All the lines of Jia Ling's sketch

So today, everyone is here, because a special guest will come to the scene.

Who could she be? She is Ling Jie, a high-sighted, highly educated and elderly woman with three highs and super platinum.

Let's cheer for you

Lord: Ah ~ Sister Ling, come and say hello to everyone!

Sister Ling: Hum ~

H: The way is a bit special. Ah, ah, this.

We all know that Sister Ling came to the scene to propose marriage today. The handsome guys are already standing in the back.

Sister Ling, tell me about your conditions.

Sister Ling: First of all, say pinch.

I want to find a boyfriend first, and I have requirements for promotion.

At least 1.76 to 1.83 meters.

I'm thinking about my offspring.

Soy sauce 1: There seems to be nothing to do.

Sister Ling: Yes.

Soy sauce 1: Sorry.

I am sorry for your descendants. Let's leave now. My pain will not grow on its own.

Lord: One person is eliminated.

It doesn't matter. Let's look down

Sister Ling: Actually, I also want to have an account in the eastern coastal city.

Soy sauce 2: Oh, my father ~

I'm kidding! Neither can I ~

H: So where are you from?

Soy sauce 2: (My home is on the Songhua River in Northeast China ~

Host: Thank you. Thank you. Another one has been eliminated.

Ling Jie: Secondly, I think at least I have a master's degree in economics from Peking University or Tsinghua.

Soy sauce 3: Then I can't either.

H: Where are you from?

Soy sauce 3: I taught it.

Master: Jiaotong University is also good.

Soy sauce 3: I was brought up by my grandfather.

Host: OK, OK, let's go, let's go.

There are so many people at home, don't you like them?

Sister ling: the whole army was wiped out ~

Lord: hello ~

Sister Ling, is it possible that you are asking too much?

Sister Ling: It's not their fault, but my conditions are too good.

Everyone knows that I work as a cashier at Carrefour.

Master: Yes, the top 500 in the world.

Sister Ling: Pushing forward for 250 years and pushing back for 250 years, I can't find a 250 like me.

H: Yes, yes, we all know.

Ling Jie: And I usually like reading books and literature.

Lord: Like what?

Sister ling: for example, a bosom friend ~ a story costs money.

Lord: What what? What story?

Sister Ling: Story meeting ~

Main: Story meeting

Sister Ling: Yes. They say I write poems like Gu Cheng.

Lord: Gu Cheng

Ling Jie: Write a book like Lu Xun.

Lord: Lu Xun

Sister Ling: Crosstalk is like Jia Ling.

Lord: It's also 250.

Sister Ling: Yes.

Master: Sister Ling, I will understand what you said.

Your conditions are so generous that I think only one person deserves you.

Sister Ling: There are others worthy of me.

H: Of course.

Sister Ling: Where is it?

Main business: Internet otaku melancholy brother

Sister Ling: Your shameless look is so familiar ~

Squid: I feel deja vu looking at you ~

Narrator: It is said that a long time ago, there was a couple named Hou Yi.

Is a brave hunter, accurate archery.

The woman named Chang 'e is a beautiful girl.

They live happily together.

Chang 'e: (You plow and you weave.

You water it and you mop the floor.

You and I are like a pair of mandarin ducks (×2) fly with me ~ ~ ~

Hou Yi: Chang 'e

Shh ~

Chang 'e: OK, OK, I get it. Hou Yi, you want to say that this song is not suitable for us.

Hou Yi: No. I mean ... . .

Chang 'e: OK, OK, I get it. You want to say how much you love me.

Hou Yi: No.

Chang 'e: OK, OK, what do you want to say?

Hou Yi: I want to say why I do all the housework.

Chang 'e: Yuck ~ I'm afraid you've forgotten that people are already (disgusting). .

Narrator: Two people not only live happily.

I was still ready for the baby, but something unexpected happened.

Just then, the ten princes of the Queen Mother planned to play on the earth.

The heavenly queen turned them into ten suns, which appeared in the sky in turn, but one day.

Ten princes drank too much, and they actually appeared in the sky together.

Hou Yi: Eh, it's too hot.

Ten suns in the sky shine brightly on the ground. It's killing me, killing me, killing me, killing me! )

Chang 'e: Houyi

It's very hot.

Hou Yi: Chang 'e, you can't take it off any more. You are the only one left.

Chang 'e: Why don't we move to Houyi?

Hou Yi: Where to move?

Chang 'e: For example, the eastern coastal cities.

Hou Yi: No, we can't. When we leave, the sun will damage crops and the people will reduce production. Our GDP will decline.

Chang 'e: You really look like a master of economics.

Hou Yi: So I decided to shoot it down.

Narrator: What a brave man! Their behavior touched a fairy.

The fairy decided to give them the elixir of life.

One person can fly to the sky after eating, and two people can live forever if they share it.

Since then, Hou Yi has embarked on a journey to shoot the sun.

(The onion song appears.

Narrator: Houyi squid pulls bows and arrows in the wild every day.

He pulled at the front and back.

Finished pulling left, right.

Finally, he became a generation of men.

And squid, he chased the sun all day, and his eyes became more and more squid.

Let's look at Chang 'e. She can't resist the temptation to open the treasure box.

Smell the fragrance of the elixir of life

Chang 'e couldn't help getting high.

Chang 'e: Hey?

Narrator: Hi.

Chang' e: So hi ~

Narrator: Finally, she swallowed the elixir of life in one gulp.

Chang 'e: Take a bite.

Narrator: A bite.

Chang 'e: A burp ~

Narrator: At this time, Hou Yi had shot down nine suns.

Squid hasn't communicated all day.

He finally lost his language ability.

Narrator plays passerby A: Houyi Houyi, what are you doing?

Hou Yi: Ah ah ~

Passerby: Just leave him a sun to benefit mankind. Go home quickly.

Chang 'e: Houyi Houyi, you are back. Why don't you talk?

Hou Yi: Ah ~

The heavenly queen is laughing obscenity ~

Chang 'e: Empress Dowager

Queen: Hou Yi, you killed my nine children.

I also want you to taste the pain of the people closest to you.

Chang 'e: Hou Yi, don't be afraid that I won't die if I steal the elixir.

Houyi: Niu ~

Queen: In that case, I will stop you from being together for 900 cycles.

I will send someone to stop you.

Chang 'e: Houyi ~ I always feel that I am about to float.

The queen smiled again: that's because you ate a whole elixir yourself.

You will fly to the moon sky soon.

Chang 'e: Houyi Houyi

Hou Yi: Ah ~

Queen: But the squid Chang 'e is overweight and flies low.

She must liberate herself.

Chang 'e: Houyi, my child ~

Hou Yi: No ~

Narrator: The words of the Empress Dowager really worked.

In their 900 years of life, they all lived a miserable life.

First of all, they are