A joke featuring several husbands and wives.

Husband: You go to wash the dishes.

Wife: OK.

Husband: Then why don't you move?

Wife: I have a headache.

Husband: I'm so lazy that you don't have a headache if I don't let you wash the dishes.

Wife: Really! The thought of washing dishes gives me a headache.

About taking things

Wife: You can take this bag, too.

Husband: I have four bags. You don't take anything. Are you embarrassed?

Wife: Then I still hold you! You weigh more than 100 Jin. What I take is not much heavier than what you take.

About walking

Wife: Let's go straight to that street.

Husband: It's too far to get there. I won't be able to walk back for a while.

Wife: Nothing, you carry me back.

About divorce

Wife: If we divorce, the house is mine and I want to take my money.

Husband: What about my money?

Wife: All your money is my money. Huh, how much money you got there?

Wife: Besides, 80% of your monthly income will be given to me after the divorce. Well, if you get married again, just give me 60%.

Husband: Wife, I will never divorce you!

About buying clothes

Wife: Does this dress look good?

Husband: It looks good.

Wife: You just perfunctory me and want me to buy it and go home quickly!

Wife: Does that dress look good?

Husband: It doesn't look good.

Wife: You can't bear to buy it for me!

About sleeping (1)

Husband: You little man, how can you take up so much?

Wife: Of course, turn over and stretch!

About sleeping (2)

Wife: Let's cover that double quilt.

Husband: No! Then it will be all over you the next morning. I can't report anything. Let's build your own, be practical.

Wife: Hum, even if you build it yourself, you will still be wrapped up by me tomorrow morning!

About doing housework

Husband: Let's divide the housework.

Wife: OK. First of all, men should do dirty work, such as cleaning floors, toilets and tables. ...

Husband: That's right.

Wife: You study science and engineering, and I study liberal arts. You should make charged things, such as washing machines, refrigerators, rice cookers and electric irons. ...

Husband: It doesn't matter!

Wife: The man is outside and the woman is inside. It's up to you to deal with outsiders, such as buying food, paying utilities, and getting newspapers and milk. ...

Husband: OK, OK, then what are you doing?

Wife: Don't worry. There is a lot of smoke in the kitchen, which will ruin your skin. You must cook.

Husband: Tell me what you do.

Wife: I have a lot to do, too. I can accompany you, supervise you, praise you and comfort you. ...

About children

Wife: Let's have a baby.

Husband: OK.

Wife: Do you like our children?

Husband: Yes.

Wife: That won't do! You have to like me alone!

Husband: OK, OK, I like you alone.

Wife: Then why don't you like my children?

Husband: Let's go ... We don't want children.

About the truth

Wife: Look, how beautiful that girl is.

Husband: What are you looking at?

Wife: What do you mean! Why don't you agree with me!

Husband: It looks good.

Husband: Hey, don't go, why don't you talk to me?

About eating

Wife: I ate half of this plum. It is delicious. I will give you the rest.

Husband: I don't like plums.

Wife: No, you just like it! Don't you like what I eat?

Husband: This fish is delicious. Let's go

Wife: Who did you touch with your dirty chopsticks?

Husband: Then I'd better eat half. I don't hate you. How can you not like me?

Wife: That's right. I don't like you, which means I am cleaner than you. I am cleaner than you. Why don't you like me? !

About getting up

Husband: Get up, get up. You said you had to get up early for a meeting today.

Wife: Don't talk, I'll sleep for a while.

Husband: Get up quickly, or you will be late.

Wife: Don't touch me! I want to sleep! !

Wife: Ah! It's time to be late! Why did you call me!

About gender equality

Husband: It is said that men and women are equal. Does our family have to be equal?

Wife: OK. You men have bullied women for thousands of years. We will bully you for thousands of years, and then equality is the real equality. Don't worry, after thousands of years, our family will be equal.

About happiness

Wife: Are you happy to marry me?

Husband: I don't think so. How can I be happy when you are unreasonable, don't work and always disturb others?

