How would you evaluate Faye Wong?

Su Xixi said:

Today’s article comes from my good friend, the writer Li Yueliang.

Moon's article is great, transparent and profound, not pretentious or pretentious, it is worth reading~

How would you evaluate Faye Wong?

Text丨Li Yueliang

01

More than twenty years ago.

In Dou Wei’s famous small courtyard house, he received a letter and a box of CDs from Faye Wong. Dou Wei's girlfriend at the time, Jiang Xin, saw the letter. The handwriting was clean and tidy, and she wrote something about her recent bad mood. The last sentence was "Can you stop calling me Xiao Wang?"

This was probably the beginning of the relationship between Faye Wong and Dou Wei.

A few years later, in the same courtyard, on a sultry afternoon, Dou Wei, Faye Wong, and Jiang Xin had a meal together and stayed together until late at night. Dou Wei said, "I know you all love me, and I love you too. I forced myself to make a choice, but it made my conscience uneasy. I knew that no matter what choice I made, it was wrong."

However, the two girls Let Dou Wei make the choice.

Dou Wei chose Faye Wong.

Everyone knows what happened next.

Faye Wong flew back and forth between Hong Kong and Beijing. As a popular superstar, she lived in Dou Wei’s dilapidated courtyard house. One morning, she was photographed by reporters with fluffy hair going to a public toilet to empty a spittoon - this was also the song "I Do" Forget My Name For You" origin.

People nowadays may not understand how good Dou Wei is, and think he is not worthy of Faye Wong. Not really.

Gao Xiaosong said, "Lao Lang and I were backing up Dou Wei at that time. Xiao Dou was very handsome at that time, and as soon as he came on stage, he exploded."

Dou Wei's handsomeness , mainly depends on temperament. He was talented and inspiring, and he was very popular on both sides of the Taiwan Strait.

It’s a pity that he doesn’t like commercial things. He has a different pursuit of life than ordinary people, so he quit when he was at his peak, hiding behind the scenes, playing drums and flutes, and recording niche records.

His forward-looking music has greatly influenced and improved Faye Wong, and transformed Faye Wong's music form. Faye Wong's album "Impossible", which he personally produced, is even called Faye Wong's best album.

Dou Wei let his wife sit firmly on the throne of Queen of Heaven, but he became "Faye Wong's husband".

Later, Faye Wong became pregnant and made an appointment for an abortion, but missed the time due to tight work schedule. Finally, she married Dou Wei Fengzi and gave birth to Dou Jingtong (this may be the basis for Dou Wei later saying "this marriage is a conspiracy" one).

It is said that Faye Wong took on most of the preparations for the wedding alone. Before the wedding, Dou Wei seemed to regret the marriage and said, "I am not a good man. You have to think clearly about whether to marry me or not." Faye Wong's agent Chen Jiaying pounded the table and asked, "Will you marry me or not?" Dou Wei was dismissed by everyone and had no choice but to accept.

Li Yapeng once said that Faye Wong is a "high school girl". In this way, Dou Wei is just a junior high school boy. He is aloof and rebellious. He is not bad at heart, but he is a little childish by worldly standards.

At that time, the media was not optimistic about their marriage at all. ——Faye Wong’s relationship has never been favored.

But Faye Wong was extremely determined and wrote one of her masterpieces, "Perseverance":

"This time I am persistent in the face of willful intoxication/I don't care whether it is wrong or right. / Even if I am deeply trapped, I will do anything / Even if I am obsessed, I will not regret it?"

The marriage lasted for three years. During this period, a woman named Gao Yuan kept appearing next to Dou Wei. Dou Wei She even introduced to the media, "She is Gao Yuan, my lover."

Finally divorced. Faye Wong's state of mind is unknown. She didn't say a word to the media.

If you fall in love, you will ignore everything. If you don’t fall in love, you will be safe.

The former is not easy, the latter is even more difficult.

02

Not long ago, Feng Fei Lian was reported.

30-year-old Faye Wong and 19-year-old Nicholas Tse became a sensation.

In 2000, Tony Leung won the Cannes Best Actor. At the celebration banquet, Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse arrived one after another. The reporters waiting outside thought that they would leave one after another. Unexpectedly, Faye Wong swaggered out with Nicholas Tse in hand, confirming the relationship between brother and sister.

Faye Wong is completely "hold his hand, and the world will belong to me" momentum

Nicholas Tse later said that there was no planning, no discussion, just suddenly, he held hands.

When talking about each other at that time, both of them cherished words like gold, but they couldn't hide the sweetness between their eyes and eyebrows.

Later Cecilia Cheung intervened and they broke up.

Later, Nicholas Tse broke up with Cecilia Cheung and pursued Faye Wong.

Then Cecilia Cheung intervened again and they broke up again.

