Where are the classic jokes and great gods' help?

3. Two jiaozi got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom went back to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatballs said shyly: hate, you don't know people when they take off their clothes! 4. Two old couples had a whim when they were having dinner one day: naked meal! Find the old feeling! After undressing, the old woman said, I still have a reaction! The nursing room is as hot as it was when it was young! The old man glanced sideways and said, it's drooping in the soup! 5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I feel itchy if I don't step on mice for a day; C: I don't go to the street for a few times a day. D: It's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. 6. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and nothing a man says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; If a man is rich, he is predestined friends with everyone. If a man can rely on it, pigs can climb trees. 7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were shaken down. Only one ant clung to the elephant's neck. The ants below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards! 8. The child stole the parrot from the brothel home. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called: Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer! 9. The long road of life, who is good! Families have to take care of, and lovers have to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table, and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven! 1. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You were furious, saying, If you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the puppy licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The puppy said, Let's see who is cruel. 11. Legend has it that tonight, the ghost lingers, the dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call and come to your head in the middle of the night, with pale face, green eyes and dry hands touching your face and saying good night to you for me! 12. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said that I could satisfy one of my wishes. I took out a globe and said that I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change it. I took out your photo and said that I wanted this person to be beautiful. He pondered and said that I would take a look at the globe again. 13. A woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, and she insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his foot: Go, don't want the car. 14. The mouse was particularly depressed because he didn't have a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a stewardess at least. 15. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat had tears in his eyes, which was meaningful: alas! That day, he ate brother Wei, and with strong firepower, he jumped on the ceiling and let him get his hand. 16. I sent you this short message for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you. 17. The ant is lying lazily in the soil, stretching out a leg, and a friend asks you why? Ant: Later the elephant comes and stumbles him. 18. Magpie comes, and my mother says it's a happy bird or a guest; Swallows come, and mother says this is a good bird or a guest; When the crow comes, the child asks, Are you a guest? The crow cries: Yes, I am a hacker! 19. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet paper towel and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off! 2. Cucumber is lovelorn and crying, and eggplant comforts her: love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbreak and tears. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions? 21.2 years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Stop crying, big brother, and give a banana to the monkey!"! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. " 22. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and the pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig, "You are stupid, I can fly." 23. An old farmer was hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and fell on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "! You shit and wear underpants! " V 24. Xiaoming told his mother that when a guest came to play at home today, my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair and I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it?" Xiao Ming said, "I stood by, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him." 25. A conversation on a crowded bus one day was as follows: A pregnant woman standing said to a man sitting next to him, "Don't you know I'm pregnant? "(I want him to give up his seat ...) I saw the man nervously saying," The child is not mine! 26. It's just a gust of wind, but it's so eternal, just a dream, but it's so real. You bow your head and say nothing, but I can't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you, let me know the next time you fart! 27. A pair of lovers were caught by a savage in the mountain and said, You will let you go if you eat each other's shit. The lover