Humorous jokes that amuse lovers.

In times of social crisis, using humor can save the day and get excellent results unexpectedly. I collected some humorous jokes for you to make your lover happy. Let's have a look.

A series of humorous jokes amused couples.

1) One hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

2) One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try. The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him. The second is a bookworm, shouting "book, book, book!" " Then, he jumped into the valley and got books full of pits and valleys. The third is an indecisive person. He can't decide what he likes best after careful consideration. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the edge of the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

3) Xiaoming, who will have an exam tomorrow, is watching TV at night. Xiaoming's mother asked anxiously, Have you read all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it. Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean, Mom, I think it's over? .

4) Pandas love deer deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

5) Have dinner with friends and couples and bring children. The children are very clever. They are eight years old. Several women chatted again. Why are the children weaned so early? What are their experiences? In order to keep fit, the children intervened: "Dad smokes, and every time he eats milk, it smells like smoke!" " Make everyone stunned.

6) A younger sister wears makeup. Once she put on makeup for a young lady, and was about to put on lipstick or something after painting makeup and eyes. The lady said something I will never forget: I don't have to draw my mouth, I have to work.

7) There was no oil when eating the barbecue buffet, and several people shouted together. Boss, come on! ? The boss who is busy in the kitchen poked his head out and replied, thank you, I will try my best! ?

The man accosted a girl on the bus. ? You look like my ex-girlfriend? The woman bowed her head in shame and asked? So what? Why did you break up with her? Man:? Think she is ugly. ?

9) My friend's face is sallow, his hands are clutching his stomach, and he is in great pain. Young man: Sister, is there a toilet here? Woman: Yes! Young man: How can I get there? I can't hold on any longer! Woman: Sit here, take two stops, and then get off. ......

Bananas were sold today. I joked with my brother that in the future, when someone comes, you will say that bananas are cheap, not only edible, but also usable. After a while, two beautiful women came, but I didn't expect this idiot to really shout. Two tough beauties actually asked how to use it. We blushed and said, we offered. . .

1 1) Just now, a beautiful woman with black silk came to wash her hair. After the assistant finished washing, I went forward to blow my hair and habitually asked, "Is it curled down?" She asked me, "Is your ass straight?"

12) My classmates asked me how many people died on the day of weeding. I replied, one is noon. She said no, it was three, because it was noon on the day of weeding, sweat dripped and soil fell.

13) I pretended to be sad that day and asked my buddy: Are you my best friend? -He:? What happened? Why do you ask? Me:? Tell me if you are. ? He:? Sure, what's wrong with you? Me:? But my father said that dogs are man's best friends. ?

14) A man had an affair and his wife sued the company. The unit leader took her hand and said earnestly, as long as the gun is still in our hands, what is it to waste some bullets? Besides, they are all your enemies.

15) My son is going to work in other places soon. Enlightened father said: if you are lonely, you can find a chicken, and I will reimburse you, but the invoice should say bird hunting. ? A month later, my father received the bill. Bird hunting fee? Father enlightened and said:? Try to find a cheap bird to fight! ? A month later, father received the bill again. Bird-hunting fee, gun repair?

16) I often went to the hospital for physical examination and blood test when I was very young. I was so scared that I kept crying. Once, a little brother came over and asked me what was wrong. I said, it hurts to cut my finger when I have a blood test. ? My little brother cried immediately after hearing this, and he was too lazy to comfort me! -I don't understand: Do you want a blood test, too? The little brother said:? I have a urine test.

17) in those days, we walked quietly on the path in our hometown, and you bowed your head shyly. When the villagers saw us, they all praised you: Oh, it's so beautiful and clean! Also praised me: good boy, so young to come out to release pigs! ! ?

A classic humorous joke that amuses couples.

1) There are two young couples who haven't been married long. Although there is no car under the ass for the time being, it has become an essential habit for couples to soak in the jar of the automobile age after dinner every day. Sticking, watering, nursing, patting bricks? Automobile knowledge is rising every day? It's getting late. Wash and sleep. After the couple went to bed, they began to get warm. Wife stroking her husband: Why is the paint of domestic cars so rough? Husband stroking his wife: You are also a joint venture car, only metallic paint. The wife couldn't wait and touched her husband's ass. Wife: Why aren't you on the road? Don't worry, it's a cold start. It is necessary to preheat the car after ignition. Wife: Didn't you read that post just now? Experts say that it is not good to preheat the car in place after ignition! Husband: That's not comprehensive. Who should step on the gas in a cold car like you? Develop every time you start? Hot car? The habit of. Sticking to the original hot car for a few minutes, after full lubrication, is of great benefit to the service life of the car. ......

2) One day, a boy had just finished foreskin surgery, and a female nurse was preparing to take out stitches and change medicine for him. The patient said to the sister of the female nurse, slow down, slow down, it hurts a little. Sister nurse said humorously: Do you enjoy this process? How else can you tell me to slow down? I couldn't help laughing when I saw the patient's embarrassed face.

