Children’s humorous and hilarious jokes

50 humorous and hilarious jokes for children

1. A: "Our whole family likes animals."

B: "What animals do you like?"

A: "Mom loves cats; brother loves dogs; sister loves little white rabbits."

B: "What about your dad?"

A: "Mom said, my dad loves the vixen next door."

2. Maomao, who rarely goes out with her mother, was walking on the street and suddenly asked her mother: "What are you running on?" Will cars fall into the water on the road? ”

“Why do you have such strange thoughts?” Mom was confused.

"Mom, look!" Maomao pointed to the spare tire on the car, "Many cars have their own lifebuoys!"

3. "Mom asked her little daughter, birthday What gift did she want most that day? My daughter said loudly: “I want a little brother. "

Mom replied: "Dad and mom are also willing to give you a little brother, but there is not enough time to prepare a little brother before your birthday.

The daughter asked strangely: "Then why don't you do it like dad's factory? If they have something to rush, they will find more people to work overtime." ””

4. A man ordered a bowl of beef noodles in a restaurant. He thought it must have beef, but when he tasted it later, there was no beef.

He asked the boss: "Why is there no beef in the beef noodles?"

The boss said: "When you ate the wife cake, did you eat your wife?"

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Hahahahaha~~~~

5. Chongchong: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I’m useless.

Chongchong: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I’m so useless!

Chongchong: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless.

6. Tom always listens to his father’s stories before going to bed to fall asleep...

Dad: "In the past, there was a frog... "

Tom: "Dad, I don't want to listen to fairy tales today. Can I tell you science fiction stories? "

Dad: "Okay, in space, there is a frog... ”

Tom: “Forget it, Dad, to celebrate my 8th birthday, can you make it R-rated?”

Dad: “Okay! Don’t let your mother know. . There is a frog without clothes..."

7. At one time, my father watched me write a composition. There was a very simple word written wrong. My father smiled and said to my mother: "I found your son is very stupid."

I became anxious and said loudly to my father: "Your son is just stupid." Stupid! "-_-b

8. "This is a story about a baby. A long time ago, my mother raised thirty chickens, and one of them was accidentally trampled to death. , my mother baked it for me, and I thought it was delicious. So when my mother was away, she trampled all 29 chickens to death. "

9. One day, an old man went to buy cold medicine. It turned out that he couldn't read and took it home and asked his grandson to read to him "3 pills a day." The medicine is effective (you have to laugh) for 24 hours. As a result, the old man laughed after eating. His grandson asked him what are you laughing at? The old man said: You didn't mean to laugh. 24 hours? As a result, the old man died laughing after a while.

10. Xiao Pangzhi was obviously playing, and his grandfather called him to eat at home. He said he had no appetite and didn’t want to eat. His father’s voice was loud. Shen: Eat a little, otherwise it will be bad for your health! Well, Ming Ming replied aggrievedly: I agreed that I would only eat four bowls.

11. A student received a letter from his father. , the letter said: "In the future, when you write letters home, you should write more about life situations, and don't just ask for money.

This time I am sending you 10 yuan, and I am telling you that you made a small mistake. When writing 10 in Arabic numerals, you can only write one zero, not two.

indivual. ”

12. 5. New interpretation of nouns

1. How do children feel after listening to the music of "Blue Danube"?

Answer: It seems like a child. The dog is wagging its tail.

It feels cool.

It feels like a turtle is crawling.

2. "Spanish Matador". What story is this piece of music telling?

Answer: Titanic

Sister Xiaohe is combing her hair. (Sister Xiaohe is covered in blood...)

Someone is fighting.

3. An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

Answer: The horse will definitely come back. Yes, because it knows its own feet

I feel like I have gone out to get married and will never come back (so, so romantic...)

..... .

13. My mother took little Tom on a trip, and met my father’s colleague Mr. Haig in the bar in the terminal. When he was about to board the plane, little Tom said to him. Haig said: "Goodbye, Mr. Haig, will we meet again?" "

Two months later, at the same airport and in the same bar, Tom met Mr. Haig again.

He suddenly shouted in surprise: "Oh my God, you Have you been waiting here? ”

14. I also had the experience of being a mistress. At that time, I was young and ignorant, and thought that this was everything in my life. Later I realized that this was just a quick brushstroke in my life. Come on, I'm in the fourth grade of elementary school

15. "My mother asked her daughter:" "Baby, what should you do if you get lost alone and can't find your way home?" ""

The daughter scratched her head and said, "I have a way." I saw him taking a stick, poking it on the ground, and then shouting: "Land, land, come out here."

16. When the weather was hot, my wife saw a watermelon seller on the roadside and walked over and asked if the watermelon was sweet. The melon seller said: If it’s not sweet, I don’t want you to pay for it. I then said, give me ten dollars! Not sweet

17. Lao Wang went fishing and came back empty-handed. But his son happily applauded him. Lao Wang threw the fishing rod to the ground and cursed: "You little bastard. How dare you make fun of me for not catching a fish? The son pointed to the earthworm on the hook and said, "I'm happy for you. I think catching earthworms is more difficult than fishing." "

18. I once wore a long braid. When my niece was two years old, she admired my big braid very much. One day, I saw that she also had a thin braid, so I Deliberately provocative: "Baby, what is that on your head?" ”

“Little braid! "She raised her face and said with great enthusiasm.