did it. On the way home, the woman cried. The man asked her why, and the woman said sadly, You don't love me, otherwise you won't pull so much! At 16: 11 on February 9, 21, there was a Pan family whose elder passed away. At the family festival, an old gentleman with a strong accent was invited to be the emcee. The obituary reads as follows: Filial piety: Pan Genke's filial daughter-in-law: Chi's filial granddaughter: Pan Liangci's filial grandson: Pan Daoshi, but this old gentleman is blind and his pronunciation is not standard. When he called the roll according to the obituary, anyone who literally had three points of water or left the capital missed it. So I read it to him like this: "Filial piety, flip ... and fight ..." Hearing this, Filial piety felt very strange, but he was afraid to ask, so he turned a somersault. Then he said, "Filial piety, it's ………………" Hearing this, Filial piety said, "I want to turn it over, too? "So filial piety daughter-in-law also turned over a somersault. Again: "Filial piety granddaughter, turn it over twice. Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thinks that my parents have turned over, and I will turn it over! So I turned over two somersaults. At this time, Xiao Sun thought to himself, "My father and mother have turned it over once, and my sister has turned it over twice, so how many times should I turn it over?" I started to get nervous when I was thinking about it: "What should I do? "I saw the old gentleman tearing his throat and reading aloud:" Filial piety grandson ... turns over ... to ... die ... "I read it on the qq forum. Although it was indecent, the person who replied was really interesting. Let's have a look. I forgot to bring paper when I went to the toilet. I only had a photo of my girlfriend and 1 yuan in my pocket. Which one should I use? Somebody tell me. Second floor. Use your fingers! ~ Rinse it with water again! ~ 3rd floor. Use a hundred. Don't you think it hurts to use photos? The photos are too hard. 4th floor. Use a hundred dollars, wash it and spend it on the fifth floor. The things bought after washing upstairs are still fragrant on the sixth floor. Haha, I'd better use what others have used in the wastebasket. (-_ _-This answer is really huge. . ) 7th floor. You should just lift your pants and leave after going to the bathroom. . . . . . . . . (Dude, it's so atmospheric) 8th floor. Cry ~ I'm eating, 9th floor. Liar. ................ doesn't even have shoes? Scrape it with your shoes (Shit, big brother, how to scrape it-_ _-||) 1th floor. Simple ~ ~ reluctantly give up what one loves ~ ~ use your underwear ` ~ 11th floor. Just buckle it with your hands ~ ~ Remember to wash your hands, 12th floor. Use socks ~ ~ ~ ~ (it's the same as using shoes. . . ) 13th floor. You didn't post this in the toilet, did you ... Honestly, what did you use at that time ... 14th floor. India is the 15th floor without paper. Tear 1 into 5 equal parts ``` and use a photo of ``` haha````` with 8 yuan left ``` It's very profitable ~ ~ I'm a girl ````` boyfriend, of course not! ~ ~ (Jienv Dizhen has an economic mind) 16th floor. Use both, because one is not enough to wipe (-_-|||) 17th floor. Call for help! 18th floor. The photo faces inward, let your girlfriend carry you, and then scrape it, so that you can compare it in your heart (cow. . ) 19th floor. Tear the photo into two thin pieces ~! ! Wipe it with the unpatterned side ~ ~! ! ! (more cattle. . ) 2th floor. It's true that he * * can't find a hair dryer to blow it off, and his ass will air dry. Don't bother me with such problems next time (it's really sweaty). Can't you call 11? 22nd floor. Stupid! There must be a faucet in the toilet. Just go out and get a hose, plug it in the faucet and squat down and wash it. 23rd floor. Two things I can't bear, ........... ~ ~ Then tear off my girlfriend's head in the photo as a souvenir and then wipe the PP ~ ~ ~ ~ 1 ... Keep it for use ~ ~ 24th floor. So what do you do? I think so. . . . . . (orz) 25th floor. You climb to the female WC to see if there is a 26th floor. After taking the tuba, I pursed the PP, then began to throw it wildly for 5 minutes, and then I used centrifugal force to throw the poop left on the PP clean, and then I could do it, but it was time-consuming and a little tired ~ ~ ~ 27th floor. That's a strong hip upstairs. 28th floor. Don't toilets all have walls? Rubbing on the walls. 29th floor. It's really not good to spray the residue outside PP with one breath. XI comes in (go, what about your acrobatics? ) 3th floor. Wait a minute. Let me help you clean the 31st floor. Be generous! Dora! Block the toilet! At that time, others will come in to repair it, and you threaten: no paper! Never go out! ! ! Don't you just have to? The 32nd floor. Stick the gum in your mouth, and it will be fine if it is clean. If it is still sweet and reluctant to throw it away, keep chewing (the worst thing is you, O _ O) 33rd floor. Blow it with your mouth, dry it, and you can dig the shell down to the 34th floor. Have you ever practiced yoga? You can do it by yourself, but it's more difficult. 