Quotations by Li Boqing

Li Boqing’s Quotations

1. The hotter it gets, the more sweat it gets, and the colder it gets, the shivering it gets; the poorer and more shabby, the more convenient it is; it’s cold when it’s hot, and it’s cold when it’s cold. It's hot in the sky; hens never lay eggs, and coal is always black; if anyone doesn't believe it, I bet you can wash it off

2. Sufen, get up and give the beer bottles to I sold it, I'm going to call you back

3. Just do it without dragging the furniture.

4. Two people were playing friends, and the man said to the woman:

"Little sister, we basically have no big problem. My mother-in-law and I haven't gotten along yet."

5. Look When I saw someone else's nice car, I gritted my teeth and said, "Oh! This idiot drives a BMW!"

6. Friends, if you have any difficulties, just ask, except for borrowing money

7. Damn baby, you have to make a mistake!

8. Hey, Mendouer, you call the sister next door to the corner of the private room and sit on her paw, and wait until others think you have pawed her, even in the clear sky, you will not Dare to paw her, of course, even if you paw her, we can't paw you

9. Your fat kid has never eaten fat, and your black kid has never been in the sun

10. These two-year-old things are hot! It's nothing like our time. We've been friends for three years, but we don't even dare to hook up with our mother and son. Now, I only recognized it in the morning, took it back when it was dark, and when I got up the next day, I still said dirty things: "Little sister, why did you sleep here with me?"

11. Talking about these, I remember back then, 8 girls liked me and I had to choose, so I chose the most beautiful one, but they didn’t want to be together in the house

12. It’s Teacher Li’s, so casual

13. I must not be afraid of you, oh, whatever you want, you want claws, you Li Guawazi are incredible, you are an artist, you make trouble, you are a green onion, you are willing to sacrifice others, oops , half a year ago your child couldn’t even afford to eat Soma. You forgot about it when you stole other people’s briquettes in those years!

14. It turns out that this young man is so handsome and loved by everyone. Now that someone loves him, it is a belated love and a kind of harm to the house.

15. The old man said to his son: "You want to eat when you see people criticizing you. Who of the turtles in this street can see us two? Why eat when others eat? Their mother knows how to change, and your mother is not out there. "

16. Mom said to her daughter:

"Damn you, just marry Li Boqing, he said, it's okay, no matter how tall your mother is. "

The daughter said:

"Okay, just marry him.

”

17. I don’t like being alone, but I am afraid of getting along with two people. This is obviously a kind of pain

18. Why breakups always happen in the rain

19 , I get scolded even when I speak well, and I get scolded even when I don’t speak well. Look at the times when I don’t speak well

“What are you talking about! "

I was scolded. You see, I said it well. The young man was happy.

"Hey, this shrimp is good at talking! "I still get scolded

20. Fans are divided into football fans, football fans, football lunatics, and football fans

21. I have a bicycle. Except for the bell, it doesn't ring. Which one do you want to buy?

22. Turtle is dead, why are you so unlucky? Why don’t you ask your neighbor Li Boqing why you are so unlucky?

23. Mrs. Zhang, why don’t you tell me that I am young? Oh, it's so cloudy that I'm still a mini baby. When I touch it, baby girl

24. How big is the little girl?

The turtle laughs and calls me little girl. I’m 31 this year and my kids are all in elementary school. ,,,,,,,,

Oh, I can’t tell,,,,!

I really can’t tell,,,, ?

I really can’t tell,,,,,,,,,

Then you say she is so loud

You can call me whoever you want! Damn it! ! At most 30 years and a half,,,,,,,,,!

(That’s a shame on your mother!!!)

25. “Li Boqing, fat girl presses What does it feel like on you? "

"Do you listen to the truth or lies? "

"It must be the third truth"

"Then you said Alto is crushing you! Tell me what it feels like! ”

26. Weather forecast: Wear rocking trousers when the temperature is the highest, cotton trousers when the temperature is the lowest, and cotton trousers when it is neither cold nor hot.

27. If the rooster doesn’t crow, who can’t sleep?

28. The old man said to his son: "Damn it, I'm not going to care about you when your son goes out and wanders around. Don't come back with some strange disease." Sexually transmitted diseases), if it is caused, my daughter-in-law will have committed a crime. My daughter-in-law will suffer, I will suffer, I will suffer, your mother will be dragged away with a shovel, your mother will suffer, and this street will collapse Got it! ”

30. You are already dozens of years old anyway, so you can walk as long as you can; anyway, if you don’t have money, you don’t have to think about the first three.