3) At three o'clock in the morning, the doctor's phone rang. ? Hello? The other end of the phone was very flustered: doctor, our baby just swallowed a condom. ? The doctor said: take him to the hospital, and we will meet in the hospital in ten minutes. ? He got dressed and was about to go out when the phone rang again. He picked up the phone. ? Hello? A very calm voice came from the other end of the phone: it's okay, doctor. We found another one. Don't bother. ? Girls and boys love each other and their feelings are getting stronger and stronger, but they never cross the line. The girl had no choice at first, so she gave the boy a delicate condom as a hint. Unexpectedly, the guy broke up the next day. The girl was heartbroken and regretted it. At this time, the young man was complaining to his buddy: This woman is so talented that she wants to break up without telling me directly. Sending a broken balloon implies that I was blown, md, and it was blown.

4) I have a good relationship with a girl in college. Every time I send her back to the dormitory, she always gives me a hug when I go upstairs, because graduation will definitely separate the two places, and we have not said anything. In the first year of graduation, the whole class got together and we hugged each other intimately. I said: after working for a year, you haven't changed at all, and you are still so beautiful! ? She smiled for a while and said, you have changed a lot, and now hugs won't poke me! ?

5) Son, you really gave your father a long face. You can't take the exam, can you Why write couplets on the test paper? The first part: It is too difficult for my son to write the questions. Bottom line: Sun Tzu's invigilation is too strict. Horizontal criticism: I won't. Your head teacher invited me to the office. I smiled when I saw the test paper. The teacher stared at me!

6) "Old baby, I asked my husband:? You call me baby now, and when we have children, you call them baby, so what do you call me? Husband replied:? Old baby. ? Wind and rain! My husband told me about his experience of marrying me: wind, come on; Rain, come on; Let the storm come more violently! So, here comes my wife. ? There is rice. I'm sorry that my husband never likes rice. He ate steamed bread at night and said, with jiaozi, I will definitely not eat steamed bread; With steamed stuffed buns, I will never eat oil cakes again; I definitely don't eat steamed bread if there are oil cakes; With steamed bread, I will never eat rice again; Do you have rice? I am sad. ? Prince toad's husband drinks, and I'm angry: one more drink and we'll get divorced! Toads with three legs are hard to find, and men with two legs are all over the street! ~? Husband:? I am your legendary toad prince. Is it hard to find a three-legged toad? Congratulations! You found it. ? ......"

7) Xiaoli, a colleague and clerk, fell asleep at her desk at noon. A few male colleagues are watching the football league on their mobile phones. Everyone shouted:? Shoot! Shoot! ! ? Xiaoli woke up from her sleep and shouted: Don't shoot there. Everyone was fooled. . .

8) I was watching TV on the sofa, and my wife sat on my lap wrapped in a bath towel and said it in various ways. Uncle, you want a little girl, right? I deliberately sat still:? No, no, uncle, I have no money with me today! ? Wife:? What money is not money, just make the little girl happy, and make up an iou afterwards! ? I am dizzy ~ ~ ~ I still owe money for this matter! I lifted my wife's chin in one hand and jokingly said, Girl, come and sing me a song! ? My wife patted my hand: My guest, please show some respect. I only sell myself, little girl, not art! ? Shocked ~ ~ ~ this hit the gun! Reading in bed after a bath, my wife came out of the bathroom. A hungry tiger pounced on me and said coldly, hey, little brother looks good, little girl, I want to try it today! ? I fought to the death. When my wife saw that I was disobedient, she turned her head and said softly: Grandpa, you just followed that little girl, right? I said:? Give me a reason first! ? My wife's eyes are dripping: The little girl just got out of prison and hasn't eaten meat for years! ? My mother ~ ~ ~ ~ This reason is very sufficient, and there is no reason for disobedience! ......

A man lives in a hotel. When he took the elevator upstairs, the elevator stopped at the first floor and a naked beauty came in. He was stunned and kept looking at it. Beauty:? What is there to see? I haven't seen it, have I, smallville? ? He replied:? Yes, it's nothing. My wife has a set of pajamas just like yours. ?

10) ? You are finally online! ? what's up We have delivered the inflatable doll you bought yesterday, but we are out of the Fan Bingbing version you asked for online, so I sent you the Xifeng version, but you can rest assured of the quality. I will give you another price. The goods have been delivered by express, dear. Remember to give a good review! ?

1 1) Before his son got married, his father was embarrassed to teach him, saying that when the time comes, you will be above and she will be below. On their wedding night, the bride saw that the new bed had been replaced with a bunk bed.

Keane asked his girlfriend: Am I the first man to have sex with you? Yes, you are the first. Other men are straightforward and never procrastinate. ?

13) When I went to the Canton Fair with a colleague, I was often harassed by the lady on the phone at the hotel. By chance, we found the room number of the lady who called us (it is estimated that she booked a room at the hotel and then harassed it with the extension), so we naturally knew the extension number of the lady (many hotels use the room number). So one afternoon we were harassed again: Do you need a young lady? After refusing, we were filled with indignation, so our colleague dialed the phone back. It was the lady who answered the phone just now, and our colleague lowered his voice solemnly. Can I help you, sir? . It is estimated that the young lady has never encountered such a situation. After a pause for a few seconds, she said angrily, Yes, I want your head! ? ......

