What’s the most classic joke in history? As mentioned, thank you

1. A first aid expert came to the capital. It is said that reviving the dead is his unique skill. Doctors in small local hospitals were frightened and asked for advice one after another. Doctor A asked: "Mr. Professor, what should be done if the patient is not breathing and has no heartbeat at the scene of the accident?" The expert said: "Mouth-to-mouth respiration, extracorporeal heart massage." Everyone knows it, but who is asking such a mentally retarded question? The doctor below thought. Doctor B asked: "Mr. Professor, what should I do if the patient's heartbeat and breathing stop when he is sent to the hospital?" The expert said: "Electrical pacing and use of a ventilator." It's the same old story, often seen in movies, the doctors thought. Doctor C asked: "What if electrical pacing doesn't work?" The expert said: "Then just inject the drug directly into the heart." This is not unusual. The doctors are hoping that someone will ask higher questions and stump the experts. Doctor Ding finally spoke: "The patient's heart has stopped for 4 hours and all measures are ineffective. What should we do?" The expert is worthy of being an expert. He smiled softly and said, "Then, hurry up and see if the patient's family members are still there. Don't Let them "dodge the fee" and run away." 2. The doctor examined the body of a patient with a bad temper. "What's wrong with you?" he asked with concern. "Sir," the patient roared, "since you have already collected the consultation fee, it is your turn to come." "I understand," the doctor thought for a while and said, "Please give me an hour and I will go out." Find a friend - he is a veterinarian. I know that only this guy can make a diagnosis without asking the patient any questions." 3. The boss said to the secretary: I will take you to Beijing for a few days. Get ready. The secretary called her husband: I am going to Beijing with my boss for a meeting in the next few days. You can take care of yourself. The husband called his lover: My wife is going on a business trip to Beijing these days, let’s go out and play too. The lover called the little boy who was tutoring him: I don’t have to go to school these days, I have something to do. The little boy called his grandfather: Grandpa, the teacher is busy these days, so there is no need for class. You can play with me. Grandpa called his secretary: I have to play with my grandson these days and can't go to Beijing. The secretary called her husband: The boss has something urgent these days and we won’t go to Beijing for the meeting. The husband called his lover: I can’t go out to play these days, and my wife won’t go to Beijing. The lover called the little boy who was tutoring his homework: Classes will continue as normal these days. The little boy called his grandfather: Grandpa, I still have to go to class these days, and I can’t play with you anymore. Grandpa called his secretary: I will take you to Beijing for a walk these days. Are you ready? 4. Facing each other with firewood and fire is a great love. Occasionally, there is also the warmth of a campfire, and once we stay together, it is inevitable. Will end up in a miserable state. So a married person did these things accidentally...but after the "romantic incident", how did she explain it to her significant other? The husband walks in front, the lover comes in behind. Speaking of which, there is a buddy named Lao Zhang. This buddy does a good job in the workplace. I won’t say what he does. Anyway, he is always on a business trip! Let's talk about this day, as soon as Lao Zhang arrived at the work unit, the head of the unit came to him as if he was on fire. He didn't tell him that he didn't know, but he was shocked when he told him that the client was in urgent need and the unit needed him to go on a business trip immediately! Without further ado, after receiving the task, Lao Zhang immediately asked for leave from his boss and returned home. Firstly, he wanted to go back to get some change of clothes, and secondly, he was afraid of his wife and wanted to say goodbye to her.

When he got home, Lao Zhang first explained the situation, then made some warm words about his love, and then said goodbye to his wife in tears! Let’s not talk about Lao Zhang’s business trip. Let’s talk about Lao Zhang’s wife. As soon as her husband left, she immediately made a phone call: “Hey, buddy, it’s me. I have some good news for you. Our Lao Zhang, I'm on a business trip today and I won't be back for ten days. Will you come tonight?" It was a charming night, the lights were on, and at Lao Zhang's house, his wife was drinking and singing with a man. A surprise for my wife. Time flies, and seven days have passed in the blink of an eye. Due to everything going smoothly and Lao Zhang’s super working ability, Lao Zhang completed the task ahead of schedule! In order to give his wife a surprise, Lao Zhang decided for the first time not to call her and go home directly! The night was getting dark. Standing downstairs and seeing the warm lights on the balcony, Lao Zhang felt filled with happiness! "Bang, bang, bang" Lao Zhang gently knocked on his security door. "Oh my god, your man is back!" The man on the bed pushed Lao Zhang's wife away and jumped up! "Look at your bearish look. The drunkard downstairs must have drunk too much and knocked on the wrong door. Our Lao Zhang won't come back until three days later. Come on, let's chat for a while!" After hearing this explanation from Lao Zhang's wife, , the man on the bed lay down again in shock. "Bang, bang, bang" Lao Zhang continued to knock on the door! What's going on? Didn't you hear? Lao Zhang thought to himself. "It must be your old Zhang who's back!" The man couldn't lie down any longer, he said while putting on his clothes! "No way, Lao Zhang has never lied to me. He said he would come back in ten days. She must be the old lady who collects sanitation fees on the street. Don't worry about her. Let's chat for a while!" After a moment of panic, "Bang, bang. , "Boom" Lao Zhang was really anxious, what's going on, why didn't you open the door for so long? After hearing the third knock on the door, Lao Zhang's wife finally became impatient: "Who is it? What door are you knocking at in the middle of the night?" "It's me, I'm back!" Now she heard clearly, Lao Zhang is really back Got it! After being stunned and panicked, the man on the bed turned pale with fright. He had long heard that Lao Zhang used to be a coach in the boxing team! "Save me, what can I do now!" He begged Lao Zhang's wife in a low voice! "Stop talking, listen to me!" Lao Zhang's wife had calmed down a lot. As she said this, she tidied up the messy room a few times and pulled a big sheet to the living room! "Wow, wow!" Lao Zhang's wife finally opened the door slowly! The best way to deal with it calmly: "What are you doing? Why did you open the door..." It was too late, but it was too soon. Before Lao Zhang could finish speaking, his wife covered his head and face with a big sheet. On Zhang’s head! "My dear, don't look at it yet. I already knew you were coming back today. Guess what delicious food I made for you?" Lao Zhang's wife said as she hit the man in the room who was already shivering into a ball. With a gesture, the man immediately took his shoes and slipped out of the door with understanding! "Noodles!" Lao Zhang guessed as the dumplings came out. "No, keep guessing!" Lao Zhang's wife said while waving her little hand to the man. "Dumplings!" "No, guess again!" ... "Oh my god, it's killing me. What is it?" Seeing the man walking away, Lao Zhang's wife finally let out a sigh of relief. With one hand he pulled off the big sheet covering Lao Zhang's head, and with the other hand he closed the door and said, "You stupid thing, what else can you have? It's just rice!" 5. Early in the morning, the director's hair was shiny and he had his hands behind his back. , walked into the office building with square steps, the zipper of his pants was not zipped up, and his crotch was open like a mouth in surprise, revealing the red underwear underneath - the director was 49 years old that year. The doorman security was the first to see it. This young man from the countryside was strong and strong, but his reaction was very slow. Before he could think clearly about whether he should tell the director with his blushing face, the director had already walked up the stairs with square steps (in order to maintain his health, he The director never takes the elevator).

