Are there any hilarious jokes that make you laugh as soon as you hear them?

1. A man went to the hospital and said to the doctor: "I have a green toe!" The doctor looked at it and said: "According to my experience, it is cancer and needs to be cut off." The man It was very painful and I underwent resection surgery. A few days later, the man came again and said to the doctor: "One of my toes is also green!" The doctor looked at it and said: "According to my medical experience, this is the spread of cancer and needs to be cut off." The man cried, but reluctantly accepted the resection surgery. A few days later, the man came to the doctor crying and said, "Doctor, doctor, the soles of my feet have turned green!" The doctor looked at it carefully and suddenly realized, "Oh! Your socks are fading. Ah!”

2. Little Rabbit said: “My mother calls me Little Rabbit, which sounds nice!”

Little Pig said: “My mother calls me Little Piggy, which sounds nice! !"

The puppy said: "My mother calls me little dog, which is nice!"

The chicken said: "You guys talk, I'm leaving first!"

The little rabbit said: "I was raised by a rabbit mother!"

The little pig said: "I was raised by a pig mother!"

The chicken said: " I am the son of a chicken!"

Puppy said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first!"

Sparring partner No. 0 said: "It sounds nice to outsiders to call me Lingpai! ”

Sparring partner No. 1 said: “It sounds nice to outsiders to call me first partner!”

Sparring partner No. 2 said: “It sounds nice to outsiders to call me second partner!”

Sparring partner No. 2 said: p>

Sparring partner No. 3 said: "You guys chat, let's leave first!"

The cat said to me: "I am your grandma's cat, that sounds great!"

The dog said to me: "I am your grandma's dog, and it sounds good too!"

The fish said to me: "I am your grandma's fish, and it sounds good too!"

Bear Said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first!"

The rogue said: "People call me rogue, it sounds nice!"

The samurai said: "People call me warrior, it sounds nice too. !”

The master said: “People call me Gao Ren, which is nice!”

The swordsman said: “You guys talk, I’ll leave first”

3. In the morning, mother went into the house to wake up her son: "It's time for my son to go to school!" "Why? Mom! I don't want to go." "Tell me two reasons why you don't want to go." "The children don't want to go." If you like me, the teacher doesn’t like me either.” “No matter what, there is no reason not to go to school.” “Mom! You give me two reasons and I have to go to school!” “First, you are 52 years old! Yes! Second, you are the principal.

4. It is said that two mental patients finally escaped from the mental hospital.

But they still had to climb 100 doors.

They climbed 60 walls together, and one of them asked the other, "Brother, are you tired?" "

Another answer said that he is not tired.

He said that if it is not tiring, we will continue to climb.

When we climbed to the 99th wall, a Shen Jing Bing asked another Shen Jing Bing: "Brother, are you tired?" "

Another replied: "I'm tired! Let's go back! "

So they turned back again

5. The baby laughed loudly after he was born. Suddenly the nurse found that the baby was holding a contraceptive pill in his hand. The baby said: TMD , you still want to kill me, it’s not that easy!

6. One brother was constipated and couldn’t defecate in the toilet for a long time. While he was trying his best, he saw a brother flushing like the wind

Enter the toilet and entered the seat next to him. As soon as I entered, there was a really violent storm. The brother envied the brother and said: "Brother, I envy you so much."

The guy said: Why are you envious? I haven’t taken off my pants yet

7. Xiaoqing chatted with a neurologist at the banquet. Xiaoqing asked: How do you diagnose patients? The doctor replied: I ask them some simple questions first. If they hesitate, I can probably tell that there is something wrong with their consciousness.

Xiao Qing asked with great interest: What kind of question is it? Can you give me some examples?

The doctor said: For example, Captain Cook traveled around the world three times. Unfortunately, he passed away on one of them. Which time was it?

Xiao Qing hesitated for a moment and said a little embarrassed: I am not very familiar with history. Can you give other examples?

8. In the church, someone confessed: "Father, I am guilty..."

Priest: "Tell me, my child, what's wrong?"

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Someone: "During World War II, I hid a Jew who was hunted by the Nazis..."

Priest: "This is a good thing. Why do you feel guilty?"

Someone: "I hid him in the basement of my house...and...and I

asked him to pay me 150 francs a day for rent..."

Fr. : "You just regret this? Then..."

Someone: "But, I...I haven't told him that World War II is over until now!"

9 , "Fire out! Fire out!" An urgent and panic call for help came from the phone.

"Where?" asked the fire brigade operator.

"In my house!"

"I mean where is the fire?"

"In the kitchen!"

" I know, but how should we get to your house?”

“Don’t you have a firetruck?”

10. On the plane, a parrot said to the flight attendant: “Here. "Bring me a glass of water." The pig imitated the parrot and said to the stewardess, "Bring me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw both the parrot and the pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly."

11. A guest ordered a Peking duck. When the waiter brought it to the pig, the guest licked the duck's beak and said : "No, this is a Nanjing duck."

The waiter quickly changed it to another one. The customer licked the duck's beak and said, "No, this is a duck from Hubei."

The waiter changed another duck, and the guest licked the duck's beak again and said: "It's still wrong, this is a Cantonese duck!"

This incident alarmed the restaurant owner, who ran out very excitedly and He put his mouth in front of the guest and said: "I have been an orphan since I was a child. I don't know where I was born. Please lick me too and see where I am from."

12. Xiaolin went to the zoo. I found that when he was feeding a certain monkey, it would stuff the thrown peanuts into its butt every time and then take them out to eat. Xiao Lin asked the administrator curiously, why did this monkey behave like this?

The administrator replied: "Because someone threw it a big peach last year, and it suffered a lot in order to excrete the pit of the big peach, so now it must have measured the amount of food before eating. ."