It sounds a bit like a joke.

But Faye Wong must have been in a very dark mood at that time.

She once said, "Actually, I am just an ordinary person. I have all the troubles that others have." But still, she bore the turbulent waves alone and said nothing to the outside world.

03

Then Li Yapeng appeared. This time Faye Wong chose a mature and steady man.

After her marriage, she took a big vacation for herself, almost stopped working, and concentrated on living the life of a young woman, staying at home, raising children, and reading the Bible.

Everything looks fine. But the truth may not be as good as it seems.

He loves her. With him by her side, she felt at ease.

There is just something missing between them.

For example, Yang Lan asked Li Yapeng: Do you want Faye Wong to return to singing?

Li Yapeng said: I support you if you sing, and I support you if you don’t sing.

Yang Lan asked: What do you hope for more?

Li said, I support it from the bottom of my heart.

——Good husband, is there nothing wrong with you?

But when we look back at Dou Wei's attitude towards Faye Wong, we can see the difference.

Back then, Dou Wei tried his best to shape Faye Wong's singing style and create her album. During Faye Wong's concert in Japan, Dou Wei played drums to accompany Faye Wong. Because Faye Wong failed to sing on point, Dou Wei was so angry after the concert that he threw the drumstick.

——Dou Wei knew where Faye Wong’s most precious golden point was. He did not allow it to be submerged, and tried his best to light it up and make it blind the world.

He can lead Faye Wong in what she loves most and is most important.

This is a higher realm of love. Li Yapeng couldn't reach it.

Also, Dou Wei said, I have never shouted to the audience. I refuse sensational things, which is very hypocritical. This is very consistent with the fact that Faye Wong only said thank you three times during a concert.

In fact, both Dou Wei and Nicholas Tse have a unique sense of purity, rebelliousness, arrogance, and pioneering spirit, which is particularly similar to Faye Wong.

And Li Yapeng, a good and steady man, lacks this kind of personality, and it is difficult for him to reach a high level of spiritual harmony with Faye Wong.

She must also love him, but the concentration and height of this love are not enough, so it settles into family affection too quickly.

This is probably the root cause of their divorce.

When she is with Li Yapeng, Faye Wong’s "female cadre" style of painting. I can't say it's not good, it just doesn't look like her.

04

In fact, there are countless women in the world who live in marriages where "the spirit is not satisfied" - he doesn't understand me, he can't get me The point is, he's not my soulmate.

However, even if they are dissatisfied and depressed, few people will divorce because of this.

The reason is obvious - divorce will bring too much difficulty and trouble, and the price is too high, so we dare not bother with it.

Faye Wong dares. Because she has capital.

The career, fame, and assets she has worked hard for over the years have allowed her to escape from her comfortable but boring life and pursue a new life in her forties.

This is the importance of a woman’s self-strength - when you are dissatisfied with the status quo (whether it is marriage, love, career, or anything else), you have the ability to break the deadlock, adjust the direction of your life, and go to the true inner world. The life you want. Instead of having to endure hardships, complain, and endure.

——Of course, it is not recommended that women should get divorced just because of a little dissatisfaction. Rather, you must have enough ability to control your own life.

05

You may say that ordinary people don’t have Faye Wong’s talent, how can they achieve her success.

In fact, in addition to talent and luck, Faye Wong is what she is today because of another very important point: she knows what she wants and how to get it.

Back then, she gave up the admission notice from Xiamen University and went to Hong Kong to sing.

She knew she wanted to sing and went for it firmly.

For ordinary people, I am afraid that this first step will be stuck - they have neither this self-awareness nor the courage to go all out.

In Hong Kong, Faye Wong quickly felt something was wrong: "The clothes I wore were chosen by others, and they were hung on you, and my name was also changed. It was not me at all, and I didn't even know I was there." What are you doing?"

So she went to New York to study music. After coming back, he followed various teachers and worked hard to expand his vocal range and improve his singing skills.

——Be able to keenly feel that something is wrong, and strive for changes and breakthroughs, instead of just obeying arrangements and resting on your talents and capital. This is Faye Wong’s difference.

Also, she has very high requirements for music, forming the best production team, providing her own ideas on arrangement and soundtrack, and carefully considering every word in the lyrics. Then there were so many good songs.

In fact, Faye Wong is a person who gets nervous easily. When she is studying and taking exams, the presence of several invigilators in the exam room can cause her to perform abnormally.

She also doesn't like to reveal herself. Once I was in a bad mood and called out Carina Lau, but she didn't say anything for two hours.

Despite this personality, in order to promote the new album, she frequently faced the media, accepted various interviews, and spent several days struggling to answer reporters' questionnaires.

So, she has made compromises with the world. Of course, this compromise is to better herself.

