"Mom, he called me an idiot", and the child was laughed at. It is better to do this than to comfort and intervene.

Introduction: "Mom, he called me an idiot", and the child was laughed at. It is better to do this than to comfort and intervene.

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Recently, college girlfriends are particularly entangled, because my son, who just entered the first grade of elementary school, said that he was always laughed at by his classmates as a "big idiot" at school, which made him feel particularly embarrassed and didn't want to go to school again. Semester.

Knowing what happened to their son, girlfriends had no choice but to give sympathy and comfort. She is still thinking about whether to talk to the teacher before the start of next semester and find a way to solve it. In desperation, he even said that he would beat those little bad guys for his son.

It's not just my college girlfriend's son. In real life, children are often laughed at, so the topic of children being laughed at is often mentioned in parents' parties or WeChat groups.

For children, ridicule is very painful, because it will not only affect the relationship between children and their peers, but also make children feel inferior and lonely. Over time, it will also make children feel tired of learning, which will seriously affect their physical and mental health and growth.

So it is not difficult to understand why many parents are particularly anxious when they see their children being laughed at. In addition to providing comfort, they also want to step in and help their children. But in fact, parents' comfort and intervention can not fundamentally solve the problem, because if children are not allowed to learn coping skills by themselves, they will never learn how to deal with this absurd problem, and it will be very difficult to gain a foothold in school and society in the future.

Therefore, as parents, we must face the dilemma of being laughed at by children, and then let children learn the skills to solve ridicule to solve the problem.

In fact, children are ridiculed for many reasons, such as body, personality, academic performance, family environment and so on. Any reason can be a reason to be laughed at. But psychologists have concluded that the following two types of children are more likely to be laughed at:

* "Worried" children: This kind of children often have anxiety, insecurity, lack of self-confidence and emotional fragility. They tend to take ridicule too seriously, so scoffers like to empower them.

Although such children never take the initiative to laugh at others, they can try to ignore others' ridicule, but when things are beyond their tolerance, they often collapse, cry, lose their temper and often fail to understand others. People's humor and jokes. , often overreact.

* "Aggressive" children: These children are usually irritable, short-tempered, unable to understand social signals, and easily invade others' body space with words. He can't stop others from stopping him, so this kind of child is often unpopular.

Therefore, in order to join a group, he usually laughs at others first, but he is often countered and lost to the other side. Moreover, because they can't distinguish between malicious and well-meaning ridicule, they tend to overreact to ridicule.

Psychological research shows that both boys and girls can be laughed at, but in different ways.

Boys are ridiculed in a simpler way: the mockers are more likely to directly deal with the victims by imitating, cursing and beating. For example, if your boy is laughed at, he may "throw away his schoolbag", "trip over" and "bump into a corner".

Boys usually laugh at others when they go to middle school. After graduating from high school, this phenomenon basically disappeared.

Laughing at girls is more indirect: the mockers are behind the scenes, slandering the isolated victims. If your daughter is laughed at, she may often hear rumors and be maliciously slandered. It is forbidden to exclude bars from a certain "circle" and be excluded and laughed at. This situation is more complicated to deal with.

Girls generally laugh at others in the third to sixth grades of primary school, and this phenomenon basically disappears after entering high school.

Psychologists remind that after laughing at children, there are usually the following performances, such as:

Crying, worrying, losing temper, poor mental state;

Often complain about physical discomfort, such as headache, leg pain, stomach pain;

I often lose things, such as notebooks and erasers. Don't like friends and classmates to play together;

I don't want to go to school, and my grades drop.

In this case, parents should find a suitable opportunity to ask about their children in a very relaxed atmosphere. In the process of communication, we must wait patiently for children to share their ideas with their parents before learning. Details of the child.

After understanding the relevant situation, parents can list the scoffers' reactions with their children, list them in tables, classify them, distinguish the types of ridicule, and distinguish what is ridicule and what is malicious ridicule. Classification and response. For example, it can be divided into "teasing", "playing tricks", "speaking ill", "cursing" and "malicious slander".

Make fun of others: "You are stupid", "Your English is terrible" and so on.

Deliberate imitation: deliberately imitate the language and behavior of the mocked;

Swearing: calling others "fools", "dead dwarfs" and "four-eyed dogs";

Say bad words behind your back: several children are together, whispering and laughing at the ridiculed people;

Malicious slander: deliberately saying "he doesn't take a shower" and "because he likes to report".

Pranks: Put the cockroach on the table, suddenly move the stool from behind, and so on.

Classifying the words and deeds of ridiculed children can help children analyze according to the actual situation, no matter whether the ridicule is good or malicious. For example, the above-mentioned "teaching" and "intentional imitation" can be regarded as a kind of ridicule. "Swearing" and "malicious slander" can be regarded as malicious ridicule.

But in fact, the reality is not so beautiful. Most of the ridicule is also malicious, because children ignore it, so it can't be easily avoided. In this regard, Kaikai, a famous American psychologist and head of children's social skills field, put forward the following skills to help children cope with the plight of Xi Cohen being laughed at.

Casey Cohen believes that even well-meaning ridicule can pose a great threat to children who are deeply troubled by ridicule. Therefore, the first thing to do is to let children learn positive psychological hints and become "psychologically strong." Their children practice using sentences that may imply themselves, that is, when faced with ridicule, try to say the following words to themselves to enhance their strength or maintain a sense of humor, for example,

They don't want to laugh at me, but they want to laugh with me;

I'm sure I can solve this problem myself.

Remember to relax and keep a sense of humor;

Express my thoughts in words, fight back instead of hitting people.

