Lu Xun's joke stories

Lu Xun's Joke Story Lu Xun is a famous writer in China. He has many works, the most famous of which is The True Story of Ah Q. Lu Xun has many interesting stories, one of which is like this:

One day, Lu Xun dressed in shabby clothes went to the barber shop for a haircut. Seeing that he was dressed casually and looked dirty, the barber thought he looked like a beggar and cut his hair casually. After cutting his hair, Lu Xun grabbed a handful of money from his pocket and gave it to the barber, and then left without looking back. The barber counted carefully and found that he gave a lot more money, which made him very happy.

More than a month later, Lu Xun came for a haircut again. The barber recognized that he was the customer who paid more money last time, so he was very polite to him, gave him a haircut carefully and kept asking for his advice until Lu Xun was satisfied. Who knows that when paying, Mr. Lu Xun carefully counted and counted, and did not give a penny more. The barber felt very strange and asked him why. Lu Xun said with a smile, "Sir, the last time you cut my hair indiscriminately, I paid you indiscriminately. If you cut me seriously this time, I will pay you seriously! "

The barber felt ashamed and quickly apologized to Lu Xun.

Lu Xun is a man who doesn't pay much attention to clothes. He likes to wear robes. Compared with his thin figure, it seems that a robe is more suitable than a suit. However, he is a bit sloppy. He often walks in the dust in his gown, feeling a bit like Kong Yiji, a down-and-out character in his works, so he made a joke: he is often considered a suspicious person in the elevator; Many people saw him and thought he was lucky to find the opium ghost; Sometimes I go to buy medicine, and even the little guy in the pharmacy despises him; Even if they walk in the street, they are often searched by the police. ...

Lu Xun is a man who does not hesitate to cut his braid. At that time, it was as incredible as men wearing skirts. But in the face of ridicule, sarcasm and abuse, he still went his own way. Later, it was basically a flat head (equivalent to the current inch board). His hair is hard, his roots stand up in the wind, and he is like an iron brush. That's so cool. That's so handsome. Nowadays, handsome guys and beautiful women are keen on dyeing their hair and perming their hair, which is nothing compared with Lu Xun.

He is too lazy to get a haircut and often ignores it for months at a time. Friends made fun of him: "Cai Yu, why don't you cut your' soil'?" How ugly! "Lu Xun said solemnly," oh! I'll pay. You look good! "Later, I really couldn't stand it, so I barely got a haircut. Once I walked into a barber shop, the barber didn't know Lu Xun, and when I saw his simple clothes, I thought he must have little money and didn't take a haircut seriously at all. In this regard, Mr. Lu Xun was not only angry, but also gave him a large sum of money at will after the haircut. The barber gave three times the money and was overjoyed. After a while, Lu Xun came for a haircut again. As soon as the barber saw it, he immediately took out all his housekeeping skills and made it "meticulous". His face was full of humility. Without cooking, Lu Xun did not show his generosity, but took out money and counted it to the barber one by one, without giving a penny more. The barber is very confused. " Sir, why did you give this today? Last time you ... "Lu Xun laughed:" Last time you handled it in general, I gave it in general. This time I am serious about geography, so I will give it seriously. " The barber listened like a cloud.

His beard is also very personal. When he came back from studying in Japan for several years, his beard was Japanese-it looked funny with both ends tilted up. He was laughed at by people around him, saying that he was a foreign admirer. Lu Xun was very angry and simply changed his beard into the word "one" in official script, and they lived happily ever after.

I have seen photos of Lu Xun when he was young, but I don't think he is very handsome, at least far from the so-called "first handsome man" in Korea and Japan. But Lu Xun has great confidence in himself. Once the British writer Bernard Shaw met him and said that everyone said that you are Gorky of China, but I think you are more beautiful than Gorky. After listening to such praise, Lu Xun was not only humble, but even said, "I will be more beautiful when I am old!" " "This old man is really interesting.

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Lu Xun has many hobbies. For example, the habit of giving people nicknames since childhood has never changed. As early as when I was studying in San Tan Yin Yue, there was a course called "Dui Ke", which achieved good results and was praised by the teacher, Mr. Shou Jason Wu. Once, a classmate peeked at Mr. Wang's project "Unicorn" and quietly asked him what was good about it. Lu Xun said, "Be kind to four-eyed dogs." Unexpectedly, the man actually answered Mr. Shou like this. Mr. Shou is nearsighted and wears glasses. He was naturally furious, but he covered his eyes with a book and couldn't help laughing. Lu Xun's observation can be described as keen. He gave a vivid name to the girl's crying-"four articles", because when the girl cried, her tears and nose came down! Isn't it four? He is giving a lecture in Peking University. At that time, there was a young professor in Peking University named Chuan Dao, who left a student's head, so he was nicknamed "a pinch of hair" and affectionately called him "a pinch of brother Mao" when they met. What an interesting expert! Moreover, he actually called his lover Xu Guangping "harming the horse", and even came in handy when writing to his mother, saying: Mother, don't worry, harming the horse is very good now ...

