Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - 89 sentences are selected from the complete works of famous funny quotations.

89 sentences are selected from the complete works of famous funny quotations.

I have been a virgin for 20 years, and finally last night. It became 2 1 year.

Two. ? Especially diligent? These five words, I thought about it, and I did the first four?

3. If the sky is affectionate, it will be old, and if people are affectionate, they will die early!

When I become a swan, you are still an egg!

5. Men love fuck and women love money! Men fall in love with their conscience, and women pretend to be * * with their eyes closed! In fact, life is not easy, all TM depends on acting!

6. A good man is someone who has a losing mentality when quarreling with his wife?

7. People like you can only live two episodes in a drama.

Eight. Being so beautiful and handsome without knowing it, this is temperament; So rich and talented, but others don't know, this is self-cultivation.

9. You flashed by, making my blood boil and my heart surge. Looking at your back, I really want to keep you. I told myself, I can't let you leave again, ever? Catch a thief!

10. Men are dumped, and the problem of money; Women are dumped, appearance problems; I got dumped. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Eleven. It's refreshing to come as soon as you are invited, and it's fun to come late after three invitations and four invitations. Why don't you call it a principle, call it a meal uninvited, and call it an act uninvited.

Twelve. The three tragedies of dinner: the person to be invited didn't come, the person who came has nothing to do with you, and only you are awake when you check out.

Thirteen. Four tragedies in life: long drought meets rain; When you meet an old friend in a foreign country, you are a creditor; Wedding night, next door; When nominating a gold medal, dream.

Fourteen. There is no room for two tigers in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.

15. You laugh at me for being different from you, but I laugh at all of you.

16. The flies in the crown are not more noble than those in the toilet.

17. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smart, then you should at least eat a pair of whales, right?

Take off your socks and smell it yourself. It's called a diary Take off your socks and invite your friends to your house to smell them. It's called a blog. Take off your socks and hang them in front of your house for passers-by to smell. It's called a forum. Take off your socks and hang them in the square for everyone to smell, and then smell other people's socks. Congratulations, you have played Weibo.

Nineteen. Burn incense once a year, meet incense once every three years, and cherish incense for ten years. Therefore, for the happiness of my next life, I am willing to convert to Christ!

Twenty. Years later, when we meet again, I lose weight and you become uncomfortable.

Twenty one. Not only do I have a car, but I also make it myself?

22. If you don't ask, I won't say, this is the distance; You ask, I don't say, this is the gap; You ask, I say, this is trust; You don't ask, I tell you, this is dependence.

Twenty-three The phone rings, which means I'm thinking of you! Two voices mean I like you! Three voices mean I love you! When the seventh sound rings. Shit, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone!

24. Be a nun and ring the bell every day. Buddha said: depravity is rebirth. I'm going to fall. Don't make any noise. I'll strangle you when I wake up?

25. The sage said: Women have two advantages, but there is a loophole. Men have one advantage without advantages, so men often seize the two advantages of women and make up for the loophole with their own advantages.

26. Those slutty female netizens really hurt me. Why do you fuck so many men and never get me?

Twenty-seven Not tall, short, fat, thin, no three, no four, no face, no skin, no heart.

28. Even if it is a piece of shit, you will meet dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

29. I ran hard, but I couldn't get rid of the sadness that followed closely?

30. He always sits still until he meets * *; He was indomitable until he was tortured!

3 1. A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true?

Thirty-two Life is numbered, up to 36,000 days; There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep; To sum up, it is four sentences: people are like flowers in a basin; Life is a mess, no matter how well the house is repaired, it is also a temporary residence; That little box is your permanent home!

33. What I hate most are those who wear short skirts and insurance pants. It's an insult to wear a short skirt like this.

34. God, did you let summer and winter live together? ! This kind of weather!

35. Ideas are like underwear. You should, but you can't prove it to everyone.

Give me a woman, and I can create a country; Give me a bottle of wine and I will lead them to conquer the world!

Thirty-seven If there is no peace for a day, treat; If you want to be restless for a year, build a house; If you want to live a quiet life, marry a concubine.

Thirty-eight Young girls are valuable, but young women are more expensive. If there are rich women, you can throw them both away.

Thirty-nine My life is up to me, and heaven wants to destroy me.

Forty. The most useless thing in the world? -Payroll. It looks angry. It is too thin.

Forty-one If the weather is fine, you will be fine. You seem to have left in this weather!

Forty-two You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I smile because you are strong, and I am rich because I sold you a pig!

Forty-three We agreed to grow old together, but you secretly roasted oil.

44. I can't talk I stutter when I see a lot of people, like a sheep shitting. Please forgive me if it doesn't taste like you.