31. Trains have inner and outer tires, and airplanes turn. Lights, paint the inside and outside of the moon, and tile the Great Wall

32. Chengdu people have a bad habit of asking questions about anything they see~ which makes many people from other provinces confused~

For example Bring a bowl of noodles over ~ "Wanna eat noodles? "I was serving noodles, so when I brought a bowl of rice, I asked for food. When I got a pot helmet, I asked for a pot helmet.

All of this is understandable. The most annoying thing was when I bumped into the bathroom head, "Hey, Relieve~? "

Why did I come here to paw if I don't want to relieve myself? Repair the light bulb?

What's even more annoying is that my face turned red when I saw you scratching on the toilet grating. , he even came over and asked

"Untie Dashou? " ,,,,,,,,,,,,

33. The most annoying thing about rhetoric is that you can't be a soldier. Look at being a soldier:

"Report! Report! Report! Report to the company commander! "

"What's the matter? "

" Enemy! enemy! enemy! "

"What is it? "

"Everyone! All! They are all driven away! ”

I’ve chased you all away, but I still need a shovel!

The noodle seller will be even more stunned when he meets you:

"gold! Gold noodles! ”

“Okay, okay, do you want to eat it or not?” ”

“Down! Down! Down! Down! "

How did people know about it, so they just threw it away. In the end, you said it was a big deal and you thought it was too much.

"Go! Down! Come and eat in the afternoon! ”

>

Hey, it’s so annoying if the dog comes to eat in the afternoon!

34. Su Fen: "Damn you, do you know that we have been married for many years?"

Li Boqing: "I don't remember asking for that much."

Sufen: "It's been 8 years, you're dead"

Li Boqing: "Oh, your mother, I have been in labor camp for 8 years!"

35. A few people on the roadside Guests

Please come to our store to rest

My face turns white after eating the twice-cooked pork in our store

The pickled fish will beat the heat after eating it

A few of you have finished eating Please come upstairs to rest

We are free of mosquitoes and fleas

Even a few of them only bite the waiters and not the guests

They only bite the skin. Eat blood

36. Someone else asked: "Old Li, I haven't seen you for a long time. Where have you been? Are you going up the mountain?" (It means going up the mountain to do a labor camp)

Li Boqing saw the expectant look in his eyes and couldn't refuse him, so he obeyed him and said, "Well, I'm going up the mountain." Li Boqing was thinking, I can go up to Mount Emei to practice.

37. The man said to the woman: "Ah! Sufen, I love you! If you don't marry me, I will fly down from the Shudu Building!"

Li Boqing: " "Fly down!"

38. When I was a child, I was very good. When I grew up, I was married to my mother-in-law! Kick the old one away with your feet

You should come back to eat on Sunday

You deserve to be exhausted

Goodbye with a numb mouth

39. North Person: What has eldest brother been doing recently?

Teacher Li: Brother, let’s file a lawsuit

Northerner: Well, awesome, the defendant is still the plaintiff

Teacher Li: Plaintiff. . .

Northerners: Well...even more awesome...what is it?

Teacher Li: Your sister-in-law was raped...

Northerner: Lost or won?

Teacher Li: Lost...

Northerner: Why did you lose?

Teacher Li: The key is that your sister-in-law accepted other people’s money...! ! ! !

40. Sichuanese shopping in Beijing

Customer: "Miss, please bring me a pair of trousers."

Salesperson: "Sorry, we There are no waist drums here. You can go to the music theater and take a look. "People thought they were waist drums." Customer: "Oh, you lady has become the biggest loser in Beijing! You can even shake your pants!" I don’t understand, shaking my pants is like a cannon!”

Wagging my pants is like a cannon, and people can’t understand it even more

41. Our love is like a pot lid, so resistant that we can’t understand what’s inside.

42. A woman turns to a man: Don’t look at him as a manager during the day, but he often doesn’t wash his feet when he’s dark!

43. Business is booming. I travel in the middle of the night. Business is booming and I call at eight in the morning.

44. Mr. Huang (yellow swelling), Mr. Shui (edema), Takeaway *** (puffy)

45. Before the execution that day, the prisoner on death row said to the policeman standing beside him: "I am about to die, can you satisfy my last request?"

