Are there any jokes that I need urgently?

The bus husband suddenly came home early and saw his wife lying naked in bed panting. He opened the closet door suspiciously, and a naked man stood inside with a briefcase. What are you doing here? The husband asked sharply. The man trembled and said, "if I said I was waiting for the bus, would you believe it?" A man went to see his family doctor. He asked, "doctor, I'm getting married, but this is my first time with my girlfriend." Can you tell us what to do? The doctor watched the man grow up, and when he heard this question, he was a little uncomfortable. He looked outside and said, "Look over there, have you seen two dogs in the park?" See what they are doing? Go home and do it. Two months later, when they met again, the doctor asked, "How was sex?" The man replied, "nothing, but it's really cold to do it in the park, and people will peek." Kong Xiangsheng, a famous third-rate writer in Guangdong, bought a two-story duplex villa in California after coming to the United States. Because he was afraid of the noise from the room facing the street, he hid in the backyard all day, so that all three rooms facing the street were empty. One day, Mrs. Kong told Kong that since the three rooms in the front row were idle, it was better to rent them out. Kong agreed, of course, and personally wrote an advertisement for his wife, coated the back with glue and put it on the square stool in front of his wife's dressing table, telling her not to forget to post it. Unexpectedly, Kong woke up too early, and it was past the time to go to work in the city. He sat in front of the dresser in a panic, got dressed and went out like a gust of wind. As soon as Mrs. Kong got into the subway, she heard several men behind her. Mrs. Kong, who has not fully recovered, turned around and replied loudly: "My husband will need it later!" One day, an old nun took a bowl of her urine and told her little nun to take it to the foot of the mountain for a doctor's test ... The little nun accidentally knocked over the urine bowl while walking. She was afraid of being scolded, so she began to cry. A passing woman told the little nun not to cry when she saw it. The little nun said that she accidentally knocked over the urine of the old nun for fear of being scolded. The woman said it doesn't matter. She told the little nun to take her urine to the doctor. After a while. Even radishes are unreliable these days! "One day, an old mother in her seventies hobbled into the savings office of new york xx Manhattan Bank with a huge pocket. She went to the counter, put her pocket in front of the cashier and said, "Miss, I want to deposit money. This is 500,000 cash. " The young lady was so surprised that she quickly moved out of the bank president. The president dared not neglect, invited the old lady to the office and treated her like a guest. The president asked, "is this pocket cash your life savings?" ""No, no, "mom replied." You are old and incompetent. You can only get rich by gambling. If you bet 500,000 yuan, you will win every bet. ""oh? " The president bowed down and said, "I want to hear the details. "The old lady said," If the president wants to learn, he will bet you $500,000 now. If tomorrow morning 10: 30, the two meatballs in your crotch become cubes, you will lose to the old man 500 thousand. If it doesn't change, how about the old man giving you 500 thousand? " The president frowned. "The old lady made a big joke." "The old man is not joking. To be honest, this pocket of 500,000 was won in this way." "Well, don't blame me for being bullied by a bank president." "Where, where, write it down quickly. "So, they wrote a written document and agreed to meet in the office at 10: 30 tomorrow. The old lady saved her money and left with a smile. The president sent the old lady away, but somehow, he was always uneasy and had to bend his head and touch his crotch from time to time to have a look. When I got home, I took off my pants at any time, which kept me awake all night. Fortunately, the two meat bombs kept rolling as before. The next day, the president groped his way to class. Sitting in my office, I'm still hanging around. Look 10. Meatballs are still round, and $500,000 is at your fingertips! 