On the one hand, be loyal to yourself, on the other hand, make necessary compromises, and grasp these two things just right. This is another difference between Faye Wong.

She manages her life well enough, and it really depends on more than just a good voice.

She is rebellious, but not in the way of standing tall and fighting against the world. Instead, she does what she needs to do and then keeps her distance from the world. Don't worry about me, I don't care about you either.

06

Faye Wong said that her mother is very strict with her. If she comes home even one minute late, she will make a mistake, so she is particularly sensitive to the concept of "making mistakes".

So we see that she is wild and has her own way of doing things, but she basically doesn’t make a big deal out of it.

She always ends the last relationship before starting the next one, and does not cheat or cheat.

She never gets involved in other people’s marriages, nor does she steal other people’s husbands (stealing boyfriends is a moral gray area, so it’s hard to comment).

Within this general framework, she acts casually, stays true to herself, does what she wants to do, loves who she wants to love, and is not afraid of rumors.

——Compromise to hard rules and not compromise to worldly perspectives. So she lives a life of her own, and no matter how displeased others are about her getting married, divorced, or having a boyfriend, they can't fault her.

07

One thing is worth saying: Faye Wong never said anything bad about her ex-boyfriend. Whether they cheated or cheated, she never accused or complained.

It’s not the kind of person who is filled with hatred but pretends to be calm in order to maintain his image.

But those things can really pass in her heart.

That’s why she was able to get back together with Nicholas Tse and their love remains as sweet as before.

That’s why she was able to tease Dou Wei blithely on Weibo when he released his new song.

She has even maintained a good relationship with Dou Wei's mother and sister. Li Yan's birthday party was attended by Dou Wei's mother, who was having a great time.

There are two reasons for being so free and easy:

First, when she loves every man, she truly loves and is truly happy. And she can figure out that the happiness in this process is worth the pain in the end, so even if she encounters betrayal, she has a balance in her heart. There is no such thing as "I sacrificed so much for you, but you actually betrayed me and hurt me." kind of logic. As a result, she can easily resolve the resentment in her heart.

Secondly, the departure of any man never caused her to fall into a sea of ??misery. She still lived a prosperous life, had a career and was loved by others. She has the ability to live a good life for herself and does not need any man to be responsible for her life or pay for her misfortune.

Everything I do is for my happiness. I am the only one responsible for my happiness.

This is the concept that women lack most in a patriarchal society, and this concept is extremely important. The reason why many women are so resentful after divorce is because they lack self-awareness and cannot be loyal to themselves, so their logic is "Everything I do is for you, and you must be responsible for me."

It is not only the women themselves who suffer deeply from this logic, but also their children.

After Faye Wong and Dou Wei divorced, a reporter asked, "What kind of father do you plan to find for Dou Jingtong?"

She said: Tongtong has a father, and what I want is my own. companion.

This sentence is so classic. It is a response to patriarchal thinking and a reminder to women who lack self-esteem.

Compared with those women who "cannot divorce for the sake of their children" and "remarry just to find a new father for their children", she sees things more clearly.

Of course the child’s feelings must be considered. But the correct way for children to achieve happiness should be "I try my best to build my life, and then pass on my happiness to you" rather than "I am unhappy because of you, and you have to deal with my unhappiness." Responsible".

Many people criticize Faye Wong for "not caring about her children", but the fact is that her two daughters are healthy, confident, and calm, and the relationship between mother and daughter is also very good. Divorced families and congenital defects are nothing to worry about.

Dou Jingtong interacted with her mother at Faye Wong’s concert and gained countless fans

So it is really important for women to be true to themselves. You have to be responsible for yourself first, and then you can be responsible for others. Only when you live like a little sun can you shine sunshine on the people around you.

08

Faye Wong said more than once that she is a confused woman.

The so-called confusion, to put it another way, should be detachment, a kind of disdain for worldly trivial matters.

If people don’t have this kind of detachment, it will be difficult for them to live happily.

In fact, Faye Wong has always been very sober in the general direction of life.

She controls her life soberly and wisely. That's why he is still attracting attention after he faded out for several years. While gaining both fame and fortune, he also gained two excellent daughters and fell in love like a girl in his forties.

The most important thing is that she did not violate the rules and did not wrong herself too much.

Many people love her not just because of her songs, but because she lives out their ideal self.

Perhaps every woman has this kind of self hidden in her heart:

I don’t want to please the world, don’t care about right and wrong, I just want to be myself, and other worldly concepts will be commented on by everyone. , love so and so.

We don’t want to be a chess piece, controlled by others, and we have no control over our comings and goings.

Faye Wong’s life answer sheet shows: You can.

Author: Li Yueliang

A popular columnist, a new feminist, and a craftsman who writes solidly.

Interpret emotions, see through human nature, and accompany thousands of women to grow with reason and wisdom.

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