Children are empty nesters abroad. What should parents do?

Xin 'an Evening News Anhui Net Anhui Client News In recent years, in order to let children get better development, more and more families with economic conditions send their children abroad for further study. Some children stay abroad to work after their studies, and even get married and settle down. Some children took the old man to live abroad, and the old man couldn't adapt at all, and finally returned to China. With more and more people studying abroad, there are more and more "empty nesters" in China.

What kind of mental journey did the children of "empty nesters" go to other places to work hard and stay at home? In the past few days, Xin 'an Evening News, Anhui Net and Daxie client reporters visited several communities in Hefei for interviews.

The number of students studying abroad is increasing year by year.

The reporter interviewed 20 elderly people at random in Wang Hu Community, Baohe District, Hefei City. Four of them have children studying abroad or have experience in studying abroad. "There are more and more students studying abroad. There were not so many international students before. " Community workers said.

According to the data of several study abroad consulting companies in Hefei, in recent years, there are more and more people studying abroad. The relevant person in charge of one of the study abroad consulting companies told the reporter that since the establishment of the company seven years ago, the number of customers receiving study abroad consulting has increased year by year, with an average annual growth of 30% to 35%, which has also made the company's performance grow steadily.

According to the person in charge, at present, there are 40 to 50 customers who come to consult about studying abroad by telephone, internet and door-to-door, and the number can reach 70 to 80 in peak season.

"20 15 is the hottest year for studying abroad. Now, although the number of consultants is still growing, the growth rate has slowed down. " The person in charge said that many parents come to help their children consult. It can be seen that they all want their children to have a good future after studying abroad.

The reporter learned from the questionnaire survey that most parents support their children to study abroad, mainly because they think that their children can increase their knowledge and broaden their horizons abroad, which is conducive to their future development. Only a few parents object to their children studying abroad.

The "empty nest family" is getting younger and younger.

In many people's impression, international students go abroad to study after graduating from college. Actually, it is not. Although it is still dominated by college students, the age structure of students studying abroad has changed over the years. Many children have gone overseas since high school, junior high school and even primary school.

Correspondingly, "empty nest" parents are getting younger and younger because their children go abroad. Rebecca's daughter just graduated from university this year and applied to study in Korea. "I was only 44 years old and became an empty nester." Rebecca often teases himself like this. In fact, she is in good condition, because she has a younger son and her daughter has gone abroad, so she pays more attention to her son.

According to the reporter's investigation, many one-child families also send their children abroad to study in order to let them enjoy high-quality educational resources abroad. "I was very sad when I sent my child abroad, but I was still worried about his future development." A Hefei citizen sent his 14-year-old child to a middle school in England. At first, his heart was full of worries and thoughts. The only child went abroad, and the family really became an "empty nest family". Back home, only husband and wife, very cold and cheerless.

Whether to return to China depends on the development of children.

For Wang Yan, the most difficult moment has passed. That's when the child just went abroad and entered a strange environment. It is difficult to move without familiar circles. Every time I hear a child crying on the phone, it is not easy. Rebecca seems to feel the same way, thinking that the child should not be sent abroad.

"From the moment the child got on the plane, my thoughts never stopped." In the first year of her children's study in Germany, Lu Juhua was preoccupied all year: before her children went abroad, she lived at home and her daily life was taken care of by her family. She went so far away at once. Can she take care of herself? Moreover, going to Germany is far and expensive, and it is not easy to meet a child. You can see him on video call, but it's out of reach and always feels unreal.

According to the survey, although they live far away from their children, most parents talk to their children once a week to learn about each other's living conditions because of their convenient contact. This sharing makes them less worried.

"When the child is well, we will be fine." Liu Yong, whose children are studying in South Korea, said that when children leave home, they are actually worried about their families. As long as parents take good care of themselves, it is also a reassurance for children. As for whether children will return to China after their studies, whether they will support themselves or not depends on the needs of their own development. Many citizens believe that children will be attracted back sooner or later because of China's growing strength and rapid economic development.

Character file

My daughter went abroad to settle down, and her parents regretted sending her abroad.

Character: Liu Shuqin, 56 years old.

