Funny copywriting in friends circle.

Walking today, I was spit on by a child! I'm not angry. I gave the child a candy and said, "You threw up very well. I will reward you with a candy. I will vomit when I see people in the future and give you sugar! " I can't believe nobody cares about you!

2. My girlfriend took me to see her aunt for the first time, and I complimented her: "Hello, aunt! You look young and well maintained. If you don't look carefully, you will think you are my sister. " But "Auntie" just coldly replied "Hmm". While wondering, my girlfriend quietly told me that this "Auntie" is actually younger than me. I'll go. This is gonna be awkward.

3. Go to your girlfriend's house to propose marriage. I asked her father privately: Uncle, how much do you think the bride price is appropriate? Her father waved his hand: I don't want a penny, and I have something for you! I was overjoyed: What did you give me? Her father: You can take the washboard at home, and then I will be liberated. Me: ...

4. I went to my sister's house for rice and steamed crabs, and my brother-in-law gave me one. Four-year-old niece: "Dad, you eat." "Dad doesn't eat, give it to Xiao Yan and the baby." Little niece: "Dad, you can't do this. You should be kind to yourself. You won't eat like a cow every day. You are exhausted. Other uncles will spend your money, live in your house, sleep with your wife and beat your baby! " Eat! Eat quickly! "

A taxi driver accidentally hit a Mercedes-Benz. When the Mercedes driver got off the bus, he shouted, "Where are your eyes? Can you afford a car of 300,000 to 400,000? " The taxi driver calmly replied, "I have to pay a handling fee of more than 300 thousand for this car."

6. The girl wants to break up with the boy, and the boy asks her if she likes someone else. Girl: Don't worry, I will stay with you. Boy: You want to play two roles. Girl: No, I want to be your stepmother.

Seven. There is a couple in the park, very sweet. The girl coquetry said: Husband, I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked, Does it still hurt? The girl said it didn't hurt! After a while, the girl coquetry said: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked, does it still hurt this time? The girl said happily, it doesn't hurt anymore! An old lady stood by and watched for a long time, but there was nothing she could do. She stepped forward and asked the young man, young man, you are really something. Can you treat hemorrhoids?

Eight. My uncle went on a blind date with a generous gift. When he entered the village, he couldn't find any one, so he knocked on the door of one and asked them for directions. A big girl came out. My uncle looked at the time straight, stopped asking for directions, and entered the door with a gift ... Now, both grandchildren are in the first grade.

Before getting on the bus, the mother told her son, "If the ticket inspector asks your age, you can say five." The ticket inspector really asked him how old he was, and the little guy replied that he was five. "Five years old is so big," asked the ticket inspector. "How long before you are seven years old?" . "Just got off the train." The little guy replied.

1 I am a teacher. At two o'clock last night, my cell phone suddenly rang. Then the other person said, are you asleep? I asked in a daze, who are you so late? Why did you call me? The other party sneered: You slept comfortably, and I was still doing my homework! Then I looked puzzled and didn't know what to say!

At school, my boyfriend bought me a bottle of perfume, and I was extremely happy. When I got home, I said to my mother at the first time: Look, what is this? Mom was very excited when she saw it. She said, dad, come and see. My daughter bought me a bottle of perfume. I like it very much. Me: I'm glad you like it. My first gift was confiscated.

12. Go shopping for clothes today. Look at the price tag, 5 10. Me: "Forgot ten quick dollars?" Boss: "Hey! Handsome guy, business is not good, even ten dollars. " I took my clothes, left ten dollars and ran away. Shit! The boss chased me all over the clothing city!

Thirteen. I live on the tenth floor. The elevator is broken. It has been under maintenance for two days. Too lazy to go downstairs on weekends, I ordered KFC takeout. As a result, the same big brother came for two consecutive days. The next day, he panted, "Brother, don't order KFC tomorrow. McDonald's has new products. Why don't you try? "

14. Just now, my wife suddenly came to my unit and asked me, "Do you have a spare tire?" I thought, am I exposed at work? I immediately knelt in front of my wife to admit my mistake and was about to speak. The wife said, "What are you doing? Our car is flat. Do you have a spare tire? "

Fifteen. My girlfriend's son was naughty and was beaten by his girlfriend. It may be a little heavy. The little guy was in tears, and his girlfriend quickly apologized to his son. My son cried louder and louder. My best friend asked me to coax the little guy. The little guy gave me a look and said to his girlfriend, can you find a good one if you want to use a honey trap?

16. My mother told me today, girl, you can't get any fatter. You see, you are a gourd in underwear and a pear without underwear. My dad said, nonsense, our daughter is also bumpy, obviously a lotus root, a section of fat.

Seventeen. I rummaged through the cigarette case under my bed the other day. I opened it and found 20 yuan in it. It's not easy for me to put it back and always think about my father. I didn't know it was my grandfather's until today, and it was not easy for my family.

18. Yesterday, the company held a party. After dinner, I went to ktv to sing. I finally know what flattery is! The leader sang there, and then a colleague deliberately cut the song, and then the leader looked unhappy. Colleagues said, sorry, I thought the original song was not sung!

19. "Boss, today is my daughter-in-law's birthday. Show me the most expensive jewelry in your shop! " Boss: What do you think of this watch? "How much is it?" Boss: I'll sell it to you for ten dollars ... "Is this cheap enough for my daughter-in-law?" Boss: If you can, don't come to the two-yuan store to pretend!

20. A buddy, drunk driving, was found by the police. He ran into the square dance crowd tactfully. Because he was too drunk to follow, the police found him and took him away. The two old people next to me were shocked: "God, I will be taken away if I can't dance well!" " "2 1. One day my boyfriend asked his girlfriend: What would you do if I cheated? Girlfriend A: I just turn a blind eye! My boyfriend just wanted to sigh his girlfriend's generosity and tolerance, and she spoke: I'll aim with one eye open and shoot you!

22. When the train arrives at the station, the toilet should be closed. If a child wants to stink, he can't hold it back. His father held him in the window, sticking his ass out of the window, and halfway through, the train was about to leave. Only the staff on the platform shouted: "that fat man with a big face, stop eating fried dough sticks, put his face back, and the train is about to leave!" "

23. My daughter is seven years old. After quarreling with her father, I went home to persuade her: "My husband is on one side and my daughter is on the other. Who do you think I should look for? " The daughter said, "It's up to you, don't forget whose belly I came from!" " "

24. Mom said with a worried face, "You are so ugly that no one wants you!" The daughter fell into inferiority complex. Dad said beside him, "Don't say that!" The daughter looked at her father happily, and the father replied, "A blind cat can still touch a dead mouse!" " "Are you yourself?