14) At the school meeting, the dean made a final summary. In short, I hope that no matter where you are, you should remember that you are a student in our school, and you must never smoke while walking, wear shorts in the classroom, or even talk about indecent topics in your own room. ? Also, female students, if there are some pig brothers and boys pestering you, ignore him. You have to ask yourselves, is it worth ruining your reputation for an hour of happiness? Well, what's the problem? Just when the whole audience was silent, suddenly a gentle voice said, excuse me? What can I do to keep him going for an hour? It is said that when Wukong borrowed a banana fan from Princess Iron Fan, it happened to be the time when Niu Wangmo came back from work. Niu Wangmo heard the following conversation at home: Wukong:? Sister-in-law, I am in you! ? Princess Iron Fan:? Ah! Don't! ! ! Ah! ! ! It hurts! ! ! Do not move. Oh, please come out quickly! ! ! Ah. . . ? Wukong:? Okay, I'm coming out! Please open your mouth! ! ! ? Princess Iron Fan:? Huh? Hearing this, Niu left the divorce agreement at home and left sadly.

Wonderful humorous jokes amuse couples.

1) A group of male hippos risked being eaten by crocodiles and crossed the river to make love to female hippos. After crossing the river, they found that all of them were castrated by crocodiles, and only one survived. The only one explained that you are so stupid. You are all breaststroke, and I am backstroke.

2)? Do you know that?/You know what? My husband was injured in the table tennis final. ? But no one has ever seen him play. Yes He hurt his vocal cords while watching the game. ?

3) Even if a thousand people pass by me, I can still recognize you easily, because one of them stepped on my body and you stepped on my heart!

4) The conductor said to the passengers:? Smoking is allowed only if all passengers agree. ? Passenger:? But I was the only one in the carriage. ? c:？ In this case, you must wait until someone comes. ?

5) Mr. Chen: Last night was really unlucky. Lao Li: What's the matter? Mr. Chen: I went home early last night. I used to hug my maid in the dark, but it was my wife who hugged me last night. Lao Li: That doesn't matter! Mr. Chen: But my wife said, Xiao Feng, Mr. Chen will be back soon, so don't go!

6) One day, the hen was flying on the roof, and the owner said angrily, Come down, or I'll kill all the cocks here and make your life hell. The hen smiled and said yes, haha, finally we can find the duck.

7) Go to dinner with colleagues after work today. We ordered a plate of scrambled eggs with Chili peppers and found a hair in it. Then my colleague picked up his hair with chopsticks and shouted, boss ~ ~ What is this? When the boss saw it, he shouted, Come on! Change a pair of chopsticks for this lady.

8) Q: How many people were killed in weeding? A: Four, that is, noon, sweating, digging and working hard. Chinese food and whole grains on the plate are hard vests. Identification is complete!

9) The host called the maid to him and asked her: Are you pregnant? Yes! ? The maid replied. ? It's a good thing you can still say it Aren't you ashamed that you are not married? The hostess trained again. ? Why should I be shy, mistress? Aren't you pregnant? But I'm pregnant with my husband! ? The hostess retorted angrily. ? Me too! ? The maid echoed excitedly.

10) On the birthday of a female friend, the four of us agreed to send her a "Happy Birthday", and each of us sent a sentence, and I got the second sentence. As a result, they didn't send it

1 1) In class, a boy fell asleep at his desk and was found by the teacher. The teacher is very calm: the deskmate cares. As a result, the deskmate took off his coat and put it on the sleeping boy.

12) I went to the bank to deposit money at noon, and the beautiful woman at the back of the queue asked me: Save money, right? I replied: Yes. ? I happen to withdraw money. You have to save it anyway. Why don't you just give it to me? ? I gave her the money as soon as I thought it made sense?

Xiao Qiang turned on the radio. A gentle voice came out:? If the skin color is pink and the fluff on the face is soft, then it means it is healthy? Hearing this, I couldn't help touching my face, looking in the mirror and laughing again. At this moment, I heard the announcer say: This time, our lecture on cattle raising knowledge is over. ?

14) the defendant promised: as long as you can put me in prison for half a year, I will fix it. Later, the defendant got his wish, and the lawyer said while collecting money, this is really tricky. The judge had hoped to be acquitted.

15) A young woman took out the garbage and accidentally fell into the garbage dump. Just as she was about to get up, she was pulled up by an old rag-picker and held in her arms. The old man thinks: the city people are rubbish, and such a good woman says no.

16) Someone claimed to be a little erotic prince, and one day he showed off his computer in the communication between wolves? Inventory? The little prince said a word lightly, and the wolves only smiled at him a little. Then the little prince added two words: seed.

17) son:? Mom, what is a honeymoon? Mom:? This is a wedding trip for a man and a woman. ? Son:? Mom, have you and dad ever been on a wedding trip? Mom:? Of course I do. We had a great time! ? Son:? Did you take me? Mom:? Took you there. You were with your father when you went and with your mother when you came. ?