Long jokes that make you laugh your ass off

There is a penguin whose home is so far away from the polar bear’s home that it would take 20 years to reach it by walking. One day, Penguin was very bored at home and was going to go play with the polar bear. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he realized that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door was still locked. It had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!"

After the polar bear opened the door, what do you think he said? ..."Let's go to your house to play~"

2. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

3. Yes. A child cried, and his father said: "Don't cry." Dad will take you to the vegetable market to watch others eat sweets.

4. Jiao Yulu went to see a doctor, and the doctor said that you are seriously ill and cannot have sex. Jiao replied: My house is small and it is impossible to have different rooms. The doctor said: I mean you can’t have sex. Jiao Geng asked confusedly: My ancestors have been named Jiao for eight generations, why can’t I be named Jiao?

5. A bear came and came prepared (bear came)

6. The eleventh book is incredible (book11)

7. The sheep stopped breathing and was elated (the sheep did not exhale)

8. The school established the Hide and Cat Club

Three years ago

They still can’t find a leader

9

Q: What do African cannibal chiefs eat?

A: People!

Q: One day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be vegetarian. So what did he eat?

A: Eat a vegetable! ~~

10. There was a girl passing by a fortune-telling stall in Hong Kong

The fortune teller grabbed the girl and said, "You have a bad omen and it will be bad for you."

The girl said, "Just take it off if it's not good enough" and then turned to leave

The fortune teller said to the girl, "Even if you escape, you can't escape the two big waves in life."< /p>

11. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; an egg went to swim in the Songhua River, and it turned into a pine egg; an egg ran to Shandong, and it turned into a pine egg. It became a Lu (stewed) egg; one egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; one egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground and turned into a missile; one egg ran away An egg went into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; an egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; an egg got sick and turned into a bad guy; an egg got married and turned into a hydrogen bomb Bastard; there was an egg that ran into the river and swam and turned into a nuclear bomb; there was an egg that ran into the flowers and turned into a heroine; there was an egg that rode a horse and held a knife, and it turned out that he It's Daomadan; one of the eggs is female, but it's ugly, and turns into a dinosaur egg; one of the eggs is male, and his wife committed adultery with other eggs outside, and he turns into a bastard; there's one Egg...

12. Stretch out four fingers. How many are they? FOUR,

Bend four fingers, how many?

WONDERFUL~!

13. Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.

Asong: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing I have ever had was Children's Day."

Abo: "After ten years, it will be Youth Day."

< p>A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day."

Abo: "In a few decades it will be Seniors' Day."

"

Asong: "A few more decades."

Abo: ".Qingming Festival. "

14

When the millionaire drove his luxurious extended "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass to eat on the side of the road. The millionaire immediately stopped. Get off.

“Why are you eating grass? "

"We really have no money..." replied a beggar.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house. "

"I still have a wife and two children at home..." a beggar muttered.

"Call them over." The rich man pointed to another beggar. . "And you, call your family members."

"My family has a large population. In addition to my wife, I have five children." Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, call them all, go quickly

Just like that, the two beggars and their families got on the car. Fortunately, it was an extended car. During the ride, a beggar's The wife said gratefully: "Boss, you are so kind. You can even invite poor people like us to your home."

The millionaire replied: "It's nothing. I just came back from abroad. No one has been taking care of it. The lawn in the yard is probably more than one meter high. You can eat as much as you like

15. When my friend Li Shansi and I first moved, there was no TV at home and the two of us were very bored. We pretended there was a TV on the table, and then the two of us pretended to have remote controls in our hands and could change the channel. This bastard kept changing the channel. I told him, but he didn't listen, and then we started fighting.

16

Soldiers: "Thirsty...thirst..."

Cao Cao: "Everyone, hold on for a while! I have been to this place before, remember There is a plum grove nearby, and you can reach it after walking for a while.

All the soldiers said: "Oh￣￣￣￣There are plums to eat￣￣￣Oh￣￣￣"< /p>

Half an hour later——Cao Ren: "Lord! The expedition team found a lot of water!"

Cao Cao: "Hahahaha, did you hear that? Finally there is water to drink."

Soldiers: "If you don't go... you must find Meizi..."

17

A girls' school is haunted.

One day I met Xiaohong.

The ghost said: School girl. . . You see. . . I have no feet. . . I have no feet. . .

Xiao Hong: What’s that? Senior sister, look, I have no breasts, I have no breasts.

18. Why are silkworm babies so rich? Because...silkworms can spin cocoons (frugal)

19. Which historical figure is the least flattering? Su Wu, because: Su Wu Muyang Beihai Beach (being flattened)

20. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hair style and laughed: Xiao Ming, you Her head is shaped like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. . Crying and crying. . And he flew up. .

21. This diver's movements are very difficult. He did a triple turn with a front flip, a triple half with a back flip for a month.

22

The tortoise and the hare are racing... The hare quickly ran to the front..

The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly. ..Said to him: Come up, I will carry you...

Then...the snail came up...

After a while...the turtle saw another one The ant... said to him: Come up too...

So the ant also came up. .

After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him.

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

23. The glass cup and the coffee cup were crossing the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: The car is coming! As a result, the glass cup was hit by a car, but the coffee cup was fine. Why? Coffee cups have ears!

24. There was a match, and he started scratching his head due to itching, and burned himself to death in a moment

25. One day, Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor. He lost a lot of blood. The blood turned into red beans, which continued to ooze pus, and then turned into soybeans. The wounds became scarred, and finally turned into black beans.

26. What does a shark become after eating mung beans?

Mung bean paste

27. A college student was caught by the enemy.

The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! A college student replied to his enemy and was electrocuted to death. He said: I am from TV University!

28

A: "I'll take you to a place where all the girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where?" Take me there quickly!”

A: “It’s in the kindergarten next door!”

29. What is the name of Muhammad Ali’s father?

Alibaba

30. How to make drinks bigger?

Recite the Great Compassion Mantra

31. Which animal is most likely to slip

Answer: Fox (cunning - slippery feet)

32 , There was a bean bag crossing the road, and it was hit by a car. His stomach exploded. Then he looked at the thing that exploded and said, "Oh, it turned out to be a bean bag." Huhu< /p>

33. Who is the mother of milk?

Hua---because of peanut milk

Who is the father of milk?

Sea - because of sea flowers

34. Make a V with two fingers, what is it? Yes~~ Stretch down with shaking hands, what is it? It is a fallen leaf! Hahaha, I laughed so hard

35. Once upon a time, there was a eunuch. . .

-What’s next?

-No more!

36. Go shopping with two tomatoes.

The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked: Where are we going?

The first tomato didn’t answer, so the second tomato asked again. once.

The first tomato didn’t answer, so the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato finally turned around slowly and said:

Aren’t we tomatoes? Can we talk? !

37

Late one night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when suddenly a "wow" sound came from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, followed by the man behind her. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate, kneeling on the ground, crying and begging: "You can do whatever you want, just don't kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really? Now you Start chasing me.