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The climate in southern cities is mostly mild and pleasant, while the climate in my hometown in the south is extremely bad. It is said that there are four distinct seasons, but Xia Dong's personality is too strong. Once it is really hot or cold, it will be extremely inhuman and teach you nowhere to run. 1998, the weather in our city is particularly strange, with heavy rain in summer and severe cold in winter. That winter was really cold and unforgettable.

"Ditan and I" wrote: There are stoves and books in winter, and I am determined to become immortal again and again, writing some letters that I can't send. Winter in the North House. It's cold and bleak outside, and the wind whizzes past, but it makes the room a little warmer and more poetic. In winter in southern cities, it is wet and cold indoors and outdoors, dripping into ice, and people have nowhere to escape. In the room without heating and stove, I wrapped myself up, painfully doing some sports that destroyed human nature with unconscious fingers, and made up my mind again and again to save my life and move to the tropics in the future.

I want to die as soon as I see the composition title "Desire for XX" on the blackboard.

Having been a student for so many years, I have always had mixed feelings about the proposition composition. In a Chinese paper, I hate to find wrong words and sick sentences, fill in the blanks in the original texts of Moonlight on the Lotus Pond and Blessing, and divide paragraphs and summarize the central idea. I didn't feel a little angry until I finished writing the last composition that I could play freely. However, once I encounter the topic of "entering a new era" or "on those who are near Mexico are black", I will be in a state of life as hell. Although I am often glad that I was not born in the evil imperial examination system, it is really difficult for students in this era.

The rule of Chinese teachers in high schools is to practice the composition once every two months and evaluate it once every two months. This makes me happy and sad. I don't know why, I read a lot of books, but when I write a composition, especially when I meet the wrong question, the word dies; There has never been a relationship that relies on thousands of words, just because I was too careful with the words and didn't finish it on time several times.

Writing your own composition is a loss, but I like listening to teachers comment on other students' compositions. Suntech's students are indeed of high quality and their compositions are much better. They can be quoted by others, magnificent, humorous or surprising, which makes me feel amazed and ashamed. Our Chinese teacher can only be a little more lively in judging the composition.

The Chinese teacher's surname is Tang, and we call her "glucose"-she can survive, but she is completely sugar-free. The appearance of glucose is twenty-seven, the lectures are too regular, and the words of the school leaders are regarded as gods, which makes a young woman look depressed. She is like a puppet without feelings, which makes Chinese class completely devoid of humanistic color. Every time she speaks, I seem to hear the dull sound of the machine running with chronic killing effect. Glucose is a foreigner, who has been living in the single dormitory of the faculty, as if he had never even had a boyfriend. Students often say viciously that it is probably because they have no personality and no interest that glucose is not married.

Like them, Mr. Dachuan Glucose from Suntech can really learn a lot of solid basic knowledge and exam-taking skills through hard work. However, they teach without any emotion and instill knowledge directly to the subject, which makes us have no fun at all. Maybe it's beyond my ability. After all, everyone cannot be expected to have the ability to turn decay into magic. Moreover, teachers have their own reasons for giving lectures coldly, just as the physics teacher said, "If I tell you jokes and gossip, of course you are willing to listen. However, class is not chatting. If you are too gossip, my teaching task will not be completed, and you will not be admitted to the university! "

But these ruthless teachers sometimes show their true colors. It was in the school's one-week "quality education" collective performance.

In June, 1 1, the school will evaluate a model school of quality education in the whole province. What kind of quality education does China have? Doing such a selection is just to find something to do and go to various schools to eat and drink. The school is also happy to hang a shiny sign at the school gate. Although it is a bluff, superficial articles still need to be done. So, the week we came to check, we cancelled the morning and evening self-study, and the third class every afternoon was quality education. It was a magical week. I loved classes, teachers and students most.

The math teacher should have the best hypnotic effect in our lectures, and his classes are often semi-prone. But in the quality education class, the math teacher suddenly became very humorous. He told us an interesting math "Rubik's Cube" problem in ancient China. What he said was interesting and fascinating, and we all listened with relish. In the next few days, everyone was playing Rubik's Cube.

