Drunk quotes and jokes

1. Colleague Xiao Fan invited everyone to drink. One colleague drank too much and could not get up from the table. I was afraid that he would feel uncomfortable, so I made a cup of warm water for him to drink. After he drank it in one breath, he muttered: "What kind of wine is this that Xiao Fan made? It smells like water. This guy is so cheap."

2. A man was in the pub all night After drinking, the waiter finally told him that it was closing, so he got up and left, but fell down. He struggled to stand up and fell down again. He thought he could only crawl out and get some fresh air. The air may help him wake up a little. As soon as he went out, he stood up again, but fell down again. He climbed into the door, climbed to the bed, fell on the bed, and fell asleep the next morning. His wife stood in front of the bed and shouted to him: "Did you go drinking again last night? "Why do you say that?" "He defended with an innocent look. "There was a call from the bar, saying you left the wheelchair there. ”

3. An alcoholic went to someone else’s house to drink one day. In the excitement of drinking, he said to the guests: “For those of you who have a long way to go, just go back first and don’t stay with me anymore.” "When the guests heard what he said, they all dispersed. Only the host continued to drink with him. The man said to the host: "You have a long way to go, so go back first and don't accompany me. The master said: "I am the master here, and now I am the only one to accompany you." The man said, "You still have to go back to the bedroom to sleep. I will sleep on the wine table today." ”

4. There was a man who was a heavy drinker and kept holding the bottle of wine all day long. He turned a deaf ear to his friends’ advice. Once, a friend saw an article in a book about various aspects of drinking. I immediately showed him the article about the harmful effects. When the alcoholic saw the article, it said: "Drinking too much will cause many problems and shorten your life." Surprised, he made up his mind: "This time I have made up my mind!" The friend said: "Look, you should have made this decision earlier!" The drunkard said: "No, I mean to make up my mind never to read again!" "

5. A drunkard "walked" into the bar with his feet in the air and his hands on his hands, shouting: "Brother, give me a glass of fine brandy." The shopkeeper was very surprised and asked: "Why do you walk like this?" The drunkard replied: "My wife made me swear last night that I will never set foot in a bar again." I want to keep my promise. ”

6. “When I drink, everyone can drink!” "There was a man in the hotel beckoning everyone in. He drained the whiskey in his glass and shouted, "I want another glass." Everyone can have another drink too. So the guys drank another grateful drink. The man drank his second drink, took a $2 bill from his pocket and slapped it on the counter. "While I'm paying the bill," he yelled, “It’s time for everyone to pay their bills too! "

7. Someone ordered two glasses of wine in a hotel and drank one after another. The waiter said: "Sir, you have a good drinker! The man said, "No!" One glass of wine represents me, the other represents my seriously ill friend. "The next day, the man went to the hotel again, this time he only had one drink. The waiter asked: "Your friend... died? He said, "No, I quit drinking." "

8. In a small bar room, many people gathered. One of them asked his neighbor: "Do you have many drinking buddies? "Yes, before my money runs out." ”