Are there any cold jokes about mental illness?

In a mental hospital, it suddenly rained heavily one day. All the mental patients rushed downstairs to take a bath with washbasins, soap and towels. Only one mental patient didn't go down and watched from the balcony. The doctor secretly rejoiced and asked, "Why don't you go down and wash with them?" The neuropathy said, "I'll wait until the water is hot before washing ~ ~ ~!" " 2

In a mental hospital, a doctor wanted to know how the patients were recovering, so he picked up a pen and drew a door on the wall. He said to all the patients, "Whoever can open this door will let them out." At this time, all the mental derangement swarmed, only one mental derangement didn't come forward to open the door. The doctor was glad that his treatment had finally worked. The doctor asked, "Why don't you go up and open the door?" The psycho glanced at the doctor and said, "Shh ~ ~ I have the key ~ ~!" " three

A psychopath was lying in bed singing, and suddenly turned over and continued to sing. The doctor was puzzled and asked him, "How did you turn over?" The psycho replied, "Are you stupid?" After singing side A, you must sing side B "4"

A plane flew over a mental hospital and suddenly saw the pilot laughing. The stewardess asked curiously, "Why do you laugh like that? Are you happy? " He said, "If they know I ran away, they will go crazy ... hahaha ..." 5

Xiaoming is an intern in a mental hospital. One day, a patient chased him with a kitchen knife for no reason. Xiaoming turned and ran away in fear until he came to a dead end. He thought, this time, he will die ... At this time, the patient suddenly spoke and said, "Give you the kitchen knife until you chase me!" " "Six?

Male psychopath: I have something to tell you.

Female psychopath: What's the matter?

Male psychopath: (whispering) You must keep a secret. I am the son of a bodhisattva.

Female neuropathy: MD! When did I give birth to your son! seven

Brother: Doctor, my brother has always fantasized that he is a hen! What should I do? 、

Doctor: Let me see. He looks serious! Why did you bring him here now?

Brother: Everyone in our family is waiting for him to lay eggs.

In a park, there are two people sitting on a bench. One of them is reading the newspaper quietly; The other continued to fish in the air. After a while, many people gathered around. At this moment, a policeman came over and said to the newspaper reader, "Is this your home?" The man reading the newspaper said, "Yes, yes." The policeman said, "If he is crazy, would you please take him home at once?" People who read newspapers repeatedly apologized: "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" " Then go boating quickly ... 9

A reporter interviewed the director of a mental hospital and asked, "What method do you use to determine whether the patient is fully recovered?" The dean said, "We gave him a test. We fill a bathtub with water, put a spoon and a big bowl next to it, and let them drain the water out of the jar. " The reporter said disapprovingly, "Of course, we use a big bowl!" The dean looked at him and said slowly, "Normal people unplug ..."10.

There is a mental hospital where two mental patients can be discharged, but the dean is afraid that they will commit another crime, so he warns them: "Whoever commits another crime, the other one will call the hospital, or you will not be discharged!" They all agreed.

One day, the hospital suddenly called, "Hello! Hey! Hey! My companion suddenly ran to the table and said he was a lamp! "

"Oh, shit! Then why don't you send him back quickly! "

"But if I send him back, there will be no desk lamp!" 1 1

Once upon a time, there was a psychopath in a village. When he walked, he made strange noises. "Really?" Oh ~ really? Oh ~ Really? " Oh ~ "Everyone in the village wondered why the mental derangement would behave like this, so they called three authoritative doctors to show it to the mental derangement, but they couldn't find out why walking would be" yeah ". Oh ~ "cried, and then the psycho said to himself," He can see his left hand but not his right hand when he walks, so that's it "? ",and then the right hand appeared again, only to" oh ~ ",but I couldn't see the left hand, and" Really? " "That's why," is it? Oh ~ really? Oh ~ really? Oh ~, try it if you don't believe me ~ ~! ! 12

The mental hospital hired a teacher for the patients to teach art. The dean was very concerned about this matter and repeatedly told doctors and patients not to neglect the teacher, so he went to class. As soon as the young female teacher stepped onto the platform, she got very warm applause. The teacher was very excited: "Students, we are going to learn sketch today." After that, he bowed, turned and drew an apple on the blackboard, and then said to the patient, "What did you say it was?" There was a chorus under the podium: "P shares." "What ~ ~ ~ Say it again!" "Still P shares." The young female teacher, who had never seen anything like this, ran to the dean's office in tears and said to the dean, "I can't stay here." The dean asked why, and the teacher said you should go and have a look. The dean trotted to the classroom and scolded as soon as he entered the door: "You rabble, how dare you be angry with the teacher and don't want to eat!" Then look back: "Who is this? Draw a P-share on the blackboard!" " 13 in a mental hospital, a patient is writing a letter. When the nurse saw it, she asked him curiously.

Nurse: Who are you going to write to?

Patient: Write it to myself!

Nurse: Then what do you write?

Patient: You are mentally ill! I haven't received it. How did I know 14 that a patient was screaming: I am the dean, and you all have to listen to me! ! !

The attending doctor and nurse asked him: Who said that?

He replied: God said.

At this moment, a patient suddenly jumped out and said, I didn't say that! 15

The new nurse in the mental hospital, this woman is new. She was surprised to see a patient in the hospital walking around an ancient well and saying, "13, 13, ..." She couldn't figure out what this "13" meant. She kept observing for several days. She always wanted to go forward and ask the truth, but she was afraid of the patient's attack and never dared. One day, the little nurse finally lost her curiosity, walked slowly to the patient and looked into the well with her probe. Suddenly, the patient hugged the nurse's leg, threw it down, and began to read: "14, 14, ..." 16.

There is an old lady in a mental hospital who wears black clothes every day. She squatted at the gate of a mental hospital with a black umbrella. The doctor thinks: To cure her, we must start from understanding her, so the doctor also wears black clothes and squats with her. The two men were silent for a month. The old lady finally said to the doctor, are you a mushroom, too? 17

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient, What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm. It is normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor is getting nervous. Why can't he see ... The patient replied: Because the glasses will fall off 18.

In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see it was an empty fish tank? " 19

A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird, I am 20 years old.

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital. They ran and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the person above, hey ~ ~ ~ ~ why don't you come down?

Come on ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The man above answered him: no-ok-ah-I'm not familiar with it yet.