Smoking, drinking and drinking tea are Lu Xun's "three addictions". He has always been a heavy smoker. When he was in Beijing, he always smoked Hadmen pickup bags. His posture of holding cigarettes is very special: holding cigarettes with his thumb and four fingers instead of being sandwiched between his index finger and middle finger (I think he has the demeanor of a modern underworld boss). Another interesting thing is that when smoking in front of people, he always pulls one out of his gray cotton-padded coat and smokes it. It seems that he doesn't like to take out the cigarette case first, and then take one out of the cigarette case and put it back in his bag. His temper hasn't changed since he arrived in Shanghai. I don't know if I'm afraid of trouble, or if others see that his cigarettes are inferior and feel humiliated.

In addition to his three addictions, he also likes to eat cakes, sweets and other sweets, which is a habit he developed when studying in Japan. Once, someone gave him persimmons, and he liked them very much. He hid them and enjoyed them secretly, but he was reluctant to give them to others! Only when the ladies come to visit will they be generous, because the ladies have a small appetite and can only eat one or two pieces! He can also eat Chili. When he was studying in Jiangnan Naval Academy, he did well in a final exam, and the school gave him a gold medal. Lu Xun didn't take the medal as a sign to show off, but he knew how to benefit. He went to Gulou Street to sell and bought a bunch of red peppers. Every time I study until the dead of night, when it is cold and sleepy, I pick a pepper, divide it into several pieces, chew it in my mouth until my forehead sweats, tears come to my eyes and I hiss. I just felt warm and sleepy, so I held a book and read it again. Now it seems that in addition to being ridiculous, it also gives birth to some feelings. He has a big appetite and likes to eat snake meat, dragonflies and prunes. Moreover, I have never been stingy with money. I often invite friends to dinner, and I can order several dishes without looking at the menu, such as "Muxiu Meat", "Hot and Sour Belly Sliced", "Fried Walnut Waist", "Three Fresh Iron Pot Eggs" and "Sweet and Sour Soft Slippery Carp Noodles"!

He loves watching movies, and can almost be upgraded from a movie fan to a movie fanatic. Lu Xun didn't see the film for the first time until he was 43, but he couldn't accept it. During Lu Xun's nine years in Shanghai (46-55 years old), * * * saw 142 movies. Among them, 1934 had 37 games, 1935 had 36 games, and 19 games before 1936 fell. Almost once a week in the past three years. Good movies are not easy to miss or even watch again; And most of them are leading families, calling relatives and friends and driving together! Interestingly, among the movies imported from abroad, his favorite movie is the jungle of nature, a wild animal movie (equivalent to the recent Animal World). If Lu Xun were alive today, he would be a big fan of Zhong Zhao.

Lu Xun also likes martial arts. He studied judo while studying in Japan, and taught in Shaoxing Fu Middle School after returning home. On a night trip, when I passed a desolate cemetery, I suddenly saw a pale and ghostly thing blocking the road. Lu Xun rushed up and kicked the guy to the ground, running around. It turned out to be a gloomy grave robber. Although Lu Xun is thin, his skill can be seen.

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Lu Xun in life is humorous, with atmosphere, wisdom, optimism and grace in his humor. Once his niece asked him, "Why is your nose shorter and flatter than my father's?" Lu Xun smiled: "My nose was as high as your father's, but I live in a dark environment and hit a wall everywhere, so my forehead and nose are short!" " "

Some progressive young people in Guangzhou founded the "South China" Literature Society, fearing that the first issue would not be sold, and hoped that Lu Xun would contribute to the first issue. Lu Xun said humorously and seriously, "Publications sell easily. You can write an article to scold me, and my publication sells well! " "

It is inevitable to invite celebrities to give speeches, and Lu Xun is no exception. His speech is full of allusions, full of wit, and is often surrounded by applause and laughter. Once he returned to Peiping from Shanghai, Beijing Normal University invited him to give a speech entitled "Literature and Force". Some students read many articles attacking him in the newspaper, which is unfair to him. In his speech, he said: "Some people say that I came to Peiping this time to grab my job and make a comeback." But please rest assured that I will make a comeback soon. "This sentence immediately attracted laughter at the meeting.

