One two three four funny short sentences

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: depend, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. I am very distressed that I haven't received your message for a long time. I thought of death, and I used potato chips to cut my pulse; Hit your head with tofu; Jump over the building with a parachute; Hanging with noodles.

it's all dead, so just treat me to dinner and support me to death. If you feel cold in your heart, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce someone to me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

4. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live this kind of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: Leave! Who has ever seen a kiss and climb a tree! 5. The fish said, "I keep my eyes open all the time in order to leave by your side." The water said, "I flow tirelessly all day long to hug you around."

The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and you're still so stubborn." 6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message.

An ant happened to pass by when the elephant put its shit in the middle of the road. It looked up at the misty peak and couldn't help singing: Yalaso, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~ 7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for windy and rainy days; Land is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli. 8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are beside the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry when you go to the toilet by the river without paper, the frog will tell you: stick scraping, stick scraping, stick scraping! 9. Money can buy a house but not a home, a marriage but not love, a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the root of pain. Give me your money and let me bear the pain alone! 1. God, it's so blue! The sea, too salty! Life is too difficult! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! Well, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls! 11. Send you the 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig! 12. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in telling a lie.

13. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy! 14. Have you heard of it? Looking back 5 times in the previous life, I got a brush in this life. Close friends like you and me didn't seem to do anything in the previous life, but just H turned his fucking head! 15. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in a remote mountainous area. When they took a sugar-coated gourd that 15 yuan bought from 1 yuan, they cried, and the farmer gave them two 7-piece ones. 16. Your life portrayal: At the age of ten, learn to take a bath by yourself-the pig cleans itself; Twenty years old shines brilliantly ―― when the pig is young; Find a job at the age of 3-start a career as a pig; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 5 ―― pig throwing! How to distinguish the authenticity of RMB? Prepare 1 yuan. Fold it in half and then fold it in half, and put it on the ground and step on it for n times. Pick it up and see if the person above has nosebleeds. If there is, it is true. If there is no flow, it is false. One day, several officials and his men went to the restaurant for dinner. A waitress (female) in the store just came to the restaurant and was an 18-year-old dog with little experience.

The leader said, "Miss! Tea! " Miss: "1234567" (it turned out that he thought he was told to check the number of people and had no experience) Leader: Pour the tea! ! Miss: "7654321" leader: "What are you counting!" Miss: "I am a dog" (irrelevant answer). 2. collecting funny little sentences

suddenly looking back, there is a dog behind him.

when the spring flowers are blooming, I sleep in the bushes. 1. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person ... 2. Cut the wire with a kitchen knife, and there are sparks and lightning all the way.

3. I have been suffering from insomnia recently and wake up every 16 hours. Everyone says I'm ugly, but in fact I'm just plain beautiful.

5. I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before I bullied him … 6. A gentleman is nothing more than a patient wolf. 7. I'm not RMB. How can everyone like me? ! 8. Why don't you find a quiet place and count the brain cells by yourself? 9. I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

1. Life is only three days, and people who live in yesterday are confused; Those who live in tomorrow wait; People who live today are the most practical. 11. The road to success is always under construction.

12. I sincerely want to make money into my hobby. 13. The boy I once loved had the most handsome back in the world.

14. A woman without talent is virtue. I must be too wicked. 15. The sign of an immature man is that he can sacrifice heroically for his ideal, while the sign of a mature man can live lowly for his ideal.

16. There are always a few mistakes in the long road of life. 17. I want the whole world to know that I'm keeping a low profile.

18. I want to grow old with you if I am not careful. 19. A real warrior dares to face his face without makeup.

2. Wearing cheap goods and Wenzhou shoes, the whole body does not exceed that of 2 yuan. Only the bag in hand is considered as a high-grade leather bag, because its English name is "Gaojipibao". 21. Besides teeth, there is love.

22. Don't say love to others easily, don't stubbornly open other people's hearts and leave with a joke. 23. Most people want to change the world, but few people want to change themselves.

The latest summary of the reasons for the red apricot hanging out of the wall are: 1) the wall is too short, 2) the tree is too high, and 3) the wind is too fast. 3. The most classic and funny short sentences and quotations

1. Push me again, and I'll pretend to be dead for you! 2. I not only have a car, but also have my own! I'll buy it for you if you like.

(after realizing each other's anger) Oh, no, it's "Brother, I'll buy it for you!" There are so many people who despise me, who are you? I won't tell you if you kill me, but you haven't made a beautiful plan yet! 6. Not only am I lucky, but my beriberi is also good! 7. The mirror always reflects light! 8. Does handsome have a P? Maybe it was eaten by pawns! 9. Give it to me and you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong! 1. Relax, I'm not a good person.

11. Don't worry about my girlfriend following me-as long as she lays eggs all her life, we will break them immediately and never let the headmaster and parents know! 12. Don't thank me. How dare I charge you money after thanking you! 13. Don't tell me to bring it on-I'm Avanti! 14. If you ignore me, I will become a dog! 15. When is the bright moon? Ask Yi Zhongtian! 16. If you can't reach it, try stepping on your right foot with your left foot. 17. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive and he should have died! 18. you said. Do you like me？ Actually,

I started. Actually, I also ...

Well, to tell you the truth, I actually like myself. 19. Do you want to drink water, water or water? Take your pick! 2. Castle Peak is still there, but it's a little red. 21. Hey, what should be said, what shouldn't be said in a low voice. 22. What can you say about the scholar? 23. Hate it, don't ask single men such questions! 24. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital! 25. Don't think I'm out of reach just because I'm handsome. In fact, I'm a sea of rivers. 26. Today the weather is fine, windy and rainy. 27. As a typical failure, you are really successful! 28. I really want to kill this bug, but my tongue is not long enough. 29. Three cobblers' feet stink to death. 3. In this golden autumn with red leaves and maple leaves.

