The "Topic Terminator" is talking about you!

During communication, have you ever encountered a "topic terminator" moment?

For example: You have just joined a new company, and you wanted to get close to the colleague sitting next to you, but after saying three sentences, the other person refused to raise his head and just replied to you lightly: " Oh" word. '

You watched a movie and excitedly recommended it to your friends: "This movie is great, go see it!" Unexpectedly, your friend smiled coldly and said, "Watching a movie will make you happy. Like this.”

After finally asking the girl you like out for dinner, you raised your head and said, while she was immersed in eating. You asked a lot of questions, but the girl said nonchalantly: Oh, no. "

I think everyone has encountered such a scene more or less, and some people even encounter it regularly, right?

Encountering the topic terminator The worst part is not that you are in trouble, but that you may even doubt yourself whether you should have been on earth at all.

We divide topic terminators into three types< /p>

The first "boring gourd" type

Can't open your mouth and can't find a way to chat

The second "arrogant type"

< p> Strong self-awareness, love to use their own feelings to judge everything

The third "criticism type"

This type of person does not attack or oppose you directly, but picks out some inconspicuous things. Questions to express your "unique" point of view

We have to accept our fate when encountering any kind of "topic terminator", but we can learn to avoid becoming annoying "topic terminators"< /p>

Tips to avoid becoming a "topic terminator"

1: Negation + explanation

For example: "I am not from the Northeast" + "I was born in Jiangsu, my ancestral home In the Northeast. "

"This Kumamon is fake" + "Because there is no designated store in China, but it is rare to see her in Beijing.

2: Rejection + Affirmation

For example: "I have to work overtime tonight and cannot participate" + "But I am willing to go tomorrow night if I am free"

" I’m in a bad mood right now and don’t want to discuss it with you” + “I’ll be in the office tomorrow morning, you can come over then and we’ll have a chat.”

3: Rejection + rhetorical question

For example: “I. I can’t go, all weekends are booked” + “I remember you have to take care of the kids on weekends, why do you suddenly have time?”

“I don’t want to think about dating right now” + “You Why do you think we are suitable?"

4: Affirmation + rhetorical question

For example: "It's not easy for you to persist in this career for ten years!" "Yes, indeed! It’s not easy” + “Do you know what keeps me going all the way?

We found that the above methods are all followed by an affirmative supplementary sentence. In addition to leaving an "introduction" for the other party to answer the question, more importantly, it weakens the "feeling of powerlessness" of the negative sentence itself

A communication scholar described it as, "We are like a transmission that never closes." machine. "Whether we talk loudly or remain silent. Whether we respond emotionally or put on a "dead face", we are transmitting our thoughts and attitudes to each other.

So, the phenomenon of ending the topic is not a trivial matter. From the heart From a scientific perspective, people who habitually end topics are often affected by a long-term lack of intimacy, a negative living status, and a low sense of security. These emotional states can seriously threaten health. Let me give a few examples that have been obtained through long-term scientific observation. Medical conclusions, please believe that this is not alarmist

1: Those who have close connections with family and friends live an average of 3.7 years longer than those who live in isolation.

2: Relation. People with solitary personalities are four times more likely to catch a cold than people with active social interactions

3: People who are happily married are less likely to have pneumonia, surgery, and cancer than single people .

In all these studies, the quality of the relationship is more important than the relationship itself. What affects the quality of the relationship is what we must do every day - communication

Not only for To build a better relationship, and for the sake of physical and mental health, from today on, stop being a "topic stopper" and start chatting happily with the person opposite!