Who has a good joke?

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

I have always felt that there is a loophole in Journey to the West: since the Tang Priest eats meat and lives forever, why not bite himself? In this way, all the monsters in the western world are floating clouds ~ then you don't have to bring your luggage ~ anyway, the other four disciples can find food at any time. Later, I learned that Wu Cheng'en's design is so fucking meticulous-monks can't eat meat.

After Cao Cao was unearthed, he answered a reporter's question: "You died in Luoyang, why did you choose Anyang to build a tomb?" Cao: "The housing price in the capital is too expensive, and the second-tier cities are cheap." Q: "Who is the woman who has slept with you for thousands of years?" A: "Shh, she is the story of Deusim, the word seaweed." Q: "Can you finally talk about your views on this new era?" A: "I have already replied with my name."

It is said that the Chinese proficiency test is one of the most difficult tests in the world. Although the speech speed is slow, the content is really speechless. Example: Listen to a short conversation. The man said: Hey, your teeth are so white today. The woman said that it was a false tooth. The man said: Really? The woman said: Really. Question: Is this a real tooth or a false tooth?

Liu Bei asked Zhuge Liang, "Who is your favorite singer?" Justin Bieber. "Why?" "Because I especially like one of his songs." Sing and listen. Bright cheeks flushed slightly, and she sang softly, "Ready, ready, ready, oh ~"

Contradictory life couplets: Huang Zhong hung out with Liu Bei at the age of 60, Jiang Ziya became prime minister at the age of 80, the Monkey King went to the West to learn Buddhist scriptures at the age of 500, and White Snake 1000 fell in love. Young man, what's your hurry? Bottom line: Gates became the richest man in the world at the age of 39, and Sun Yat-sen founded the Zhong Xing Society at the age of 28. Sun Quan 19. According to "Jiangdong", Kangxi became emperor at the age of 6, Beethoven could compose music at the age of 4, and Huluwa was born and could fight monsters. Oh, do you think we can relax?

The Chinese teacher looked back and saw that there was nothing but the Yellow Crane Tower. The math teacher looked back and saw the symmetry axis of quadratic function. When the English teacher turned around, I was sorry to add three grams of oil. As soon as the chemistry teacher turned around, carbon dioxide turned into gasoline. As soon as the physics teacher turned around, he levered up the earth. As soon as the biology teacher turned around, the IVF swam in the water. As soon as the PE teacher turned around, Jordan switched to playing table tennis. When all the teachers turn around, the people of the world will not be free!

A peasant woman is in town for the first time! Seeing the tall buildings, I counted them! A liar came over and asked, "How many floors did you count? All right. 5 yuan on each floor! " The peasant woman replied, "Ten floors!" Subsequently, the peasant woman paid the money. The bystander said to the peasant woman, "You are so stupid!" The peasant woman was furious: "You idiot! In fact, I counted eighteen floors! "

Interviewer: Interviewer, can I ask you a question, and the answer will decide whether I stay or not? Interviewer: OK. Interviewer: You are the most beautiful cloud in my field of vision. Let me leave my heart to you ~ Interviewer: Stay! Interviewer: Thank you! [Turn around]