The biology teacher is an ordinary fat man. He will be a cook when he walks in the street, and his lectures will be just so-so. But he is good at writing with chalk. He demonstrated various artistic fonts on the blackboard with colored chalk and made a clear statement, which made us learn a lot. It turns out that chalk writing is also an art. After class, we looked at the beautiful pieces of chalk on the blackboard and gave the biology teacher a star-level warm applause.

The English teacher took us into the pronunciation lab so that everyone could enjoy the classic English songs. We are surprised to find that this man in his thirties knows more about European and American pop music than we do. His face suddenly became vivid, and his bad taste in clothes began to become a symbol of personality. For the first time, we also found that the English teacher's voice is good to listen to, and speaking can especially drive others' feelings. It is a waste of talent for this man not to be a DJ.

The Chinese teacher is talking about ancient cultural knowledge. I still remember that she told us that in the episode of Journey to the West TV series "When the car can't compete with the country", the partition wall guessed something, and the Tang priest guessed "the rag lost the clock". Opening the cupboard was a broken clock, but in fact "a clock" was the monk's clothes mentioned by the ancients, and the TV photographer made a mistake. Later, when the TV station showed it again, it was a scene in which the clothes were torn. Hearing this explanation, we were slightly surprised and admired the glucose we had learned.

During that week, the teachers dressed up and showed 18 kinds of martial arts, which made the students sit up and take notice. However, a week later, the brand of quality education demonstration school was hung outside the gate, and the quality education class was over. All the teachers have returned to their original shapes and started to look disgusting, becoming the object of our curse. In class, we began to be distracted, sleepy, and looked at our watches frequently, eagerly expecting the bell to ring. I have a wish to be the minister of education again: all middle schools in the country give an order every day to carry out quality education inspection.

You see, glucose has started to write such annoying composition questions as desire XX again. It is said that the semi-proposition is open, but we are taught to be cunning: it is best to write about the desire for peace, and then write about the desire for growth, the desire for transcendence, and the desire for strength. Everyone writes and writes, but 1000 people still stay in the same mode. For example, I wanted to write about my desire for holidays, but in the end I wrote about my desire for peace; The Chinese teacher in Class 5 also had the same problem. Huo Yining suppressed his desire to get rich, and wrote his desire for knowledge without conscience.

We have many desires, but reality doesn't allow us. Even the simplest desire "I write my mouth, I write my heart" can't be satisfied. When writing a composition in the college entrance examination, bragging is more conducive to getting high marks than telling the truth, so we should step up training on how to make bragging the same as telling the truth. So everyone laughed at how old the word "desire" was, as if they lacked everything. We know exactly how hypocritical we are.

One weekend afternoon, Huo Yining and I went to the wreath shop to play with Yu Qian. Outside the window, a cold and withered scene. The tree seems to be sick and frostbitten, giving birth to many sad eyes, and cold black tears flow all over the floor. A few fat sparrows that have been wintering are jumping under a decaying tree, happily pecking at chestnut shells left by an unknown person on the ground. Ugly and lively little life, content but not sad.

Yu Qian has a little cold, but he still calmly sits at the table by the window and paints. I felt cold when I looked at his pale fingers, and unconsciously put my hand into my pocket again.

Huo Yining is more worthless, timid, timid and precocious than me. He said angrily, "I can't stand it, uncle, my muscles are frozen stiff!" " I remember it wasn't so cold before! God is so unkind! This world! "

"If there is love in the sky, there must be old." Yu Qian said, got up and poured a cup of hot water for Huo Yining and me, so that we could warm our hands.

Huo Yining said, "Damn it, it's too uncomfortable to stay in this dump! I must pass the college entrance examination! Be sure to go to a warm place! "

Yu Qian asked, "Where are you going?"

"Where is better than here! Kunming, Shenzhen, Guangzhou, Hangzhou, whatever! "

"Ha ha, are you going to college or travel?"

