A shocking classic joke (laugh and you will pay attention)

1, the goalkeeper said to the players of his team, "You know, when I was guarding the goal, I often thought that it would be nice if the ball could become as big as the goal and the goal could become as small as the ball ..."

2. The Secretary handed a document to the Secretary, and the Secretary asked, "Is this content true?" The director patted his chest and said loudly, "It must be true!" "How do you know?" The director said flatly, "Because it was faxed!"

The mother suggested that her daughter marry a very old rich man, but her daughter objected: "No! No way! Just can't! He is too old! " Mother: "It doesn't matter if you are older, it's not for you to cook."

4. By bus, an 80-year-old grandmother came with a big bag in her hand. Then a young man offered her his seat. After a minute, the old woman said to the young man, "handsome boy, thank you!" " "The people around were shocked, and the young man reacted for a long time and replied," You're welcome, beauty. "

A group of people eat in a remote and desolate shop. There were six people, but the waitress brought seven pairs of chopsticks. A colleague smiled: "What a good beginning of a ghost story." Everyone laughed. The waiter looked at us awkwardly, counted, and said shyly, "Sorry, the count is wrong." Then take out two pairs of chopsticks. The table suddenly became silent.

6. Interviewer: "Do you have any other specialties?" Applicant: "Yes, two novels I wrote last year were published in a famous magazine, and I also finished a novel." Interviewer: "It's really not easy, but what are your strengths that you can use in the office?" Applicant: "Oh, I did all this during office hours!" " "

7. A: "Didn't that department store just open last year? Why is it marked'10 anniversary, special sale' today? " B: "Probably because business is not good. I feel like a year! "

8. My colleague is meditating outside the window. I asked him, "What's the matter?" Answer: "Yesterday my wife scolded me for spending too much money on smoking. Hum, I will never buy cigarettes again from today! " ""No, do you want to quit smoking? " This guy said to me cheekily, "I want yours." "

9. Apple has a new product, most of which is an industry that has been subverted; Lenovo has come up with new products, most of which are copied by Apple. Google has new products, most of which are acquired by a company; Tencent has a new product, most of which is an idea cloned; Microsoft has new products, and most of them will be eliminated.

10, the early bird collects rags; Those who sleep late are from the massage parlor; It is beggars who can't eat on time; It is the criminals who are afraid; Those who don't make up for overtime are street vendors; What can't be wrong is the program host; It is the ambulance driver who must arrive at the scene immediately; It is the underworld that is difficult to quit after joining; All the above characteristics are available. Taobao opens an online shop.

1 1. A Dai gets up in the morning and goes to have breakfast. He came to a stall and said, "Boss, buy two twists!" " Boss: "There are only two fried dough sticks left, no twist." A Dai: "This is obviously two turning points. You also install fried dough sticks. If you lie to me, you won't buy it. "

12. Everyone in the dormitory has given up smoking except Lao Wang. Everyone decided to let Lao Wang give up smoking. One night, several colleagues complained in tears, listed all the dangers of smoking, and screamed at the top of their lungs when it came to emotion. Soon ... the pale Pharaoh took out his cigarette case trembling and said in horror, "God, you scared me to death. Smoke a cigarette to suppress the shock! " "

13, a person was promoted, and friends who heard the news a long time ago came to celebrate. He pretended not to know: "Who are you and what are you doing here?" My friend thought for a moment and said, "You see, even my old friends can't be recognized. People say that you are blind, so I will come to see you! "

14, a 90-year-old man celebrated his birthday in the early hours of his birthday. He raised his hands and said, "Hands, hands, congratulations, you are 90 years old!" " Lift your feet again: "legs, legs, it's not easy, you are ninety years old!" " "Then he looked between his legs and sighed for a long time and said," If you are still alive, you are ninety years old! " "

15, brother-in-law: "Sister-in-law! Is Big Brother at home? " Sister-in-law: "He is out. Come on in. I'm taking a bath. It will be fine soon. " Brother-in-law: "Take a bath? Then I'll go first! " Sister-in-law: "Don't go, don't worry, just change the water for me." Brother-in-law: "The water is at the door." Sister-in-law came out with jujube: "Is jujube delicious?" Brother-in-law: ". . . . . . . "

16 A smoker opened his cigarette case and asked the person sitting on his right to smoke. The man on the right said, "Thank you, I don't smoke." He asked the person sitting on the left to smoke, and the person on the left also said, "I don't smoke, thank you!" " "His wife reminded him," Why don't you ask the person sitting opposite you to smoke? ""because he can smoke! "

17. One day when I was walking on the road, I saw that the newly planted saplings on the roadside were supported by tripods. I immediately asked my husband, "Why do newly planted saplings need supporting frames?" Husband said, "Because the new tree is not straight."

18, Bao Zheng: What about today's form paper? Gongsun Ce: The students wrapped it in garbage and threw it away ~~ Bao Zheng: Mr. Gongsun, our government hasn't seen it yet. How can you throw it away? Gongsun Ce: What's there to see? It's all bone residue and banana peel ~ ~

19 A traveler came back and told a vivid story about his magical experience in the desert. He said, "I suddenly met a group of lions and climbed a tall oak tree ..." The observer said, "But there is no oak tree at all!" "Cough! The situation is very urgent. Who will consider these issues? "

20.pol.ice greeted the1000th passing car in a newly opened tunnel, and presented the driver with a lucky bonus of1000th yuan and a medal on behalf of the municipal authorities. He asked by the way, "What are you going to do with the money?" "First of all, I want to get a driver's license," the driver replied. His wife quickly explained, "officer, my husband always talks nonsense after drinking." His deaf mother added, "Look, I knew if you stole the car, you wouldn't have gone far!

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