A wonderful joke.

lose weight

I didn't lose weight in April, no one chased me in May, accumulated fat in June, burst romantically in July, stayed indoors in August, gained weight in September, felt inferior at 5438+00 in June, was tired on blind date at 5438+0 10 in June, was unaccompanied at February 12, and had no measurements at 5438+00 in June. I don't know. March. ...

There are no roses every month, only sad reminders every year. It's almost June. What are you waiting for? ...

Rabbits and snails

One day, the rabbit was watching TV when he heard someone knocking at the door. He answered the door, but he didn't see anyone.

"Hello, can I have some water?" The rabbit found a snail at the door.

"no!" The rabbit kicked the snail away angrily with its foot.

A few years later, the rabbit was watching TV at home alone, and the knock on the door rang again. The rabbit ran to open the door, and the snail said, "Why did you kick me just now?"

ticket seller

I want to know what you like to do. Now it's time for you to choose.

I want to sit in the car all day with my pockets full of money.

I see. You want to be a bus conductor.

The dung beetle loves with a knife.

Cockroach girl loves mantis man deeply, and dung beetle man wins love with a horizontal knife: "Dear, what's good for you to follow mantis man?" . That boy is a typical "two knives". What can he do except play nunchakus twice? Look at me again. I am engaged in a low-carbon environmental protection monopoly industry with a huge market. I am particularly familiar with snowballing financial management, and I am also good at transportation and warehousing. I swear to god, I promise you will follow me, eat spicy food every day, and always have food and clothing. "

rob

Someone took a puppy to the bank to save money. Puppies never defecate anywhere, but bark before defecation. Just as someone was waiting in line to read the newspaper, the dog barked, so he had to spread the newspaper on the ground for convenience.

After saving money, someone walked outside the bank with money in one hand and a newspaper wrapped in shit in the other. Suddenly a motorcycle rushed out and grabbed the newspaper bag in his hand. He was shocked at that time!

Passerby: Poor thing! You see, people are stupid, with 40 thousand or 50 thousand, right?

Pull the lamp

I don't understand one thing. Why are the lights on in the news? Now it's all wall switches.

make a wish

I saw a fisherman stand alone for 40 minutes and finally hit five hard balls. The teammate was puzzled and asked him why. He said I would make a wish to collect seven dragon balls.

Have a bosom friend

Director Zhang gave a speech, and the audience was buzzing, which quickly drowned out the director's voice.

The director was very unhappy and was about to get angry when a young man stood up and shouted, "Everybody stop arguing!" " The whole room suddenly fell silent.

The director was very moved: after all, there is a bosom friend!

The young man went on to say, "You made me wake up!" "

Damn monthly exam

At a certain age in your life, you will always come once a month.

Usually come on time, of course, a few days early or a few days late is common.

When it comes, it is often accompanied by physiological reactions, such as nervousness, irritability, insomnia, depression and even loss of appetite. Of course, the most amazing thing is that several people who live in a dormitory will come on the same day.

Yes, it's a damn ... monthly exam.

Dude, we're people, okay?

Stay up all night with my husband in the internet cafe.

Dawn is early, my husband is hungry, so hurry to eat. I'm watching a movie. Tell him to wait.

After a while, my husband couldn't help it. He said coldly, "The cock crowed, so we should go back ..."

I saw my neighbor's face turn white.

Hide and seek champion

When a building was demolished, the staff found a skeleton in the elevator mezzanine of 19 floor.

After investigation, it was found that this man was the champion of hide-and-seek 200 years ago. .........

Shameless for money

The elephant whispered to the deer, "I heard that my teeth and your velvet are valuable."

The deer asked, "Really?"

The elephant said, "It's true. I want to ask the orangutan to pull my tooth. It must cost a lot of money! " "

The deer scoffed and said, "What face do you have when you pull out your teeth?"

The elephant replied without thinking: "As long as you can sell money, you don't need face!" "

Strange dream

A man dreamed that a voice came from the sky: "1 or-1?"

The man replied, "1".

When he got up, he was surprised to find that he had another one!

The next day, he hurried to the hospital.

Hearing this, the doctor patted his thigh: "Go back and continue dreaming. If I ask you again, you will say-1,won't it be over? "

So he hurried home to sleep, and sure enough he dreamed of that scene again.

Then another voice fell from the sky, 2 or -2.

I just want to eat scrambled eggs with tomatoes.

In order to live, you run around;

Be thrifty and never spend money;

I didn't want to say it at first, but dinner hasn't arrived yet;

I don't want Christmas or New Year's Day, I just want scrambled eggs with tomatoes!

I can't climb trees.

I wanted to invite my friend to pick strawberries the other day, but she refused.

I asked her, "Why?"

She looked at me and said firmly, "I can't climb trees!" " "

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