10 at half past six, the old lady arrived on time with a smile, and there was a handsome young man, probably in his early thirties. The old lady said, "This is an old lawyer hired temporarily. This is our testimony. ""Good, "said the president." You will lose today. ""Don't trust me, old man, "my mother said." Those two meatballs must have switched sides. ""no, it's still round! " "Seeing is believing, taking it off is believing." The president thought of $500,000, so he said in a clear voice, "That's all. Don't take it off, don't accept it. " So he took off his famous trousers, flashed those words and hung a pair of meat buns there. Mom added, "It's true to touch it." The president stood up proudly: "touch it, you will lose today!" The old girl came over, held out her hand, toyed with it, stood up calmly and said, "It's really round." Let you win. "Then, my mother said happily," Congratulations to the president, I will give you 500,000 yuan at once. "The President proudly grabbed his pants, and he saw the young lawyer banging his head against the wall, looking very painful. The president quickly asked, "sir, what made you suddenly so miserable?" ""Oh, forget it, "cried the lawyer." Just now, I was pulled by this old lady and made a bet that if she could make the president of xx Manhattan Bank take off his pants and take out the marbles in front of me, I would lose to her $654.38+00,000! "A man came back from a business trip and bumped into his wife and her neighbor's husband, Smo. He knocked on the door next door angrily and said to the neighbor's wife, "Your husband is having an affair with my wife." "It's ridiculous. We must get revenge. The neighbor's wife pulled him into the room, took off his clothes and made love violently. Soon, they lay in bed and rested. After a few minutes, the neighbor's wife said, "What happened? Let's get even again! In this way, he retaliated four times in a row. When the neighbor's wife asked for a fifth revenge, the man staggered to his feet and said, "Forget it! I don't hate them anymore ... "A lovestruck couple stripped naked in the back seat of a car." Sorry, "the boy said," I didn't know you were a virgin. If I knew, I would spend more time doing foreplay. " "Really?" The girl said simply, "If you don't hurry up, I'll take off my stockings. "What's the use of a woman getting married? The answer is: "There is a bird. "Why does the man want a divorce?" Because I don't want to do it! "What's the use of same-sex marriage? The answer is: "What's the use? "a man is drinking in a bar with a heavy heart ... waiter: sir? ! In a bad mood If you have any ideas, just say it! Man: I'm a gay waiter: So what? Man: My brother is also a gay waiter: ... Man: To make matters worse, my brother is also a waiter: ... Does no one in your family like women? M: Yes! Sister's Analects, Confucius traveled eastward, accompanied by Luz; I met a woman by chance, very gentle and lovely, but I saw: pink peach blossoms are not exposed, and red lips smell first and then laugh; Zi He was so happy that he didn't know each other. Confucius said, "What is it? Go up? Lutz replied, "You are a teacher, and politeness comes first!" " ! ".Zi rushed to the car, went deep into the forest, held his hips, waved his halberd and raped him. After a while, Luz asked, "Are you all right?" The son lifted his lapel, wiped his sweat and said, "Cool! "Luz said," Shall I go too? " Confucius said: "Ran"; After a while, Luz came out and said, "Did you receive any education when you were at school? Confucius said, "At first, there is nothing to teach". Confucius said, "On top of it, there are still three Analects of Confucius." Lutz bowed down and said, "I am not as good as a teacher! "A cram school owner can't stand the confusion and wording in toilet literature. He didn't want to spend a lot of money to ask the painter to paint and paste the uneven tiles to prevent students from doodling again ... One day, when the boss went to the toilet, he suddenly found someone writing a line of small words on the tiles near the floor with a ballpoint pen, so the boss gently tilted his ass, bent down and tightened his pants. A closer look reveals that it says, "Sir? Does your ass shit at a 45-degree angle? Not so good! ! There was a lady with small breasts, but she liked to buy famous brand bras, so she spent a lot of money on her husband. One day, the lady tried on her new bra in her room. Her husband thought it cost him a lot of money, so he made some complaints ... sir: it's so small to wear a bra. Madam: Then you are wearing underwear. Once upon a time, there was a priest in the church. If the local people can't have boys, they will go to church to pray. It was really uncomfortable, so I went to find someone to investigate and found that all the baby boys were real. But I don't know why all baby boys are like priests in the church. A man is talking to a doctor. "Doctor, my wife and I have black hair. Why are children born with brown hair? " "Do you have sex every day?" "No" "Have sex every week?" "No."Do you have sex every month? ""no ""once every six months? " "Not really." "Only once a year?" "Almost. "Yes, your baby is rusty, so the child's hair is brown. The thermometer husband came home from work early and saw his wife and the doctor next door lying in bed. " What are you doing? "Don't get me wrong, I'm taking your wife's temperature." The doctor quickly excused himself. "oh! Is it? If what you insert into my wife has no scale, you are dead. 』