Jokes to regulate emotions

1. Q: 1 This year is almost over. Are you still 1? A: Will I become a 1 dog?

2. My daughter and I went to eat crayfish. The daughter asked, "Mom, crayfish can't go home. Will its mother be in a hurry? " I was stunned at that time, when the boss came to rescue me: "No, their whole family is here."

3. What is a page? I don't know exactly, I only know: if you don't work hard in the Year of the Pig, nothing can compare with it!

The chicken asked the hen, "Can you take me out to play without laying eggs today?" The hen said, "No, I want to lay eggs!" " The chicken said, "but you have laid so many eggs!" The hen said helplessly to the chicken, "remember, son, an egg a day can keep the kitchen knife away from you;" No eggs in January, see you in the pressure cooker. "

Don't play tricks between girls, anyway, they will go to square dance together in a few decades.

6. Mom: "Wear a mask when you go out." Me: "it's okay, mom, I'm over my cold!" " Mom: "No, you are not married at that age. How dare you go out? "

My uncle just bought a new car and showed off his driving skills in front of our house. Suddenly there was a crash, and then there was the sound of the bottle breaking. It turned out that I backed into a variety of bottles collected on my son's tricycle. Now my son quit and rolled around crying. Uncle got off the bus and looked: well, I met someone who touched porcelain. Make a price! Finally, the accident was solved with a bottle of Wahaha, a pack of instant noodles and a box of sugar.

8. I wore headphones to listen to music today and found that there was no sound on the left. After inspection, it was found to be a false alarm. It turned out that I couldn't hear in my left ear, and I thought the earphone was broken, which scared me.

9. The weather is getting colder and colder, and the mood is getting worse. After all these years, it's no use eating and drinking Lazar to raise this body fat. It feels like raising a group of baiwenhang, and my heart is cool!

10. The so-called white-collar workers mean paying rent, utilities, buying instant noodles with oil and rice, and touching their pockets, lamenting that this month's salary is white-collar workers again.

1 1. It's not that I don't want to fall in love, but that my eyes are too long.

12. Go after a girl you like, whether she has a boyfriend or not. The team has a goalkeeper and the ball hasn't been scored yet!

13. When something happens, I will not rush to blame others, but reflect on myself first. If it is really my fault, I will think about how to pass it on to others!

14. I asked this female netizen for a photo, and after some twists and turns, she finally promised to send me photos of real people. As a result, I opened it and found photos of Zhang Zhenren, Zhang Zhenren and Zhang Sanfeng!

15. I always feel that others are full after eating a few bites, and I can eat more when I am full.

16. With your looks, you don't need to lose weight at all. Now your ugliness can be used as an excuse, but after losing weight, there is no excuse.

17. Others are in their twenties: face-lifting needle, open eyes, nose pad and fat filling, risorius. I am in my twenties: this is delicious, that is delicious, Wahaha, lying in the trough, and this is delicious.

18. I was cheated on the internet 1300 yuan. I went to the police. The police said that if the amount was below 2000 yuan, I wouldn't file a case, so I immediately dialed 700 yuan into the liar's account and was deeply shocked by my wisdom.

19. Everyone is in love, and I am playing ash. I am calm. Life is still interesting. After all, I want to die every day for different reasons.

20. Before getting married, touch his wife's hair and Tintin can stand up. After the marriage, my wife touched Tintin and her hair stood on end.

2 1. Some people don't even know their neighbors, but they are extremely concerned about whether there are aliens in the world.

22. A child's judgment of age is really simple and intuitive: "He has children, but you ... don't have a girlfriend."

23. What does it mean to do the right thing with the right person? Go to the vegetable market to buy food, follow my aunt, and after her fierce counter-offer, you say, boss, I want two kilograms, too.

24. My mother likes playing mahjong, but then I was born. My mother resolutely gave up mahjong for me and my family because she thought it was more interesting to hit me.

25. For some people and things, we need toilet spirit. Click on it and everything will be clean.

26. Many people say that my predecessor was a widow. Sorry, I lost my dog.

27. Don't blame me for being rude. When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the robe of a monk.

28. Women, animals that bleed for a week every month, have no reason not to be strong.

29. Has the express delivery industry been bought by the Buddhist community? Tong Yuan, Zhongtong, Best Express and various "transshipment centers".

30. Life is so unfair. If you don't eat a meal, you won't lose a gram; After eating a big meal, I gained three pounds.