"University is the best time to enjoy life. Primary school is too stupid, middle school is too tired, and university is the most leisurely and refreshing. If I don't choose a good place with beautiful mountains and rivers, warm in winter and cool in summer, wouldn't it be too sorry for myself? " Huo Yining made plans to play games for four years in college early.

"You can only see Suntech in your eyes in the third grade, and you will be complete when you enter Suntech; Finally, I entered Suntech and began to look forward to the university. I always complain. Do you think you have an interesting life? " Yu Qian said.

"That's right." Huo Yining thought for a moment and then said, "I used to be naive. I thought it would be cool to enter Suntech, and the university was guaranteed. However, when I really came in, I found that I still had to study and work harder to make me feel like a donkey all day. Yu Qian, when do you think this dark day will end? "

"Can't, China students are tired. But I think college should be free. Hehe, but don't expect too much, or the disappointment will be even greater. " Yu Qian always speaks in the tone of big brother.

"My dad asked me if I wanted to go abroad, and I said yes, but he said it was difficult to learn English and take the TOEFL test. I asked if I could go to places that don't speak eagles and birds, but speak Chinese, such as Singapore. My dad said, then you can go to the Chinese Department of Cambridge University. I said yes, yes, my father despised me. I said, is it shameful for a China person to study Chinese abroad? Being a teacher there is similar. "

"Hey, a good university like Cambridge, you can study in any department!"

"Is Cambridge very good?"

"You are so rude! Cambridge and Oxford are the two best universities in Britain, just like Tsinghua Peking University in China and Harvard Yale in the United States. " Yu Qian cried.

"When I watched the movie Chariot of Fire, I thought the house in Cambridge was quite old and broken."

"That's called a monument, history and tradition! Do you know that even Newton graduated from Cambridge? "

"oh? So awesome? But I dare not pursue it with Newton. When I was in the first grade of primary school, I really wanted to be a scientist and make contributions to all mankind, but that would be young and ignorant. Now, I am very satisfied that I can attend a first-class university in our own territory. People are so boring. The older they grow up, the lower their imagination and the less ideal they are. "

"Your ideal is not to be an actor? It would be good to be admitted to the Beijing Film Academy. "

"My dad won't let me say that being an actor is a youthful meal, and the scenery is only temporary. When I get old, I will be ignored. Now the literary and art circles are also chaotic, and there are many right and wrong. He doesn't want to read the news of cursing his son in the newspaper. Alas, my father doesn't respect my ideals at all, and thinks I am willful and unruly. My dad also sarcastically said, give me a chance to be an extra actor. "

"Ha ha, soldier A, eunuch B, villager C!"

"Ha ha!"

Yu Qian watched me sit in silence for a long time and asked, "Vera, why don't you talk?" What are you thinking? "

"I am using the method of spiritual victory to overcome the cold." I said. When you speak, you can't bear to open your mouth too wide, for fear of air leakage and freezing your mouth.

"Haha," Huo Yining asked with a smile, "How to fight?"

"I sang silently in my heart: the sun is out, happiness ..."

"Ha ha ha ha!" They both laughed together.

I laughed too. When laughter fills the small wreath shop, the room looks warmer.

"Vera, your birthday is coming. I was too busy in grade three last year. I made up one this year. " Then Yu Qian checked the calendar: "Thursday the 24th, let's celebrate your birthday."

"It's for our birthday." I said with a smile.

Yu Qian also smiled and nodded gently.

Huo Yining shouted, "By the way, Yu Qian, you carved a wooden fish for Vera last year, but you didn't carve it for me on my birthday this year. It's too eccentric! You have to supply me with one! " Yu Qian's hand is really clever. Each carved wooden fish has a different style, which is simple and vivid, and I can't put it down.

"Well, I'll carve it for you two this week."

"Ha ha, ok, 24th, we will come to you as soon as we put the night lessons. Let's eat hot pot and drink! Hey, there is still hope for living like this! " Huo Yining rubbed his hands and said excitedly.

