtuous wife. When I came out of the cafe, it was dark and frosty. Hannah felt a little reluctant to leave Michelle for a while, and Michelle confided to her. In the gentle and quiet night, the young couple suppressed the tide of feelings. At half past eleven in the evening, Michelle sent Hannah back to the dormitory, kissed her hand through the gloves and didn't go upstairs. Hannah felt as if she had known him before.

Hannah in love is as happy, beautiful, lively and radiant as a bird every day. One night, Michelle invited Hannah to the movies. After reading it, they left together. Michelle hooked Hannah's shoulder with her hand and Hannah touched his chin with her hand. Michelle said that cats howl when courting because they are animals that are not bound by social customs. He told Hannah that his father and four aunts regarded him as a racing horse, that college education was an obstacle course for him, and that he was the hope of his family. He should study hard, make progress and become famous. Hannah wanted to be a boy since she was a child. She worships Michelle rogov-style men: tall, burly, steady, quiet, loyal, and good at controlling the surging passion with strength. After leaving, Michelle sent Hannah back to the dormitory. He called her a cold beauty. They kissed each other in the rain, and Michelle took the opportunity to propose to Hannah. Hannah can't invite Michelle into the house, but she hopes he will advise her to go to his place because Michelle makes her feel calm.

But then, when Hannah and Michelle visited friends together, she found a completely different side of Michelle. She thinks they are strangers, their love is as unreal as a dream, and she feels fear, despair and loneliness. Later, when Michelle untied his coat and took her into her arms, she felt that he was a living and real existence. Two weeks before the wedding, Hannah and Michelle visited their relatives together. At Michelle's home, her father Yetzker Gonen received Hannah politely, called her a poet, and gave her a book of poems as a gift for her future daughter-in-law. Michelle's aunts investigated Hannah's family background in advance and proved that she is a good woman. Jenny menstruation talked to Hannah alone, disapproved of their marriage so soon, publicly doubted the purity of the relationship between Hannah and Michelle, and warned Hannah not to affect Michelle's studies and future; At Hannah's brother's home, they were warmly welcomed by their mother and sister-in-law. Before the wedding 10 day, Michelle and Hannah rented a cheap house. They went shopping together and decorated their new home together. In her busy schedule, Hannah has always been proud of Michelle. During this period, Michelle prepared academic papers, Hannah embroidered and made lemon tea, which didn't disturb Michelle's work at all. Because of Michelle's formality and Hannah's shyness, they never had a physical relationship before their wedding night. Two nights before the wedding, Hannah was awakened by a nightmare. She dreamed that Michelle ran out of the market and she was kidnapped by her childhood partner twin brother. The landlady explained her dream and gave her advice, suggesting that she make mint tea to calm herself down.

In mid-March, Hannah and Michelle got married. Although their quick marriage caused unhappiness among menstruation people, the wedding scene was still very lively, and relatives and friends came to entertain. Yadna, a girl majoring in geology, used crazy dancing and lovelorn songs to vent an emotion. Michelle suddenly kissed Hannah on the back, which surprised Hannah. The white wedding dress was stained with wine. Even then, her heart was still troubled by symbols and hints.

After the marriage, Hannah's professor came to congratulate her and asked if Hannah planned to continue her studies. In fact, Hannah is playing the role of a virtuous wife. She prepares breakfast for her husband every day, does housework, waits for him to come back from class and waits on him in the evening. They spent a quiet night. Michelle wrapped herself in a quilt, away from Hannah. Hannah always has a vague expectation at night. It seems to her that everything is a prelude, and the decisive thing has not happened yet. She had to rely on sleeping pills to sleep. One night, she woke up from a nightmare and woke Michelle up, but he said angrily that something was wrong with her and she had to go to work tomorrow, so Hannah wouldn't bother him. Hannah had to take two sleeping pills and had a fever the next day. At lunch, the husband and wife quarreled, and Michelle took a restrained attitude.

After three months of marriage, Hannah was pregnant. Michelle is unhappy. Aunt Dzheniya severely criticized Hannah for ruining Michelle's future without considering Hannah's situation and feelings. Hannah locked herself in the kitchen and cried. Michelle didn't come knocking to comfort her. Six months after Hannah was pregnant, her husband got the second place in the first degree and began to study for the second degree. Hannah is indifferent to his success and joy. She can't adapt to this romantic and beautiful life, but her husband doesn't need her charm, as long as she is obedient and not stubborn and hysterical. They are like two passengers arranged by fate on the train. They are considerate, polite, non-interference and non-aggression, and maintain a indifferent harmony, which is both careful and laborious. Hannah often sulks and quarrels, while Michelle is gentle and restrained, but she is at a loss. Hannah longed for caress and just wanted to get seriously ill.

