Tell a joke and make me laugh.

One day the devil took the princess away, and she kept screaming.

Devil: "You can scream loudly ... no one will come to save you ..." "

Princess: "broken throat … broken throat …" "

No one: "Princess … I'm coming to save you …"

Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..."

Cao Cao: "Devil ... why do you want me ..."

Devil: "Wow … I saw a ghost."

Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered ... "

Ghost: "You can see me ..."

Devil: "Oh, my God! 」

God: "Who called me? 」

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody said, "Where am I? Pretend to be Xiao. 」

Little ㄟ: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... Gee, there are so many people here. 」

Many people: "I just arrived … who are you?" ? 」

Which one: "I'm not who. 」

Who: "He's not me. 」

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun." 」

Lively: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. I'll go first. " 」

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? How can I play this demon king? 」

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」

Princess: "if no one hits the devil, I can go." 」

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement." 」

Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to" that "me? 」

How dare you: "I didn't? 」

Me: "Fuck me? 」

Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy. 」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」

You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」

I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」

I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」

I didn't say, "Who called him? 」

Who: "Wrong … I didn't …"

I didn't say, "I didn't mean to wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you. 」

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」

Who: "Please … I didn't say anything."

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" 」

Who: "... I want to leave this troublesome place as soon as possible"

Long-lost brother: "Kao … My name is so long … I will be called …" "

True or false: "So this is my place ..."

I am nothing &; No: "Stop it, we are talking ..."

Don't bother us: "I won't talk ..."

I didn't: "I didn't speak."

I don't want anything: "-_-"… Let's talk outside … "

Go: "I'm embarrassed ..."

I have nothing: "Fuck you ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Woo … why did you kick me out …"

Why: "I didn't mean to kick you out … be good … don't cry."

I didn't say, "Oh … What have you done to me?"

Do as I do: "What? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... …T.T"

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v *" ("Who" collapsed)

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" 」

Do what I do: "… cousin … long time no see …"

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement party ..."

It is said that the lich king has suffered from schizophrenia since then.

Do you think this is the end of the joke? In fact, this shows that people are lazy, and this has an ending! Now I'll tell you the ending, don't be moved to tears!

Ending:

It is said that after the devil's schizophrenia was cured, he caught the princess again.

This time, the lich king decided to cut to the chase, to make a long story short, in order to avoid others running out to spoil the game again, and cut to the chase directly. .....

Devil:' Stop struggling! "Listen to me and marry me!"

Princess: "All right!" "

So I happily took the princess's hand and walked into the wedding hall, accepting all the blessings, leaving only the demon king with his mouth open like a hippo and his body stupefied. ......

1 a girl in senior three said ~ ~ I walk more than you eat salt ` ~

The fish at home died and floated to the surface. I shouted, "Dad's floating up! ! ! "

Last weekend, at the gate of Hualian, someone who looked like a student asked me to donate money for love. My classmate just had 100 yuan in his pocket and no change at all, so he blurted out-"I'm sorry, I really don't have love!" "(I was going to say the change was gone)

4 primary school students went to the army to express their condolences. The counselor read a letter "Dear Leaders". I probably saw a group of people under the stage, and my brain was hot and I said, "Dear martyrs!" "

One of my classmates and I were discussing the Three Kingdoms!

I asked the military commanders in the Three Kingdoms who he liked best. He stood up and said, "Haven't you heard of a red hare in the middle and Lu Bu in the middle?"

On the way home, I saw a stall selling turtles, and a small sign was erected next to it to attract business. I only heard the students seriously read to the small blackboard: "Ba -Xi- Xiaocai-Dian!" " Oh, my God ... It's obviously a Brazilian turtle.

When I was in college, my classmates went to Sichuan restaurant for corruption. I ordered a pig's head when I ordered it. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn't understand. A classmate smiled and pointed to his head and said to the waitress, "Here! Pig head meat! " Miss: "Oh … I see!" " "Since then, this gentleman has been nicknamed" pig's head ".

When I was in junior high school, once, before the exam was over, the teacher said, Please put the table on the test paper and you can go out. I laughed wildly, and it took the teacher and other students a long time to react.

9 Once I went shopping with my friends, I was so excited to talk while walking that I stepped on an aunt and wanted to say, "I'm sorry!" " Excuse me! "The result is" thank you! Thank you! " Then walked away while chatting. ...

10 A sister in our dormitory often makes these mistakes.

Because we study Chinese, we all speak four words.

Her classic is suicide by jumping off a building.

And "cheated."

1 1 When we were in high school, the class teacher said, "Some students are afraid to take a ruler in the math exam. If someone asks you to draw a diagonal line for a triangle, I'll see what you do! "

Diagonal line of triangle? ! !

12 went to Hengshan to play in college. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I want to have a rest. I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside. I went up and asked, "Wife ..."

Add one to 13: I went to work early in the morning, and several employees of the unit got into the elevator with the boss. One of the directors looked at the boss's tired face and said, Come on, boss, it's too hard for you to fly to Wan Li like this every day! As a result, the office building laughed all day.

14 I used to have peas on my face, which was medically called acne. I want to go to the hospital and say to the doctor with the registration form, "doctor, please take a look at it for me." I have hemorrhoids on my face! ! "

At that time, the doctor's mouth and eyes were crooked, and his mouth was open for a long time, unable to speak. Everyone who saw the doctor next to him fell down!

15 when the plane landed. I heard the stewardess say this in a very gentle tone: "The toilet is descending, please don't get on the plane!" " "The plane is descending, please don't go to the toilet.

15 The last item of the primary school class meeting is to sing the team song "We are the successors of capitalism ..." The teacher asked the monitor to start. The monitor cleared his throat and suddenly sang "We are human beings-(stretched)"

The whole class laughed so hard that they couldn't even hear the bell. . .

16 school uniforms are required in high schools. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. Once we got together, the students were all dressed untidy in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: "Those who don't wear pants stand up ...! "

17 I remember playing by the river (by the Yangtze River) in junior high school. Suddenly, a water snake swam to the shore and his face changed greatly. He threw out a sentence: a good snake grows ~ ~! !

18 let's play with the old chicken and catch the young eagle.

19 When I was in high school, the head teacher taught geography. Once in class, I talked about China's minerals and coal pipelines. Our teacher said "China's vas deferens …", and all the "brushes" crawling on the table sat up straight.

Once, when I went to eat in jiaozi, my boss said that I had five dollars, six dollars, 10 dollars, and asked me which one I wanted.

I blurted out: How much is 6 yuan?

The boss is cold ... his face is red. ...

Actually, I want to ask how much is six dollars?

2 1 My friend's high school math teacher talks about rectangular coordinate system in class.

The student asked: Why do you want to establish rectangular coordinates like this?

Teacher: I'm so cheap. I just want to be so cheap (made)

When I was a freshman in VB class, a classmate didn't install VB software on his computer. She suddenly raised her hand and shouted: Teacher, teacher, my QQ can't be opened.

One of my classmates is a twin, and he is an elder brother. Then another stupid classmate actually asked him, "Is your brother older or younger than you?" ..... On the edge of a few students suddenly froze, followed by a burst of laughter. .....

I remember when I was at school, there was a sports meeting, and no one in our class signed up. Our Sports Commission (boys) was in a hurry and announced in class with the registration form: I tell you, girls will "compulsory registration" (compulsory registration) if they don't register. The girl is angry.

Once my mother's classmate came to my house for dinner, and after eating a bowl, my mother wanted to add another bowl to her. She said, don't give it to me, I'm not enough. ...

Once, I called my classmate, and the other person picked up the phone and rang. I suddenly forgot who I was calling. After a long time, I said, who are you?

Friends get together and it's sad to talk to someone. "Tears turned red and my eyes fell out." No one responded, so I went home and laughed afterwards.

Once I watched good morning on Shanghai TV, the host in Shanghai blurted out: Don't come back after the advertisement. _ It seems that advertisements are so annoying that even the host can't stand them.

5 1 A new shop assistant is reciting something. An old lady bought a bottle of soy sauce. The clerk said, "I'll charge you xx yuan and give you xx yuan. Do you need a straw? " The old lady suddenly fainted. ...

When I was in primary school, when I was still illiterate. My deskmate read the ingenious plan as a magical chicken (machine) fried garlic (calculation)

I want one, too. When I was in primary school, the teacher asked a boy to recite poems. As a result, he was in a hurry, chanting "Zhumen stinks of wine and meat, and there are frozen dogs (bones) on the road." The whole class laughed hysterically.

Another time, I slept at night in winter, probably because the temperature of the electric blanket was too high, so I told my classmates, hey, you put the electric blanket in the fresh-keeping position.

A few days ago, the United States attacked Iraq, and my classmates and I were going back to school. His mother said, the train is too slow. You two should take a bus from Iraq. We fainted on the spot.

1956 At the beginning of this year, our group went to visit relatives in other places. We took Avik's car. When we came back, we stopped at the side of the road for a while before getting on the expressway. A few people thought it was a long-distance bus, so they leaned over and asked. A man sitting by the window shouted, This is not a rickshaw, this is not a rickshaw! Sudden sweating

57 to buy "pulse" drinks,

"Boss, a bottle of' artery'"

58 hours of singing: imperialism, imperialism fled with its tail between its legs. Great unity of the people throughout the country

As soon as I sang, the whole country ran away with its tail between its legs, and the whole class was in an uproar.

I just entered the office that day, and the same plmm shouted at me, "Xiao Wang, did you buy a newspaper?" Let me see today's special issue of sex. " I fainted on the spot. Even if everyone talks about "house" all day, you can't read "architecture special issue" as "sex special issue"!

When I was in English class in high school, my teacher asked me to translate an English sentence: an arrow whizzed past my ear. I confused "arrow" with "sparrow", so it translated as: a sparrow whizzed past my ear. So the whole class laughed and didn't have a good class.

6 1 When I was in the third grade, there was a chemistry teacher who was very beautiful. One day, she went to oxygen drainage. She said airway and fart tube, and the whole class laughed

Temporary Chinese teacher: Speak Chinese multiple-choice questions: Students, why not choose A? Yes, because A is wrong; Why not choose B, yes, because B is wrong; Why not choose C? Yes, because C is wrong. So this question should be chosen? The students shouted d in unison. Yes, let's move on to the next question.

My roommate asked me to drink sesame sauce and said, "What about black sesame sauce?" (My surname is Xu)

My roommate spent the whole night looking for her mask. Finally, when we discussed going to Peking University to eat chicken wings, another roommate shouted, "I'm going to Peking University to eat a mask."

My roommate and I went to eat shabu-shabu and walked to the door of the store. Roommate looked at the name of the store and said, "Brush it?" (The name of the store is Shuanshuanba)

There is an orange petal in Bing Xin's Little Orange Lamp. Students read "a gourd ladle of orange petals".

The criminal law teacher said in a case: "At that time, blood was called blood flow. From the first floor to the second floor, it is simply a river of blood ... "

The case class of the criminal law teacher said, "That man threatened the victim, burned down your house and blew up your intestines (I think he wanted to say factory)."

My former math teacher once said when drawing in class, "This is the X axis and this is the Y axis. I put a P here. " Wakaka

Last time I asked the teacher for leave.

As a result, I spoke: teacher, I want to invite you. .......