While teaching at Beijing Women's Normal University, a student once went to the park with a boy from another school without his parents' permission. When her parents found out, they ran to the school and made a scene, cursing the lax discipline in the school. The feudal rigid headmaster also called female students "indecent" like a mother. Mr. Lu Xun happened to pass by, and after learning the story, he said humorously, "It's sunny now. What's wrong with two young people going to the park together?" Those young people in the park are not allowed to go shopping. Do old men and women have to go shopping? ! "

Lu Xun's family has two nannies. Somehow, quarrels often occur. He couldn't stand the noise all day and fell ill. A little girl next door asked, "Sir, why didn't you stop them?" Lu Xun said with a smile: "They quarreled because they were angry with each other. Even if it was suppressed for a while, the anger in their hearts could not be suppressed. I'm afraid they will lose sleep. It's better to let me lose sleep alone than three or two people. "

He always speaks without scruple and dares to think and speak. For example, he expressed his views on people's secret "sex": appetite is to store himself and the present; * * * is to store future generations and store permanent things. The diet is not evil and unclean; * * * is not evil, not unclean. It's a pity that China's old ideas completely violate this truth. Until I gave birth to the child, I was still evasive, but I was full of dignity for the child. This behavior is almost equal to the rich man who stole money and made a fortune! In order to show that people can't be one-sided, he said humorously: although heroes are powerful, they can't be called "* * * masters" just because they are also * * *!

Although Lu Xun was broad-minded, he was never fit to deal with ugly social phenomena. Everything that is false, evil and ugly has nothing to hide from Lu Xun. On one occasion, a local bureaucrat of the Kuomintang banned male and female students from swimming together. Lu Xun doesn't like it: "Students swim together and occasionally touch each other, which hinders the joint defense between men and women. However, after the ban, men and women are still sucking the air between heaven and earth. Air is drawn from this man's nostril, sucked in by that woman's nostril, sucked out by that woman's nostril, and sucked in by another man's nostril, which simply confuses Gan Kun. We ordered that all men, women and children and people of all colors should wear gas masks to prevent air circulation and publicity! " He also wore a gas mask to simulate walking. The audience laughed their heads off.

Lu Xun has always been unkind to decadent literati. He is a freak who is not afraid of offending people. It seems that the whole cultural and intellectual circles are his past friends. Xu Zhimo, Hu Shi, Guo Moruo, Lin Yutang, Liang Shiqiu, Cheng, etc. They have all been "violated" by Lu Xun's spittle, and often have the taste of scolding; Even Li Siguang, a geologist who doesn't know much about literature, played with him! It seems that Lu Xun really learned the essence of Sun Yat-sen's "fraternity".

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Lu Xun himself is an expert in telling humor and jokes. After Japan occupied Northeast China, the reactionary Kuomintang regime relied on the United States to publicize how the United States maintained "justice". In order to expose this scam, Mr. Lu Xun told a short story: "There is a rich man in our country. Many people want to cling to him and even take pride in talking to him. One day, a beggar's face lit up and said that a rich man had spoken to him. Many people surrounded him, asking questions. He said,' I stood at the door and the rich man came out. He said to me, "Go away!" "People who listened to the story laughed. The ugly behavior of the Kuomintang to please the American master was exposed.

In order to illustrate that reactionaries fish the people and treat them as cannon fodder, he quoted a fable: when an emperor was in power, many maids were sick and could never be cured. Finally, a famous doctor came and prescribed a magical prescription: a number of strong men. The emperor had no choice but to do it. A few days later, when I visited, the ladies-in-waiting were all radiant, but there were many other men who were not as thin as humans, crawling on the ground. The emperor was taken aback and asked, "What is this?" The ladies-in-waiting murmured, "It's scum!"

In 1930s, some writers had serious subjectivism problems. On one occasion, Lu Xun was asked to talk about this problem. Lu Xun didn't talk much but told two stories: First, there was a farmer who had to carry water every day. One day, he suddenly realized: what does the emperor use to carry water to eat? Then he said to himself: You must use a gold pole! Secondly, a peasant woman wanted to eat persimmons, so she thought: How did the Empress enjoy her happiness? I must have woken up and ordered: get a persimmon to eat!

What is commendable is that Lu Xun still has unique views on humor and joke theory. In his letter to Tao on April 1934, he said: "China's so-called humor often does not show the style of laughing in the forest, which is really helpless." In Lu Xun's view, the humor in Laughter in the Woods is not real humor, but something that is easy to understand, flashy, vulgar and unbearable, and is used to amuse oneself or make jokes between friends. Lu Xun resolutely opposes glib slap in the face, pretending to be crazy and selling silly jokes, and frivolous ridicule. What he emphasizes is a kind of alert, profound and lingering meaning, and his appreciation level is very high. Lu Xun also proved this point by his own deduction. ?