Yes, the older you get, the more troubles you have, the thinner your happiness is and the less free you are. Only this kind of three-person gathering day is as beautiful as the long-awaited festival, which gives us rest and comfort. If there were no festivals, it would really be impossible to live such a tedious life.

Half a month has passed. It's time to review the composition.

The general process is that glucose allows students to read their excellent compositions aloud and let everyone comment before she makes a concluding speech. There is one exception this time.

Finally, Glucose picked up a notebook on the platform and said slowly, "This composition was written by a classmate, which is very special. The article has a rough and emotional beauty, and is very talented and passionate. The most valuable thing is that there is a bloody sincerity and pain in it, which shocked me and moved me. If I see this article when marking the college entrance examination, I will give full marks without hesitation. However, I have no confidence in the fate of such an article if it falls into the hands of other teachers. Well, it is really helpless. "

Glucose stopped here for a while and looked down at her feet. She looks like a female student who just went to college, apologizing to everyone for things that she can't control. We were shocked. Who is so capable of making glucose taste like a person?

"I'm not sure if this classmate is willing to open such a real text to everyone. But I really don't want everyone to lose the opportunity to appreciate a beautiful article. I will read this composition from now on, so I won't name this classmate. The title is "The Desire for Guns". "

Eager for a gun

Longing for a gun. Take van Gogh's gun.

Since you are in such pain, my dear Van Gogh, well, let me pull the trigger instead of you. Let me make the only mistake in your life instead of you: killing a kind and innocent person. Gunfire resounds through the sky of Al, ignorant villagers will come around, fat policemen will come, your Theo will cry beside you, and I will look at your body and smile alone. You went to heaven successfully, and I will miss your paintings, your letters, your warmth and gentleness in hell.

Longing for a gun. A gun that framed Martin Luther King.

Let me make cold-blooded killer with this gun. My poor marksmanship will make the bullet miss the target, hit the wall or fly out of the window. I will run away with a gun, I will be arrested and tried, or I will be shot on the spot. Whatever it is. Importantly, the message of 1968 will be rewritten; And that dark-skinned man, while still breathing, can continue to dream and pursue his dreams.

Longing for a gun. Worship John Lennon's gun.

I am the crazy fan, lurking in the idol's apartment with this ridiculous gun. Let my hand holding the gun tremble, let me hesitate in front of the genius I admire, let me come to my senses in the cry of the child, and let me finally put down my gun and turn away. Yes, I turned and left. The gun was still in my pocket. Later, he made meritorious service for me and scared away a gangster. And Lennon's heart is still beating, living in peace with his lover, son, guitar, sunshine and plants.

God, please give me the gun I long for.

Longing for a gun. Shocking gun.

I hold this extraordinary gun, aiming at the mediocre land and breaking through the silence and barrenness. Make a loud noise. Play new tricks, play black lightning, and play the most beautiful eyes on earth. Hit every substance with life and hit every life with love.

Hit a pale pink snow mountain that can grow tall or bend over. Snowflakes have beautiful double eyelids, and eye shadow is the color of rainbow; In the blink of an eye, colorful storms will blow at the foot of the mountain. Storms won't be too frequent, because the cobalt blue volcano living next to the snow-capped mountains sings and dances all night, and the snowflakes can't bear to blink. All the flames are good singers of love songs, and every snowflake loves a flame.

Then hit the rosy ocean, and the cream cake lying on the beach is called the beach. While the beach is proud, it also feels inferior and loves the popcorn-like clouds wholeheartedly. On the beach are naked humans and long-legged fish, drinking drinks squeezed from fresh fruits and watching how the clouds bend down to give lovers a kiss. People and fish are beautiful. They have only one color: health. They only have one expression: smile. They only care about one thing: love. They are only one age: young. They only experience one kind of time: eternity.

God, please give me the gun I long for.

Longing for a gun. A gun loaded with six bullets.

The gun went off. Bang! Bang! One bullet hit my left ear and one hit my right ear. Deaf and bleeding, I stood quietly by Beethoven's piano and watched how my deaf brothers created happy notes in the dead silence. The gun is still in my hand, and my ears are filled with happiness in an instant.