35th floor. What if you have diarrhea? That's not enough for 1, 36th floor. There are two ways in front of you, which is to choose love or stay in love, the greatness of love or the greater temptation of money? This is a problem, a choice. When you finally find the support of life, when you pick up the bill and regard it as dirt, you suddenly find that it has dried up. -guarding love, it seems that we have lost a lot at the expense, but in fact we have gained more. The fortune teller and the young lady talked: "Your life is not good." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen." "Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there will be two big waves in life. One day, a Japanese tourist who can speak Chinese and is very arrogant came to a China restaurant for dinner. When the waiter brought him a plate of braised prawns, the Japanese asked the waiter, "What do you do with the shelled shrimps in China?" The waiter replied strangely: "You don't have to ask, of course, throw it away!" The Japanese smiled contemptuously: "No, in Japan, we will recycle the peeled shrimp shells, make them into shrimp cakes and sell them to you in China!" The waiter was very angry, but he kept his temper and went on with his business. After a while, the waiter brought a fruit bowl to the Japanese. The Japanese pointed to the lemon inside and asked, "What did you do with the peeled lemon peel in China?" The waiter replied angrily, "Throw it away, of course!" The corners of the Japanese mouth are raised: "No, No! In Japan, we will collect the peeled lemon peel, make it into dried tangerine peel pie and sell it to you in China! " The waiter's face changed slightly, but he still ignored him. Finally, after the Japanese finished eating, they chewed gum and went to the waiter to settle the bill. He repeatedly asked, "What will you do with the chewed gum in China?" The waiter replied impatiently, "We will put it on paper and throw it away!" " The Japanese said quickly, "No, No, No! In Japan, we will collect the chewed chewing gum, make condoms and sell them to you in China! " The waiter couldn't bear it, so he smiled and asked the Japanese, "Excuse me, sir, how do you deal with used condoms in Japan?" The Japanese shouted, "Oh, my God! Throw it away, of course! ！” The waiter smiled and said, "No! In China, we will collect used condoms, make chewing gum and sell them to you! ! ！” Songkran Festival ... The annual Songkran Festival, everyone is splashing water on each other to show their respect and blessing. Suddenly, a man scolded: "tmb, who threw me?" The people next to him advised him, "It is a blessing for you to be splashed with water." The man scolded: "that idiot threw boiling water at me!" " Dead Komatsu ventured alone in the forest and was suddenly surrounded by a group of cannibals. At this time, Komatsu was very scared, so he muttered, "I'm going to die this time, God, help me." Suddenly, a voice came from the sky: "Not necessarily. You picked up that big stone on the ground and killed the chief who took the lead." So, Komatsu did it immediately. Then a voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." See a doctor ... One day, Xiao Wang was not feeling well below, so he went to the hospital for an examination. The doctor asked, "What's wrong with that guy below you?" Xiao Wang said, "I'll take it off for you to see, but don't laugh!" " Doctor: "OK, take it off, I promise I won't laugh." So Xiao Wang took off his pants for the doctor to see. The doctor couldn't help laughing when he saw that his JJ was only the size of fire. Xiao Wang said unhappily, I agreed not to laugh. People have been swollen for several days, and you still laugh. "Liu Guanzhang Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were very depressed because of their short genitals. So I found Zhuge Liang, the strategist, and asked him to help me pay attention. Zhuge Liang suggested that they go to the United States for another one. Liu Beixian went to change another one, and was very satisfied. When he came back, he told Guan Yu that it worked well, so Guan Yu also went to change another one and came back to tell Zhang Fei that it worked well. Zhang Fei also went to get another one. When he came back, he found Guan Yu and said, "Second brother, I can't do this well." Guan Yu: "Impossible, please take off your pants and let me have a look." Zhang Fei took off his trousers. Guan Yu smiled and said, "Haha ... the one you changed is mine." 1. There was an ugly woman who could never get married, hoping to be abducted. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted her teeth and stamped her feet and said, Let's go. . Don't want the car! ! ! 3 your happiness, I will build; I'll make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; Your willfulness, I will give in; Love you is mine, who makes me a professional pig farmer. (To be continued) 5 Yesterday, in a dream, the Lord said that one of my wishes could be realized. I took out my globe and said that I wanted world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult!