5 humorous jokes of husband and wife

Humor is like a bridge to narrow the distance between people and bridge the gap between people. I have collected 5 humorous jokes for you. Let's have a look.

A selection of humorous jokes of husband and wife

1) The wife is shouting at her husband: I finally know you now, you are a selfish guy! You always keep your mouth shut, my wife, my paintings, my salary, mine and mine? It seems that there is nothing in the house that is not yours. Remember, if you don't get rid of this bad habit, I'll divorce you? Hey, what are you rummaging about in the closet? ! ? I'm looking for our pants? . The husband replied.

2) A young couple who got married soon had a baby. I want to hire a nanny because I am too busy at work. Because the house is too small, the couple have differences on how to settle the nanny. The husband wants to hire a beautiful young girl, but the wife is uneasy and wants to hire an older nanny. The husband said: Older, inflexible. ? So I don't agree. Finally, the husband gently offered to let his wife's sister help. But I'm afraid it's not inconvenient for a family. ? The wife said: You mean to turn my sister into a family?

3) Once upon a time, there was a man named Daxiong. When he was dying, he called his wife to the bed and warned her. After I die, don't steal people casually, otherwise, every time you steal someone, I will beat a roll in the ground! ? Say and Nobita will die? !

4) a year later, daxiong's wife went to the palace of hell for something important? Nobita? Yan Luowang had a long time and didn't know who Nobita was. Finally, she mentioned Nobita's last words before he died, so Yan Luowang had an epiphany. You told me earlier! ? Then he shouted into it:? Hey! Gyro Xiong, someone is looking for you! ?

5) The wife found that the man was eating in a restaurant with his little secret, and made a scene. The man took his wife home and advised her. Just for fun, not serious. ? The woman cried and said, Play? Why don't you take me to play? The man said:? I'll take you to play and let her cook at home. Would you like to? The woman said:? Then why don't you let go of her hand? The man said:? That's someone else's hand. It's not fresh and not serious. ? Woman:? Then why didn't you hold my hand so affectionately? Man:? I hold my own hand, what kind of affection do I need? The woman cried and said, You have no feelings for me at all. ? Man:? Of course, you are already my right hand and a part of my body. Although I don't think about her deliberately, I can't live without her. If I leave, I will become disabled. Which of these two hands is more important? The wife thought for a moment, smiled through tears and said, Are you really bad? .

6) A couple is sleeping in bed. It's about midnight. There seems to be some noise outside, which woke up his wife. The wife was a little in a daze, so she quickly woke up her husband. And said to her husband:? Get up quickly, as if my husband had come back. ? The husband was awakened by his wife, and he was also in a daze. After hearing his wife's words, he stood up and said: Why didn't you say so earlier? Then where should I hide now? ?

7) A lady had her right index finger clipped while riding in a car. She wants to sue and claim RMB 1, from the car company.

8) The lawyer said to her: I'm afraid one finger can't claim that much?

9) The lady growled: But my finger is used to command my husband! ?

1) One day, while everyone was making trouble in their new house, someone suddenly asked the couple to talk about how they met and got married. The bride said shyly: We are in free love. ? At this point, the groom quickly added:? Yes, we are free to fall in love, and I gave all my savings to your mother to set you free. ?

　11) ? I found that I am not a woman who can be faithful to her whole life. ? A young woman said to the little Lisi God. ? Why do you say that? Small, god asked. ? Because I don't like listening to songs sung by the same person. ? The woman was silent for a while and replied. ? Good. Your husband also said that he never watches movies starring the same person. ? Small, god said with a smile.

12) My grandfather is tall, but my grandmother is as tall as. My grandfather died when I was a child; Once I was looking through old photos with my grandmother, and it suddenly occurred to me that the two of them must be very conspicuous standing together. ? Grandma? I asked curiously:? How can you fall in love with a man so much shorter than you? Grandma turned to me and said, Son, we are sitting in love, and when I stand up, it's too late. ?

13) husbands are very afraid of their wives. One night, because he missed the time to go home, he simply walked into a small bar and got drunk as a fiddler. It was dark when I came out of the bar. The man was so drunk that he climbed into the pool where crocodiles were kept in the zoo and fell asleep. Early the next morning, the shrew saw that her husband had not returned all night, holding a stick and looking for it. Far away, I saw this guy lying beside the crocodile, sleeping soundly, so I knocked on the railing by the pool with a wooden stick and shouted: Coward, come out! ?

14) A young beauty was wearing a tight skirt to get on the bus. Because the skirt was too tight to lift her legs, she secretly reached out and untied a button at the back, but she still couldn't get on, so she untied another one, but she still couldn't get on, so she untied another one. But I still can't get up. At this time, a man behind him reached out and helped her untie a button. When the woman felt it, she turned back and scolded the man. Rogue! ? The man said very grievance:? I'm a gangster? You unbuttoned the three buttons in front of me, and I didn't make a sound. I only unbuttoned one button! ?

15) A couple snuggled up sweetly in the park. When the man saw the woman's hair so supple, he couldn't help stealing it. The woman said sweetly. Alas! I hate it! ? The man's heart itched even more, so he stole it again, and the woman said: Well, no! ? Hearing this, the man's heart was about to fly, and he touched it again. Suddenly, the woman stood up and said rudely: Stop touching it! My wig is falling off! ! ! ?

16) wife:? Didn't you call me an angel before marriage? Husband:? Right. ? Wife:? Why don't you pretend to call me now? Husband:? Oh, dear, you should be happy. Now my mind is much more normal. ? Wife (on the boat):? If this ship is sinking, do you save me or our children first? ? Husband:? Save myself first. ? Wife:? Last night, I had a sweet dream that you promised me a dollar to buy clothes. Honey, will you fulfill my dream? Husband:? Of course. As luck would have it, I dreamed that I gave you a dollar last night! ?

17) On the bus, a modern girl was wearing a low-cut dress and a necklace with an airplane. As soon as a young man got on the bus, he stared at the plane on the neck chain. The girl couldn't help but ask curiously: Do you like this necklace, sir? The man replied:? Oh! No, I'm just admiring the airstrip. ?

18) As usual, when I came home from work in the afternoon, I found that my wife was in a bad mood that day, and the result was a close fight and an unpleasant attitude. Nothing I did was right. In the evening, things didn't get better, so I suggested that I go out and pretend to have just arrived home, and then everything would start all over again, and my wife agreed. After I went out, I came in again and said, Honey, I'm home! ? Where were you just now? She snapped,? Already. ?

classic couple humor jokes

1) One day, when he was idle, his husband asked his wife:? Honey, do you know why fish are dumb? Wife:? I don't know ? Husband:? It's simple. You just put your head in the water and try to say a few words. ?

2) An old quack misdiagnosed someone else's daughter and died. In order to compensate, he gave his daughter to the other party as an adopted daughter. Then, he diagnosed another family's maid to death, and in order to compensate, he gave his own maid to the other party. One night, someone knocked at his door and said, My good wife has abdominal pain, please ask the old man to see a doctor. ? The old quack called his wife out and said, Dear, please get ready to leave! ?

3) A lady and a football coach are getting married soon, and she knows that the game is always the top priority for her husband. One day she was particularly depressed and blurted out: Frank, you'd rather miss my funeral than go to the ball game! ? The husband was very calm and replied:? Roberta, what on earth made you think that I would arrange your funeral on a day with a ball game?

4) A couple in America had a heated argument about the family economy. Finally, the wife said: If it weren't for my money, this TV set wouldn't be here. If it weren't for my money, the easy chair you were sitting in wouldn't be here. If it weren't for my money, this house wouldn't be here. ? Are you laughing at me? The husband snorted and said, If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here. ?

5) A gentleman complained to his friends that his wife likes to drink and eat well, and always makes ends meet at the end of each month. A friend taught a gentleman to take his wife to visit Buddhist temples more often, so that she could understand? Everything is empty? The truth. One day, a friend met a gentleman and asked him: How's that? Does your wife understand the true meaning? A gentleman shook his head and said with a wry smile: She likes to wear clothes besides eating and drinking now! ? What's the matter, alas, she realized? Buddha needs gold, but man needs clothes? Ah! ?

6) My wife found a man eating in a restaurant with his little secret, and made a scene. The man took his wife home and advised her. Just for fun, not serious. ? The woman cried and said, Play? Why don't you take me to play? The man said:? I'll take you to play and let her cook at home. Would you like to? The woman said:? Then why don't you let go of her hand? The man said:? That's someone else's hand. It's not fresh and not serious. ? Woman:? Then why didn't you hold my hand so affectionately? Man:? I hold my own hand, what kind of affection do I need? The woman cried and said, You have no feelings for me at all. ? Man:? Of course, you are already my right hand and a part of my body. Although I don't think about her deliberately, I can't live without her. If I leave, I will become disabled. Which of these two hands is more important? The wife thought for a moment, smiled through tears and said, Are you really bad? .

