A selection of classic humorous jokes?

Jokes actually come from life, and there will always be jokes of this kind in life. I have compiled a selection of classic humorous jokes, I hope you will like them.

Selection of classic humorous jokes

1. I heard that there were a lot of thieves in the commercial street, so I walked around decisively for a few days, but no thief came to steal me. Finally one day I found a thief. , I followed him for a long time, and then I mustered up the courage to go up and ask him, buddy, why don't you steal from me?

His mother's words made me angry to death. He said: Boss, I always thought that we were in the same industry. It's so wretched.

2. I found a fortune teller to tell me my fortune. He looked at me and said, "Little brother, you must have been born in the early morning."

I was very surprised: "How can you calculate so accurately?"

He stroked his beard and said: "Because one to three o'clock in the morning is the ugly time."

3 , a friend came to my house to play. When he was almost at the door, he called me and asked me which building I was in. I stuck my head out the window and waved to him, and asked the phone if he saw me. He said he did. Being ugly is good. recognize!***. . .

4. When I went on a blind date, the girl vomited when she saw me. The scene was very embarrassing.

I asked jokingly: "Am I ugly? Haha!"

She quickly explained: "No, no, it's not because you are ugly, it's because I'm pregnant!" ”

After hearing this, I breathed a sigh of relief. As long as you don’t think I’m ugly, we chatted happily.

5. The neighbor is an ugly girl. She is taking a bath at home today! Suddenly the ugly girl shouted: "Husband, someone seems to be watching me take a shower!"

Husband: "Really? Then open the window quickly!"

The ugly girl was furious: "Am I crazy?"

The husband explained: "Let him see clearly, and he will never do it again next time. Dare..."

6. "Hell, I took the train today and they didn't let me through the security check!"

"Because there are flammable and explosive items. It’s prohibited.”

“But I didn’t bring any flammable or explosive items!”

“But you are so ugly.”

7. The woman asked her man: Do you like a boy or a girl?

Her man whispered: It’s all fine. If I give birth to a girl, you two will bully me, and if I give birth to a boy, you will bully us and the father...

8. I just sent a message to a girl nearby saying that I am 25.

She asked me who I was?

I said Lei Feng!

She said something fast!

Why did I ask so fast?

***She said that Lei Feng died at the age of 28. . .

9. My girlfriend cried and said: "The fate of life is so unpredictable. You have to know that a man like you is like a vast grassland."

I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes and looked at it carefully. Looking at her, she continued: "I can't see the whip..."

10. Eat with friends. During the dinner, my friend joked that my girlfriend was ugly.

I couldn't bear it anymore and yelled: Can you not mention such disgusting things during the meal?

11. My girlfriend fell down. It was so embarrassing and very funny. I quickly took out the Take photos with your phone.

My girlfriend's face sank: "While you were laughing, did you ever think about others?"

I was stunned and quickly posted the photo I just took on Weibo.

12. I heard a conversation between a couple on the street today. . . .

Female: Do you want to be with me every day?

Male: Yes.

Female: I also want to be with you every day, but I’m afraid Zhang Liang won’t agree.

13. A good friend got married for the second time. At the wedding, the host asked the groom: No matter poor or rich, sick or healthy, are you willing to take care of her, respect her, and stay with her for the rest of your life?

Groom: I do!

I suddenly heard a woman’s voice coming from a corner not far away: You said the same thing last time...

14. I He asked his girlfriend very narcissistically: "Admit it, am I the most handsome boyfriend in history?"

My girlfriend looked disdainful: "Why are you standing on shit?"

15. My girlfriend said she wanted me to tattoo Peng Yuyan’s head on my body. When I asked her where the tattoo should be, she said it was best to have it tattooed on my face.

16. The boy invited his girlfriend to dinner. The girl ordered a piece of shredded squid, but found that the boy didn't eat a bite.

The girl asked the boy: "Why don't you eat?"

The boy smiled: "I don't like to eat."

The girl pretended to be angry and said : "If you don't eat, I won't eat either."

The boy shyly picked up the chopsticks.

The girl smiled and said: "This is the right thing, eat more, eat slower, leave some for me, your sister!"

17. Yesterday, my friend called me I went to her house for dinner and called me to ask why she hadn't arrived yet. I said, "Go home and get something. I'll be there soon!"

She said, "You are such a person! Just come and get some." What the hell!"

Me. . . . . . I went home and picked up the charger, then silently went to the supermarket to buy some fruit.

18. A woman was buying socks at a roadside stall and her sanitary napkin fell out of her skirt. That was embarrassing.

The woman hurriedly picked it up and put it in the creaking nest, letting the stall owner see it.

The stall owner said angrily: If you stole my socks, take them out quickly. The woman said she didn't have a gun and started arguing.

Stall owner: Take it out happily, the woman got angry, picked up the sanitary napkin and threw it on the stall owner’s head, NMD, here you go.

The stall owner touched his head: ****, you made my head bleed. . .

19. I went to my girlfriend’s house for dinner last night and had a few more drinks with my future father-in-law, so I didn’t go back. Then she arranged for me to sleep in her study room. I woke up in the middle of the night and moved a little. Bad thoughts.

So I quietly came to my girlfriend’s room, and then I threw myself on her. I opened the quilt and saw that it was her mother. I felt like the whole world had fallen!

20. A girl was depressed and said that she was often teased for being fat and felt that life was meaningless.

I said: "Life is bound to have its ups and downs. When faced with ridicule and setbacks, don't be depressed. Living a wonderful life is the best way to fight back against ridicule. Squat down and give yourself a hug."

< p>She nodded, wiped away her tears, and tried it, but she couldn’t squat down, she couldn’t...