The policeman nodded and said, "You tell me, usually we will be satisfied."

Prisoner: "Okay, please give me a steel helmet and a bulletproof vest.

"

46. Customer ordering:

"Do you have Mo's steamed panda here? "

"Mo's"

"Braised abalone? "

"Mo's"

"Jiwei shrimp? ”

“Mo’s”

“What about Xia Nan? "

"Modified"

"Why don't you open a restaurant and don't do anything? Forget it, just give me a bowl of hot and sour noodles."

47. A couple can be kind to each other for a hundred days, but a couple can only feel good for a hundred days

48. In the beginning, people are inherently kind, even if they are treacherous. An evil person is also very kind when he is just born, when he is more than one year old. If you ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he will definitely say: "I want to fly a plane when I grow up." , I want to be a member of the People's Liberation Army and make money to support my parents. He would never say: "Huh, when I grow up, I will definitely kill two of them to show off!" "

49. In a factory, because it was New Year's Day, the director arranged for some employees to go to the Cultural Palace to see the science and technology exhibition, and the remaining employees went to take a shower. The director called all the employees together and started to speak. : "Comrades, New Year's Day is coming. Here is the arrangement in the factory. Tomorrow morning, gay men will take a bath and lesbians will visit. In the afternoon, lesbians will take a bath and gay men will visit. The workers below were already stunned, and he continued: "We have a rule for this visit. You can only look at it with your eyes, not touch it with your hands (how can you touch this technological product), and you must look at it carefully and carefully." After reading it, please write me down your experience and share it with me. ”

50. As long as you respect others from the bottom of your heart, others will naturally respect you. If you don’t show up at any time, you will scold them as waiters, workers, ear wax, and low IQs. This is not acceptable. Do you think , our ancestors, Banban, more than 50,000 years ago, were all Guangershinan, with hair all over their bodies, and their hands under their knees. The ape-man in Zhoukoudian, Beijing, which one was Guangershinan, would scold others for a while. Huapi, the countryside surrounds the city. If you look at the lotus pond, the people doing business are all Huapi. Don’t you think you should get him? He has thousands of dollars tied up in his pocket. Your mother has built 4 houses on the roof. You are still renting a house in the city. He is so scheming that your mother has two or three wives and gives birth to four or five children. He is stable. Do you dare? So don’t step on the snowman easily

51. It’s the same thing whether you spare me or I spare you.

52. When he saw others quarreling, he went up to break up the quarrel:

“Both of them are dozens of years old. You are a human being, what are you making a fuss about? Mo is dozens of years old and weighs several dozen pounds. What are you talking about? It’s just an inexplicable thing.

”

53. The wife is good, but the baby is good

54. Like flowers and jade, like pepper and taro, some of them will be strangled if they don’t die

55. Big eyes are charming, but small eyes are dangerous

56. If an old man goes to ride a tricycle, just call him "Ear", "Ear", he screamed in surprise "Rake" ("Rake's Taxi")

Rake's ear came over and said: "Manager, please get in the car. Do you need me to open the door for you?" "

"The rake" can also fake a fight!

The old man said: "I went to Jinjiang Theater to listen to Li Boqing perform the Mysterious Dragon Gate Formation. How much money does it cost? "

Raking ears: "Look like this, give me 5 yuan."

"What, it's a bit expensive."

"Then you give me a lot of money." ? "

"1 yuan 5"

"Is it a little soft? ”

“In this case, we all owe it to you, business is done in an official manner, strictly follow the clock, keep the clock!” ”

His face turned pale, how do I check this meter? There is a meter that is not safe in the first place, how do I check it?

57. Don’t be afraid of heaven and earth, just be afraid People in Sichuan speak Mandarin

58. I have recently been changing this reform of crying, the reform of mourning fire. You see, it has just begun. From the beginning of liberation to before liberation, her crying method was different. She insisted on Cry out all your merits and demerits:

"You! He went to Chengdu at the age of seven and became an apprentice at the age of nine! You have been a frugal person in your life, I know you! When weighed, a full-cup baba weighs more than nine kilograms! You have to spend twenty-four teeth to share the fermented bean curd! To be honest, you are a frugal person. If you have been smoking all your life, you are just picking up cigarettes! Just put the money into your paw. Now that the person is gone, use this money to paw! "

She all cried about your good, counting and walking, ye, ye, ye, then it changed again, what did it become next, hey, especially during the Cultural Revolution, hey , Everything must be "revolutionary, exciting, exciting" and must have these words! The resident's wife cried why her husband cried: "Revolutionary comrade, Brother Rao! You sacrificed for the revolution! "Gui'er died of tuberculosis. He was sacrificed in the revolution. He was an old man who didn't even participate in work. "I'm so sad when you die!" Exciting again! Move! "What are you excited about? You are excited. She thought of that word and wanted to put it like this.