Liu Shuqin lives in Lilac Community, Shushan District, Hefei. With the economic conditions getting better and better, 12 years ago, after discussing with his wife, Liu Shuqin sent his children abroad to study, so that they could receive a better education, have a broader vision and a better future. Now, their only baby daughter not only stays in Canada to work, but also marries and settles in Canada with her boyfriend. Now she has raised two children and lived a comfortable life, while Liu Shuqin and his wife have become empty nesters in China.

It is a great challenge for Liu Shuqin to adapt to the days when her daughter is not around. My daughter was brought up by her from birth. Stay with her all the time and suddenly disappear from her. She felt very unaccustomed. Her mood fluctuates greatly. In the first two months when my daughter went abroad to study, she always suffered from insomnia. "I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. Since my daughter left home, I have been like a lost soul. I know in my heart that it is a good thing for my daughter to study abroad, but I still can't help crying. In the first week, I called her four or five times a day. "

In order to facilitate contact with her daughter, Liu Shuqin learned to type and send emails by computer before 2007. "In the Spring Festival of 20 12, my daughter bought me an Apple iPad specially to facilitate video chat with us."

What Liu Shuqin and his wife look forward to most every day is a fixed video conversation moment at 8 pm. Only at this moment can they see on the computer screen that they miss their daughter and baby grandson day and night. Although the convenience of communication and the progress of science and technology make people in the horizon look close at hand, Liu Shuqin often secretly wipes his tears. After all, video images can only be seen but not touched. She said that although she often video chats with her granddaughter, she hasn't spent more than half a year together for so many years, and she has no feelings, but she doesn't feel as kind as the little girl next door.

"It is good for a daughter to have her own dreams, but she should also consider the feelings of her parents. I really regret sending her out to study now. Now that my daughter has settled abroad, it is said that she will take the old couple to live in Canada. Realistic? Unrealistic. We simply don't have the conditions to live abroad, and we are not used to life. I feel that I used to be a very optimistic and strong person, but now I am also sentimental. Sometimes I cry when I watch TV. " Liu Shuqin said.

Now, Liu Shuqin has joined the community chorus and dance team, and her mood has become more comfortable. Every morning, Liu Shuqin will dress up and wait to practice songs with a dozen singers in the community. Besides singing and dancing, after retirement, Liu Shuqin also took a photography class at the University for the Aged, and often went out to relax with his wife.

The son is studying in Korea, and the old man hopes to return after his studies.

Character: Liu Yong, 55 years old.

Liu Yong lives in Jiajia Jingyuan Community, Shushan District, Hefei City. His son taught Chinese in a local middle school after graduating from Korea. When Liu Yong talks about his son spreading China culture abroad, his face is always full of happiness. 20 1 1 year, Liu Yong's son had the idea of studying abroad, because his family was not particularly rich, but in order to broaden his horizons, he agreed to his son's request. In order to save some money, when choosing a school, they avoided European and American universities and finally chose Korean universities.

Children's first year abroad is mainly about learning languages. When I first started going abroad, the differences in living habits such as language barrier and diet made children very anxious. Mr. and Mrs. Liu Yong are in a hurry at home, but they can't do anything about it, so they can only let their children get used to it. During that time, they contacted their children almost every day to help him ease his heart. Fortunately, the child's adaptability is strong, and it took only half a year to integrate into the local society, and Liu Yong's heart was slowly put down.

Nowadays, children have matured a lot and their lives have gradually stabilized. They can do their own washing and cooking, and Liu Yong has no reason to worry. If there is nothing urgent, Liu Yong will contact the children once a month, and the chat content is not much, mainly to tell the children to pay attention to safety. On weekdays, Liu Yong and his wife have to go to work normally, so they have no time to think about other things.

As for the elderly, whether the children want to return to China depends on the development prospects. At present, the domestic economy is developing rapidly, so it should be imperative for children to come back. "I said to myself, when I am old and have children around, I will be much more practical."

I used to oppose going abroad, but now I feel that I have a wrong view of my daughter.

Character: Yu Lin, 54 years old.

20 1 1, my daughter graduated from college and proposed to go to the United States for postgraduate study. In fact, Yu Lin refused. "You are so big, but also built at home. Can you run so far at once? " Yu Lin questioned her daughter, but she still insisted on her opinion.

"My daughter is the only child in the family. I'm afraid she won't come back when she goes to America. It's hard to see her in the future. " However, Yu Lin said that she and her husband failed to marry their daughter in the end.

