I need a complete collection of humorous jokes. Who has it?

1. When I have money, I will buy a bus, take the bus lane and stop at the bus stop. When someone wants to get on the bus, I will say, I'm sorry, this is a private car

2. Are you a guest?

I shit

3. I was young, and you were old?

4. A gentleman is nothing more than a patient wolf

5. It's not necessarily a good thing that all people stand on one side, for example, they all stand on one side of the boat

6. Relax, I'm not a good person ...

7. You said ... you like me? Actually ... at first ... actually, I also ... well, I told you, actually, I liked myself.

8. As a typical failure, you were really successful.

9. When I was a child, I just learned to ride a bike, but I was not good at running into the street. When I saw an old man walking in front of me, I felt like I was going to bump into him, so I shouted, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a moment without moving, so I turned around and bumped into him. The old man stood up and said, You aim

1. If there is 3W, everyone says whether to buy Mercedes or Ferrari.

reply: it's best to buy 3 second-hand Otto, and then hire 3 drivers to drive behind you, in an S-shape for a while and in a B-shape for a while.

11. Smile more, and watch out for emotional colds on cloudy days!

12. I smile at the sky from the horizontal knife, and then I go to sleep!

13. Lu Yao knows that the horsepower is not enough, but people will be ill after a long time.

14. My father expressed his views on my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but Han Hong got sick.

15. I never hold grudges. Generally, when I have a grudge, I report it on the spot.

16. Don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.

17. Well, Manager Zhang, you can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, not even an expensive computer.

18. I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn't expect you to be a combination of 1 and 3.

2. When a cannibal went to work, the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues and agreed. A few days later, I couldn't help eating a cleaner

and was immediately found out. The sentiment is: Never eat people who really do things.

21. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you know me later, you will definitely hit me.

22. You never know who casually said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

23. The road to success is always under construction.

24. If I don't go to hell, whoever loves me will go down

25. Guess an English sentence: "ababbaaaabbaabbaabbaabbaaaaaaaa"? < answer: long time no c >

26. Think of your eyebrows, but think of vagueness. Suddenly, I feel that most of my thoughts are like this, and they are getting weaker and weaker (I vaguely remember that this is the lyrics of Faye Wong's "I don't want this either", don't you know? )

27. After years, I lamented that the two teenagers: one was amazing and the other was gentle.

28. If she (he) says to you, "Forget me." You tell each other, "I never remember."

29. I will always remember your kindness to us, and I will never let you go when I am a ghost.

3. Dear female colleagues, please don't be angry with me. My wife has a caller ID.

31. Smile, wave, goodbye and end.

32, I remember, I once decided to be a fun person

33, think about the salary, forget it, don't want to live.

34. Well, just give me an affordable grave.

35. After living for more than 2 years, I have failed to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, I am heartbroken.

36. Do all the capable bad things while you are young. It is only a few years.

37. Earning money to sell cabbage and selling white powder

38. Seven-year-old boys are the most terrible creatures on earth. They have curiosity, mobility, destructive power and the Law on the Protection of Minors.

39. A man is as good as his word-I won't pay back the money if I say not!

4. Lao Tzu said: I can sleep, very much.

41. Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe in you.

42. God says, don't forget to bring an umbrella when you go out, and I will water the flowers later.

43. Special people never say that they are special, such as I

44. I'm very good, but Tai said that he didn't have time to come.

45. I know, the world.

46. I'll take my sunshine path and you cross your Naihe Bridge.

47. The world belongs to us and the children, but in the end it belongs to the grandchildren!

48. whenever I am in trouble, I read Tibetan scriptures: "oh, moo, coax", which translates into English: All money go my home!

49, the simplest secret of longevity-keep breathing, don't die

5, Confucius said: don't sleep at noon, collapse in the afternoon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!

51. Kindness means that when others are hungry, I don't eat meat.

52. On the long road of life, I always make a few mistakes.

53. I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before I bullied him ...

54. You take your overpass and I'll go through my underground passage.

55. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static means sleeping, while dynamic means turning over ...

56. Where I fall, where I get up ... I always fall there. I suspect there is a pit!

57. Alas, this person has to be out of shape, even his headache is partial.

58. I don't know much about music, so sometimes I'm unreliable and sometimes I'm out of tune.

59. When people do good things, they always want to let ghosts and gods know. When they do bad things, they always think that ghosts and gods don't know. We make ghosts and gods too embarrassed.

6. Ask who is the most open-minded in the world, and tell me to do my part.

61. If you can't tolerate me, it means that your mind is either too narrow or my personality is too great.

62, I will walk till the water checks my path, thirsty; Then sit and watch the rising clouds, dizzy.

63. I want to learn from the phoenix nirvana, but I accidentally ... got ripe!

64. Anyway, my life is always different from their calculations. I don't know if they are not right or I am wrong.

65. Your 3-degree smile on the corner of your mouth can't be found by Baidu.

66. God will certainly forgive me, because that is his profession.

67. Only when you hold your child's hand can you know that your child is ugly, and your face is full of tears.

68. Does handsome have a P? Maybe it was eaten by pawns!

69. Don't tell me to bring it on-I'm Avanti!

7. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow!

71. If people don't attack me, I won't attack; If people offend me, comity three points; People make me again, and I will give you a shot; People still attack me, exterminate the grass.

72. I'm not RMB. How can everyone like me? !

73. Being single is not difficult. What is difficult is to deal with those who try their best to make you end being single.

74. If you have time to learn Feng Shui, occupying a good tomb after death can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before you die.

75. Once we all thought that we could die for love, but in fact, love can't kill people. It only sticks a needle in the most painful place, and then we want to cry, and we toss and turn, and we become a doctor after a long illness, and we are tempered. You are not the wind, and I am not the sand. No matter how lingering you are, you can't reach the end of the world. Dry your tears. Tomorrow morning, we all have to go to work.

76. The world is a big doll machine. I just want you through the glass window.

77. If you leave first, don't blame me for turning my back on you.

78. A person has only one heart, but two atria. One lives happily; One lives in sorrow. Don't laugh too loudly, or you will wake up the sadness next to you.

79. Be kind to yourself, because life is not long; Be kind to the people around you, because you may not meet them in the next life.

8. Some people say that the merry-go-round is the cruelest game, but there is an eternal distance between us.

81. If there is an afterlife, be a tree and stand forever, without the gesture of sorrow and joy. Half is peaceful in the dust, half is flying in the wind, half is cool, and half is bathed in sunshine. Very silent and proud, never relying on and never looking for!

82. In other words, we should also pay attention to technology, and find the right person in the right place at the right time to strike up a conversation. For example, I am online at the moment.

83. I think that when I once loved you, I was too low in the dust, but it didn't bloom. Later, the dust just increased and finally buried us all alive. It turns out that love really can't be too humble, and it is impossible to have dust without nourishment.

84.

My p>85-and 5-year-old daughter asked her father to help her with something.

Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be energetic again."

Daughter: "Lao Zheng!"

Dad: "Hey!"

Daughter: "Your girl is really beautiful"

---------------------.