Excuse me, which expert can help me find some stories about China jokes? thank you

"I have read your poems, so you have something that Goethe doesn't."

"What's that?"

"typewriter"

54. Maokengmen couplets

I remember there is also a couplet in the open pit of my hometown. Old Master Q's eggs are wrinkled. Gu smiled and recorded two sentences:

First, the heroes of the world bow their heads and bend their knees here.

A virtuous woman, a virgin in the world, came in to untie the bandwidth skirt.

Horizontal criticism: the meaning of heaven and earth

Second: the shit falls in the pond and shakes the stars all over the sky (note: stars at night, flies during the day)

On the urine shower wall, everything unfolded.

Horizontal batch: gas-rushed bullfighting

53. explain vividly

A girl asked her father to explain the difference between being angry and flying into a rage while doing her homework.

The father went to the telephone and dialed a number casually for his daughter to listen carefully.

"Hello," he said to the caller, "I'm looking for Melvin."

"There is no Melvin here," replied another. "Why didn't you check the number when you called?"

Father dialed the number again and asked, "Is Melvin there?"

"What's going on!" The man roared, "I just told you there is no Melvin here." Then I dropped the phone.

"You see," explained the father, "this is called anger. Now I'll show you what flying into a rage is. "

He dialed the number again, and when he heard a voice calling "Hello", he said quietly, "I'm Melvin. Did you call me just now? "

52, the meaning of too

Teacher: "Tai means supreme, like Tai Huang, space and so on. Is that clear? "

Student: "I see, no wonder my father calls me Mrs!" " "

5 1, buried with him

Xiaohua, a junior three student, always likes to find various excuses to ask for leave.

One day, he wanted to ask for leave again, and the note said "funeral".

The teacher said, "It's the third grade, and the fake form can't be filled out clearly. Go back and write clearly. 」

The next day, Xiaohua sent back the fake report and proudly said, "Teacher, it's time for you to ask for leave!" " ! 」

I saw two words written on the fake page: "Be buried with him."

50. Make sentences

Provider: cyberjok

According to the United Daily News, it has recently become fashionable for students in Taiwan Province Province to "make sentences by idiots". Here are some examples:

Pork trilogy-

It turns out that Father Liao used to eat pork.

War: Lien Chan struggles to eat pork!

Unification: President Lee Teng-hui must eat pork!

Characters-

First ... and then ...: First, the president died.

Sexy: My uncle in the alley has the flu.

Carnival: Zhang Aijia is getting old.

Village: Hao Baicun lost the election!

Safety:, Lin,, all lost!

49. elephants

The teacher assigned a composition about elephants to a German, a Frenchman and a Russian. Free proposition.

The title of this German article is: Ego Spirit of Elephant.

The title of the French article is: Romance of Elephants.

The title of the Russian article is: "Russian elephants are the greatest in the world."

48, unclear pronunciation

At an overseas Chinese gathering, someone introduced himself like this:

I come from the dog and cat department of animal university.

I'm from the Sleep Department of the University of Diet.

After some verification, it turned out to be the Department of International Trade of Soochow University and the Department of Social Education of Normal University.

47. No money to send letters

After teaching & gt After an article, the teacher assigned the students a composition:

Please write a letter to her mother on behalf of the little match girl.

A few days later, except Li Long, most students handed in their compositions.

When the teacher asked him why, he said, "The little match girl has no money to send a letter.

46. Try to talk

In the speech contest, the children prepare at home and I act as the audience.

He began to say, "Teachers and students. . . "

I said, "I am not your teacher or your classmate. What should you say? "

He immediately changed his mouth: "Dear dads. . . "

45. touching advertisements

I want every student to write an advertisement that once touched his heartstrings and make him spend money.

I thought it would be soda or ice cream, but after the roll was handed in, it was a movie advertisement: "Not suitable for children."

44. Weighing

The teacher asked Wheat, "How can you measure your weight with a wooden boat? 」

Wheat quickly replied, "sell that boat and buy a scale for money." 」

43. Bamboo and pig liver

Once upon a time, there was a student who wanted to go shopping. His teacher needs a bamboo pole for mosquito nets, so let him take 10 bamboo pole. However, due to the language barrier, the student mistakenly heard that he wanted to buy 10 kg of pork liver. So he went to the street to look for pig liver, looked and looked, but he couldn't find enough, so he added a pig ear.

