After getting married, I have a new understanding of "following members"

On the night after the wedding, Mr. Liu and I sat in bed and calculated how many gifts we received, and recorded every sum of money so as not to forget and make a joke.

Holding a wedding is a troublesome thing, especially involving people. My previous attitude towards "followers" was: no matter how far or near the relationship is, as long as I tell my people, I will act according to the ceremony. Things are relatively simple to handle, but it was not until my wedding that I found that I needed to consider more issues.

The first thing to consider is, who should be notified of marriage?

Parents can inform relatives and friends at home; As a newcomer, the main thing is to inform friends. At this time, I found that many of my ideas have changed.

I used to think that I could get back the gift money when I got married, but now I have no such idea at all. But when I accept other people's gifts, I must find a way to return them.

When notifying people, I divided them into junior high school classmates, high school classmates, college classmates and other friends.

Junior high school students, I have little contact, I only informed three: two of them got married, and I also followed the ceremony; One has a particularly good relationship and is not married.

High school students and college students, I am well informed. But at the time of notification, I grasped a principle, that is, I wouldn't notify all the students who were married and didn't inform me at that time.

However, there are exceptions. There are two high school classmates who have no contact, but in the past two or three years, we have become very close friends. When they got married, they were also very busy, helping me pick up my classmates from other places and having dinner with them. They also attended the ceremony.

For this relationship, I specially wrote it down, looking for an opportunity to return it. Since we are friends, as long as we have this heart, there are always many opportunities to express our feelings.

Other friends, I just informed a few. Students are close and have the habit of attending each other's weddings; Other friends only learned about it later, so I didn't deliberately inform many married people to avoid spending my friends' money.

I didn't inform anyone.

Because of my job, I changed my city life. Now, the circle of work friends has changed, and many colleagues who work together in their hometown have no contact since then. I attended the ceremony when they got married. I didn't tell them when I got married.

There are also some classmates who accompany me, and now I don't have their contact information. Think about it.

Of course, some friends got married, and I followed the ceremony. I also informed the other party that I was married, but she didn't show up and didn't follow. Basically, friends with this situation were very close in those days, and then they gradually lost contact. Although I don't think it's a good idea to do so, I can understand that I may have really forgotten.

It's interesting to inform people of their marriage, and you will use it to reorganize the relationship between classmates. We will be with different people at every stage. With different circles, there will be less intersection and less contact.

I haven't thought about these questions before. I guess only by holding my own wedding can I have a deeper understanding of "followers".

Being a follower is a good thing. You can express your blessings to new people, but it must not be a burden to your life.

One of my classmates works in an institution in my hometown. She told me about her great colleague, "Last year, the son of his first wife attended the school banquet, and I followed 200 yuan;" Grandpa died and followed 200 yuan; He divorced and got married this year, and I followed 200 yuan; My second wife's father celebrated his sixtieth birthday, and I followed 200 yuan. Just informed me that his second wife gave birth to a baby to eat noodles. I've been with him four or five times in the past two years. I earn more than 3000 a month. I spend 4 thousand a month with gifts and have no money to eat. "

Working in such a unit requires a lot of money every month, which may really affect your quality of life. However, the atmosphere is much better now. The state stipulates that public officials should get married, and the banquet should not exceed 15 table. Neighbors in the village rarely hold banquets.

In Shanghai, Mr. Liu's company only sends wedding candy, not gifts. A friend of mine, in his company, pooled his money to invite new people to dinner and sing, and everyone got together in the company without accompanying the ceremony.

I asked other friends, and now some companies send invitations by department, and everyone will send one with the gift, for example, five people make up 666 yuan. This can not only save some money, but also be regarded as a blessing to the new couple, which can be described as the best of both worlds. Personally, I also think it is a safe way to raise funds among colleagues, which is both safe and economical.

When it comes to accompanying gifts, we have to ask our friends to accompany them. Xiaonan helped another classmate for 600 yuan last year. I haven't returned it yet, so I think I've forgotten. But it's hard to get such money. So, let's think about letting others follow the gift. Did you forget to give the money to others? If there is, return it quickly.

But now that Alipay and WeChat are particularly convenient to transfer money, others will not be allowed to bring gifts. This wedding, many friends gave me gifts in this way, euphemistically called: environmental protection red envelopes.

How much did we pay for that friend's marriage?

In fact, courtesy is a part of China people's interpersonal relationship, and everyone should face it seriously.

I talked with many people about this topic, and combined with my own marriage experience, I made a summary, hoping to give you some reference.

First, for relatives and friends who have a general relationship, under normal circumstances, they will give a "reserve price" red envelope according to the market at that time to show their intention. Of course, if you still give such a gift, you should also consider the inflation factor. For example, if you get married, others will follow 100 yuan, which was 10 years ago. Now that people are married, they will follow at least 200 yuan.

Second, maintain a basic balance and tacit understanding. Red envelopes are only accepted and not sent, which easily leads to imbalance in interpersonal relationships. When someone gives you a gift when you get married, be sure to write it down. If someone else is married, you must pay it back. If the other person is married and you don't have a chance to give her a wedding red envelope, you must pay attention to "make up" at other times or occasions.

Third, for some people who have an average friendship and have not contacted for many years, money can be used or not. As long as you tell me my principles, I usually arrive without ceremony.

In any case, you must not take advantage of others in this matter of human feelings. You must not get married, someone sent you a notice of marriage, but you can't get the money, and you can't get the money. Some friends, when they get married, you follow 600 yuan, but when you get married, they still pay 1000 yuan. This happened when I got married, and I was paid a lot more. I made a mark, and I must express my thoughts when the opportunity is right.

Marriage is a reciprocal thing. What I understand is that when the young couple have just formed a family, everyone will pay a sum of money to help them tide over the difficulties instead of making a fortune from it. Otherwise, if you earn some money by getting married, you will lose your credibility, make people unwilling to make friends, and lose more.

It's really a headache to inform people to get married with people they care about. But as long as it is based on the principle of not taking advantage of others, it is estimated that it is not difficult to deal with this matter.