These sentences can be parents' advice to children or children's own consideration. The key is to suit the children's own expression habits. Once confirmed, they can practice. Being psychologically prepared and using the following skills in specific situations will help children to cope with ridicule more naturally and calmly:

1. When you are smiling or indifferent, please bore the other person with "cold therapy".

Psychological research shows that ignoring unpleasant behaviors can effectively reduce the occurrence of such behaviors. This method is also very effective for ridicule.

Therefore, children can be taught to see the humorous side of ridicule, and when children are ridiculed, they can learn to use an indifferent attitude, so that the mockers will feel that their actions will not make people feel sad and their ability will be weakened. Therefore, he felt that his behavior was boring and stupid, so he chose to give up.

When using this method, you don't need to ridicule and anger each other, but you can evaluate each other's mocking behavior calmly and indifferently. "You can tell me something I don't know" "This method is not smart"; Or sarcastically say "Oh, you really scared me" or "Oh, that's funny, haha" or something like that. Even if you think the other person is laughing, you can laugh "Yes, but I think it's good."

After making a response, walk away immediately, and don't wait for the other party's response, because you can only leave immediately after fighting back, and don't give your opponent any chance to continue pestering. You can take the initiative to make the other person stop laughing right away.

Verbal counterattack, responding in three ways: "ask irrelevant questions", "tell the truth" and "expose arguments"

If someone deliberately provokes your child, you can ask the child to fight back with words, such as directly asking the other person irrelevant questions, or directly telling the facts and pointing out the specific behavior of the other person, or directly exposing the other person's behavior. The argument behind it.

After the other person utters sarcastic language, asking an irrelevant question can smoothly divert the topic and attention, and then make the mocker unresponsive. For example, this happened to my colleague's 7-year-old daughter. Once, in the recess corridor, a little boy in the class asked a prank question. He said, "XX, tell me what your underwear is. What about the color? "

It happened that a colleague once taught her daughter how to deal with ridicule. Her daughter is learning how to use it now, and then casually asks the boy, "xx, what time is it?" As a result, the boy didn't respond and looked at her in surprise, and then the daughter took the opportunity to do it. Go away.

* Tell the truth directly and point out the specific misconduct of the other party. If your child is angered, please tell him that using language to directly and objectively express what specific things or behaviors the other party has done interferes with you and prevents the other party from talking. Please don't laugh at each other or use language that attacks each other's character. Just tell the truth.

For example, if the other person is kicking your child's stool, ask the child not to say "You are disgusting, you are a big bad guy", but to stare at the other person sternly and say "You are kicking my stool", which can increase the deterrent effect. In this way, you can face the facts without being criticized, not only for your opponent, but also without provoking your opponent to continue criticizing.

* Expose the arguments behind it directly in words. Under normal circumstances, the little girl's ridicule means destroying others behind their backs to form a circle and isolating the ridiculed people. This kind of behavior is usually carried out in secret. These mockers like to talk about people, mainly because they think no one knows what they are doing.

When the other person whispers to others behind your child's back, teach the child not to be afraid, and tell them the truth unswervingly in the face of their furtive behavior. For example, letting children ask each other directly, "If you have any good suggestions for me, you can tell me directly", which can usually effectively prevent this kind of behavior from happening.

However, when using language to fight back, it should be noted that older children can think of some words and steps to fight back and accept their parents' suggestions quickly. For young children, it is necessary to practice more, which is playing a role. Parents and children play the role of mockers and mockers respectively, so that children can practice speaking the language of counterattack.

3. facial expression counterattack: ugly face shocks opponents.

Parents can also teach children who behave badly how to use all kinds of "ugly faces" to stop ridicule.

You can read a book or watch a movie with your child, learn some ugly expressions and gestures, and then let your child sit in front of the mirror and practice these expressions and actions, such as "sniffing" to express anger, using eyes and nose or cynicism to express contempt. "As cold as ice" means indifference and so on. This way of fighting back is also very effective for children who are not good at words or don't like to fight back with words.

Of course, you can also practice more confident expressions and postures in peacetime to make your children more confident and powerful and strengthen physical exercise. A good mental outlook and good health also help to reduce the chance of being laughed at.

4. Make friends "hug together to keep warm" and avoid "bully" who likes to laugh at others.

Sun Ruixue, a child psychologist, believes that by the age of 4-5, children will find that the important way to make friends is to have the same hobbies, and children will eventually establish long-term partnerships based on similar interests, caring for each other, understanding each other and listening to each other.

Therefore, let children develop their hobbies, such as swimming, painting and dancing. Children with their own interests can easily make friends with similar interests, and these friends are generally high-quality friends. Help and promote each other If a child is often with friends and there are many people, he will not be laughed at.

When you find a bully around your child, ask your child to avoid those who make fun of him and help and encourage them to make more good friends. Children who are not particularly strong can create opportunities to encourage them to invite their classmates to play at home, for example, to help them hold birthday parties and holiday parties at home.

Of course, in order to make better use of these skills, especially the first three "cold working", "language counterattack" and "expression shock", parents can strengthen exercise with their children at home. Practice all kinds of scenes, languages, postures, and ways to deal with ridicule.

In this process, you can also use the mirror as an aid, that is, let the children observe their expressions and postures in front of the mirror and practice repeatedly until the posture is natural.

In addition, parents can even record the practice process with their mobile phones or cameras. After that, let the children watch the video to help them find the best way to deal with ridicule.

Therefore, children's ridicule is not terrible, and parents' comfort and intervention are not the final solution. The key is to let children learn relevant skills and handle them skillfully, so that children can establish healthy and good partnerships and make themselves healthier and more sunny.

I am a family education teacher, a senior obstetrician and a multi-platform parenting author. Follow me to bring you practical knowledge of motherhood and parenting. If you have any confusion or questions, please feel free to send me a private message, and I will reply in time. I hope some of my suggestions will make you as a parent suddenly enlightened and stop taking the road of parenting alone.