He thought this ear was delicious, and the teacher only asked him to buy pork liver, so he put it in his pocket instead of eating it himself.

When he arrived at school, he gave his things to the teacher. The teacher looked at it and said, "What I want is a bamboo pole. How did you buy pig liver? " ? Where are your ears? "

He thought: the teacher is really good. The teacher has worked out a pig's ear and said, "It's in my pocket."

42. The name of the leader can only be the subject.

During the Cultural Revolution, a Chinese teacher had a grammar class: "Long live Chairman Mao, remember Chairman Mao's words, we love Chairman Mao."

-In this sentence, the word' Chairman Mao' is used as subject, attribute and object respectively. "

The captain of the propaganda team happened to pass by the classroom and immediately scolded outside the window: "Don't poison! Chairman Mao can only be the subject, not Latin or C. It's sheer nonsense! "

4 1, cheat couplets

Part one: Don't cheat in the exam. Junior year next year.

Bottom line: I'd rather have no personality than fail.

Horizontal batch: I just want to go over.

composition

The Chinese teacher assigned to write a composition of about 500 words, which was required to be completed in class. At the end of the class,

Li Tao has just finished writing 250 words, and the students have already handed them in. What should I do? He uses his wit to write.

Write "x 2" at the end. The teacher gave him a score of "70÷2" when he attacked the text.

39. On rationality and sensibility

Once, a teacher was in a composition class, and he wrote the topic "On Reason and Perception" on the blackboard.

A student was late and didn't hear what the teacher said just now.

I wrote it in a hurry

His teacher saw this article and called him over.

Teacher: What are you writing? Why is it so low?

Student: I wrote it according to the topic given by the teacher! !

Isn't it "sexy and sex theory"?

Teacher: @ # $% ......

38. Inscription in the classroom

If you don't get high marks, you can pass the exam. If you don't study hard, you will be smart if you cheat. You are the classroom, but I have leisure. Novels spread quickly, magazines often turn over, you are thinking about playing Go, and you are thinking about watching movies. You can write love letters, miss women, and review them. It's not a dance floor, but it's comparable to an amusement hall. In your mind, it says: mix a diploma.

37. answer casually

Peter is a clever boy, but his academic performance is not very good because he is playful.

Once, the Chinese teacher asked him, "Do you know whose work Romeo and Juliet is?" ? "

Peter replied lazily, "How should I know?" Children my age don't like reading Shakespeare. "

36.mother

The Chinese teacher talked about Gorky's masterpiece "Mother" on the stage, and Xueyou teased the audience and was discovered by the teacher. The teacher called Xueyou and asked, "Did you listen to my lecture?"

Xueyou replied: "I heard it clearly."

The teacher continued to ask, "So what does the name' mom' mean?"

Xueyou loudly replied: "It must be Gorky's mother!"

35. typographical error

The teacher was surprised to see a colleague doodling on the toilet wall and asked, "why did you do such a thing?" 」

Colleague: "Oh, no, I'm correcting my classmates' typos. 」

34.similar

Student: "Teacher, what did you write in my exercise book?"

Teacher: "Write clearly"

33. Roman Empire

In Chinese class, the teacher told the students an idiom; "Rome was not built in a day."

In history class, the teacher asked the students questions; "When was the Roman Empire founded?"

"at night!"

32. which horse

During the exam, there was a question: Who wrote three musketeers?

The answers to this question in the collected answer sheets are: Dumas, Dumas, Maxima.

3 1, Discovery, Invention and Development

In class, the teacher asked everyone to make sentences with "discovery", "invention" and "development".

A classmate stood up and said, "My father found my mother, and my father and mother invented me. I'm growing up.

30. make sentences

The teacher asked the students to make sentences with the word "childish".

Xiaoming wrote: It's really hot today. I need to take a bath when I get home!

29, anger

The teacher asked: What does it mean to say that bees add life to the garden?

A student replied: bees steal nectar and flowers are angry!

Everyone laughed at this. The student said again:

What are you laughing at? How can flowers be in full bloom if they are not angry?

28. Make sentences

"Please use more ... more ... more sentences." The Chinese teacher asked questions on the platform.

"Hushubao is drier, fresher and more assured!" The following pupils answered in chorus.

27. A wonderful couplet

Looking at the back, I am fascinated by hordes;

Suddenly turned around, I was surprised to retreat in all directions.

composition

Father: "Son, was the composition I wrote for you rated as excellent?"

