Jokes, ridiculousness index 90%, longer

1. The child is 4 years old and has an iron piggy bank of his own. He usually puts our change in it and treats it as his own property. One day, he actually ransacked a hundred-dollar bill from me and put it into the treasury. Of course, he couldn't let him succeed, so he took it back with violence. The child cried loudly, and the old man solved it with a few small bills. At this time, the child found a small lock, locked the piggy bank first, put the money in, and said proudly: Look, you will still take my money in the future!

After that, he stuffed the key in again.

2. Once I went to eat with a friend. The boy just took a mouthful of bean sprouts and immediately sneezed. When I looked up, holy shit! I saw two bean sprouts coming out of his nose. I didn't eat a single bite of food for three days and lost two pounds.

3. Once I went to a newly opened Internet cafe. The machines with partitions were already full. I could only go to the one with a large area of ??machines in the inner room next to each other. Each machine has The distances are very close. You can’t tell which one is the chassis or the monitor without looking carefully. As a result, there was no response when I clicked the mouse or pressed the keyboard. I pressed the restart button on the chassis and restarted. After restarting Still no response. I restarted again. When I pressed it for the third time, the brother next to me said, "Brother, you have restarted me three times."

4. Go out on the bus with a friend I haven't seen for a long time.

My friend said I looked so beautiful today

I am so happy.

Then he said loudly: "I have to dress up when I go out to pick up guests..."

Then the car became very quiet. .

Actually, what I want to say is "I dress up when I go out to meet friends."

5. I saw a sexy woman walking with her husband on the road. I happened to be behind. The woman knew that she was very good, so she twisted her pussy very hard, and then suddenly heard the woman’s whisper. He told his husband that if he sat on that stone bench, my PP would twist.

6. The reward notice I just saw on the bus

The suspect is about 27 years old and 1.75 meters tall. Left and right

He has a good figure and a handsome appearance. He has dyed hair. . . . .

Is this a police station or a dating agency? . ?

7. Once I heard a girl yelling into the phone: Get out! ! Get out of here! ! I never want to talk to you again! ! I never want to see you again! ! Then BH hung up the phone. Less than two minutes later, she started dialing her boyfriend's phone again, and the result showed that the other party's phone was turned off. So she kept calling and calling, and after more than ten minutes she finally got through. When she opened her mouth, she yelled: How dare you turn off your phone and not answer my call! ! Get out of here! ! Get out of here! !

Everyone around was shocked. . .

8. When I was in college, the whole class once went to another place to sketch. We stayed in a local’s house. It was an old house in Huizhou. Under a big willow tree, a few people (male and female, relatively friendly ones) were chatting and drawing. It was almost noon, and we were packing up and going back to have lunch. At this time, we heard a girl scream, how about we? Everyone came around to take a look, and there was a lump of bird droppings on this beautiful girl's masterpiece, some black and some white, and it was still being sprayed (very sticky, very slow), and a group of people laughed wildly, and the beautiful girl quickly wiped it off. As a result, the white bird droppings could not be wiped clean. The bird droppings happened to be on the small trunk of a small tree in her painting. The trunk was dark black. At first glance, it looked like a deliberately painted highlight (no) know what the solution is).

The instructor was reviewing the paintings in the evening and suddenly saw the beauty’s masterpiece. He was very impressed and said that the beauty observed carefully and used brushes delicately. He especially pointed out that such a small tree actually had highlights, and it made her very happy. The girl told her what she thought at the time

The girl had no choice but to tell the truth, it was bird droppings that happened to fall there and could not be wiped off

The whole audience burst into laughter, even the landlord , as well as his wife and daughter, laughed for about 5 minutes

The teacher was petrified for 5 minutes

9. One day, the whole class watched the video of the founding ceremony of the People's Republic of China.

I was fascinated by the novel I read the night before. When Chairman Mao announced the founding of China, I felt a little drowsy.

Suddenly I heard thunderous applause, and I applauded subconsciously.

The whole class looked back at me, and I suddenly woke up.

. . . The people across the country on the projection were smiling brightly

10. One day, we were chatting in the dormitory

While chatting, a brother started talking about girls.

Then he said something: "You boys..." Then everyone in the dormitory looked at him, and he realized that he had said the wrong thing. Then he said: "Ah... I made a mistake. It should be us girls..."

Then the whole dormitory burst into laughter