The biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers

The greatest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers

The greatest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers is that being a full-time mother is a very enviable profession in Japan, but in China, few women are willing to be full-time mothers. , after all, not everyone can endure the bitterness hidden behind full-time mothers. Let me give you a brief understanding of the biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers. The biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers 1

In China, it seems that few people really regard raising children, taking care of the elderly, and doing housework at home as jobs worthy of respect.

This is not just a problem for husbands, it should be a problem for everyone in the family, parents-in-law, husband, wife, and even children.

It’s just that there are not many stay-at-home dads, and stay-at-home moms are the mainstream.

When you are unable to go out to make money and become a stay-at-home mother, you may not only lose your economic voice, but also the basic dignity of life, and this will lead to anxiety and hostility. born.

A stay-at-home mother once said: "Even if I talk about keeping my house in good order and taking good care of my family every day at home, I still feel like the whole world is bullying me."

Is this the "sadness" of a stay-at-home mother?

No!

Perhaps ten or twenty years later, you will find that this is just the beginning, because the most "sad" stay-at-home mothers we have ever seen have turned their children into their "allies" and "allies" After the "relationship" ended, what happened was the "critical blow" injury to the child he had worked so hard to raise.

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Few people can understand the pain of stay-at-home mothers, so they are eager to get their children’s understanding

In most ordinary families in China After a couple has a child, the first priority is usually not the father who is a "domestic" person or the mother who is a "domestic person", but the child who doesn't understand anything.

At home, everything is child-centered, and it is normal to consider the children first in everything.

So much so that in many unhappy marriages, people who stubbornly and unilaterally want to provide a complete family for their children always exist on a large scale, even if they know that this will not really benefit the children. They didn't hesitate.

From a psychological point of view, this should be an instinct, a kind of self-resolution and emotional transfer.

People in anxiety and pain are unwilling to face their spouse, let alone solve their spouse's problems, so they subconsciously focus all their energy on their children.

They know that no one can understand their pain, and they don't expect their partners to suddenly "enlighten" their pain.

But the child was born by myself, and I have a lot of time with the child, and I have enough time to let the child understand me.

As a result, the children became their allies at a very young age. This is so easy!

However, people have an instinct to subconsciously let their children experience the pain they have experienced again. Only in this way can the children "empathize".

That’s where the problem lies!

Self-complaint of a girl born in the 1990s: I have felt sorry for my mother for decades, but now she makes me feel "disgusting"

The following is a Self-complaints of “older leftover women” born in the 1990s.

In my impression, before I was 21 years old, I particularly hated my father.

Seeing his sloppy appearance made me feel sick.

He likes to smoke low-quality cigarettes, and also likes to find people to play cards for 50 cents. He is always dull and can't speak, and he is not as honest as a man.

Since I was a child, I have grown up in a chaotic environment. After my mother had my brother and me, she became a grumpy stay-at-home mother. As for how grumpy you are, you just need to Just know that none of our neighbors have anything to do with us.

My father is always submissive in front of my mother. My mother attributes all her unhappiness to "Dad can't make money."

My mother was very beautiful when she was young, so she often said during quarrels: "I was blind at the beginning, why did I marry such an incompetent thing like you!"

Me Dad probably knew he was guilty, so he never defended himself. After being scolded, he would squat alone outside the house and smoke silently.

My dad is a taxi driver, and his income is not high, just enough to maintain normal expenses. My mother said that if he hadn’t received the job of repairing the highway that year, my brother and I would have gone to work. College is a problem.

My dad is "incompetent", so there is almost no peace at home. There is very little laughter in my house. Sometimes my brother and I play crazy, and I will My mother's criticism gave me the feeling that "your father can't make enough money, and our family doesn't deserve to be happy."

My brother and I both understand my mother very well, and we all believe that the reason our family is like this is because of my father's incompetence.

So we have been my mother’s “strong backers” and my mother’s “loyal allies” since we were children. Many times we would help my mother tell my father’s faults.

It was at that moment that I began to understand my dad.

That day I went to an aunt’s house whose conditions were worse than mine. They had three children, the youngest of whom was a son.

I remember that day my cousin who had just entered junior high school was clamoring to buy a pair of sneakers. My uncle probably couldn’t afford much money at the time, so what he brought back was a pair of very ordinary sneakers. Naturally, my cousin Not only did he cry and make a fuss, he also slapped his father.

I saw clearly the expressions of my aunt and uncle at that time. Because I was an outsider, they were a little embarrassed. They just coaxed my cousin and said they would buy it for him in a few days.