Son: "No, the teacher said it was beside the point."

Father: "No way, isn't the title of the composition" My Dad "?"

Son: "Yes, but you wrote about my grandfather!" " "

25 years old, sober as a dream.

I drank too much last night, and I was dizzy and didn't know the way home. I made a mistake in confusion, strayed into the depths of the forest, vomited, vomited,

There are countless mandarin ducks

24. study

When asked about his study at school, his son replied:

"Very good, I learned to write today."

"Very good!" Father said, "What did you write?"

"I don't know," the son replied, "because I haven't learned to read?"

23, thick ancient and thin today

One day in Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to explain the meaning of idioms.

Teacher: "What do you mean by respecting the past and cherishing the present?"? 」

Xiaoxing raised her hand and replied, "In ancient times, girls wanted to wear as many clothes as possible. Now, "

What girls want is to wear as little clothes as possible. "

22. Teachers and students

In order to punish a group of disobedient students, Mr. Wang made pairs for the students, and would not let them go home unless they could.

Mr. Yue:

It snows and doesn't rain,

The snow on the ground turned into rain,

How troublesome it is for snow to turn into rain,

It might as well rain.

A student is right:

Mr. Wang does not eat shit,

Rice will turn into shit in your stomach,

How troublesome it is to turn rice into shit,

You might as well eat shit from the beginning.

Sir, the students are dismissed.

2 1, idiom

A teacher came up with an idiom to describe a person's ugliness.

When marking papers. There are many strange answers: "ugly", "cow's head and horse's face", "pointed mouth and monkey's face" and "science"

Strange ... no one answered correctly. When I switched to the last one, it said ... "Like you"

20. unfair ...

The teacher punished two unruly children left behind after school. Write your name a hundred times. A child finished writing and went home. The other one is still writing.

The teacher asked, "What's the matter? 」

The child cried and said, "It's so unfair! His name is Yi Ding. Well written. My name is Wei Xinlong. Just the "letter" that should be. There are twenty-four paintings! ! ~」

19, constitute

Xiaomei wrote down her wish when she grew up in her composition book:

I hope to have a lovely child;

Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me.

As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order. 』

18, couplets

The Chinese teacher explained couplets on the stage, for example, "Once upon a time, a newspaper publicly requested Nantong.

As a result, many letters were submitted, and one sentence was quite right.

Ok, that's "East Pawnshop, West Pawnshop, East Pawnshop for Things". At this time, a naughty student

Suddenly I cried: "Boys and girls, boys and girls, boys and girls, boys and girls. 」

17, composition

When I was a child, my deskmate's Chinese was poor, and writing was particularly difficult. Once the teacher asked us to write a composition called "Look at the clouds", and he was very painful. How can I get through?

The first sentence: Today the weather is sunny, the sun shines on the earth, and there are no clouds in Wan Li.

No words.

Thinking. . . . .

The second sentence: White clouds are floating in the sky of Wei Lan. . .

16, teacher Tsinghua

A young teacher in Tsinghua loves mahjong. Once, he played mahjong all night. Play mahjong at 7:40 the next morning.

There is a class. He got off the mahjong table at half past seven and hurried to class on the fourth floor. It happened that the student on duty that day didn't clean the blackboard.

He shouted, "Who is that farmer?" The students on duty did not dare to answer, so they had to clean themselves, but

Unable to find the eraser, he shouted again: Where's the whiteboard? .....

This is a Chinese class. When talking about new words, the teacher picked up the chalk and wrote "China" on the blackboard.

Then he said, "Students, please look at the whiteboard. There is a red middle on it. "

15, can't get out.

A student asked the teacher how to write the word dung, but the teacher forgot for a moment and had to say:

"It's on my lips. Why can't I get out?"

14, filial piety

In Chinese class, the teacher taught us to be filial, asked our parents to be caring and attentive, and asked them whether the day's work was smooth and whether they were tired.

The next day, the teacher asked the students to report their parents' reactions.

A classmate said, "My parents said," Tell me how much money you lack! 』」

Another classmate said, "I'm really unlucky!" " My parents asked me, "Did you send out your report card today? 』」

13, drinking and reading

"Look at your sad face. What's wrong? "

Write an article entitled "What did I do yesterday? "

"Well, what did you do yesterday?"

"drink."