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Many of Lu Xun's words are also sharp and humorous. He said: There are two trees in front of my house, one is a jujube tree and the other is a jujube tree. Really different! Lu Xun hates mosquitoes and can't stand their cries, so mosquitoes laugh in his works. He said, "You can stab me, but please don't scream! However, mosquitoes still purr. At this time, if someone asks me' which do I love, mosquitoes or fleas', I will definitely say' love fleas' without hesitation! The reason is simple, because fleas bite and don't shout. When I got up in the morning, I saw three winners standing on the curtains with bright red bellies; I felt itchy, scratched and counted, and got five pimples, which is a symbol of my failure in biology. So I also took five acne out to equip myself ... "

However, his words are always murderous, throwing guns and daggers. Many of his articles, such as In Memory of Liu Hezhen and In Memory of Forgetting, still feel awe after reading them. But now, some naughty children have mischievously misinterpreted the original intention of some of Mr. Lu Xun's words, making solemnity funny, and at the same time embodying wisdom and interest.

Jokes are not funny at all. . . Not as funny as the short stories I saw in 17K, where there are humorous novels. The landlord can go to 17K to have a look. The book "Beautiful Doctor" I read on 17K is very funny, and it is also a book with high click rate.

A village head drank too much, went home and stumbled into a pigsty by mistake. He lay down beside the sow and said, Wife: Give me a glass of water. The sow snorted. The village chief said, if you don't fall, you won't fall. What are you sprinkling? Feel casually and say: buy leather clothes, or double-breasted ones.

Xiao Wang, who just bought an Alto, took a test drive in the quiet Third Ring Road in the middle of the night. He drove happily. A big Ben overtook him from behind. When he wanted to overtake, he drove the big Ben guy away, leaned out and shouted at Xiao Wang, "Dude, have you ever driven Big Ben?" Then I drove away. It took Xiao Wang a long time to come back and run away. What's so smelly? Bah.

After a while, Xiao Wang forgot about it and drove around happily. When Big Ben came from behind again, he was very happy, as if he were taking a car. When overtaking, the guy who opened Big Ben shouted at Xiao Wang again: "Dude, you opened Big Ben!" " "This angered Xiao Wang. He wanted to catch up, but he couldn't. Dry gas can't help it.

It didn't go far, little Wang Le. The bus crashed into the guardrail. Haha, Xiao Wang also stopped the car. He wants to see the bear look of that arrogant guy. He came to the car and saw that the guy was fine and not seriously injured. Seeing him coming, he opened his mouth and said, "Dude, are you running away?" Xiao Wang was almost out of breath, but this guy said below that Xiao Wang was really out of breath. He said, "Dude, have you ever driven a big run?" Where are the brakes? "

Hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."

Why did the 90-year-old woman die naked on the street?

Why do hundreds of donkeys scream at midnight?

Why are condoms repeatedly attacked by black hands in the canteen?

Why are girls' dormitories often stolen?

Who did the serial sow case?

The old nun's door is knocked at every night. Are you a spirit or a human?

What is hidden behind the accidental death of hundreds of little bitches?

Behind all this, is it the distortion of human nature or the decline of morality?

Is it a sexual outburst or despair?

Please pay attention to CCTV8' s annual contribution "Into Science, No Return" at 8: 00 tonight.

Let's follow the camera into the inner world of mental patients. ...

The family called a robber a kitchen knife. One day, the trouble ended. The robber came to the police station with a kitchen knife and said, hello, I'm a robber. I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble.

65438+ 10 month 1

I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" " "

Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it to the wrong person."

This can be very sad. ...

65438+ 10 month 15

The liquor in the restaurant was watered again today! Shit! When I have money, I will also go to the grand hotel to drink remy martin and XO! Never let them fool me with 1986 and 1972. Come to this year's bottle if you want!

65438+1October 28

Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. I saw a sow the other day, and everyone thought it had good eyes. ...

03 February 65438

There are two kinds of men, one is lewd and the other is very lewd;

There are two kinds of women, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure.

Tomorrow Valentine's Day, I found the phone number of a girl I secretly loved in middle school and sent her a short message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, you should drink half a bowl first, and I will put the remaining half in my arms to keep you warm. ...

A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at night.

65438 February 2004

I can't bear to let my children catch wolves and my daughter-in-law catch hooligans, and I can't bear to update my collection. ...