Afterwards, I saw my aunt wiping tears secretly in the kitchen and my uncle squatting on the floor to help choose vegetables. They didn't argue, they forced a smile and said they didn't want my help.

I suddenly began to understand my father, because even I wanted to slap this ignorant cousin, because if such a situation happened in my family, my mother would definitely take the opportunity to slap him. My dad scolded me so much that he even kicked me out of the house and refused to let me eat.

Since then, I have looked at my dad differently. It seems that it is only with such a cowardly and honest dad that we can feel no pressure and be unscrupulous when we are alone.

Looking at my mother again, I feel more and more bored. Apart from complaining, she has done almost nothing worthy of praise.

Her catchphrase is: I’m not happy, so don’t you guys want to be happy!

The bad relationship between relatives and friends is because there is no money. The bad relationship between husband and wife is also because there is no money. But why haven’t you thought about making money yourself?

What does it mean to be dragged down by the two of us? Are the clothes you spend a lot of time washing by hand really cleaner than washing them in a washing machine?

The "justice" that she had advocated for in the past had even become a joke that made her ashamed.

The emotional and moral "kidnapping" from our mother makes us dislike her and want to stay away from her, because no one is willing to admit that he is a "wolf-hearted" person. Admit that you are a "traitor".

I have felt sorry for my mother for decades, but now she makes me feel "disgusted".

Written at the end

This woman’s example may be a bit extreme, but her mother’s “violence” is actually similar to that of many of our stay-at-home mothers. of.

Because almost all stay-at-home mothers with a low sense of happiness think that they are innocent. Who is born a "resentful woman", aren't they all forced to be like this?

Some people think that this is caused by poor economic conditions, and they want to prove their ability with half the effort and make themselves financially independent.

But when she reaches a certain level, she will also find that thinking this way is just as ridiculous and ignorant as men thinking that money can solve all problems.

There are also people who feel very lost because the children they always protect are closer to the father who does not spend much time with the children. They feel that they have been "betrayed". Sometimes they even say bad things about their significant other to express their feelings. Explain that you love your child more to prevent your child from loving your partner.

Entering such a family can indeed be said to be a woman's sorrow, but for a mother, it is really a "disaster" for an adult child to be separated from her. The biggest sorrow of a stay-at-home mother 2

After being a stay-at-home mother for a while, I discovered that the most terrifying thing is not the lack of social interaction and social status, but the lack of family status. One day, my mother-in-law came to the house to look after the children. While cooking in the kitchen, she overheard her saying to her son: "Look what grandma bought you. You have to listen to your father. All the money in the family is made by father. Mom is the one who earns it." Eating at home."

Hearing these words, I felt mixed emotions in my heart, and I didn’t dare to say anything because I was cowardly.

"Dad earns all the money, why don't you spend money on me?" Mom felt heartbroken

Until one day when she took her son to the mall, he clamored and insisted on buying one. The new toy was exactly the same as the one at home, so I naturally rejected him. The child opened his mouth and said, "Dad earns all the money. Why don't you spend money to buy toys for me?" In public, the 6-year-old My son made me feel suffocated for a moment, followed by heartache.

When did my son become so sensitive to "money"? My first reaction was that I was indoctrinated by my grandma. I was heartbroken because my child believed that only by earning money could he be considered "skilled", have the right to speak, and not be just a freeloader. I was even more heartbroken because he did not immediately refute his mother-in-law and correct the child. values.

Thinking of this, I said to the child in a gentle and decisive manner: "Yes, dad is responsible for making money at home, and it is indeed dad who earns the money to buy toys for the baby. But just making money is not enough. Let's live a good life and have someone to help dad make money. For example, someone has to do the housework. If you don't do it, dad won't do it."

" Mom does housework and dad works to earn money. This is the division of labor in our family. In other families, mom makes money and dad does housework. So do you understand? Mom and dad are a team. Some make money and others take care of the family. As a child, you need to grow up slowly."

"In the process of growing up, you still have a long way to go, and there will be many more toys you want to buy in the future. There is an exact same toy at home. There are many similar toys. If you insist on wanting this toy, your mother will buy it for you, but the number of toys she will buy you will be one less."

Son She nodded in understanding, took my hand and walked out the door, "Mom, actually I have a toy I want more, can you buy it for me next time?" We happily reached an agreement.

It is really difficult to be a full-time mother. The first- and second-tier full-time mothers have taken their children to classes since early childhood. Children in kindergartens have five or six interest classes and foreign language classes. After entering elementary school, what do children learn? Moms can learn whatever they want. I have seen stay-at-home mothers who are proficient in everything from piano and violin to Go and skating. Who says that stay-at-home mothers are just for free time?