"You are so stupid! I'll tell you the truth. If you continue to write, why not change the word "drinking" to "reading"? "

Zhang Wen was inspired and wrote: "I got up early in the morning and read a book for a long time. I thought about it, read the second half in one breath, and felt that it was not enough, so I went to the store and bought another one. " I met Li Da head-on on the way back. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had read almost. "

12, this is called laziness.

In class, the teacher assigned a composition. The topic is: What is laziness? In the evening, the teacher corrects the composition under the light. When he opened jeffers's composition book, he found that the first page was blank, and then the second page was blank. Only on the third page did he see a line. "This is called laziness!"

1 1, make sentences

Make a sentence for me. There must be sugar in this sentence. Father is drinking tea.

Where is the word sugar? In the tea.

10, sure enough.

Teacher: Xiao Ming, please use the word "sure enough" to make a sentence.

Xiaoming: Yesterday, I ate apples first, and then drank boiled water. ...

Teacher: No, no, you can't make sentences like this!

Xiao Ming: I'm not finished yet!

Yesterday, I ate apples first, and then drank boiled water. Sure enough, I have diarrhea!

9. Explain

A university professor told his students: "in ancient times,' Lu' meant kissing, which was very vivid;" one of

The student asked, "If' Lu' means kissing, how does' Pin' explain the meeting of three people?"

Kissing? "

The professor was about to get angry when another student stood up and said, "I think the word' product' is easy to explain." What about the' device'? " Four people

What happened to the dog? "The whole class laughed, and the professor put down the book.

8. Zi Zaichuan said:

A teacher asked his students to translate a passage from The Analects.

Zi Zaichuan said: The deceased is like a husband, day and night!

So, the talented student gave full play to the highest language level he had accumulated for more than ten years and said:

Son said in bed: sleep very comfortably, don't do your homework!

Hearing this, the teacher was surprised and touched the student's head and said:

You're only a hundred years old! I taught it in anger.

You are a fool who only appears once in a hundred years. The more I teach you, the less happy I am.

7. composition

In the composition class, the teacher's topic is Happy New Year's Day, and every student is required to be specific.

Describe in detail the lively scenes and happy feelings of the New Year's Day. A few minutes later,

Xiao Tao handed in his paper. The teacher looked at it and said, "New Year's Day is too noisy.

I am so excited that I can hardly describe it in words.

Step 6 get to the point

The teacher wrote "confused" on the blackboard, and then asked a student, "Please say one."

What does this idiom mean? "The student stood up and pushed the glasses of deep myopia.

, carefully looked at the four words on the blackboard, read along while also don't understand, finally he didn't.

Can helplessly say: "teacher, I can't see clearly." "The teacher said," You are right. Please sit down.

Go down. "

5. Anything will do.

There is an American student John in the Chinese class I teach. He is full of interest in Chinese characters.

Fun. One day, John came back from the street and found my office: "Teacher, I miss you from China.

Very modest. ""why? "I'm surprised." In the street, I saw many big signs.

Everyone is showing off themselves, such as: China is good, China people are good, and China agriculture is good. ...

I regard "silver" as "very".

4, a large number.

When answering the Chinese teacher's "Two Diaries of Zhimo", explain what Xu Zhimo said: "Number is big" is the concept of beauty, for example.

For example, looking at the earth from the infinite blue sky is beautiful; The sea of clouds on the top of Mount Tai, the tall Yunfeng is calm in the morning light.

Beauty ... the teacher asked Chopin in class: "Can you give another example to illustrate that' counting stools is beautiful'?" Chopin immediately replied

"Money," he said.

3. Teachers are difficult.

When I lived in the United States, I taught Chinese in an overseas Chinese school. Many students wore braces to pick up their teeth.

Orthodontics. Once, I tried to get students to answer what "feedback" is, so I gave an example:

"Parents spend a lot of money to correct your teeth now, and you will spend it when your parents are old in the future.

What is this situation called? "The students said in chorus," a tooth for a tooth! "

Step 2 write a composition

Once in class, the teacher made three rules with the students: the basic condition of getting an "A" in composition is necessary.

It must be written on two pages. A student wrote in the remaining two lines: "There are only two lines left. Do it quickly."

It's over, work hard! Now there is only one line left, keep working hard! Come on! Finally, it's almost over

It's over. "

1, pronoun

In grammar class, John was distracted. Suddenly the teacher asked:

"John, can you name two pronouns?"

John stood up, shook his head and said, "Who? Me! "