After a year of marriage, her son Yair was born. Hannah stopped working for health reasons, which interrupted her study of Hebrew literature. She can't do housework or even read newspapers. The estrangement and quarrel between husband and wife made Hannah begin to recall the erosion and corrosion of their love by time. She thinks Michelle is lying beside her at night, like a stranger. Michelle thinks Hannah doesn't love him anymore, but he doesn't understand the reason why Hannah is mentally and physically out of balance. Hannah came home from the hospital 10 days after the baby was born. Because of postpartum complications, she can't look after and nurse the baby, and her spirit continues to wander between reality and dreams. Michelle, on the other hand, continued to stay up late studying hard, preparing her thesis, and taking care of her wife and children without complaining. After Hannah recovered a little, she took care of the children, cleaned the room, shopped, knitted and chatted, and began to care about her husband's health and study.

At the end of the school year, Michelle won a scholarship. He held a small party and invited his classmates and friends, including Adriana, a blonde who danced Spanish at their wedding dance. After the party, Michelle apologized to her exhausted wife, but Hannah recalled the winter night when she first fell in love with Michelle and couldn't help wanting to be close to her husband. Lying beside her husband, she looked at the sleeping Michelle and expressed everything she cherished: tenderness, dreams, distress and wishes. She found that the hardships of life made her husband thin and old.

Hannah occasionally saw some bright colors in her ordinary life when her son Yair was two years old. Yoram Kemniza, a boy from the upstairs neighbor's house, is a poet of 14 years old. He often reads his poems to Hannah, and every time he is shy and excited, Hannah is infected. Joram compared life without love to a barren desert. Faced with the loss of time, Hannah decided to keep a diary and seize the time to write down her thoughts and subtle feelings of spirit and flesh. In her boring life, she often vented her inexpressible repressed desires through shopping spree, hoping to break her husband's self-restraint. At the same time, she is still dreaming of tough twin brothers.

In autumn, Michelle works as a teaching assistant in the Department of Geology. To commemorate this moment, the couple took their son to Tel Aviv for a holiday. Hannah has strong wishes and vague expectations. Also in this autumn, Hannah returned to teach at Sarah Golding Kindergarten. The image of Michelle staying up all night disturbed her dream. Disappointed, she gave up literature class after marriage and failed to live up to the expectations of the professor. When his son Yair was four or five years old, he showed a strong, silent, violent and strong-willed character. His conversation with Michelle is a conversation between adults. Mr. and Mrs. Gehrig live across the street from Joran's house. They have no children, and that woman is hysterical. Hannah often reflects on her marriage. On weekdays, couples don't talk much and treat each other as guests. Whenever she and Michelle go to the movies, Yoram takes care of Yael at home. In return, Hannah helps him prepare for the Hebrew exam. She evaluates and likes Yoram's poems. When talking about "abstinence love", Yoram explained that in human life, some love does not seem to cause pleasure. If they happen to be seen by Michelle when they are together, Joram looks embarrassed. Hannah had a hunch that time would be hostile to him and Joram, because young Joram would go to middle school, college and then work, and their relationship could only be maintained through a New Year card.

In order to alleviate Hannah's pain, Michelle gave Hannah a sober and serious massage, which inadvertently awakened her long-suppressed crazy desire and induced her sexual fantasy: she dreamed that she was Queen Danze, one of those dissolute women, and she lived in an abandoned city and lost her way. However, Michelle doesn't understand his wife's inner needs. Finally, Hannah even tried to overcome her husband's silence and restraint by quarreling, but he didn't satisfy her desire to quarrel, neither easily getting angry nor stopping her from a series of provocative behaviors.