"Then, what do you see on aunt's head? ”

“Big pigtails!”

19. The daughter was washing dishes in the kitchen, and the phone rang. She picked up the phone and replied, "Mom is probably taking a shower. Please wait a moment while I go take a look." "She stretched out her hand and turned the hot water faucet, and there was a scream immediately. She turned off the faucet and said: "Yes, she is still taking a bath. ”

20. One day Song Xin learned how to take a step back and understand the truth, but he really wanted to buy a toy boat.

He came to this toy store, and he He didn't bring any money, but he went to steal an aunt's wallet to buy this toy. The aunt said to him: "Hurry up and change your wallet for $, or I'll call the police!" /p>

21. The child’s beloved bird died and he was very unhappy. His father said, “Let’s buy another live one!” A few days later, a man died in the neighbor’s house, and many people gathered around him. Crying. The child ran over and said, "My father said: If you die, just buy a living one." ”

22. “I punish you because I love you, child.

"My father said. "I know, Dad. But I don't deserve so much love..."

23. Nick: "Why is it so cold? ”

Dad: “Because it’s winter now, and winter is always cold.” "

Nick: "Why? "

Dad said impatiently: "Nick, Nick, when I was little, I never asked my dad so many questions. "

Nick: "Ah, no wonder you don't know how to answer my questions. "

24. I went to Shanghai with my younger brother, who was three years old at the time.

While walking, my younger brother said: "I want to pee." "

When he walked to the door of the men's restroom, a female waiter came up and said, "Do you want me to take you there? "

The younger brother was in a hurry and said in Cantonese: "I am here as a boy. "

25. A young conductor was rehearsing with an Athenian band at the ancient open-air amphitheater in Idafur. Three shepherd boys were watching the excitement on the steps of the theater. After a few minutes, a shepherd boy He said to his companions with admiration: "Look! These trumpeters are really capable of making this man dance alone. "

26. One day... Xiao Ming: "What should I do? Last time I secretly made a sex phone call and the bill came, I will be finished. 9 Xiaohua: "What should I do?" After a few days ...Xiaohua: "Has the phone bill been sent?" Xiaoming said: "It has been sent..." Xiaohua: "Then...have you ever been beaten by your father?" Xiaoming said faintly: " It turned out that my father was beaten by my mother and was hospitalized."

27. Once, when the handsome boys Dai Xiaowei and Xiao Zhu were playing. Suddenly someone farted, and Xiaowei said to Xiaozhu that it was a big fart. Xiao Zhu said: I didn't fart, I just farted.

28. One day, little Tiantian was riding a train with his mother. He looked out the window and suddenly Tiantian shouted: "Mom, I discovered a secret!", and her mother was overjoyed: "I found something." Tiantian He said proudly: "Mom, look, the telephone pole here runs faster than that house", and the whole car laughed.

29. The little brother learned a sentence from TV: "Yes, boss!" It is quite suitable for daily life. For example, when his father asked him to bring him a cup of tea, he said: "Yes, daddy!" My sister asked him to get a pen, and he said, "Yes, sister!"

One day, my grandma came to see us from the countryside, bringing large and small packages of gifts, and asked my younger brother to help. He replied readily: "Yes, foreigner!"

30. Kindergarten child Sam said to his mother: "Mom, please forgive me. I smashed my father's wine bottle."

"Oh." Well, as long as you admit it honestly, no one will blame you. But, what are you throwing a wine bottle at? ”

“Well, smash mom’s watch. "

31. The father and his son climbed to the top of the mountain panting.

The father said: "Look, the plains below us are so beautiful! "

"Since the scenery below is so good, why do we have to spend three hours climbing up there? dad!

32. Weiwei’s family bought a new pump, and the neighbors came to ask Weiwei’s father to borrow the pump to pump up the bicycle. Weiwei looked worried and said, “Dad, everyone is coming.” I borrowed a pump. The air in the pump will run out in the future. What should I do? "

33. At night, three-year-old Elke was already lying on the bed. He asked his mother: "Mom, give me an apple! ”

“It’s too late, kid, Apple has already gone to bed. "

"No, the younger one may have fallen asleep, but the older one definitely hasn't! "

34. Father: "Xiao Ming, let me give you a question: There are two crows on the tree, kill one, and how many are left?"

Xiao Ming: "One . "

Father: "Idiot! That bird hasn't scared away yet! I'll ask you another simple question. If you don't get the answer right, watch your butt! Listen: You are the only one in the room. I came in again. How many people are there?"

Xiao Ming: "One.

"

Father: "Why is it still the same?"

Xiao Ming: "I was scared away. "

35. A child asked his father: "Does dad always know more than his son? ”

“Yes. "The father replied.

"Who invented the steam engine? "The child then asked.