45. People always want ghosts and gods to know when doing good things, but they always feel that ghosts and gods don't know when doing bad things. We are too embarrassed.

Forty-six If young people don't work hard, they can only drive Li Xia home!

47. Your QQ has been infected with Trojan virus, please send it? I love you? Start the firewall, and the system will automatically kill virus for you.

Forty-eight Only the closest people will hurt you openly and get you ashore at the most dangerous time! Please cherish your best friend? Good gay friends, for life!

49. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren.

I've always wanted to say something to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, maybe we can't even be friends, but I can't control my feelings! Now I summon up courage to say to you: When will you invite me to dinner?

5 1.20 to 32 years old, the most important year in life is 12 years. The goals are wife, children, house, car, tickets and face.

There are only two things I can't do in my life: neither this nor that.

53. If you love her, dress her in a wedding dress and strip her naked.

Fifty-four Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

Fifty-five. White collar? It was today that I got paid, paid the rent, utilities, bought oil, rice and instant noodles, felt the money left in my pocket and sighed: alas! This month's salary is white-collar again!

56. You can reveal people's shortcomings better than a mirror, you are more knowledgeable than Zhuangzi, and you are more resourceful than your grandson, so everyone affectionately calls you the grandson of Jingzhuang.

57. Ugly people can get married, and beautiful people will be single.

58. Many girls got Han Hong's disease, but not Han Hong.

Fifty-nine. Money is a problem when men are dumped; Women are dumped, appearance problems; I got dumped. You're fucking crazy.

60. When someone is pretending to be cool, I always keep my head down. It's not that I'm shy, but that I'm looking for bricks!

Sixty-one collapse? It was an old lady who walked into KFC and said to the waiter, how can I get to McDonald's?

62. Don't mess with me! Believe it or not, I fanned you on the wall and couldn't take it off.

Sixty three. I don't know my length, how can I know your depth.

Sixty four. Yes 10 girls show 9, 9 shows 8 silk, 8 silk 7 black, 7 black 6 transparent, 6 transparent 5 thick, 5 thick 4 coquettish, 4 coquettish 3 ugly, 3 ugly 2 fishing nets, 2 fishing nets 1 broken.

Sixty five. Don't squeeze into a world where you can't get in. It's hard to humiliate yourself for others. Why bother?

66. How far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

Sixty seven. What is cruelty? For a man, I will break his three legs; For a male dog, I will break his five legs.

68. If you were a meteor, I would chase you. If you are a satellite, I will wait for you. If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. Too bad you are an orangutan!

69. The iron fences on a university campus are all sharp, and the warning sign on them is like this: If a boy accidentally turns over, he becomes a girl? A girl turns into a woman if she accidentally flips it?

70. arguing with MM about whether whales are fish, and finally I said? Japanese also have personality? Only then did she agree that whales are not fish.

Seventy-one. I haven't eaten for days, and everyone looks like pancakes.

Seventy-two I would rather sacrifice the last virgin in China than leave any place in Japan!

Seventy-three I don't look down on you, but I don't care about you at all.

Seventy-four To be a man, you must be a man who wanders between cow A and cow C.

Seventy-five If the breasts are uneven, how can the world be flat and the breasts are not huge? How can people get together?

76. Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant; Give you a little flood, and you will flood. I'll make the old lady wear a red mouth and give you some color to see see.

Seventy-seven Others laugh at me for being crazy, and I laugh at others for not being able to see through it. There are no graves of Hao Jie in Wuling, no flowers, no wine, and no hoes to plow the fields.

Seventy-eight In spring, I buried myself in the land at the entrance of the village. In autumn, I got many handsome guys. Then I changed the name of the village to? Handsome village? I also got my wish and became the village head.

79. God saw that you were thirsty and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

80. It is a beauty for a woman to make up before the age of 30, and it is a virtue for a woman to make up after the age of 30!

Eighty-one Diaosi will eventually attack, and auricularia will never return to powder.

Eighty-two I don't need you to be too mature. Being a mature woman will be very tired. You just need an innocent girl. It is my bounden duty to protect you.

83. It will be dark, people will change, three points of affection, seven points of deception, the road is still very long, don't be too crazy, you may not know who will be brilliant in the future.

Eighty-four. I am here, Qing is not here, and Qing is here without a trace. What is the fate of the world? Teach you that I can't be satisfied?

Eighty-five One day in the future, you will find that at the age of eighteen, you farted, all of which were fragrant.

Eighty-six How can you get married without experiencing scum? No one can be a mother casually.

87. The world is big, but it is bigger than the brain you lack.

Eighty-eight Wine is not intoxicating, everyone is drunk. If everyone else is sober, I will get drunk alone. I dare to commit a crime with alcohol.

I am poor, and so are my servants, gardeners and drivers.