Michelle dedicated a dry article he published in a science magazine to Hannah. In order to please her husband, she pretended to be patient and listened to him explain the paper with interest, made a lovely, sweet smile and a gentle housewife gesture, and looked for compliments to satisfy her husband. In her mind, she wants to know where Michelle will be when she becomes a professor of geology; 1955, Michelle's father Yehaizkel died, and Michelle stayed. After the mourning period, everything remains the same; Hannah continues to be a good wife and mother, but at the same time, when her desires are suppressed, she will have fantasies. Yoram still showed Hannah her own poems, but she couldn't help feeling alarmed and ashamed. On the Sabbath night, Hannah suppressed her vague expectations, but her husband thought she was happy. One Sabbath night in early September, Mrs. Gehrig, a neighbor, suddenly became mentally ill and almost hurt her husband, so she was sent to a mental hospital. She is a beautiful and mature woman.

Time flies, and my son Yair has reached the age of primary school. Michelle's doctoral thesis is progressing slowly but solidly; Hannah's daily cycle is the same as before. Her life is centered on her husband, and her dreams are almost full of his work and his shadow. Couples occasionally quarrel, and then they fall into silence, blame each other and reflect on themselves. Just like two strangers who meet occasionally on the dark stairs, embarrassed and polite. Hannah refused to give in to the ruthless years. She felt that there was an increasingly blurred glass between her and Michelle. She thought cheating was sad and ugly, so she didn't think about anything and kept polishing the glass transparent. On Hannah's 25th birthday, her husband gave him three classical music records, hoping that the music would calm her down. Joram secretly gave her a book of Jacob Feckman's poems. Hannah cut a boy's short hair for this reason, and her behavior puzzled Michelle. On the day of tent festival, the Gonans went to visit the Bible Zoo. Hannah saw monkeys flirting with each other in the sun, and she felt a kind of obscene pleasure, just like the experience of being abused by strangers in her dream.

As the days passed, another autumn came. One night, Michelle's classmate Adriana came to ask him for help in writing her graduation thesis. Hannah saw the young and sexy Adriana with Michelle and realized that her position was challenged and threatened. A calm and intelligent person is as boring as a monotonous life. After another Sabbath, Hannah went shopping in the city and spent a month's salary in one morning, which surprised and puzzled Michelle. In the second year 10, I heard that there was going to be a war, and many acquaintances and neighbors joined the army. Michelle believes that in the face of powerful enemies, we should go forward bravely.

Hannah's throat diseases often occur. On the coldest morning since winter, Hannah lost her voice again because of a cold, with a narrow throat, a high fever and trembling all over. Physical illness made her feel the intense pleasure she had experienced since childhood. Michelle told Hannah to stay in bed, but as soon as her husband left, she took a cold shower barefoot and naked. She turned the tap on to the maximum, rolled in cold water, and the water splashed everywhere, turning purple with cold, and the pain spread in her back and invaded her spine. Her nipples are stiff, her toes are stiff, her forehead is hot, and she sings silently. A strong desire extends to the most sensitive and secret place in her body-a place she can't see until she dies. She felt the existence of her trembling and vivid body. She ran from room to room like a madman, and finally she was naked and soaked, and collapsed on the bed, with quilts and pillows on her limbs. In the illusion, he felt many friendly hands stroking her body gently, or holding her back upside down, or hugging her waist like a savage, stroking and rubbing her. These people include twin brothers, poet Saul, taxi drivers, and soldiers who exude a strong masculine atmosphere. She dreams of being the exact opposite of herself, Yvonne Assour. In the dream, she was tied but couldn't moan, so she could only scream silently in her heart. Michelle was frightened by Hannah's appearance when she came home at noon. He realized that he had made some mistakes, which made Hannah ill, but he didn't know where he was wrong. Dr. Ubach said Hannah's spirit was suppressed and she needed complete silence. Michelle hired a maid for her. Hannah, who was sick, grabbed her husband's finger, hoping to be caressed, but Michelle touched her exactly like slapping her son's head, which made her sad. She hopes that her husband will not always look solemn and formal in front of her, and that he will look flustered, happy and enthusiastic. Hannah also hopes that she is no longer a fake in her husband's mind, but a real and lively woman. Soon, Michelle joined the army, and he promised to come back and take his wife on vacation. After Michelle left, Hannah lived a quiet life, but it was not as hard, peaceful and cold as a stone. Her dreams were mixed with elements about war, blood and human desires. She recalled her life after six years of marriage with Michelle, and felt that there was a vague plexiglass between them. She reflected on herself and found that she relied on her husband and didn't understand his mind. She is tired of waiting endlessly. She hopes that Michelle, who has always been calm and self-controlled, will act and polish the glass with her.