"James Watt. ”

“Then why didn’t James Watt’s father invent the steam engine? "

36. The father blamed his son: "The neighbor Zhang family is very unhappy because you punched his son's eye. You said it was an accident, is that true?"

"Of course it is true," the son said, "I originally wanted to hit him in the nose. "

37. Zhenzhen: "Mom, our maid has luminous eyes, right? "Mom:" How do you know? "Zhenzhen: "Last night in the dark kitchen, the maid said to dad: 'You didn't shave/'

38. Father asked Xiaohua: "Who are you going to marry as your wife in the future?" Xiaohua: "My grandmother loves me the most, so I want to marry my grandmother as my wife." The father said: "Nonsense!" How can my mother be your wife? Xiaohua said: "Then, how can my mother be your wife?" ”

39. Father: “We just took the exam at the beginning of school. Why did you get a ‘0’ score?” Son: "The teacher said that we must start from '0'." "

40. When Xiaoli was sleeping, she dreamed that her grandma came to her house as a guest and gave her two pieces of chocolate. Xiaoli thought it was too little.

She refused to pick it up and said to her grandma: "It's been a long time since you've had her. If you don’t come, you should give me five yuan! "

As soon as the words left her mouth, she woke up and found that there was nothing in her hands, so she immediately closed her eyes again and murmured: "Please forgive me, grandma, All I need now is two dollars. "

41. The father is comforting his son who has just been "taught": "Okay, okay, don't cry! In fact, dad doesn’t want to beat you, but why are you always so disobedient? Taotao, look at Lulu from your neighbor. She is the same age as you, but she has never made her father angry, and her father has never hit her. The father wiped the tears from his son's eyes and said, "Be good from now on!" Taotao, tell me, what should we learn from Lulu? "

"I want, want to find, find a good dad - dad -! ! "Taotao said while sobbing.

42. Dad: "Oh, my dear! You have been washing all morning. What have you washed?

Son: "Dad, I washed the soap off." ”

43. “Mom, listen, the little Sachiko next door changed the ‘1’ on the report card to ‘5’. He

Mom found out and is punishing her. Scold her harshly! "

"That kid is really shameful. You are not that kind of person, right? "

"I'm not as stupid as her! I only changed it to ‘4’!

44. Five-year-old Xiaoqiang came to his mother crying because his little sister pulled his hair. His mother said to him: "Don't be angry, your sister doesn't know how to pull your hair." It will hurt! "After a while, there was another cry, this time from my sister. I saw Xiaoqiang jumping up and down, walking out of the room with satisfaction, and said to his mother: "Now she knows. "

45. A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night, his mother asked him to go to the gate to get a broom.

"Mom, I dare not go out. It is very dark outside. "

The mother smiled and said: "Don't be afraid, child, there is a Bodhisattva there, he will protect you! "

"Are you sure the Bodhisattva is outside? "The little boy asked suspiciously.

"Of course, Bodhisattva is always there. When you need his help, he will appear.

The little boy thought for a while, walked slowly to the door, and shouted outside: "Bodhisattva, are you outside?" Can you bring me the broom?" Meimei, who has just entered the first grade of elementary school, often loses a lot of stationery at school.

Her mother then bought a lot of self-adhesive labels, put her name on all her things and solemnly told her: "Things with your name on them belong to you. Your things will not be lost in the future and others will pick them up." I will give it back to you."

Meimei quickly wrote a label, put it on her mother's cheek, and announced to her father and brother: "Mom is mine from now on, you are not allowed to snatch it. . ”

46. Ruirui, who was more than three years old, was sent to her grandmother’s house. Grandma knew that her parents, who had been at odds with each other for three days, were at odds again, so she joked with Ruirui: "When mom and dad quarrel, which side do you stand on?" Ruirui tilted her head, blinked, and recalled for a moment before telling her Grandma: "Stand by the bed."

47. Xiaobao's mother was making a facial mask at home. As soon as she finished applying a facial mask on her face, she heard someone knocking on the door, and she called her six-year-old son: "Baby, hurry up and open the door. Mommy is shady like this." The door opened, and it turned out to be the young man collecting the water bill. When the young man saw that he was a child, he asked: "Kid, where are your parents?" Xiaobao thought for a moment. I want to say: "Uncle, my dad has gone to work, and my mom is doing something shameful!"

48. "Dad, I took apart the TV and put it back together again. I just I want to see the structure inside."

"Thank God, you didn't lose any parts, right?"

"Not only did you not lose it, but there were a dozen more!"

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49. When Bobby finally came home, his mother asked him: "Where have you been for so long, my dear?"

"Mom, we were playing the postman game." The son replied, "I deliver letters to every house, real letters."

"Where did you get those letters?" the mother asked strangely.

“It’s those old letters tied with tape in your cabinet.”

50. Her mother was pregnant, and the 4-year-old Heike was puzzled. She asked her father about his future brother. Or how the sister was born. Dad explained to her: "The husband comes out first, then the body, and finally the two legs. Do you understand?" "I understand, Dad, and then you assemble them with screws, right?" ;