Yu Lin said that if her son went abroad, she wouldn't worry too much. After all, she is a girl, relatively weak, afraid of losing money outside, and her parents can't help.

After graduating from graduate school, my daughter found a job in a large listed company in the United States with considerable income. Yu Lin was ecstatic at the news. Usually, Yu Lin chats with her daughter through the Internet every week, talking about life, work, gossip and anyone who is interested. In 20 13, she went to America and found that it was not what she expected. For the first time, she felt that she was wrong about her daughter. "When she grows up, everything can be arranged by herself, so let her go."

In the past few years after retirement, Yu Lin has not been idle, and often participates in public welfare activities to give full play to the corner heat and help others. During this period, she also made many friends. "Life is quite full now. My wife and I can still move. It will take a long time for the elderly to come. Let's talk about the future later. What is important now is to live every day. " Yu Lin said that she would not force her daughter to come back to her in the future. "Look at her own career development, as long as she has a good life."

The grandson went abroad to study, and the old man has been worried about it.

Character: Wu Dazhi, 80 years old.

Wu Dazhi, who lives in the Pearl Community of Hefei Binhu, is over 80 years old. His children will visit him and his wife after work. They have everything they need. Rich club activities also enriched his later life. However, what worries Wu Dazhi all the time is his grandson who is studying abroad.

"London, Architecture Department, Design Drawings, Time Difference" Wu Dazhi is always willing to receive all the information related to his grandson and spend a lot of time memorizing it. Grandson is sensible and conscious since childhood. He not only studied calligraphy, painting, violin and other talents seriously, but also planned his own development goals in high school, offered to study abroad and made preparations, which won the support of the whole family. So, after the college entrance examination, my grandson went to study in London, England, and it has been four and a half years now.

The time difference of 8 hours is a natural barrier, plus the difference between working hours and working hours. It is "too difficult" for Grandpa Wu to meet his grandson. Before each video with his grandson, he has to ponder over the calculation and find a time suitable for both sides, but don't talk too long during the video, for fear of delaying his study. The dialogue is also about the living conditions of grandchildren overseas. The more detailed and comprehensive he is, the more secure he will be.

Wu Dazhi always lamented that over the past four years, the number of meetings with his grandson was too small. The last time his grandson went home was last Christmas, and he only stayed for a week, so he couldn't even spend the Spring Festival together. I am getting old and tired. I can't go abroad to see my grandson. I can only ask my grandson to take more photos and videos.

Sun Tzu graduated from college this year, but because of his excellent grades, he wants to continue his studies, so he doesn't plan to go home for the time being. Wu Dazhi's desire for his grandson to go home is getting stronger and stronger. He is happy, thoughtful and worried, and all kinds of complicated emotions are contradictory. But he finally decided to respect his grandson's choice and didn't want his thoughts to bring psychological burden and pressure to his grandson.

When his son got married abroad, the old man said that he was not worried about providing for the aged.

Character: Lu Juhua, 59 years old.

Lu Juhua lives in Dinggang Community, Shushan District, Hefei. Last year, after studying and working in Germany 10 years, her only child bought a house and settled there. Compared with when the child just went abroad, this time, her mood was much calmer.

"When he first went abroad, he was worried that he could not eat and sleep well and could not integrate into the local society." Lu Juhua told reporters that in 2006, her son, a sophomore, said he wanted to study in Germany. "It is good for children to be self-motivated. His father and I were very supportive, but later I thought it was too difficult for him to be alone in a foreign country. When leaving, he shed tears. "

However, in the following 10 years, the children's study and life were very satisfactory. After graduation, they took a master's degree and entered a good local enterprise. Later, I talked about my girlfriend and got married.

"He has grown up now, and he is doing very well. His father and I have nothing to worry about. " Lu Juhua said that she and her husband have been to Germany twice in the past few years. "I am a stranger and I don't understand the language. I feel bored there. " Each flight takes more than ten hours, which is why Lu Juhua and her husband feel uncomfortable. "Nothing will happen in the future, and I won't run that far."

As the only child in the family, Lu Juhua and his wife don't feel very lonely now, because their daily life is rich and they enjoy playing cards and dancing. "The child is not around, and his father and I can go." Lu Juhua said that they went to Tibet and Yunnan on a whim in the second half of this year.