7) An old couple who have been married for forty years are talking. The wife complained:? You are not as kind to me as before. You used to sit next to me. ? The husband replied:? This is easy to handle. ? Then he moved to sit beside her. ? But you used to hold me tight. ? Is this good? He put his arms around his wife's neck. ? Do you remember how you used to kiss my neck and bite my ear? He jumped up and walked out of the door. The wife asked quickly: Where are you going? The husband replied:? I have to get my false teeth. ?

8) The wife is pregnant, so ask her husband if he is a boy or a girl. The husband reluctantly put down the mop:? Girls are good, and there is no trouble when they are girls; Being a girlfriend can be unreasonable; Being a wife can be tricky, but it's good to be a woman! ?

9) The couple are watching TV at home. The TV news broadcast:? Men nowadays want to have an extramarital affair. ? After the husband listens, busy say:? Then I must be the man there. I'm a bastard! ? Then, the news continued to report:? Other men have already had extramarital affairs. ?

1) My husband is surfing the Internet. My wife is pathetic: Honey, do you love me or not? Husband:? I won't talk! ? Wife:? How can you be like this? I just want to ask. Now you won't even tell me the language of love. Think back then? (The history of thousands of words of love is omitted below)? Husband is helpless: Love, love, love ? Wife:? Then you will definitely be willing to give me the computer! ? Husband:

11) My wife is pathetic: Honey, do you love me or not? Husband:? Amor! ? Wife:? Love me, can you promise me one thing? Husband:? Ok! ? Wife:? Then I'll surf the Internet today! ? Husband:

12) The wife and husband quarreled for lack of money. The husband lost the quarrel, and he was flustered and tunnel:? Only women and villains are hard to raise! ? The wife is stupefied:? Who said that? The husband proudly said: Confucius! ? The wife said contemptuously: It seems that his salary is not high. ?

13) A couple who want to divorce should go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the formalities. On the way, suddenly, the husband said to his wife: I beg you, just hold my hand, put your head on my shoulder and act happy, okay? The wife asked in surprise. Why? The husband said shyly:? The woman coming in front is my ex-wife. ?

14) In a church in a small town, a group of people are attending church. Suddenly, a burst of smoke rose, the devil Satan appeared, and people were frightened and fled. Only one old man sat still. Satan combatively rushed up and asked him: Who are you? How dare you not be afraid of me? ! ? What are you afraid of? Your sister and I are married. ? The old man said indifferently.

15) My wife is going to a wedding reception and asked me what clothes to wear to attract attention. I replied: red or white cheongsam. So she came to the hotel gracefully in cheongsam.

16) She came back to report in the evening, and today she was really noticed. People ask me: haven't all the dishes on our table been served yet? Miss, please serve some rice. Two bottles of beer! Excuse me, where is the toilet?

17) My wife forced her husband to go into the sea, saying that he would not come back to me until he made a lot of money. Later, the husband made a lot of money, and the wife said, hurry ashore, dear! My husband said no, the mermaid in the sea bit me.

A couple's humorous jokes

1) My wife forced her husband to go into the sea, saying he wouldn't come back to me until he made a lot of money. Later, the husband made a lot of money, and the wife said, hurry ashore, dear! My husband said no, the mermaid in the sea bit me.

2) Women are the most realistic. Before marriage, if you accidentally bump into the glass window, she will say nervously: Honey! You're not hurt, are you? If this happens again after marriage? Accident? Although she was equally nervous, she asked: Oh, my god! Is the glass not broken?

3) A businessman and his wife celebrate their 1th wedding anniversary together. Businessman: Dear, I must give you a special gift to commemorate our tenth wedding anniversary. Tell me, which do you want, a sports car, a yacht or a diamond necklace? Wife: Honey, I just want one gift. You must promise me. Businessman: I will promise you anything as long as it is what you want. Wife: You promise? Businessman: I promise Go ahead, what do you want? Wife: I want a divorce. Businessman: my god, I didn't intend to spend that much money!

4) wife:? Honey, is this shredded pork delicious? Husband:? Ma Ma Hu. ? Wife:? What about this fish? Husband:? Make do. ? Wife:? What about this tofu? Husband:? Just so-so. ? The wife couldn't help yelling:? Can't you say a good word? The husband who is drinking soup shouted:? It's hot!