Ask for English jokes.

A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. It took her a long time to choose one because she was very picky. The shop assistant was fed up and worried that she would change her mind again, so he tried to flatter her: "Good choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger in this hat! " To his dismay, the lady immediately took off her hat and said, "I don't want a hat that looks ten years older when I take it off." Show me some more hats! "

I won't cut it all off.

Miles sometimes goes to the barber shop for a haircut during work hours. But this violates the office rules: staff must have their hair cut in their own time. One day, when Miles was in the barber shop, the office manager happened to come in for a haircut and sat next to him.

"Hello, Miles," said the manager. "I saw you get your hair cut during office hours."

"Yes, sir, I am," Myers admitted quietly. "You see, sir, it's long at work."

"Not really," said the manager at once. "Some grow up in your own time."

"Yes, sir, that's quite right." Miles replied politely, "but I won't cut all my hair off."

But the teacher cried.

Six-year-old John is spoiled. His father knows this, but his grandmother dotes on him. He hardly ever left her side. When he wants something, he either cries or loses his temper. Then on his first day at school, he left his grandmother's loving arms for the first time.

When he came home from school, his grandmother greeted him at the door.

"How's school?" She asked, "How are you? Did you cry? "

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, the teacher cried!"

The difference between men and women

Jock is driving on a steep, narrow and winding Scottish mountain road. A woman is driving in the opposite direction on the same road.

When they passed by, the woman leaned out of the window and shouted, "Pig! ! "

Jock immediately leaned out of the window and replied, "Bitch! ! "

They each went on their way, but when Jock turned the next corner, he ran into a pig in the middle of the road. ....

clock

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. When she stood in front of St. Peter at the gate of heaven, she saw a huge clock wall behind him.

She asked, "What are those clocks?"

St Peter replied, "Those are lying clocks. Everyone on the earth has a biological clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move. "

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's mother Teresa's. The hand has never moved, which shows that she has never told a lie. "

"Whose clock is that?" "That's abraham lincoln's clock. The pointer only moved twice, telling us that Abe only lied twice in his life. "

"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He used it as a ceiling fan. "

There is one engine left.

A 747 plane was on its way across the Atlantic when the captain's voice came from the loudspeaker: "Attention, passengers. We lost one engine, but we can definitely use the remaining three to get to London. Unfortunately, we will be one hour late. "

After a while, the passengers heard the captain's voice again. "Guess what, guys. We just lost the third engine, but please rest assured that we can fly with only one engine. We will arrive in London three hours late. "

At this point, a passenger became very angry. "For God's sake," he shouted, "if we lose another engine, we will stay here all night!"