Urgent! Two classic jokes that are not too short.

One day, father turtle, mother turtle and son turtle decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!

Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." 」

Father Tortoise: "Good boy! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back! 」

Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! 」

So turtle son set foot on the road home. ...

Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, but the turtle son has not appeared yet.

Mother turtle: "Wife ... shall we eat first?" ? I was so hungry that I said ... "

Tortoise Dad: "No! We promised our son! Well ... wait for him for another five years, or let him go! 」

It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

Take out the pie and get ready to eat. ...

Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...

Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years and finally got it! I hate being cheated! 」

█ Electrical Appliances held a joke telling contest,

It is stipulated that every electrical appliance should tell a joke.

Let all the audience laugh,

Otherwise you will be taken to Aruba. First, the washing machine,

As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.

The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

Just as the magic lamp was about to be taken to Aruba,

The rice cooker stood up angrily.

Turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said:

"I've had enough of your laughter. Don't open your mouth so wide and cold."

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

█ I'm a psycho (joke)

( 1)

A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird. ...

(2)

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient, What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm, it's normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor is getting nervous. How could he not see it?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

They ran and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey, why don't you come down?

The man above answered him: No-OK-Ah-I'm not familiar with it. ...

(4)

There is an old lady in a mental hospital. She wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella every day, squatting at the gate of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

They were silent for a month, and the old lady finally said to the doctor, are you fragrant, too?

Mushrooms?

(5)

When a mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, the dean called the patients together for a meeting. At the meeting, the dean preached:

"This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone will go to the door to meet them. At the time of welcome

There are patients standing on both sides of the hospital gate, so stand neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together. The warmer the better.

Good; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready, we can give it tonight.

Everyone eats meat buns. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat, remember? "

The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time.

When he stepped into the gate, the patient who welcomed him was already standing at the door.

At this time, as the dean coughed, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm.

Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders smiled and applauded with everyone and entered the hospital.

Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and the applause stopped completely, very neatly.

Only this leader is still smiling and clapping, and the dean is very satisfied.

Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader and gave him a round.

Gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed bread?"

When a hacker meets a computer idiot

Hacker: I have taken control of your computer!

Xiao Bai: Oh

Hacker: Are you afraid? ! Hey hey!

Xiao Bai: Just in time. Help me kill the virus. There have been many problems with my computer recently!

Hacker: ......

Xiao Bai: Why do you always go in and out of my computer?

Hacker: You can install firewall.

Xiao Bai: Can't you get in through the firewall?

Hacker: No, I just want to add some fun. Controlling your computer like this makes me feel stupid.

Hacker: I'm here again.

Xiao Bai: Don't you feel bored coming here every day?

Hacker: Yes, it is. Your machine is the worst I have ever seen.

Xiao Bai: No way, it's a famous brand.

Hacker: I mean, there are only viruses in your computer besides mentally retarded games.

Xiao Bai: Oh ~ ~ Have you seen my Lianliankan? I don't remember where it was installed. Looking for it for a long time ~

Hacker: ... Goodbye.

Hacker: Where the hell have you been?

Xiaobai: ... I went out to play for a few days. Why do you want to see me?

Hacker: I want to find something.

Xiao Bai: What are you looking for here?

Hacker: Viruses, looking for old viruses from a few years ago. Only your computer has the most complete virus.

Hacker: Hello ~ ~ ~

Xiao Bai: You come every day. Are you curious about me?

Hacker: Not out of curiosity, but out of habit, so I walked in.

Xiao Bai: Well, I have a good way to change this habit of yours.

Hacker: ... Oh, what?

Xiao Bai: I'll go to the telecommunications bureau and change the bandwidth to 1K, it's too narrow for you to squeeze in, haha ~ ~ ~

Hacker: Genius! ..... Then can you still surf the Internet?

Xiao Bai: Yes, take your time!

Xiao Bai: Do you find it interesting to visit my computer every day?

Hacker: Interesting.

Xiao Bai: What's the point?

Hacker: I'm studying why your computer full of viruses doesn't crash.

Xiao Bai: I know.

Hacker: #% *! Why?

Xiao Bai: This is called fighting poison with poison.

The hacker is currently living in the hospital and has been confirmed to have signs of mental illness.