Put your words in the opposite direction and multiply your persuasiveness!

This is a psychological effect of social identity. The consequences of violating one's own internal ethics will have a great influence on one's behavior. This is a huge psychological influence in our persuasion, and it is also something we ignore. Marx said that man is the sum of social relations. Each of us has our own identity, and we generally want to be positive, sunny and full of positive energy. This kind of personal design can make us more popular and gain more high-quality personal relationships. Then, when we communicate with people, we hope that the other person can abide by a certain code of conduct that we have recognized. We should first understand the other person's attitude, that is, how he recognizes this code, and then explain what consequences he will get if he recognizes that he violates this code.

Give an example of China people's most common social problem, running a red light. For example, if the other person is an upright person who firmly abides by traffic laws, then you can emphasize that the person who runs a red light is irresponsible, irresponsible for his own life, and will bring unexpected grief to his family. Because the other party doesn't agree to run a red light, it is said that this behavior of running a red light is against the social norms recognized by oneself. Then we will emphasize the negative consequences of running a red light, which will deepen the determination and perseverance of the other party to adhere to the correct norms recognized by himself, so that he will accept what he said to you more easily. On the contrary, if the other person is a person who can cross the road with a few people no matter what lights, then you can say to him: People who stop at red lights and obey traffic rules are responsible people, and they are very responsible for themselves and their families. In this way, the other person's heart may establish that he is a responsible person, because everyone wants his image to be positive and sunny. This will change your jaywalking behavior.

Therefore, this skill has two keys. One is to determine what the other person's standard is, or how he determines his own code of conduct, that is, how he usually does it. The second is how to describe what kind of consequences or costs he will get. From the point of view of violating his inner identity norms, what kind of results he will get. Specifically, the other person is a person who has positive norms (abides by rules), so your emphasis on the negative qualities (evaluations) of people who violate norms, that is, those who do not abide by rules, will make the other person feel disgusted, because this description is contrary to his inner norms and standards. When our actions are inconsistent with our inner promises, we will feel very uncomfortable inside. So as to strengthen each other's inner adherence to the code of conduct that they identify and abide by. This is the second law of psychological influence in the book Influence, the psychological effect of the consistency of commitment and behavior. If the other person is a person who doesn't agree with positive norms (running a red light), then you emphasize the person who abides by the rules (which also violates his inner recognition standard of social norms), there is something positive in it, in other words, if he doesn't abide by the norms, he will lose the characteristics of full of sunshine and positive energy.

In short, positive people use the consequences of violating norms to strengthen their positivity (gain), while negative people use the results of obeying rules to imply that their violation will make them lose their positivity (loss).

In addition, it is mentioned in the book that if you are not clear about each other's normative cognition, it is also a way of persuasion to emphasize positive behavior first and then use negative behavior. For example, in the example in the book, when the gym staff explained the rules of towel use to the new members, they could say: Most members put the used towels in the prescribed places instead of throwing them around casually, which is disrespectful.

Keywords: what kind of results will you get if you violate your inner norms.

Applicable boundaries: When persuading others to abide by the code of conduct, it is better to use descriptions that violate the norms and principles recognized by the other party.

What: When people accept persuasion or guidance, they are more concerned about what benefits or losses they will get if they violate this code of conduct.

Why: In life, it is very meaningful to advocate positive behavior norms. But how to make persuasion more effective is skillful. Because everyone's life experience and educational background are different, there are also differences in their acceptance and recognition of the code of conduct, so it is much better to persuade from the consequences of violating the code than to only emphasize the effect of abiding by it.

How to do it: the first step, when you want to persuade the other person to abide by a certain code of conduct, you must first understand what he thinks of this code.

? The second step, if the other party is a firm follower, then describe the negative characteristics of those who violate the norms, so as to achieve the reinforcement effect.

? The third step, if the other party is a violator, then emphasize the positive characteristics of those who abide by the norms to influence the other party's impulse to change. Everyone wants to be positive and full of positive energy. )

? The fourth step, when the internal norms of the other party cannot be determined, first warn the other party with the losses caused by positive and negative behaviors.

Because of my work, I once had some intersection with leopard, a top buffet company that was all the rage. I know that their management is worried about the waste of meals in cost control. I remember a joke circulating inside them at first. One autumn is the season to eat crabs. A skinny female customer ate 14 male hairy crabs at once, each about four or two. She only eats crab paste and crab belly, and then throws away all the crab legs with crab claws, which is a great waste. This also triggered the reflection of the leopard's top management. Since then, the supply of hairy crabs has been changed from unlimited to four per person. Here we don't evaluate the gluttonous stomach of that female customer. And beside the feeding table of the leopard, there is a hint: cherishing food is a virtue. But the effect of this warning is not good, in fact, it is a failure of persuasion. If you use the above skills, the advertising language will be changed to this: the diners who eat here are elegant and polite people, and they will not waste food. Maybe it will work much better this way.

In fact, in the management of the company, this technology can be used for post-specification. If the company has a strict attendance system, latecomers will be punished to a certain extent, then the administrative department can write something about latecomers and their negative characteristics next to the attendance machine. For example, being late for no reason is a kind of slackness in work, a lack of time concept and a sign of no sense of responsibility. In order to remind everyone that being late will not only be punished by discipline, but also make others think that you are a loser and an irresponsible person. This will strengthen employees' insistence on going to work on time. From this point of view, I suggest that everyone should be a mature person, so let's start from commuting on time.

Similarly, in marriage, how can a husband persuade a delayed wife? If the wife has a sense of time, but sometimes she can't control it well, then the husband can say that procrastination will lead to bad consequences. For example, if the wife forgets the time when putting on makeup, the husband can say: If you can't finish the makeup in 15 minutes, then the beginning of the movie will not be visible. Remind your wife of the impending loss. Because this will make the wife with time concept conflict between the current behavior and the internal code of conduct, not only the loss of the result (not seeing the beginning of the film), but also the self-blame for violating the internal code, thus speeding up and keeping her behavior consistent with the internal code. If the wife is a person who has no concept of time, then the husband can use the benefits of observing time to imply that if you can finish making up in 15 minutes, we can not only watch movies, but also buy a bucket of popcorn after the opening. Use the benefits your wife will get to urge her to finish makeup as soon as possible.

Another example is to persuade others to go to bed early. If the other person thinks that going to bed early is beneficial, but he can't help brushing his mobile phone after the time (such as myself), then it can be said that people who sleep late are prone to neurasthenia, which is not good for their health and will also affect the work efficiency during the day. If the other person doesn't care about going to bed early and going to bed late and doing whatever he wants, then it can be said: going to bed early and getting up early is full of energy, and working efficiency during the day is also high. If you don't know the other person's attitude towards going to bed early, but he will stay up from time to time, then let's say that people who go to bed early are full of energy and can improve their work efficiency during the day, but staying up late can easily lead to lack of energy during the day and affect the work progress.