Why can't daughter-in-law and mother-in-law get along (why can't mother-in-law always get along)

In Peacock Flying Southeast, the tragedies of Liu Lanzhi and Jiao Zhongqing's suicide both stem from the most common contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Jiao Zhongqing is a small official of Luzhou government and a civil servant of the local government. His position at that time was not very high, but in the eyes of his mother, he was undoubtedly the best.

And Liu Lanzhi, "thirteen will weave, fourteen will learn to tailor, fifteen will play, sixteen will recite poems", is smart and capable, and knows everything about poetry etiquette.

Such an excellent woman is nothing to bakelite. The more she looks at Liu Lanzhi, the less pleasing to her eye. She even thought that Liu Lanzhi had taken her son.

Therefore, in life, she embarrassed Liu Lanzhi everywhere until her son drove Liu Lanzhi away.

Then, from a psychological point of view, why has the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law become a difficult problem for thousands of years?

The generation gap psychological mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are originally two generations, and their values, ideologies and lifestyles are bound to be different. In this case, if the adjustment between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, it will easily lead to family conflicts.

Especially in the way of life, because of the establishment of marriage, two families have to live together. It is almost a difficult process for one party to change his temper and habits to adapt to the other.

The interpersonal psychological relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is actually a very complicated relationship. If there is no blood relationship in it, there is still a trace of affection in it. Therefore, when there is a conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the conflict cannot disappear in time like the parent-child relationship, nor can it be completely torn like a stranger. It is still necessary to consider the husband's psychology. Including in the later life, there are many places to do things together.

There is a saying in psychological compensation that "a daughter-in-law who has been married for many years makes a woman". Once a woman who is used to being a daughter-in-law becomes a mother-in-law, there will inevitably be a kind of "psychological compensation", and she will often treat her daughter-in-law in the way that her mother-in-law used to treat herself.

Jealousy psychology Jealousy psychology mostly appears in some single-parent families. The mother brought up her son alone, and finally waited for her son to repay her, but now a younger woman suddenly came out and took her son away.

Mother-in-law feels that there will be a great sense of loss in her heart, and she will be jealous of her daughter-in-law. Although this kind of psychology is normal, once it is not well controlled, it will easily lead to family conflicts.

Just as Jiao Mu hates Liu Lanzhi, a large part of the reason is jealousy.

How to adjust the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

There are contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but in general, as long as the method is correct, it can be solved.

Psychological adjustment between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law The role of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law changed from the moment the new daughter-in-law entered the door. Mother becomes mother-in-law and girl becomes daughter-in-law. If you don't adapt to this role change at first, it is easy to have conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Therefore, proper psychological adjustment is still necessary.

Lowering the expectation of the other party is also the root cause of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The main factor that determines people's emotional feelings is people's original expectation of something, that is, the higher the expectation, the greater the psychological and emotional conflict.

An easy mistake in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that mother-in-law expects her daughter-in-law to be as obedient as her daughter-in-law, and her daughter-in-law expects her mother-in-law to be as kind to herself as her own mother.

So I fell into a misunderstanding. If my daughter-in-law and mother-in-law don't do what they expect, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will accumulate and erupt at the last minute.

Therefore, if we want to maintain the most basic relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the premise is to lower our expectations and understand that mother-in-law is not a mother and daughter-in-law is not a prostitute. Expect less, and you will be less disappointed.

From the perspective of the other party, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is largely due to the inability to feel the same. Only think of yourself when you encounter problems.

For the mother-in-law, it is "intention", to understand and understand the difficulties of the daughter-in-law with the feelings of being a daughter-in-law, to treat the daughter-in-law with the feelings of treating the daughter, to enhance mutual understanding, to ask less of the daughter-in-law and to love more.

So many problems can be solved naturally.

In order to prevent emotional confusion in marriage, many mother-in-law will be jealous of their daughter-in-law, and even interfere with their emotional life intentionally or unintentionally.

In fact, what the mother-in-law wants to know is that the affection between her son and daughter-in-law is love, while the affection between herself and her son is affection. The two emotions have their own values, and they can't be compared at all.

For a very common example, "Your mother and I fell into the river at the same time, which one do you save first?" For a man, both of them are his favorite women, and they are equally important in his mind.

So the mother-in-law doesn't have to worry that her daughter-in-law will take your place in her son's heart. You know, blood is thicker than water in blood relationship, which is unmatched by any relationship.

Turn a blind eye in interpersonal relationships, and there will often be a phenomenon of distorted information transmission.

So is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are caused by haggling over each other.

Sometimes it is a joke, but it is taken seriously by my daughter-in-law or mother-in-law, and I mistakenly think that this sentence is aimed at myself, which leads to contradictions.

In fact, in order to maintain a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is best to relax. If something goes in one ear and out the other, just ignore it and don't take it to heart. If you gossip among neighbors, you can't believe it.

Men should play the role of double-sided tape. Although the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law sounds like a contradiction between two women, it is inseparable from men.

Observing the poor relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in life, a large part of the reason is that men don't do a good job of double-sided tape behind them.

Just like Jiao Zhongqing in Peacock Flying Southeast, in front of her mother, she is passive to Nuo Nuo and only knows how to tolerate her wife, but she is not a good husband.

In fact, a man who makes more efforts in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not have a tragedy of marriage breakdown because of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

A good marriage requires a man to beat around the bush. Leaving the problem to two women to solve will only stage a "war at home" without smoke.

Although it is difficult between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as long as both sides make some concessions, lower their expectations of each other, put themselves in each other's shoes and respect each other when encountering problems, then they will find that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not so difficult.