31. One cuts thyroid hormone, the other doesn't. 32. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to the grass boat and borrow an arrow! 33. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. If you owe money, you have to pay it back! 34.A: where to eat? I'm broke. B: Let's eat out, it's on me-water pipes. 35. See if there are any left behind? 36. I have a green dragon on my left and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my waist. 38.A: It's hard to swallow this evil spirit if I don't pay for it. B: How can I make you die? 4. She is so fat that my thighs can't twist her arms. 41. If there is a way to learn, it's clean first. 42. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren. 43. I've written my homework! 44.A: Have you done your homework? B: yes! Well, it's still warm under the P-share.

do you want it? Here you are. 45. Who's sitting in the village today? He doesn't even clean the blackboard! 46. How much is a catty of these shoes? 47. I was really blind at the beginning. 48. Is this blind man blind? 49: Kill you with what, my love.

5: The cashier said: There is no change. Here are two plastic bags for you! 51: My advantages are: I am handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome. 52: What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters! 53: others pretend to be rich in experience.

54: I am fat, not a clown. 55: If Taiwan Province doesn't recover, I won't pass Grade 4! 56: If the sun doesn't come out, I won't go to work; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep! 57: Running snail.

58: I have to read the Forbes rich list every morning when I get up. If my name is not on it, I will go to work. 59: Talking about money doesn't hurt feelings, but talking about feelings hurts money the most.

6: I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without seasoning packets. 61: The accountant said, "Come and get your salary later. I have no change here."

62: can you see that I am powdered? Although you are wearing cologne, I can still vaguely smell the scum. 64: My name is Rain, and my nickname is Runtu.

65: please have a Yangzhou fried rice, more chopped green onion, less salt and an egg, and pack it and take it away. 66: Once I went to the street, a group of girls stopped me. They said I was handsome, but when I denied it, they hit me and called me hypocritical.

67: It is both house and rotten, and its future is uncertain. 68: Make a cup of Sanlu for the party to drink.

69: The most mysterious department in history: relevant departments. There is no denying that mosaic is the biggest obstacle to the progress of human nude art in this century! There are only two things I can't do in my life: neither this nor that.

72: People have backgrounds, while I have backgrounds. 73: The ideal of meat is the life of cabbage.

74: White Horse … Where have you been! Did you lose the prince and dare not come to see me? 75: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you? 76: Don't treat shrimp as seafood.

77: I am an angel, and I can't go back to heaven because of my weight. 78: Your mother is your father's cousin? 79: Picking up girls is like hanging QQ. Coax her for 2 hours every day, and it will soon be sunny.

8: There are too many liars, but there are obviously not enough fools. 81: I was on the way to kill the dragon, swim across the river and climb to the top of the tower to kiss your princess.

82: I smile at the sky from the horizontal knife, and then I go to sleep. 83: Your mobile phone is cheaper than the phone bill.

84: It's a long way to go in Xiu Yuan, so let's take a taxi. 85: My life has both A and B sides, and yours has both S and B sides.

86: I'm not afraid of stealing children with tools, but I'm afraid of stealing children to understand technology! 87: Failure is not terrible, the key is whether it is successful or not. 88: Nowadays, college students are so incompetent! Come here and copy the porn, and cut it! 89: If you have time to learn Feng Shui, occupying a good tomb after death can make up for the regret that you couldn't afford a good house before your death.

9: it's easy to hide in the open, but hard to prevent in the dark. 4. Do I want to have good humorous phrases

1. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you! There are so many people who despise me, who are you? 3. All shall be well, jack shall have Jill.

4. Most people only do three things in their life: deceiving themselves, deceiving others and being bullied. 5. I'm not afraid of being used, but I'm afraid you're useless.

6. other people's money and wealth are things outside my body. 7. Women are pleasing to themselves, while men are poor to please themselves! 8. Stay in the castle peak, but there is still no firewood to burn ... 9. Strongly protest against the TV series being interrupted during the advertising time! 1. Heaven didn't give me a big responsibility, but it still pained my mind and tired my bones and muscles.

11. when you have no money, eat wild vegetables at home; When I have money, I eat wild vegetables in hotels ... 12. My principle is: I won't commit crimes unless people commit crimes against me; If people attack me, I will be angry! 13. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be crowded. 14. Once in a while, you will feel very cool if you live in silence, but it will be miserable if you live in silence ... 15. The generation gap is-I asked my father, "What do you think of Chrysanthemum Terrace?" Dad thought about it and said, "No!" 16. At first glance, you are not so good, but at second glance, it is better to have a fierce look.

17. You can't eat a fat man in one bite, but the fat man is eaten in one bite! 18. A woman who knows a little about men finally becomes a man's wife, and a woman who knows everything about men finally becomes an old woman. 19. God has given us acne while giving us youth.

2. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated. 21. I was also a spoony seed, and it rained ... and I drowned.

22. Money is not everything. Sometimes you need a credit card. I allow you to walk into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

24. I hope I can double-click my wallet with my mouse one day, then select a hundred-dollar bill, press "ctrl c", and then keep "ctrl v". 25. People are afraid of being famous pigs and being strong, while men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

26. If being rich is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it. 27. If marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

28. Never hang yourself from a tree, but try several times in the surrounding trees. 29. Everyone has at least one dream and a reason to be strong.