"Whether the child will return to China in the future depends on his own decision." Lu Juhua is more enlightened. She said that if the children don't come back, she and her wife plan to stay at home or go to a nursing home.

My daughter went abroad this year, and my parents said that they were most worried about safety.

Character: Rebecca, 44 years old.

Yan Wang lives in Wang Hu Community, Baohe District, Hefei. In March this year, after graduating from a university in Jiangxi Province, my daughter was admitted as a graduate student by a university in South Korea, and she embarked on the road of studying in a foreign country.

"She has developed the ability to live independently since she was a child. South Korea is close to China, so we are not too worried about going abroad this time. " Rebecca said that it is also convenient to contact her daughter on WeChat now, and she will contact her once every three to five times to learn about her recent situation.

Rebecca's daughter was an exchange student in college and went to a Korean university for some time. When she graduated from college, she passed the postgraduate entrance examination in China and was admitted to a university. However, she finally followed her uncle's advice, gave up her domestic universities and applied for universities in South Korea, intending to improve herself abroad.

"She also has the idea of going abroad for further study, so we will fully support her." Rebecca said that after her daughter went abroad, she was most worried about safety. "Looking at the news, I feel that the outside world is too messy. After she went abroad, we paid special attention to Korean news, and we will contact her if there is any trouble. "

Now, Rebecca's daughter not only studies at school, but also runs her own online shop. She is usually very busy with her study and life and seldom contacts her family. "We are all looking for her online." Recently, however, because of her unsatisfactory exam results, her daughter called home every day for several days, which made Rebecca feel very distressed.

It has always been Rebecca's pride that her daughter can study abroad. She hopes that her daughter can return to her side after finishing her studies abroad, make some contributions to the development of the motherland at home, and become the pride of the motherland.

Journalist investigation

Some parents regret sending their children abroad.

(The reporter distributed 100 copies of the questionnaire in Binhu Mingzhu Community, Lilac Community, Dinggang Community, Jiajia Jingyuan Community and Wang Hu Community in Hefei, and 86 valid questionnaires were recovered. )

The voice of experts

Psychological "empty nest" tests parents

Let the children go abroad for their future, but they are worried that the children will have a bad time abroad; After the children go abroad, they are afraid that they will not be able to help themselves when they encounter difficulties; Parents of foreign students who want to stay abroad for development after their children finish their studies and are worried about their children's future pension have become "left-behind parents". They put themselves in a contradictory position. How should they adjust their psychology? The reporter interviewed Zhang Doumu, executive director of Anhui Psychological Crisis Intervention Association and national second-level psychological counselor.

Children should be mentally prepared before going abroad.

Zhang Doumu said that from one culture to another, it takes a lot of effort for a person to walk in and integrate into it, not overnight. Since parents have decided to send their children abroad, they should make preparations in advance.

"After systematic study, language problems can be easily solved." Zhang Doumu said that it is very important for international students to know the customs and habits of destination countries. These can be prepared in advance. Because children are young and inexperienced, parents should take the initiative to undertake this part of the work and help their children understand a country through various channels. In addition, children should be taught basic survival skills and interpersonal skills so that they can live independently after leaving their parents' arms. Parents' initial worries about their children are nothing more than these aspects that are closely related to life. In fact, parents' worries are unnecessary as long as they are prepared enough to teach their children these life skills.

Respect children's choices and communicate more.

Parents should also be psychologically prepared, and their children may stay abroad according to their career development. "The outside world is so wonderful that children will definitely plan their future according to their own ideas as their experience grows." Zhang Doum said that by this time, parents should respect their children's choices. In fact, many parents hope that their children can return to China after they become talents, so that they will be taken care of when they are old. Zhang Doum suggested that parents can spend every time talking with their children on their life, study and work, and tell them their truest thoughts. "Maybe children will consider their parents' situation. "

Zhang Doumu said that when a child who has lived in front of him for more than ten years suddenly goes abroad, his parents will feel more or less lonely. At this time, he should distract himself, take part in some group activities, or go out to travel, expand his life circle and enrich his later life.

Yu Yaping Mei Jiaowei Xin 'an Evening News Anhui Net Daxie Client Trainee Reporter Wang Jixiang wrote.