Long after Michelle left, a letter came from home saying that he was safe. Man next door Yoram continues to have a crush on Hannah, but she dare not confess. In front of this teenager ten years younger than herself, Hannah got love and worship for the first time. Yoram is timid, shy and sensitive. Although Hannah intentionally lured him to speak his mind with her beauty and took risks, Yoram gave vent to her passion and pain in the form of poetry. He never came to see Hannah again. Hannah knew that her relationship with Joram was doomed to failure. She gave up her last effort and wrapped up her romantic passion and feminine charm. One night, Hannah was giving her son a bath, and her husband Michelle came back from the front. He was slightly ill, returned to normal after three days in hospital and began to work again. Hannah lived the same life, dreamed the same dream every day, and learned to wander alone without resisting. Michelle's doctoral thesis is about to be completed, and he intends to fight for research funds in order to further his studies in American universities; Hannah gave up literature, didn't surprise the professor, and didn't dedicate a book of poetry to the world. She learned to be a quiet and attentive listener to her husband and son.

Life and death, things are constantly changing around Hannah. The Yoram family moved away, Mr. Kadish Mann and Sarah Gelding died, and Mrs. Gehrig left the madhouse. After a long period of treatment, she became obedient, quiet, indifferent and dull. Hannah works as a temporary archivist in the Ministry of Trade and Industry, but illness and nightmares continue to afflict her. She is eager to get a kind of self-control from her husband, so she becomes crazy at night and gives vent to her physical desires. She thinks that physical contact and integration can make two people merge into one, but Michelle can't stand her enthusiasm and rage, fearing that she will fall in love with him again without making any response. The deception and traps in life made Hannah feel exhausted. After the failure of physical union, Hannah tried to communicate with her husband through language, but Michelle remained silent all day and was indifferent to his wife's teasing and questioning. Hannah realized that if she lived like this, one day she would be as crazy as Mrs. Gehrig, and it was her husband's fault.

Hannah is satisfied with her work in the Ministry of Trade and Industry, which makes her feel full and practical in the illusory illusion. At the same time, some of her initial dreams are gradually coming true: moving to a new house and installing a telephone at home. When Michelle said that "time and diligence will give us everything", Hannah found that Michelle was talking about a copy of his father, as if human beings were copied from generation to generation and then discarded one by one, as if old drawings were crumpled and thrown away and replaced with slightly modified drawings, which were boring, boring and meaningless. 1958 In the spring, the Goning family hired a female worker. Hannah found that her husband had an indescribable novelty and enthusiasm for the maid, which she had never seen in many years of marriage. Michelle's doctoral thesis met with setbacks and needed to be postponed for one year. Hannah found that her encouragement didn't work, so she remembered rogov's tough character, his will and wit, and his deep love power, which Michelle didn't have.

Another summer, Mr. and Mrs. Gonen went to Tel Aviv for a holiday. Hannah's repressed desire suddenly broke out. Contrary to her previous gentleness and restraint, she attacked her husband violently. She tore off his shirt and pushed him to the beach, biting and crying. Michelle was scared, surprised and didn't like it. Hannah doesn't care. She wants to change her husband's impression of herself.

1959 In the spring, three weeks before Passover, Michelle finished his doctoral thesis, and he was going to dedicate it to his late father. Hadassah, Hannah's best friend, is going to Switzerland with her husband. Before leaving, she encouraged Hannah to say that she would be happy one day because she had achieved her goal. Hannah was deeply moved by her words. Looking back on the past and remembering her father's warning, she felt that although she was not seduced by a dirty and stupid man, she felt cheated. In early May of the same year, Hannah became pregnant again. Because of their academic relationship, Yadina and Michelle often help each other and have frequent contacts. Michelle dresses neatly and goes to Yadina's dormitory every night. Hannah guessed what happened between them from her husband's expression, but it was just ridiculous. She looked on coldly and felt very tired. After several years of tedious life after marriage, Hannah saw that the expected thing finally happened. Standing in front of the blurred window, she thought it was time to say goodbye to Michelle. In the past ten years, they have not really combined, but two unrelated people. So she opened the door to fantasy and memory and released her twin brother.

Hannah wrote at the beginning of this memoir: "I write this because the person I love is dead." I write this because I was full of love when I was young, and now that love is fading away. I don't want to die. "