59. After Li Boqing finished telling storytelling, a woman said: "Teacher Li, don't leave, I really love you! "

Li Boqing hesitated for a minute, wondering whether I could turn around or not. I deeply understood my weakness: I am a man who cannot withstand temptation. I am afraid of getting excited if I turn around. , If you get too excited and act again, there will be a fire in the backyard, and the house will be destroyed!

Finally, I thought, just turn around, I'm satisfied! I thought 20 was a big deal, 30 was next to me, and 40 was a zero, but it turned out that she was even older than me! I couldn't stand being fifty-nine, and she wore a pair of braids and dyed them. His face was red, and there were four lettuce leaves hanging on it! Before I could get closer, the policeman said: "Old Li, why don't you run away, this is a lunatic!" ”

60. As soon as the man came back, the woman wanted to show off the dragon gate formation, but the man was too tired and fell asleep. Staring at the ceiling:

"We are called a couple like this, my God, two people are asking for trouble! "

61. The foreigner asked: "Mr. Li, how is your living standard in Sichuan? ”

Li Boqing: “Others don’t dare to raise their spirits. The bedding we build is all made of stainless steel!” ”

62. That day I went to the tea shop to sit and play, and I heard a few colors next to me pretending to play. I couldn’t get angry, so I picked up the Children’s Big Brother and dunked it myself:

p>

"Hey, Mr. Huang, ah, I am Mr. Shui (edema), oh, *** is also (edema), he sat next to me,

We have several projects that you can do or not. In fact, they don’t really matter. They are painting the inside and outside of the moon and putting colored ceramic tiles on both sides of the Great Wall. The other one is to protect the environment and reduce pollution. We are going to build one for the Pacific Ocean. The stainless steel cover will protect it. Once it's done, we won't dare to say too much. We'll contact the Kuwaiti authorities and they will take dozens of tons of gasoline back to burn. ”

63. The nanny went to weigh the peas in a Mercedes-Benz

64. This old man is amazing: he has status in society, there is a stall on Qingnian Road, and there is a crematorium. Bunk!

65. I suffered a lot when I was bloated and five times more angry than when I was hungry. I was a student worker at that time. I made a bet between two people to see which one could eat more. I lost.

I poured eight bowls of noodles into each bowl, adding up the soup and water, which weighed almost two kilograms. I could barely hold it steady when I sat down and stood up. I knew something was wrong as soon as I finally returned to the dormitory. That night, I felt so painful... It was wrong to turn it over, it was wrong to turn it over, and it was wrong to press it at the window.

66. Several pairs of colors played mahjong all night long, and everyone was beaten to ashes. At dawn, an old man stretched himself and said: "Oh, we played well, we just tied!" "(Then you waste motors and electricity!)

67. When I talk about making funeral fires, I want to catch two!

68. How dare you guys Come and find out who the super guy was at Jiuyan Bridge thirty years ago!

69. Guangergu, how do you call yourself a pea?

70. The manager said to the employees: "How can we go to the restaurant next door to eat noodles every day? We should weigh it down and do it ourselves, so that we can get a better deal. ”

71. Nowadays, all unmarried young people enjoy the benefits of being married, and married people are often invited to sleep on the sofa.

72. The guests sit inside, and a pile of sticks is hung at the door. , if you kill them all, they will sell their goods all day long!

73. Dogs chase motorcycles, they don’t understand science

74. An old man was drunk and was sent to the hospital! The head of the hospital went to give me the infusion. As soon as he opened his eyes, he asked: "Doctor, are you giving me Tuopai or Quanxing? ”

75. After decades of revolution, retirement only costs a few hundred yuan. On weekdays, I worry about the crown prince, and on Sundays I have to welcome the returning group (everyone will be given a meal when they come back)