Wife: This is your happiness. I am unreasonable and don't sacrifice myself. Can I show your tolerance? If I don't work, I will train you. If you are skilled, you are not good enough. I'm messing with people, so your life is so colorful. You see, your married life is not as monotonous as others'.

About drinking water

Wife: Honey, I want to drink water!

Husband: I'll pour it for you.

Husband: Hey, isn't this cup at your hand? Can't you see it?

Wife: Yes, I just want you to pass it to me.

About leadership

Wife: I am not a leader outside, but I should be a leader at home. When you are a leader outside, you have to be led at home.

Husband: What if I can't be a leader outside?

Wife: A man who looks at people's faces outside and goes home to show off his wife is nothing!

About rationality

Husband: You are unreasonable.

Wife: I have never reasoned with you. Home is not a reasonable place. Besides, you are a man, eight months older than me. You must let me go.

About money

Husband: I will give you the money I earn in proportion in the future. I earn more and stay more, so I have motivation.

Wife: OK.

Husband: What percentage do I give you?

Wife: 120%.

About the center

Wife: I have always been the center in our family, and I have always been the center in your family.

Husband: Then I have always been the center of our family.

Wife: But my center is more important than yours.

Husband: Why?

Wife: Because I am a daughter and you are just a boy.

About ideas

Wife: Let's go out to play.

Husband: Well, you can go wherever you say.

Wife: I'll tell you if I have an idea!

Husband: You never agree with me.

Wife: I disagree. What is this idea? Just perfunctory! You should keep thinking until I am satisfied.

About making a phone call

Wife: Why didn't you call me? !

Husband: A waste of time! I thought you agreed to call me today. As a result, I waited all day, and I called you.

Wife: I did, but I changed my mind again. Zhang Ailing said: Women have the privilege of changing their minds.

Husband: So you changed your mind and didn't tell me?

Wife: I said, what I said in my heart, who told you that you and I have no contact?

About friends with different surnames

Wife: I can have a boyfriend. You can't interfere with me.

Husband: Well, I have a girlfriend, too.

Wife: No!

Husband: Why can you do it and I can't?

Wife: I have a boyfriend. If people who can't do it can do it, I won't always find fault with you, which is conducive to family happiness. You have a girlfriend, so I'm petty. Being jealous and quarreling with you is not conducive to family stability.

Husband: Then I am also narrow-minded.

Wife: Men are as narrow-minded as women. How dare you say that!

about the mood

Wife: I am in a bad mood at work, which will reduce the quality of our marriage.

Husband: Then I'm in a bad mood at work.

Wife: Your psychological endurance should be stronger than mine, because you are older than me, and your heart should be bigger than mine!

About extramarital affairs

Wife: There are always extramarital affairs on TV now. Do you think you will have an affair?

Husband: No.

Wife: Why?

Husband: I regret having you. I can't have another one!

Wife: Little girl, come and play with grandpa.

Husband: Your skin itches again, doesn't it?

Wife: Hey, it's fine, uncle. I just like a girl who looks like a man like you!

Husband: .......

Husband: Honey, I'm back.

Wife: Hey, guest officer, there you are. Which girl do you like?

Husband: Are you sick again?

Wife: Don't worry, the girls here are absolutely hot!

Husband: I have a crush on you, madam!

Wife: Well, handmaiden is a busker, not a prostitute.

Husband: Performing arts will do!

Wife: Handmaiden's heirloom says painless castration. Would you like to try it, my guest?

Husband: I am really angry this time!

Wife: I have already apologized. Honey, don't be angry!

Husband: I don't want you to apologize. I just want to hear you say you love me, but you just don't love me!

Wife: I love my husband as the sun rises in the east. It is natural for human beings to breathe air. Have you ever seen someone shout when they see the sun every day, wow, the sun is up! Who cries when breathing every day? Wow, I breathe air! So, I love my husband, and I don't need to yell at you every day. Wow, I love you so much!

Husband: You are unreasonable.

Wife: I have never reasoned with you. Home is not a reasonable place. Besides, you are a man. I call you husband, of course you have to let me go.