Bang! Bang! A bullet hit my left eye and a bullet hit my right eye. I am full of tears, imitating Homer's thinking and lip language, writing tragic poems with colorful sentences, moving the world and capturing the wind and rain. I still have the gun, and I can't see desolation in my eyes anymore.

There are two bullets left, one in my heart and the other in your temple. Yes, it's you, you, my God. You see, the cheap pistol I chose is easy to use, simple enough and fast enough. Humble is to cooperate with your cruel crime, and swift is to cooperate with my perfect murder.

God, let me declare your crime: you gave me life, but my parents disappeared; You gave me beauty and money, but you didn't give me love and blessings; You gave me poetry and music, but made my beloved geniuses drift from place to place; You gave me the right to dream, but deprived me of the opportunity to realize my dream; You created human beings, but you taught them to be stupid, selfish, jealous, lazy, hypocritical and greedy, and taught them to be as cold as you. You make people suffer, but you always get away with it.

God, let me execute your sentence: shoot. Right away. Right away. That's right, right now.

However, I have no gun. I didn't get the gun I longed for. No. I can't kill God, and I can't kill myself. The beautiful is still easy to die, and the decadent is infinitely festering; The absurd life goes on, and death waits ahead; Pain surrounds life, and there is nowhere to find a way out. My injured eyes are full of sadness and my soul is full of fear. It was raining heavily in the dark sky, and I began to cry loudly.

Biting Morpheus' teeth, the will in my heart made a weak but uncompromising voice: I longed for a gun to kill God.

Longing for a gun.

I have finished reading this article. We are silent collectively.

After a long time, glucose took the lead in saying, "Does anyone want to say something about this?"

No one raised their hands. We remain silent.

The harsh bell broke the silence.

Tangtang arranged a pile of composition books in front of me, and I noticed that she inserted that special composition book in the middle. Then, with a calm face, she said, "For self-evident reasons, the teacher does not support everyone to write such a composition in the college entrance examination. In the college entrance examination, you should still write something sunny, positive and not too remote and eccentric. But I sincerely hope that you will keep your inner sensitivity and passion, keep your thinking sharp and critical, and keep your anger and sympathy. Ok, the study Committee will distribute notebooks. This class is here, class is over. "

With these words, glucose walked out of the still silent classroom.

In the noisy corridor, Huo Yining and I chatted by the window.

"Glucose read a very special composition in our class today. On that eager topic. "

"How?"

"The teacher didn't say the man's name, because the article was too sincere and painful. Not everyone is willing to show their inner world. "

"oh? Is it sad and abnormal? "

"No, not a pervert. But it is really sad and beautiful. The man wrote that he longed for a gun. I am eager for a gun to kill God. "

"Isn't this abnormal?"

"Well, I can't tell you clearly. Anyway, it is a beautiful and painful text. I am very shocked. "

"Oh, teenage children, where can pain go? Not just some disease-free groans. "

"No, I can see that people who write articles are really suffering. Because of their own kindness, because of the malice of others. Moreover, I think she is still kind. "

"Who is that man?"

"I guess it's Xia Di."

"Beat someone half to death, pretty girl?"

"Well, how can I tell you? Those people deserve it, too If someone spreads rumors about me like this, I will be furious. She must be forced to do nothing and hate not to break her heart, which is why she is so embarrassed. "

"Those don't seem to be rumors, it's true. Don't you see that she has changed now? "

"Yes, those are true, so what? Who did she hurt? Is it her fault that she is an illegitimate daughter? Should her misfortune be a reason for others to attack and bully her? Can a person get rid of her origins and her past forever? "

"Hey, hey, Niweila classmate, don't be so excited. I don't have a problem with that Xia Di guy. Besides, what does it matter to you whether she can be bullied or not? "

"Well, really can't tell you clearly. If you had read that composition, you wouldn't be so indifferent. "

Yes, I think we are just too indifferent.

(Lulu