I am in a bad mood today. Last night's newsletter let me know that the girl I secretly love has fallen, and she actually told me 400. ...

At that time, I was very sad and searched my wallet sadly:

So I'm even sadder. I don't even have the capital to fall with her once. ...

February 24(th)

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I finished ...

March 3

To deal with a vicious person, you must be more vicious than him; Dealing with a despicable person is more despicable than him;

When dealing with a handsome person, you must be more handsome than him; To deal with a handsome man, you must ... ruin his face!

March 4

My principle is: if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

March 5

When I suddenly remembered the university, the teacher wrote a couplet: the country and the people are strong, the family and the country are strong, and the country and the people are strong.

The monitor's couplet: the sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, and the world is magnificent!

Then I was kicked out of the classroom. ...

Because my bottom line is: NMD, TMD, you TMD!

March 6

I accidentally read the so-called contemporary women's criteria for choosing a spouse: having a car and a house, and both parents are dead.

Depressed. So I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a wife:

His fortune is over 100 million, his beauty is the best in the world, he is virtuous, gentle and sexy, and his father-in-law has advanced cancer. ...

April 15

In life, you can't hang yourself on a tree, but try to die several times on several nearby trees.

April 16

I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

April 2007, 65438

The unfairness of this world lies in:

God said: I want light! -So one day.

The beauty said: I want a diamond ring! So she bought a diamond ring.

The rich man said: I want a woman! -So he has a woman.

I said: I want to take a shower! -actually stopped water!

April 2009, 65438

After dinner, I was smoking a cigarette on the balcony, and suddenly I saw a flash of light in the night sky. I was excited: a meteor! So I made a wish at once. ...

I made six or seven wishes, opened my eyes and threw them out of the balcony when I finished smoking. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Make a wish ... "

April 20(th)

My dream life: I sleep until I wake up naturally and count my money until my hand cramps.

My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hands cramp. ...

April 22(nd)

Reading today, I was depressed to see that Emperor Kangxi became the king of a country at the age of twenty-three. But when I saw that the Tongzhi emperor was 23 years old and had died for four years, my heart was balanced.

April 23(rd)

In fact, steamed bread is omnipotent. You can eat when you are hungry. If you want to eat cake, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb; If you want a hamburger, cut the steamed bread and eat it. ...

April 30(th)

Wildcat: Sleep wherever you go.

Wild dog: Eat whatever you catch.

Savage: Love everyone you meet.

May 2(nd)

Looking at beautiful women in the street, looking up is appreciation, looking down is hooliganism.

May 6(th)

My father asked me what kind of life I wanted.

I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face;

I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

May 8(th)

Some people say that if you bury your girlfriend in the ground in spring, there will be many girlfriends in autumn.

I heard that someone believed it and did it. In spring, he buried his girlfriend underground, and in autumn, he was buried underground by the police uncle. ...

May 10

Facing difficulties: not afraid of death, but also afraid of living?

Facing danger: are you not afraid of life, but also of death?

This is Einstein's theory of relativity. ...

May 12

Today, I made an appointment with a female netizen named "Miss Sister". The code word is to hold a rose and look around the date. Seeing a woman holding a rose and looking up, I ran away, surfed the Internet at night and asked her: How did your mother help you meet netizens? ..... From then on, I quietly lay on her blacklist.

May 15

I slowly discovered that people are goblins! Some goblins eat people, but people eat everything. If you catch a leprechaun, maybe you can have a barbecue!

May 16

Cruel people-nothing to kill.

Romantic people-nothing to find a beautiful woman to sleep with.

Rich people-nothing to buy a new car to drive.

It doesn't matter. Pick up a cigarette butt and sniffle. ...

May 2 1

It has been raining these days. I guess the jade emperor is crying. It must be that his marriage with the queen mother is unhappy. There are two possibilities for this unhappiness. One is that the queen mother has left, and the other is that the queen mother refuses to leave. ...

May 23(rd)

Lie on your back tonight, get up early tomorrow, lie prone tomorrow night, and exercise the day after tomorrow. Sometimes it's that simple.

There are twins in my sister's family ... This little girl is my sister and shota is my brother ... They are honest and have hardly seen tears. I gather at my grandmother's house every day. The little girl stinks and my brother watches over me. After a while, both of them cried ... it was a tragedy ... and I panicked. I'm afraid she will be angry. My sister said to me unhurriedly, "Don't worry ... My brother cried because of fumigation ... My sister cried because she ate so much delicious food that I couldn't bear to pull it out ..." What are you two going to do? !