The director met the female secretary of the Youth League Committee on the second floor. The young female secretary was holding a document and was about to ask the director to sign it. When she saw the director's pants, she pretended to have met by chance and said "good morning, director", then turned around and left in a hurry. - I am a lesbian, and it is not appropriate for me to remind you about this. The director continued to go upstairs with goose steps, and met the manager of the administrative department on the third floor. As soon as the chief of the administrative department saw the director, he put on a smile: he leaned to the side to make way for the director. When the director passed by, he hurriedly went downstairs quietly - the director protected his shortcomings, who raised the issue during the "three lectures" I can't say who is unlucky. The director continued to goose-step up to the fourth floor. In the corridor, the office director and the disciplinary inspection director were chatting. When they saw the director coming up with his pants chain open, they were both startled, but they remained calm as usual. Say hello to the Director. The director passed by, and the two men began to question him in a low voice, "Why didn't you tell the director that he didn't zip up his pants?" "Why didn't you say anything?" "You are the director of the Discipline Inspection Office! If the leader has a problem with his crotch, you should ask him about it! "Nonsense, this is not a style issue, it is a matter of the quality of the leader's trousers, and it is a matter of daily life. It is up to you to say it!" The director continued to walk up to the fifth floor, and met the deputy chief of the audit department on the stairs. Carrying the thermos bottle, I went downstairs to fetch water. When he saw the director, the deputy section chief's face suddenly turned red. He just nodded and smiled, waiting for the director to pass. The chief of the audit section then appeared. As usual, he greeted the director cordially and left - no one reminded him from the first to the fifth floor, so why should I? The director had already reached the sixth floor and turned left into his office. At this time, the deputy director came forward. He looked at the director in surprise and said nothing. He was thinking in his mind: It was rumored that the director was going to be transferred, and he was the most suitable candidate. The director passed by the secretary's office, and the secretary also noticed his red underwear. He sneered secretly in his heart - leave it on, we will have a meeting later to see how you make a fool of yourself! The overall cadre meeting was held on time at 9 o'clock. The director held his chest and raised his head and led a group of party committee members to the rostrum. His trouser chain was still hanging open, but the whole place was silent, everyone pretending to know nothing. The director acted like this in full view of the public for 4 hours, until the driver of his car pointed at his trouser chain in shock when he picked him up. The director looked down and closed the zipper without saying a word. The driver was transferred out of the small fleet the next day. When talking to the aggrieved driver who was about to cry, the office director solemnly pointed out: Why didn't you see it when you drove the director here in the morning? 6. An old farmer lost his wife in his early years. The matchmaker introduced a thirty-four or five-year-old woman to get married. On the wedding night, the old farmer looked at the bride and she didn’t look like she was thirty-four or five years old, so he couldn’t help but speak. Asked the bride: "How old are you?" At first, the bride refused to say, but then the old farmer kept asking, and then he said quietly: "She is actually forty-seven or eight years old." For this answer, the old farmer The farmer still said hesitantly: "We are done, you might as well tell the truth, how old are you?" The bride didn't want to keep asking this question, so she said, "That's good, I'll tell you the truth, and you can't tell me the truth." "I just turned fifty-five this year." "Fifty-five!" Although the old farmer was surprised, he still didn't believe it, but he was too embarrassed to continue asking. He looked at the time and found that it was already late. He got up and said to the bride, "I'm going to the kitchen." The bride asked, "Why are you going to the kitchen so late?" The old farmer replied, "I'm going to the kitchen to put the lid on the salt, otherwise there will be rats here." She would get up at night and steal salt." After saying this, the bride burst into laughter and said, "I have lived for sixty-seven years, and I have never heard of rats stealing salt." 7. At dusk, I was there. Jogging on industrial road. A young man ran up from behind me and shouted in my ear: "Run!" "What happened?" I asked the young man next to me. "Run quickly." The young man ran in front of me. After I quickly chased for 500 meters, I asked breathlessly: "What happened?" "You are running too slow." The young man left me and ran forward.

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